I was hesitant, and rightfully so. Only a select few have privy to his presence physically, but we’ve all been in his most inner thoughts. For the past year he’s graced us with his trials and dilemma of his sexuality. He’s politically inclined. Opinionated and he’s serenaded us all with his real-life jargon about his experience of Smiling on the DL.
He’s enterprising, argumentative, confrontational, irritable, prone to rashness and premature movements…he’s generous, kind, somewhat cooperative…but to me he’s a contradiction and he knows how to press my buttons.
There isn’t any doubt in my mind that he’s smart, and has great potential and even one of the few to have power over the masses. Something like Frank, Larry, and myself…he even dropped a few bombs on me…like he's apart of the thick boy crew...see who's behind the screen! Secrets, Secrets, Secrets, and not like Vicky or Toni Braxton.
He has a few good things to say, but I I think one of the reasons why he agreed to interview with me is because his intent was to try to damage me…you’ll see what I am talking about.
Here he is…(yawn) Smiling On The DL
Trent: What church do you go to?
Smiling On Tha DL: LOL
Trent: never heard of it
Smiling On Tha DL: uh huh
Trent: do you go to a prominent black church in New York?
Smiling On Tha DL: yes, I go to a prominent black church
Trent: gotcha. So. I did want to have chicken sandwich ready for you with no mayo, but well do it later....
Smiling On Tha DL: sounds great... hmmmm…. you remember the no mayo
Trent: yes...I wanted to touch your heart
Smiling On Tha DL: that's wassup
Trent: so how old are you?
Smiling On Tha DL: 24
Trent: do you have kids
Smiling On Tha DL: no kids, yet
Trent: you live alone
Smiling On Tha DL: yes, been living on my own since last Sept
Trent: that’s cute, you know I have beef with you right?
Smiling On Tha DL: and why is that?
Trent: How dare you bite my top 10 list. You aren't even a bad facsimile of me-you didn't even have pictures on yours. If you're gonna do Trent, do it right!
Smiling On Tha DL: LMAO, that was my top ten celeb that make me smile, my post had better men
Trent: OH NO IT DIDN’T, you had all them damn dykes on there. You must be professing your membership to the bottoms club...
Smiling On Tha DL: and what made them bottoms?
Trent: you missed it.
Smiling On Tha DL: yeah, I did, lol.
Trent: So I read one of your posts, and it said one thing you needed was s true friend...do you have one?
Smiling On Tha DL: I have many actually
Trent: is No4Real4Real one of them?
Smiling On Tha DL: No4Real4Real is a very close friend of mine...that's been there for me when I just started to feel like I really was attracted to men
Trent: which was in 2002?
Smiling On Tha DL: nah, summer of 2001
Trent: okay...I think you've been blogging the longest out of my little blogdom here...and you're at like 7,000+ hits...do you think that you set any blog trends?
Smiling On Tha DL: well, I have been posting for a minute... Throughout my blog, I have exposed a lot of personal feelings, which aren't always express to someone I know. Allowing my readers (blogger friends) to know its ok, to release some of their emotions in a post. After reading some of my earlier stuff, someone may think I was suicidal, because of so much depressing emotion
Trent: yes. So being gay is a battle for you?
Smiling On Tha DL: Definitely, a battle that comes and goes. Although, recently I've been winning most of those battles.
Trent: In one of your initial posts you said that "reading the works of Boykin has helped me on this journey" tell me some more about that
Smiling On Tha DL: Well, Keith had big political ambitions at a young age, like myself... he was active in many organizations... His ambition and being gay drove him nuts about what he was to do next... and that's what I go through
Trent: Yes...you are very political and I commend you for that...tell me about your goals politically
Smiling On Tha DL: Well, I said I wasn't going to divulge that information because I'm so damn paranoid…but I want to become President of a historical National Non-Profit Organization geared at helping the needs of the Urban Community. As well as run for a congressional seat.
Trent: why are u paranoid?
Smiling On Tha DL: My fear of not being accepted by those who respect me
Trent: which is normal...do you think you'll get to a point in which you'll be like fuck them and be who you are?
Smiling On Tha DL: I have always been one of those men that you will meet and say, "He's going so succeed in many things." And if sexuality is exposed things may change, that was part of the last answer.
Trent: see now you're making me feel stupid....
Smiling On Tha DL: nah….Eventually, after I become more established and older I hoped to fuck em’ and be who I am... but in many ways I’m doing it already. I live my life. I am a private person. I am comfortable with going to g-life clubs, house parties…and starting to give OUTed members my real name. I'm on my way!
