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Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.

7.29.2005

FRIDAY FINALE: STONE COLD

He’s vain and conceited, but his charm and that killer smile…will make you think it’s confidence. Two months on the scene and this creative, thoughtful, moody, critical, yet reserved, well defined composite of Bahamian chocolate has wooed us daily with his, melodic, erotic, thought-provoking verbiage that leaves us hanging on the edge of our keyboards, clutching our pearls, beating our dicks (or coochies), and gasping for air as we fantasize about him whispering those sweet poems in our ear...Wait, till you read this interview...he's gonna beat y'all readers up! LIKE BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM...

Step into the realm as we find out what minerals make up this Stone

Trent: okay...so finally!!! You’ve made me wait like 3 weeks!

Stone: Yeah-right too many tag games-bring it!

Trent: I have a few questions but I don't know what I want to ask first, why don't you start with telling people who aren't familiar with your blog a little bit about you...where you're from, where you live...general stuff like that.

Stone: Okay first of I am from the Bahamas. I originally moved here 5 years ago this August 17th. I live in the Bronx now and I love it here. I am a respiratory therapist.

Trent: are you single?

Stone: Yeah 100%

Trent: ...are you a top or bottom?

Stone:

Trent: don’t answer that...

Stone: I believe in doing whatever to please the one I am in love with.

Trent: How do you feel about being a sex symbol?

Stone: I didn't know I was.

Trent: well let me be the first to tell you, you are so very attractive-and it's sickening you make all of the blogger boys get moist.

Stone: LOL well I am from a place with lots of water so I like getting people wet you could say…

Trent: WHAT?

Stone: I believe words are powerful. You can use them to do almost anything so when I write it’s with a mission of some sort. So if get them moist then I did my job.

Trent: yes...I know-your poems are very powerful, everything that you say is so powerful, you leave me in awe a lot of the times.

Stone: A poet should pull the reader in, shouldn’t he?

Trent: yes.... You cause such ruckus Stone; I think you've been in a lot of our masturbation fantasies at night. So being attractive do you think that gets in the way of people knowing Stone's mind...and other men or women objectifying you?

Stone: Well I am modest. I think sometimes people see the body and face and see something they like, but a lot of the times people do not look beyond that. So yeah sometimes they try it but I always let them know I am more than just a pretty face.

Trent: yes...you are very direct and I appreciate that so much. Do you think you being blunt and sarcastic intimidates people?

Stone: Sometimes-I think they think I am being mean, but I am sweetheart. I say how I feel about a person to them, it makes no sense in beating around the bush, and life is too short.

Trent: yes, you are such a nice man...You bring such a positive, introspective vibe to your blog. You bring such warmth and sincerity to your blog, and it separates you from all of the other bloggers…what got you into blogging and what do you want to accomplish in your space?

Stone: A friend who does not have a blog told me about it. So I decided to check it out. I just want people after reading, to know me really know me. Blogging makes it easy for me to share my world with the Internet world.

Trent: You're like an instant hit (celebrity over night) on the blog scene…what other blogs do you enjoy and did you know any of the NYC bloggers before you started blogging?

Stone: I love reading so many. I knew No4real for a good while before I started blogging other than that no one else. I really like reading his work. I like Franks, Love Divo he is an excellent poet, I like Derrick he brings something special to the table. Then there is Coley that is my girl a real gem just to mention a few and you of course!

Trent: I see how you put me last, it's all good, and I’m not for everyone Stone. I was actually hesitant to ask you for an interview at first, because I didn't know what you thought of me...

Stone: The Bible says '' the first will be the last and the last first" I do not know why you would afraid I am very easy to talk too. I just liked reading your page you seemed to be always starting something but in a good way!

Trent: okay...thank you. You brought up a word that most gay boys don't like, the bible. Are you religious? And what are your spiritual beliefs? And do they contradict your sexual identity?

Stone: Religious no spiritual yes I was brought up Baptist. I believe that God does not make mistakes I am this way for a purpose so it does not interfere with my sexual identity. I am creation of God prefect in his eyes who cares what the world says

Trent: okay...but the bible says something different. Is that the world? Or is that apart of religion...and what separates religion from spirituality for you?

Stone: relationship with God personally does that religion is man enforced relationship is personal, that is what makes spirituality different for me.

Trent: you're brilliant, you know that right?

Stone: I am but a voice. Not brilliant. Just a voice who speaks if you take the time to listen then you will hear something important.

Trent: do you get flirted with a lot in the club?

Stone: Not really, I don’t know why. People say I have mean face.

Trent: I was gonna say that you come off very intimidating even in photos. But you seem a bit irritated at the caliber of men our community has to offer...

Stone: True true

Trent: When was your first experience with a man?

Stone: I was 7 I was molested

Trent: do you mind talking about it?

Stone: no I am at peace with it I can discuss it

Trent: do you think the "hyper masculine" culture of the islands had anything to do with the perpetrator doing what he did to you?

Stone: I think he was just trying to discover himself at my expense, so I can forgive him now.

Trent: how much older was he than you? And do see him or still have to mesh with him?

Stone: he was mid-teens. I do not see him anymore nor would mess with him

Trent: What was life like growing up in the Bahamas?

Stone: It was wonderful man, the best years of my life. I was raised by my mother only, She was awesome-I loved going to the beach.

Trent: Do you have any siblings? Are your parents still alive?

Stone: One brother, one sister and both parents still alive.

Trent: how is your relationship with them? And do they know that you like men?

Stone: I am very close to my mother I think she knows and my brother and sister we aiight. But my mother that is my girl right there!

Trent: ...wait are you gay?

Stone: Yeah…lol. Why do you ask?

Trent: so...you just haven't come out to them?

Stone: not really…

Trent: why?

Stone: just didn't have the need to, if they asked I would tell them, but no one asked.

Trent: do they still live on the Island?

Stone: yeah all of them.

Trent: so you're in the City alone...?

Stone: Yeah all by myself.

Trent: are you a citizen?

Stone: just a resident now.

Trent: So before you were violated did you know that you had an attraction to men? Or was it after the fact...And if so how did you deal with that and the "Hyper-Masculine" island culture?

Stone: Well before that No. After that the feeling charged. I was always hard on my mouth so I kept my own. I was tuff when I had to be so I survived.

Trent: I bet you can fuck really good.

Stone: LOL!

Trent: hmm...so are you circumcised?

Stone: No.

Trent: I knew that already…

Stone: lol..All natural

Trent: wow...I don't know how I feel about that.

Stone: it’s good, plus it a myth we are not clean

Trent: Well I know you're a bit of a neat freak, borderline OCD but we'll talk about that later.... When did you first start writing?

Stone: Well I didn't learn to read until I was 16. It was shortly after that I started writing I had so much I wanted to say and put down.

Trent: WOW...So backtracking to the Bahamas is there another language down there? Or was there a lack of "formal" education?

Stone: very good educational system one of the best in the world. I think I was slow because of my molestation. I had issues with myself I thought I was dump so I acted that way.

Trent: why did you feel dumb after that happened?

Stone: cause I didn't tell anyone…molestation does one of three to a person…rebel, become introverted, or make one think less of themselves

Trent: I can identify with that, because I was molested. I didn't tell my mother until I was 16. It was more of an embarrassment/shame issue, and I ate...food was my escape-and I was very rebellious...

Stone: there are many of us victims out there.

Trent: yes...it's shaped my experience...did you ever tell your mother or anyone in your family?

Stone: I told her when I was 18; it was the first time I ever talked about it-ever

Trent: what was her reaction?

Stone: she cried, it was very emotional.

Trent: mmm....yes...me and my mom went and did all that like that, then she went and got her gun.

Stone: my mother wanted to kill but it was the pass, I needed healing not more destruction.

Trent: my mom was very mad at me for not saying anything to her sooner...she's still mad at the situation to this day...Angry Black Woman. So do they speak English down there? In the Bahamas?

Stone: Yes the Queen English

Trent: proper and stiff…What do you feel about image in the gay community?

Stone: Not enough proper representation of real gay black men

Trent: expand that out, a little.

Stone: they have too many sissies (pardon me) on TV, not real people like you or me on there…

Trent: who’s to say I'm not a sissy?

Stone: LOL…Well like me then!

Trent: OH PAHLEASE-just cause you lookin' all butch in yo pictures don’t mean shit. You've been known to bottom out...

Stone: LOL-and if so, so what. I am still a man top or bottom!

Trent: What do you look for in a mate? And why are you single?

Stone: Honest, a good talker, fresh breath, and sexy. As for being single I think I like the right guys at the wrong time. I find myself attracted to guys who do not want a relationship, in one or just out of one strange. I always seem to get to the game and find it in session.

Trent: I KNOW RIGHT…Why does that always happen to me too? We have to talk about this sidebar…

Stone: yeah we do…

Trent: I don’t want people putting two and two together…getting my business, and all like that.

Stone: lol

Trent: so you're a Virgo when is your actual birthday?

Stone: Sept 17

Trent: that’s hot. So-how was the Whole September 11th ordeal for you. You were fresh
To the city and all of that...then 6 days before your birthday...

Stone: I saw it first hand, I was down there that morning…

Trent: oh so you where one of the people running from the cloud of smoke!!!

Stone: I had nightmares for days about people jumping from the burning building…

Trent: oh shit. That’s drastic. Do you want kids?

Stone: None…gay

Trent: LOL…okay...and all like that. But you were into the whole bending a boy over and having him touch his ankles.

Stone: hellz yeah !!

Trent: so what’s your favorite position?

Stone: I have a special one I made up…

Trent: tell me about it…!

Stone: it cannot be explained…you have to be there

Trent: so you would let me watch?

Stone: for a friend sure....

Trent: are you extending me into your layer of extra skin?

Stone: yeah!

Trent: In your "In Between" post you talked about image-and how you became a person that you felt would get accepted and loved for looking a particular way. Do you regret your decision to gain weight and what is your advice for people who don't necessarily have the "look" that gay men perceive to be attractive and the package everyone wants?

Stone: I do not regret it, but I would say do what makes you happy and if they cannot love you for you then you love you for you.

Trent: do you love yourself now?

Stone: I love me more everyday!

Trent: what’s your favorite food?

Stone: I love Thai and Indian Food

Trent: Now let me ask you, what skin products do you use because your skin in absolutely flawless, is your skin really that flawless or is that a Photoshop doctor up like the morphed photos?

Stone: I have great skin but I do use Photoshop too…

Trent: lol, see…

Stone: keeping it real.

Trent: a lot huh?

Stone: if you mean a lot great skin yeah …lol

Trent: You're so photogenic, how do you prepare for photos?

Stone: I just say, " I am the sexiest nigga out there where the camera at" then I pose.

Trent: and that you are…very conceited too.

Stone: "as a man thinks so is he"

Trent: you know…you speak in riddles and clich├ęs...why do you do that?

Stone: some things you can just come out and say others things its best for a person to think about it and find the meaning themselves. Personal discovery is far more rewarding that a map with the X mark.

Trent: I like that...you understand that people have their own interpretations...even if you say somethin’ plain as day…

Stone: yeah so let em figure it out!

Trent: lol...I think you do it just so you can figure them out. You ain’t slick Stoney!

Stone: LOL I have a few tricks, but I will not tell…

Trent: you can tell me...but I think I figured them out already.

Stone: we will save that for another interview…I need to keep some of my mystery.

Trent: LOL...a personal interview...I would love to see your body language and see how you use your verbiage in person...and hear that accent roll of your tongue.

Stone: hope you have a good heart

Trent: you hope I have one?

Stone: yeah '

Stone: I do not want to kill ya…lol...Don’t want to give you heart attack

Trent: that’s what I am talking about...body language...and all like that...it's good. I think I can handle you. My informants have told me about you at parties and things…how did you feel after this past week's discussion on AIDS/HIV?

Stone: It was good but I wrote about it a month before Frank.

Trent: do you think that some of the kids took it out of context?

Stone: yeah some took it personal…but they will understand later

Trent: gotcha.... What kind of music are you into and who are some of your favorite artists?

Stone: R&B, Hip-hop. Jazz, I like lots of things. Artists 50 cent, Anita Baker, Annie Lennox, Beverley Knight, Bob Marley so much more

Trent: nice mix...you have an I-pod?

Stone: yes 1908 songs and counting'

Trent: Aiight...so.... last question, what is your biggest life lesson thus far?

Stone: " Not everyone that smiles at you is a friend"

Trent: are you trying to say I'm fake?

Stone: not you silly
Trent: LOL

Stone: it’s not all about you

Trent: Okay Whitney

Stone: lol

Trent: anything you want to add stoney?

Stone: no Trent love, that is about it for now

Trent: okay.... I thank you for this moment...I think your fans will be happy…you give so much...and your blog speaks rivers!

Stone: thanks man it my pleasure…

Trent: and start callin’ me after 3 P.M. New York time please! Those early morning wake up calls are a mess!

Stone: okay baby…

Trent: baby? You’re tellin’ too much of our business now!

Stone: lol

Stone: okay bitch…is that better?

Trent: LOL-I KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU! Damn queen! Stone is a butch queen I tell you!

Stone: lol-stop it


Trent: I'm sorry

Stone: its okay

Trent: you know I love you!!!

Stone: I am Stone remember…

Trent: I know...Hard like a rock, sharp like a knife

Stone: yeah "hard"

Trent: You’re tellin’ our business again! Don’t write a check you can't cash-bye boy

Stone: good night

7.28.2005

DAY 3: I'M SO FED UP. I HATE BEING SINGLE!

WHADDUP MY NIGGAS? When I'm mad you'll know...

How about that interview with Smiling? Shot outs to my aunt Jacky, Stone, Tara, Vince, Erika, ShawnTaQuan, Smiling and all of them, like that.

I've made up my mind.
I've made my decision.

And I realized that L.A. is not the place for me. Or I am not the place for it. I know why I hate L.A. and not only because the men SUCK, but that's the reason why I hate it tonight!

The CLUB WAS WHACK. I am so over going out, I'm crawling back in my shell, being one with myself. I also see that I have a much better time when I am inebriated.

No I didn't see Rod at the club (the boy that I've been eying since February) and no he didn't act like he didn't see me...thats okay, because-I'm done with that situation...all it takes is one time to give me the ultimate diss.

Being honest-my single run has taken it's toll...I need to be in a relationship. I want that companionship, the person I can be 100%, completely vulnerable with. Someone I can get to know, learn, share, experience and understand. Why are all of my potentials in other damn places...?

I am not a pessimist. I know that I have a lot to offer the right person and I know that there is someone who can appreciate what I can give. But damn this is taking too long, I'm getting extremely frustrated! Feel me?

I knew for a while that I wouldn't find my man here in Los Angeles. And I have been thinking about moving lately, because I am so not plastic-and my attitude is far from Hollywood. I've done my thing and I've started my success but it's time for me to branch out.

My CD is gonna be up at the end of summer. I was saving it until I graduated school to buy myself a new benz, but what good does that do if I am gonna be riding solo in it? (although I am the one who worked for it) So with my money, I'm moving. I'm visiting ATL and NYC. The only two options that I will even consider. So...I'll make my decision right before October where I'll be moving, L.A. is tired...and so am I....

I didn't particularly care for day three's affirmation-
Tomorrow the interview you've all been waiting for: STONE. And if yall bitches don't come out of hiding and post comments I ain't gonna post my interview!

7.27.2005

Day 2: So Much Tea Honey...

Okay...so the exclusive "Trent Jackson" interview is live and up on my Husband in my heads site. Check it out here! Hmm...

Shot outs to: Anthony Davis, all of my fans in ATL for showing me love, ShawnQT(KEEP YA HEAD UP!), The Fonz, Freddie-and all like that.

I am so fuckin pissed that I accidentally erased every song off of my I-Pod today. Oh I was so pissed! I had to make a drive to Pasadena (a city about 14 miles North East of Los Angeles)to have a discussion with some fabulous gay men (shout outs to my new gay black friends) about sex, relationships and falling in love. I was forced to listen to the radio for the 45 minute drive (which usually takes 20) in rush hour traffic. So now I have to conjure up a way to get all of my shit back on my I-Pod. I couldn't play any of my weeks rotations...yuck I feel so unbalanced.

So why is my ex-boyfriend who dumped me for a trans-sexual feeling a lot more nice to me lately. I mean I am one to hold grudges, but I get over it after a while because the shit isn't healthy, right? And plus I am so much better than that...So he calls me and asks me on a date! My dumb ass says yes because part of me misses the way he eats me out, the way I can be myself without him trying to change that. The way we use to miss each other. The way we kissed. The way we held each other, the comfort of it all. The way he laughed at my jokes. The secret way we communicated-without saying one word. The way we talked about people silently, how we knew what we were thinking...I miss the way we use to feed each outher our favorite candy-how I would let him lay his head on my lap while I played with his ears-and gave him the sincerest kiss on his head...But I can't forget the fact that he dumped me for that man in a skirt and combat boots, then lied about having a babies momma. However, I don't excuse his behavior there isn't a reason why we can't be semi cool. Shit it's been 5 months...and I just may have to come off of my high horse and suck his dick one time...I have to try out my new mint tingle condoms with someone right...But anyway, I'll keep you posted. This really bothered me because I am one to stick to my word. I swore that I would never allow myself to have sex with him again. Yet I know that he's a beautiful person, and has the potential to be a great person if he just simply got his shit together. I understand him because he's young, black, and gay. And I don't give up on black men...(I think I said this b4) I am just fortunate that I was able to get over my own issues and become a positive, intelligent person. I thought that me being around him and talking to him till I was blue in the face would help him get his goals on track...but that hasn't seemed to work yet...I pray that he gets it together for his sake, because I don't have time for the people are unstable. I will help him...but as far as any relationship, Trent has his eyes set on something else.

I rounded out the night with my friends at the Cheesecake Factory enjoying Pina Colodas, since I've been craving them since like it's been hot as hell. I think I just enjoy the illusion of the tropical drink as it provides a temporary escape to oblivion.

So anyway, for the record, although I've talked to Smiling a little more about me, don't be mad at me for not revealing my real name. It's not important. Yall don't go around callin Tina Turner, Anna Mae Bullock, so you don't have to call me....read the interview to see where I am comin from and if you have any further questions I'll be glad to answer them.

Everyday I learn that all gay black men aren't evil and vindictive. All skinny people aren't evil, and everyday I love myself even more than the day before, because it is a blessing for me to be able to share and grow with you. It's a blessing for me to be able to get nice letters from people who appreciate me. When you've grown up being called stupid, fat, and told you'd never amount to anything, and for people to always second guess you when you know that you're different and you want to do something different from everyone else is such a great challenge. But I've found the answers within me and I strived to be what I wanted to become...that is manifesting today.

Day 2: Honor the Devine with Trust.

Today, I place my TRUST in the omnipresence of the divine.

I trust that I will be divinely guided today.

I trust that I will be divinely protected today.

I trust that everything that concerns me will be brought into divine order according to the perfect will of divine.

I trust that my experiences today will provide me with divine revelations that lead to divine understanding and that will unfold as divine wisdom, as an active faculty present in my consciousness.

I trust that all my needs will be met today.

I trust that the pure desires of my heart will manifest today.

I trust that the loving presence of the divine will sustain this day, as it has everyday before this day, and as it will forever.

I am grateful that my trust in all that is good, God, and the divine is the only sustenance I will ever need.

And so it is!

Trust of the divine is not the same thing as trust in people.
Trust is an instrument of divine wisdom.
Trust is the reliance on the divine to provide all things.
Trust cannot be broken. It is given in wisdom or in shame, guilt, or fear.
Trust is Self is Trust in the divine.

P.S. It's a club night tonight...and you know I met that boy! Will Trent be drunk? Will he go on a date? Will he get a number...Tune in tomorrow to find out!

I love what I do for you...
I won't know you're here unless you tell me...
Trust.

7.26.2005

You Never Know...

Hell to tha nah

-Whitney Houston on anythang she don't like
Being Bobby Brown, Circa Summer 2005



Alrighty then! Shout Outs to all of my silent readers! I love to check my stats and see all of the "new" hits daily. I love my average of 200 visitors daily...nice. And big ups to all of my readers in Canada, Uruguay, Mexico, and New Zealand, I feel so international...Shot Outs to the multi-faceted Valentino, who keeps me laughing in the mist of the hateration. Anthony Davis, shoot me an email when you get a moment...sidebar.

So sometime today, my future ex-boyfriend SmilingOnThaDL will post my little chat I had with him when I visited New York last week, so check that out on his site sometime today. Also big-ups to Merv who has a nice summary of the events of bloggerville that has everyone pissed off. I love Merv because he's so neutral and such a silent reader.

Aren't we all in love with Stone? I am too! He takes us there with his melodic, erotic, thought-provoking Verbiage that leaves us hanging on the edge of our keyboards, clutching our pearls, beating our dicks, and gasping for air as we fantasize about him whispering those sweet poems in our ear...Wait, till you see my interview...he's gonna beat y'all readers up! LIKE BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM...my Friday Finale!

How about the new colors and the additional info on the right side of the screen? Okay...

Back around the time my book came out (February) I started to make my now infamous Wednesday night adventures to the club. And I spotted this nice looking guy, and I made a habit of going just to see if I was going to see him. And I did, again and again. He's so gorgeous to me. So while this guy has been my mental specimen and the motivation behind some of my new characters in my book, I finally mustered up enough courage (only because it was the Apple Martini and the Triple Cadillac Margarita)to speak to him...and he was so nice even though I was so fuckin drunk. We exchanged numbers and he called me...WOW. You don't know how good that felt...a fine ass dude called me...so we're talking and all of that. So we'll see what happens. I figure it's about time that I find a cool guy to talk to. It seems like all of the available suitors are in that one concentrated Tri-State area (no pun intended Smiling...or Alphonso, or Stone, ShawnQT, Frank...NO4Real...)but anyway. I've been enjoying my single life and I am finally over that last mishap of a relationship filled with Dragqueens, Babies Mommas, and LIES. Trust me, Trent has had his share of relationship drama, he is the poster child for been there, done that, and got a T-shirt, we should talk about it one day. Which brings me to an idea....

Things are going. And they are going well. I've been meeting a lot of great people. I've been getting so fabulous emails from my readers and colleagues. I've been doing the power lunch think and having phenomenal discourse with people in the grocery store. You never know who you'll meet. You never know who's reading. You never know what they're thinking.

Today was Day one of my mental journey...I'll try to share as much as my reading as possible. Today this hit home

Day 1: Honor The Divine with Truth. (Taken From One Day My Soul Just Opened UP)

God is Life. God is Spirit. God is Mind. God is the only power that is in control of life, spirit, and mind.

God is within you and every living thing. Translated, this means that everything living is a unique representation of God's identity-mind, spirit, and life.

We've got nothing but time, and it is on our side. This is why we continue to be provided with the opportunity to repeat and re-create in our lives.

God does not punish us. We punish ourselves with guilt, shame, and fear when we choose not to act in concert with our inherently divine nature.

There is a divine order to everything in life. It is for this reason that exactly you are at any given time in life is exactly were you should be according to the divine unfolding of your consciousness and life.

Life is the unfolding of experiences designed to bring to our awareness the impersonal operation of the universal principles sometimes called natural laws. When we are aware that the principles are operating and govern ourselves to live in harmony with them, it becomes easy to understand the experiences we have in life.

God doesn't bless people. We receive the grace of the divine as a abundance, peace, joy, well-being, and love as a function of what we think, feel and believe about life, ourselves and he divine.

Our lives are a reflection of out conscious and subconscious choices. When we do not choose we live by default.

Everybody is born to fulfill a divine purpose, and God has given us everything we will ever need to fulfill that purpose...(Stone...You're right...)

I love what I do for you...
I won't know you're here unless you tell me.

7.25.2005

YAWN...Another Manic Monday

"You can't be what I need you to. I don't know why I fucked with you..."

-e. badu
mamas gun
movement 3, green eyes



Happy Monday everybody! I've got so much to say...so let me get down to business. Shot Outs to: Frank, Smiling, Divo, ShawnQT, Alphonso, Fred, Ebony, Sam, Ric (in Missouri)Holly, Reesey & Erika. Yall are the bomb.

Speaking of SmilingonThaDL, my exclusive interview that I did with him is going to be up sometime between today and tomorrow...so check that out....especially if you're not feeling me after this weekends little fiasco.

Some of yall bloggers really do take stuff to heart, I'll say that much. Yall just get so bent out of shape about shit. And do be quite honest, the ones who are "messier than I will ever be" are really working my reserve nerve (not really, it just sounds funny). Yalls blood pressure just rises, pancreas doin all kinda gymnastics and things. And then yall wanna have the nerve to have beef with me for my truth. OH PAHLEASE GIRL. And you would think that you would have enough balls and tactless taste to talk about me on your blog bluntly, but you can't even do that shit halfway right...you have to go around and pussyfoot around the issue. If you want to call me or anyone I am associated out on your blog, do it the right away and not the round about way. I guess everyone's verbiage isn't as strong, swift, and sharp as mine...one thing that you'll learn, it's all about delivery, it's all about conviction...which is what some of you lack, including your creative vision, it's as dead as the skin cells on the bottom of your foot. But hell everyone can't be me, but please don't hate me cause you ain't me...not to be conceited or convinced, it's more than clear that you're jealous of some attribute that I have or else you wouldn't be referring to me as you are. So have fun reading this! Blogging Buster ass Bitch!! LOL I wish you anonymous trolls can see the look on my face as I write these things...for the record this isn't a contradiction. It's more of a blanket statement, you know like the one Frank made that got some of your pussies burning like that valtrex commercial...If I see something I don't like again, I'll then call you out, but there isn't a big need to act impulsive, premature, or irrationally...we'll see how you handle this.(always have to keep the haters on their feet, give them something to do and talk about while they sip lattes & Martinis on their weekend boogie, and do their three-way calling and BCC emailing... I can just hear some of you now...) And this last statement was just for the ratings factor....

