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4.21.2005

Odd Space Part I

There are so many things going on with me right now both personal and professional that I want and need to change. I am at a point in my life where I don't share personal things anymore. Not with anyone. I just let them work themselves out and I really don't want to invest the little energy I have to focus on things that have no immediate change. But hopefully they will change.

Professionally I've lost myself. I think I am tired. I put in three years and over 10,000.00 to get this ship moving, and I am in the middle of the sea looking at this vast open space around me, trying to figure out what to do with it.

Mentally I am mapping out plans that I don't know how to execute. I've never been the one not to know how to do something. I've always done what I wanted to do. But for some strange reason I think I am losing a bit of my self understanding.

A few things touched me and disturbed me tonight.

There is a particular situation that went down over the last 24 hours and I was unavailable for a certain time period. One of my family members got mad because I didn't call him immediately and tell him what went down. My whole attitude was, why should I? The situation is out of both of our hands, there wasn't anything either of us could do but let it work it self out especially when he's out of the country. His attitude, my attitude, the parting words, disturbed me.

I read Rashid's post, and I am so happy for him. It took me back to when I received my initial shipment of 'At This Moment,' and what I was going through at that particular time in my spectrum. It reminded how I should never second guess myself or cut a situation short without seeing the end result, because we as people don't know what the end result is. It touched me.

I like to see black people uplift each other. Rod is a good example of that. Just go to his blog and look at all of the positive energy he has going on there for our community. I like to give credit where credit is due, and he deserves this! This touches me.

I know this blog makes no sense, which is why it is appropriately titled. However I would like to thank Rashid, Rod, Fred, for making things easier daily, understanding the struggle, and pursuing your own happiness, I appreciate that.

Pray for my homegirl in ATL, Tara, who is going under the knife today. Pray for me so I can get through this difficult time in my line and get back on track to be the best that I know I can be.

Why the fuck hasn't Scott Savols ass been voted off yet? Shut his blimp face ass down already!

5 comments:

disgruntled said...

I think the post makes perfect sense...to anyone whose been in the place you're in now. I say CHILL OUT. Do you. Don't worry about anyone else right now. When you crumble, you're the only one left to deal with all the mess. Look at Whitney. Her mama helped her to rehab, but she has to handle her demons on her own. She has to want that change. You do too.

I'm kinda upset about AI too. Shameful. Was going to make a post about it but it's not even worth it.

Good Luck.

Rod said...

Hey you! Thanks so much, that's a great thing to say. Everything will work itself out, in it's own time.

ShawnQt said...

I can understand when u feel stuck in your career...using positive thinking is the only way, even though its the last thing u want to think about right now. Sometimes you just have to say "FUCK THE WORLD", and curse out everyone in ur way for not making life easier for you. Why don't everyone else see the passion you see? Why are other people just stupid? Then you sit back, and want to prove everyone wrong, and do the damn thing!

so my advise to you is... do the muthafucking damn thing!

Miss Karmen August said...

Fuck these hoes!

Anonymous said...

t you are the best and like many others day "DO YOU". thanks for sending up a prayer for me as it was needed. i am doing well and cant wait to laugh with you soon.
love ya,
tlc