Me

My photo
Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.

3.22.2005

Is My Hearing working?

So I wake up this morning to a disconnected phone. How stupid did I look, the white lady tellin' me my shit had been interrupted, like the girl. I was like fuck that bitch! How and the hell are they gonna disconnect my phone and my phone jack hasn't worked in over a month. Do they think in their right minds I am going to run them a check when I've had to forward my home calls to my cell phone, which was totally inconvenient seeing that the bill collectors do frequent the villa via landline, uh PAHLEASE!

Nevertheless, I got a missed call on my cell phone from this nigga I know named Ernesto. Keep in mind that the tone of the conversation is just how it is written. Two guys on the phone. No exclamation, monotone the whole way through.

T-"Whassup black bitch, you called?"

E-"Yeah I was calling you to congratulate you California Rattle Snake."

T-"On What?"

E-"I went to the bookstore with Erica yesterday to get your book and they were sold out."

T-"Oh, word. That's cool-maybe they can run me a check."

E-"I am happy for you-that's tight, you're sold out at 4 stores."

T-"Oh okay, thanks for letting me know that. I have some bills to pay, excluding my phone bill. Let's do lunch."

E-"I would but I have to go up to my job to sign some papers. One of the patients accused me of rape."

T-"No way. Who?"

E-"This old ass man Mr. Such and Such. He said I hid under his bed and proceeded to give him head and I flipped him over and penetrated him. Keep in mind he weighs 400 pounds"

T-"Oh wow, do they know that you don't like sucking dick?"

E-"Yeah I told them, but just the fact that they are taking me off of work to investigate me, for such a vicious, heinous act."

T-"They should give him an anal check. Cause your dick is pretty long and thick, I'm pretty sure it did some damage as rough as you are in bed, wow, I can just imagine. What are you gonna do?"

E-"Wait until the smoke clears, so I can sue them."

T-"I heard that shit. What are you doing today?"

E-"Just that and probably catch up on some shoppin'"

T-"I want to go to lunch. And maybe go to the sidewalk bistro and get a soy caramel mocchiato"

E-"Great, shout me"

T-"10-4"

No comments: