My photo
Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.


Part II: Drunken Tsunami Mist blinds us all

I am going to need it not to have been an earthquake Yesterday. What was that about? I had just woken up from my 5 a.m. "Session" with Ernesto & Company-so I wasn't too disturbed by the earth's movement...Then the president and the white people have "Kaliforneea" on this pseudo-Tsunami watch...Anyway, if it's your time to, it's your time. You can cheat on your mate, you can cheat on your taxes, but you can not and will not ever cheat death.

...So I look up and there is "L" glaring in my eyes as if he was my jealous lover who had been stalking me-and he finally had a moment to commit his crime of passion while everyone was watching. I was a little dumbfounded by his look, because I knew what he was thinking. He thought that Ernesto and I were an item, you see...When that is far from the truth. "L" always makes these big grandiose assumptions about me...And he thinks that I am a liar, when I have nothing to lie about.

For instance, he thinks I have a boyfriend. He doesn't understand why "Someone so attractive, funny and smart" is single. It's simple. Homosexuals aren't looking for someone funny and smart in the club, or in real life. I don't even think they look for that at all...

So he's there just staring. I didn't say anything to him. The killer is, we've never formally met. This is my first time seeing him in person...So I wasn't about to go up to him and be like hi it's me...He knew who I was. So I casually excused myself to the clubs breezeway to reduce my sweat drippery and to reduce the affect of the Midori Sours and Hypnotiq Martini intake.

The lights came up and Ernesto stood out in the breezeway to watch the children scatter like roaches. The inebriation enhanced everyone's ugliness, Ernesto and I were both laughing.

We made our movement to loiter out in the front of the location for as long as we could stand the mist from the Tsunami. Then my phone rang, it was "L"

"Turn around." He said. I walked across the street and he greeted me with a hug and a smile. Totally different from the asshole he came off to be on the phone. I didn't think he had any joy in his heart...But he was more queenish that what I expected and he had a little gay lisp...It was really entertaining. I haven't received a call from him yet...And that's fine too, because I am still trying to take in what happened later on that night...

Our moment was upstaged by Tre walking over full of Long Island Iced Tea's in some type of expedited flurry...Like he was embarrassed or he did something he shouldn't have, which is possible since he was "full"

"Do You have his number? He's Fine, get his number and lets go, these fags are killing me, I can't believe this is happening tonight!" Tre yelled out as he was clearly upset that I was disbursing my attention elsewhere.

"I do, and I had it for sometime now...And you're right I can't believe it's misting tonight. I don't want my perm to frizz up and everyone realizes that I have a texturizer and my hair isn't as natural and curly looking as everyone suspects" I added as I lightened the mood between "L," Ernesto, Tre and all of the passer-byers and hanger-on's. I shot "L" the look and gave him a hug and headed for the Rover.

Ernesto asked me what I was doing after the club. "Piss and Popeyes" I said. "Shout me" he yelled out. When I got in the car I was agitated because Tre is just so over the top when he's drunk and I don't think I can handle it anymore. Ernesto even called me today and we had a discussion about him and his stunts...Even the stunts he pulls when he's not drunk are questionable.

I didn't speak about it. But we pulled into Popeyes and I called Ernesto to see if he wanted anything, but as usual, at 3 a.m. the nextel offices are usually closed. He phoned minutes later and told me to meet him in Leimert Park....

For those of you who are unfamiliar with "Leimert Park" let me tell you. Historic, Political place of movement during the day...And crawling with unsuspecting Johns after dark. Every gay city, U.S.A. has one. You know the place where dudes go and fuck and suck after dark in vehicles and all of that.

But Leimert has more to offer than a midnight mission of head. You see dudes hanging out bumpin' the latest music hanging out chillin, the reefer heads, conversation and then me...sittin in the cut watching it all from the windows of the Rover.

Ernesto pulls up and I am savoring over the luscious Popeyes fried Chicken breast and the ambiance of the mist and the boys after dark. Tre is over in the passenger seat queenin out, making no sense, talking about how he fucked up the whole night and I should stop letting him get so drunk. Excuse me? What do I look like? I am not your brother and I am not your keeper. GOD gave you free will and self-control. If you don't know how to exercise that after our heart to heart chats then there is really nothing I can say or do, but not include you in future activities where alcohol is concerned.

Ernesto spends all of 10 minutes at the truck talking as he spots his boyfriend and they go and talk to some of his friends...Then as I am eating my chicken Tre rolls down the window and starts talkin to boy X.

Boy X, he's about 5'7" 135. Slim. Light Skin. Green eyes. Nice lips. Defined features. Even bald fade. Gives off 28 but he's definitely in his 30's.

"What you gettin' into tonight?" Tre motions.
"Nuttin' man, just checkin it out...seein' whats up?" Boy X responds.
"Coo, Coo..."
"Just came from my boy's house havin' cocktails and what not." Boy X says as he stoops lower grins, smiles and licks his lips at the driver of the Rover.

And I am thinkin to myself. Does he really think I am gonna fall for the pretty boy stunt-and did he just say cocktail? Thats a bottoms word. But I am sure he's versatile...

I smile and nod my head as I am taking my time chewing my chicken.

"Where Y'all comin' from the club?" Boy X asks as he is fixated on me, as I am looking straight up 43rd Street staring at the traffic on Crenshaw fly by as if they were on the damn freeway somewhere.

"Yeah and I am a little drunk and horny..." Tre spits out. Can he sound anymore desperate? He knew what he was doing and whatever he was thinking was not about to go down in the back of my car. There wont be any episodes in the back seat of my jeep.