So I it seems my stock is rising, My name is coming up on blogs (I love it) and there is even group discussion about big gole men! How about that for getting a taste of celebrity life? I was at the Clubhouse on Saturday and about 10 people came up to me (while I was dancing and what not) and got my autograph asked to take some pictures and wanted to talk to me about my book and some of their writing projects. It was really cute...most of the people were cool but there was this one lingerer that just couldn't take a hint...and my friend Sam whispered in my ear, "Damn he stinks" and me and the Hypnotiq and all of the other libation I consumed didn't work well with my composure and I just laughed and walked off to the bath room to wipe off my fat sweat grease, and the guy was gone when I came back, thank GOD! I was startin to get scared...touchin on me and shit.

I've started the pilot for my reality show! It's crazy! I got into it with one of those window washing guys at the gas station who kept referring to himself as Tiger Woods, who claimed to be advertising windex for my dirty windows on my car. The man just started spraying and carrying on...you have to see it (soon, I'm sure) and I met this trans-sexual in the mall, who is really sweet and nice...and some other funny stuff too, like how I walked up to a random dude and asked him for my number, who gave it to me and then found me in the mall and asked for it back...! I think you guys will like it. I am getting the website and everything up now and working with some of the other bloggers to get this off the ground, so stay tuned...The cameras will be in full effect for ATL.

All in all there are beautiful people in the world. This weekend I've learned once again that there are still positive, beautiful people left in the world. And if we use our past experiences (of negativity) to dictate our future interactions with people, we block our blessings.

I and few other of my blogger friends have been getting a lot of hateration over the past weekend. It's really repulsive how black gay men can be towards each other-ugly, and yall like to point the finger and say that I act ugly towards yall (and that is such a lie, but I'll let it slide thought)I was speaking with Alphonoso during the past week and he told me "There is enough for everyone..." I couldn't agree with that statement more. So in times like this...keep your head up and focus on your shit and don't let nobody stop your flow...I understand that a few of us have bitter tastes in our mouth after this weekends AIDS/HIV discussion. Although we have our own opinions and people feel that I have made others feel "alienated" or said things that were unwarranted I hope that people can see where I am coming from and know how to read between some of the lines...I also hope that you to continue to read my blog and I challenge you to comment on my space or email me privately if you agree or disagree with me. Like I said in my post we're all here to challenge one another to be better-and that means being able to be frank and free in our dialogue and being able to come together for a sound resolution to discussion that we may participate in. This also means to understand who we are and the experience that makes us the people that we are, this is what makes us different.

This week, privately, I am going start an exercise of mental/spiritual cleansing, and you're welcomed to follow along with me...I just acquired some books to help my mind breathe like these two books that'll be completing soon One Day My Soul Just Opened Up is a 40 Day and 40 night daily inspirational journal that helps you dig into your pure essence and move you to a space of strength and personal growth, something similar to what Smiling prescribed a few weeks ago...So I'll keep you updated. I'm also working in my other Journal, All about me. It's a book that also helps you dive into your soul and find your likes and dislikes...really interesting. If you like exercises like this definitely pick up the books. Iyanla's book is 14.00 and All about me is 12.00. Nice self therapy for cheap! Until tomorrow...

I love what I do for you!
I won't know you're here unless you tell me...

Peace Out

7.22.2005

My Open Letter Of Sorts!

Happy Friday. My original post will have to wait until top of the week since we all have seemed to some how go haywire over Mr. Roberts post. I was going to write this earlier this week. Before Frank called our attention to what should be a constant thought in all our minds. But I decided to take full advantage of the moment now, while we seem to be thinking clearly...

I am rather neutral on Franks post, I do find it to be more than valid and I am glad that he opened the doors for discussion. I don’t feel that he called any of us out. I believe that he was posing a question to us all, since we are so vocal about other relevant issues that affect us as gay black men, he wanted our opinions on HIV as well. His point was to start dialogue and that was it. People always get their panties ruffled when “controversial” topics, questions, and comments are posed-but that is the problem, we always run away from reality because we don’t like to be “called out” own our own shit. I thank Frank for his post-and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Those who took it out of context are nothing more than guilty of their actions and insecure about their own issues with the topic and furthermore they are intimidated by Frank. It was a blanket statement, but again I really am neutral.

I do however feel that persons who are HIV positive and don’t disclose their status to those who are negative or ‘assume’ to be negative a problem, but those who are positive are also a large part in spreading the virus. Not to say that these HIV positive individuals are solely to blame, because they are not. It is the responsibility to both parties involved, to cover up your dick or abstain from sex to be 100% sure that you’re not placing yourself at risk. And to regularly get tested if you are sexually active.

Just a thought, what if a government ordered HIV test was required twice a year? What if it was a crime to have sex with someone who was HIV negative and not disclose your status to them?