Smiling On Tha DL: I never was like this before
Trent: OKAY...so why don't you want to tell me who you are
Smiling On Tha DL: Because I'm not there. The place where I want to be…completely comfortable with who knows about my lifestyle
Trent: you're too contradicting. We'll talk about this particular issue in 6 months okay? Is your penis big?
Smiling On Tha DL: LOL, wouldn't you like to know?
Trent: I think it's small.
Smiling On Tha DL: I think yours is extra small....
Trent: I'll send you a copy, along with my book
Smiling On Tha DL: I bet you won't
Trent: and an autographed photo, better yet, I'll be in NYC in 10 days, you and I can have a session.
Smiling On Tha DL: Nah, I’m ok...
Trent: the nerve of you, you probably don’t like fat people!
Smiling On Tha DL: Oh boy, have you read my entire blog?
Trent: yeah, actually I have and I know that you and I have a lot in common among other things...
Smiling On Tha DL: well, I lost 56lbs last year, I’m not going to get into how I look.
Trent: I already know.
Smiling On Tha DL: but, that was a huge battle that I've over come and still am, the battle with my weight.
Trent: express yoursel...
Smiling On Tha DL: so, I couldn't say I don't like fat people.
Trent: You know you're very defensive....
Smiling On Tha DL: I'm just answering your questions.
Trent: I don’t think so.
Smiling On Tha DL: Take it like you want.
Trent: It's very interesting following your experience going to clubs, you should publish that beyond the blogdom-that could help a lot of young men....
Smiling On Tha DL: what experience are you talking about?
Trent: just I was reading your blog earlier from like may last year and you were talking about different things that were going on in clubs...
Smiling On Tha DL: Well, gay clubs aren't the greatest place if you don't like yourself.
Smiling On Tha DL: When the weather is right, and your body isn't tight… then you want to go home. After I lost the weight, I started to enjoy myself much better
Trent: but I think they also build your self confidence and you can learn a lot about who you are and what you want...and you make the decision about how you want to treat people
Smiling On Tha DL: I felt good about myself
Trent: did you loose weight to fit in better?
Smiling On Tha DL: I lost weight, so I could look in the mirror and say, I love you. No joke. I avoided the mirror for a minute and I wasn't even that big. It was me feeling FAT.
Trent: really? My feeling of being fat lasted all of a week
Smiling On Tha DL: YES, good for you... I think most gay black men that are big boned… suffer from some type of depression
Trent: yes we do, I am FAT! Fuck those code words for being fat.
Smiling On Tha DL: I'm a former member of the fat world. And I will never deny that.
Trent: If and when I get skinny I am going to always be a member of the 40+ club
Smiling On Tha DL: I will never want to be skinny
Trent: skinny bitches are evil, like Valentino
Smiling On Tha DL: I'm a 34in waist… and some folks think that is fat... but really it isn't
Trent: you deceptive little shit, you’re skinny! THIS IS OVER
Smiling On Tha DL: That is not skinny, I'm still trying to get a little smaller
Trent: you made me vulnerable thinking you were apart of the crew! Get out of here
Smiling On Tha DL: I am not skinny, I’m regular, LOLOL
Trent: how tall are you
Smiling On Tha DL: 5'7
Trent: how much you weigh
Smiling On Tha DL: LOL, none of your business
Trent: you in the 2's
Smiling On Tha DL: all up in my business, no. Been there done that
Trent: that’s my gig baby, you knew what you were getting into when you signed up…Well if you're so confident tell me how much you weigh.
Smiling On Tha DL: don't forget I’m the one that called you the Gay Wendy Williams. I never said I was confident. I'm still battle with feeling fat... although I’m 56lbs smaller
Trent: well you certainly come across that way.
Smiling On Tha DL: it ain't like that
Trent: well now that I know…Do you cry a lot?
Smiling On Tha DL: LOL. I don't cry a lot... well some may say a lot… but, I’m very in touch with my emotions... I need a good cry though
Trent: well I am only asking you because to me you're always talking about shedding tears like they're your clothes during sex on the blog…
Smiling On Tha DL: well, a lot of my earlier post was sad... talking so much with my sexuality battle... and I had to let it out… it's how I able to release... or sometime when I'm in church and need to rejoice
Trent: yes...you're very spiritual or religious whichever you call it...does that conflict with your sexual identity
Smiling On Tha DL: actually, I just came back to church on Jan. 16th. I've always been spiritual and went to church whenever I woke up... But, now it’s a necessity to go to church at least once a week... Since going to church, I know I'm more confident than ever... Knowing how powerful and loving my God is, gives me the strength to survive, better yet thrive in all that I do
Trent: are you gay?