"Oh word, what you and yo boy gettin into" Boy X asks.
"Nothing with you." Trent said.
"Like that, it could be all about you, baby boy." He replied.
"What are you a pimp, I doubt that I am your type and besides why are you walking around here at 3 a.m.?"
"Well. I am on my way home." Boy X said calmly.
"Where is home?" The nasty drunk versatile top asked with a slur.
"Watts." Boy X asked as he continued to size me up.
"You can stop looking at me like that. I just ate the chicken." I said.

He laughed. "Where do I know you from?" Boy X asked.
"I have no clue..." I replied blandly.
"Yeah, aren't you....I can't call it...But I know you."
"Well, if you knew me, or of me, whichever, you'd know who I am." I said in my mega bitch tone.

And out of no where, here comes Tre, "I bet you have a big dick." He smiles.
"Yeah I bet it is thick, not long" I added.
"How can you be so sure?" Boy X asked?
"I am pretty good with measurements." I said.
"I wanna touch it" Tre said.
"Can I get in, its kinda cold and wet out here?" Boy X asked.
"I could change that, it's warm and moist where I am sittin'" The drunk bitch added.

And I rolled my eyes and locked my doors. I was so disgusted by the both of them, my inebriated Tsunami haze was gone, like 5 minutes ago. But I unlocked the doors for I was about to have some fun.

He got in and got comfortable real quick. Sitting in the middle of the backseat having equal access to the either of us. I pivoted my body so I could see him and Tre both. He looks at me and I am bumping my I-pod to E.Badu..."Back In The Day....Puff" then all of a sudden Tre turns around and puts his hands all on Boy X's crouch and starts to fill around.

"Hol up...Can you not do that in my vehicle please. There is always bushes or your car for that." I shot...And immediately Tre stopped. Then I turned into Wendy Williams/Biatch on both of their asses and got to the bottom of this. Truth be told. Boy X was cute. And he was so fine I thought I was looking at a short version of Boris Kodjoe for a minute. So to cut to the and see if I could turn a hoe into a housewife the questioning began.

"So how old are you?" I asked.
"33" Boy X responded.
"Cute. You give 28...But I knew you were around there."
"Thank you, you're a character you know that. Actually you both are..."
"Thank You I appreciate that....So why don't you have a car?"
"Because, I don't." Boy X said calmly.

Tre interrupted me with his snoring. He was drunk, he touched some dick, and went to sleep. He's tacky, and this close to being scratched off my roster...

"Damn he's out..."Boy X said.
"Clearly, so how many times have you been to jail. 3 times. Do you do this to everyone."
"Yes, I like gardening. You know rooting out the weeds, and the crabgrass..."

He started to laugh and I was serious as the sky at night.

"So when did you go to jail and what did you go for?"
"I got out in January for assault with a deadly weapon." He said quietly.

I was amazed by his honesty and he was embarrassed for the situation. Not that I look at people differently for their lives and experiences for I know black men are victims of situations and circumstances so they get the benefit of the doubt. I do have a problem howeer with repetitive behavior and dishonesty.

"Did you have sex while you were in jail?" I asked him
"Yes." Boy X responded as he looked me dead in my eye of sincerity.
"Did they pass out condoms in there?" I asked.
"Yes once a week, and I am versatile, because I knew that was your next question..." He added.

I laughed, he broke me down. I see that he's somehow cosmically a fan of my blog or am I just that predictable?

"So have you had an STD?" I asked.
"Yes..." He replied.
"Which ones?" I shot back.
"All of them."

A hush fell over my car as Tre shot up out of his sleep, I blinked my eyes, and for a moment in time the mist outside moved slow and everything in my world stopped.

"I'm Hiv positive..."


Valentino said...

And where's the rest ?!?!?!?!?

The Divo said...

Right, I agree with Valentino, You know we breath on your stories.

But I am mad proud of your attack at him. And I am mad happy that he was willing to tell you everything that you wanted to know about him, that said a lot.

I mean if he was really as good looking as you say he was he could have just played your average street boy and been like none of your F'kin business. But he was truthful with you.

I would have had his number for a rendezvous with a truthful man.

Bust, how you felt safe with him in your car. You have a good way of reading people.

OK, I am too freaking excited. Finish the damn story gotdamnit.

As always in Parting, and up til now contrary to popular belief,

I came in Peace and in Peace I leave.

TheBlacks said...


mytruth said...

OMG...u may have saved your friend awhole world of trouble. You have to give us the rest of the story. Jesus, he was rather honest, but that's good. I just started reading your blog when u did some of those interviews..u are funny.

Tim said...

WOW man!!! That's truly somethin!!! You woke me up this morning...literally...with this one man! (I've been a silent reader for a minute)

On the real though, at least dude came clean and admitted that he is positive. A lot of niggas here in the Chi-town area won't even admit it, and will STILL sleep around.

Finally, Tre is truly a mess. A hot mess. That's all I can say on that one...LOL

Rahshek said...

Wow, just goes to show that there are honest people out their. But where are all the honest men, who aren't lurking on the whoe stroll, looking for a quick fix?

The Church Boy said...

First of all - you're a good one. Cuz, a bitch better not bother me while I'm eating my Popeye's!!! I love that apple jelly w/the biscuits.

Anyway - BOY!!! Where is the rest of the story. I can't believe you got us waiting for the rest of the story like this. As soon as I read the last part I literally yelled "Oh my God." I yelled it so loud someone was in my office asking me what was wrong...LOL - that was hilarious.

Anyway, Yea...come on w/the rest!

No4real4real said...

I am with mistagaskin - A MESS! Y'all better cut it out over there in Cali. Dude was telling the business. I must respect that.

Gives us the rest...

Sidebar - ChurchBoy you better stop too! I am so with you - DON'T FUCK WITH ME AND MY POPEYE'S!