I also have a problem with statistical data. There is error margin, and other factors, which inflate the number of cases…not to say that HIV isn’t the rise…but I think 46% is a bit far fetched…especially when the number of African-Americans in the U.S. is such a small number like 8%

That is my response to Frank’s post and this will be my last and only time that I will discuss HIV in this arena. People are aware of the decisions that they make, and they also know that the risk of contracting any STD is a gamble when having sex. The best preventative measure is to be abstinent, because we all know condoms are not 100% safe, and high risk sexual activity, like contact with blood and semen…and saliva in my opinion just enhances your whole chance. Not to say that I am an expert or telling you how to live your life because I am not one to talk, I am guilty of engaging in high risk sexual behavior as well.

The bottom line is, we know what to do but some of us just caught up in the “moment” of sex. You can’t really tell people how to live their lives either. We can talk about it until we’re blue in the face. The action lies on the individuals to change the course of their own health and life.

Switching gears to something that has been on my mind for the past week.


Why is that we cannot be constructive in uplifting each other sincerely IN AND GENUINE AND HONEST MANNER? By that I mean challenging each other to be the best that we EACH can be--not giving each other some sap ass, transparent comments on a blog comment box. We should really BE evoking thought and changes in each other for the better.

SOME of you may think I SHOULD NOT BE ONE TO TALK since all I do is talk shit, talk bad about people, and run my mouth WITH malicious, vindictive intent…but let’s really look at my scorecard.

There are a few bloggers that challenge us to think about our actions and inspire change, but my question is why can’t we call somebody on their shit? And help them…

We at times get so caught up in this life…we have all of these plaques, all of these titles, nice bodies, cute faces, nice clothes, nice bank accounts, the right social circles, the right last name, the right parents, the perfect dick size, the best of everything. What does all of that mean when we are selfish hypocrites wasting our lives being vain and not willing to uplift our own community? Or help each other in the struggle?

A few things bother me.

For instance (This was on my mind before Frank’s post) we have a fellow man who is infected with an STD that he cannot get rid of, HIV. But why is that every day he has a new episode of his sexcapade with a new man? And we think this is okay. We egg him on by saying, “Oh maybe you’ll find love,” “Good luck in your search, its hard for me too,” or “Just be patient your man is coming.” No one ever says maybe if you stop fucking so much-or hooking up to fuck then you’ll get a man! No one ever says respect yourself and change your life proactively for the better, because the promiscuous lifestyle that he glamorizes is probably what got him in his situation in the first place. No one ever asks him does he really respect himself-no one ever questions anything! They just sit back and watch him self-destruct. That bothers me. Where are we at to help him? Where are we at to help him find the beauty in his life? And don't say he doesn't want help...if he didn't then why would he expose his sexual behavior for the world to see?

ARE WE NOT OUR BROTHER'S KEEPER? Do we not care like we say we do? Are we really that selfish of a group not to have a brother-to-brother chat with someone that we see obviously hurting and acting out and degrading them in the process AND PUTTING OTHERS AT RISK?

We’re quick to give a fashion tip, talk about the new Louis Bag, take pictures at the club and broadcast them around the world, be all up in everybody’s business, smile in the face, turn around and backstab in the same breath, don’t support each other, find everything wrong with everyone else-and then have the nerve to complain and wonder why we have stereotypes and issues within our community.

I’ll justify my actions by saying this, since I am sounding overtly hypocritical. I find the positive in everything I do. Every time I write, blog, I challenge the mind to think, I try to take you to a different place so you can understand the struggle of the next man. I try to talk about my experiences in which you can learn from them, I try my fuckin’ best --my all even-- to be proactive in DECONSTRUCTING the stereotypes that linger over my head like clouds in a storm…and all this to say nothing, I don’t blow my own horn, but I know that people offended by my statement will try to show me in the worst light-and find everything wrong with my statement and try to twist it around on me…this is how the guilty and insecure mind works.

Stand for something.
Something that is different.
Strive to be different.
Strive to be more than mediocre.
Challenge everything.
Think out the box.
BE YOUR BROTHER'S KEEPER.
EVEN IF THAT MEANS CALLING HIM ON HIS SHYT.

“Quit Bitchin and Start a revolution!!!!”

To My bloggers who have taken me to a place of deep thought, shared their experience and challenged me to think, I thank you.

7.21.2005

Alphonso Morgan and His 'Sons'

He fuses ordinary, everyday, common words to form thought provoking paragraphs that translate into 'Sons,' the new novel by Alphonso Morgan. It's the way Alphonso stokes his brush on canvas to paint a picture of Aaron's first sexual experience with the same boy up top from the BK that Destiny's Child describe in their song, soldier.



Set in the 1990's Brooklyn, Alphonso sheds light on the hyper-masculine world of the gay (DL) 'Hood,' and brings forth realistic characters that E. Lynn Harris only dreams about creating. Nothing in this book talks about the stereotypical shit that we read in books today about the same very gay men that we are. I almost feel like Alphonso knows what this is about first hand, although he strongly denies that he does...