Smiling On Tha DL: And if you know God like I do... He still loves me. This winter was the first time, I said those words out loud, so, yes I am. I love whoever makes me happy
Trent: so you're bi
Smiling On Tha DL: I'm gay
Trent: okay. So how many relationships have you been in
Smiling On Tha DL: I’ve been in three "relationships"
Trent: before the weight loss?
Smiling On Tha DL: all before the weight loss…
Trent: Did you find any similar dynamics in the relationships?
Smiling On Tha DL: not at all, they were all three different people
Trent: why did you end them or why did they end
Smiling On Tha DL: don't want to get into all of them...but the last one ended because the brother was to controlling, Its hard being in a relationship with a brother who is active as I am
Trent: okay...so did you find it hard or difficult to date because of your size?
Smiling On Tha DL: I don't know if weight was involved. No one disrespected me and said your fat. I didn't know I was fat, until I lost the weight, LOL, swear to Goodness. I thought I was a little big...still cute, I called it chunky
Trent: yes...I just find it so interesting that you're not on the skinny side and you haven’t like reached out to me sooner or something, you're so cold…
Smiling On Tha DL: I'm not cold at all... I'm a lovable guy
Trent: what are you initials
Smiling On Tha DL: very funny
Trent: I mean you have to admit that smiling on the DL is a long name to call someone
Smiling On Tha DL: calling me Smiling, DW, my alias, Dwayne Wayne…
Trent: and did you really think I was gonna make a pact with you and not talk about your identity? You wear glasses and funny lookin’ hats that went out of style 10 years ago?
Smiling On Tha DL: you already got the height out of me
Trent: you have short-man issues
Smiling On Tha DL: MOST DEF, I don't care how tall you are... I’ll still knock you out, LOL
Trent: okay and that’s fine too, but I am not a fighter.
Smiling On Tha DL: Well, I never had a fight in my life… but I hit people all of the time
Trent: I am more of the type to let you kick my ass, get up and laugh when you're done, press charges, and sue your ass in court, and have you finance my projects for the next 10 years and there's always a good plastic surgeon to fix your face…
Smiling On Tha DL: LMAO
Trent: that’s how I do...then send the hench men near your final payment and have you tossed in the Hudson...while I cross my legs at the ankles and plot my next move.
Smiling On Tha DL: thanks for telling me
Trent: of course, I always switch up...So do you have sex a lot
Smiling On Tha DL: Not penetration
Trent: you don’t penetrate or what?
Smiling On Tha DL: I don't get down with penetrated sex if I’m not involved with someone
Trent: so are you a headhunter?
Smiling On Tha DL: what is that
Trent: you like suckin' dick?
Smiling On Tha DL: most def, and love getting my dick suck, too
Trent: you lick boy pussy?
Smiling On Tha DL: honestly, my first time was last December and it was much better than I had expected.... it was with a play buddy...haven't done it since...actually there was him... and oh yeah him, lol…I'm really into foreplay
Trent: you're so boring
Smiling On Tha DL: Oh well, that’s what I like
Trent: so do have man boobs
Smiling On Tha DL: nah
Trent: what’s your favorite place to shop?
Smiling On Tha DL: Macy's or Bloomingdale’s, when my boy gets 40% off
Trent: When's your birthday
Smiling On Tha DL: March 15
Trent: oh were two days apart, that explains a lot who are your blog friends besides No4real4real
Smiling On Tha DL: don't use that name when you do post this. I'm kewl with Frank, claystarr is a great friend I met from blogging-he is awesome
Trent: you're funny…hmm...this has been really interesting, Smilin’, I think it's safe to say I would like a Part II very soon
Smiling On Tha DL: When we do that, I hope to be closer to my place
Trent: I was thinking in a week
Smiling On Tha DL: lol
Trent: after you see how I chop this up. You'll probably be angry and annoyed
Smiling On Tha DL: hmmmmm…and you will get messed up when you get to NYC
Trent: is that a threat?
Smiling On Tha DL: its already saved
Trent: you should watch what you say...those words could come back on you
Smiling On Tha DL: Its already saved
Trent: I'm not worried about anything...LOL, I love it when people get beside themselves
Smiling On Tha DL: I know you get off on that, Black GAY WENDY
Trent: and so do you, that’s why you agreed to this interview. And for the record I'm Trent Jackson...I ALWAYS stay ahead of the game.
Smiling On Tha DL: so, u think
Trent: remember that...I may run my mouth. But I am a mile a head of you....
Smiling On Tha DL: of others, not me…let me stop
Trent: sure, think that
Smiling On Tha DL: I will continue to do so
Trent: great, I am glad that we have that understanding
Smiling On Tha DL: Pisces always have to be argumentative
Trent: this interview is done