The 16 year-old Aaron is out of school for summer and on the brink of his 17th birthday. In his mind he knows that he is gay but has yet to act on his desires to be with another man. The more experienced 21 year old Sha, has his sights set on Aaron and has vivid fantasies about bringing him into the game. While Aaron alienates himself from his mother whom he isn't too fond of, nor is his nine year old sister Anise who experiences growing pains of her own, Aaron tries to find a balance of his inner desires and his quest to be "normal." While Aaron makes friends with Sha, his antipathy and rage grows immense towards his mother. He gets into normal boy shit during the summer (Job, getting chased by the Po-Po, getting drunk & high) and experiences a life that he necessarily didn't want to lead. While all of the drama of the 'hood-life,' coming from a broken home, and dealing with the normalcy of being black, Alphonso introduces a socially stigmatizing character, Magdalena to teach us life lessons in the form of parables and scriptures from the bible. All in all the story highlights the strain and sacrifice of life while offering entertaining moments that highlight the intricacies of life.

While we are left on the brink of wondering...If Sha and Aaron are gonna "do it," What did Magdalena tell Aaron, and what will become of Anise & Aaron's family life...The sexual undercurrent of the book will keep you turning pages just as it did me.

Book reviews are hard to write! Without giving too much of the book away...Sons was a good read and Alphonso's Verbiage is phenomenal, superb, and more than effective. One of my favorite passages from the book is

"Do Not," she said slowly, "ever be ashamed of what you are. One day-soon I hope, for your sake-you will discover or decide who and what you really are. When you do, be proud of it, my dear, whatever it is. And don't let a little thing like who's on top and who's on the bottom get in your way."
-Magdalena to Aaron on page 186


Sons is a great read! Alphonso is yet another eloquent African-American gay writer bringing his work to the world one book at a time.

Excerpts can be read on his website at: www.AlphonsoMorgan.com and it can be purchased here Coming soon an exclusive interview with Alphonso here on Live & Up Close With Trent Jackson!

Tomorrow: Digging inside yourself...

7.20.2005

In The Meantime....

I've always said it.
I always mean it.

I LOVE BLACK MEN. Even if they do pull stupid shit...not that I expect them to...but hell you never know. I love BLACK MEN...THERE IS NOTHING LIKE A BLACK MAN.

Last night, I had the esteemed pleasure of sharing my book, At This Moment with the wonderful men of In The Meantime! I was really nervous...more so because I've been getting mixed reviews of my book. And for a project to be your baby and your first one out the gate, and you know the story behind the work-you have a different (and whole) understanding than the reader, consumer, supporter...whatever.

I never shared this recently, but a yahoo group circulated the first chapter of my book, which is readily available on my website. I got wind of it...needless to say they let my book have-it and said some really fucked up shit about it-and just tore it down. I felt it was unwarranted, but whatever...anyway one of the members was in the group tonight. LOL...he made it really clear that he wasn't feeling me, and even tried to throw a screwball question at me (which was a test). I love myself because I am articulate and I can handle adversity and shade well...a guy that I've met before told me tonight, "All it takes is one negative comment." Fortunately the way I look at my negative is my 3,000 sales in the can. How about that for negative! KISS MY ASS MESSY BITCHES! (LOL...Jus Playin...but on the real tho...quit h8tn hoe)

The vibe was positive, and I did something different than most readings. I read something new and tested it out on the guys there....I told them "Keep in mind that Imma artist and I'm sensitive about my shit!" They enjoyed my excerpts even the juicy sex scene that I read aloud for the first time ever...I can't believe I wrote that...LOL...But they gave me props and told me genuinely, sincerely nice comments that I thoroughly appreciated! It truly made me stronger in discussing and sharing my work, I feel the growth. They all asked great questions, which really translated into their interest in the project and their overall welcoming of me into their space, I think I want to join their group...in fact I will.

Jeffrey King, the Executive Director of In The Meantime, is a phenomenal man to me. He's so gorgeous to me and he always has nice and positive things to say. I love and cherish every phone call and interaction with him because he definitely sheds new light with every stroke of his word. And he's my boyfriend in my head...

This event was the highlight of my book tour so far. I think it means a lot because these are men from my city-and it allowed me to dispel a few things about my book and more so they got a chance to meet me as a person and hear my experience with this project first hand. I didn't have a problem giving them privy to this information...it makes a better read for them and besides they've changed the way I feel about men from my city.

I'm full. I am living out my dream of helping people within the struggle...there is nothing more rewarding than being able to reach someone and let them know they aren't alone.

I think for the first time I realized I am attracted to older men...that doesn't mean some of yall aint gotta chance!

So much stuff this week, two days left and I hate combining my multiple topics in one blog...but I may try it. I've got to tell you about Alphonso Morgan and his book Sons, and I have a few other house keeping rules! I am tired and I am going to sleep!

Shot Outs to: Jeff King, Ron Jackson, Donald Bradford, Smiling, Shawn TaQuan, Paris, Erika, Ebony, and to you, the reader for reading my blog daily!

I love what I do for you...
I won't know that you're here unless you tell me...

7.19.2005

Spaces, Places...all in my mind

HAAAAYYYYY ERRBODY!!!

So a few more hours till my book reading tonight with In The Meantime Mens! How Yall doin? Alright! So I promise not to Ghqueen out in Target anymore! He shouldn't have gotten besides himself! Don't let nobody step to you like that! But I am glad that yall thoroughlly enjoyed the story....

Shot Outs To: Holiday-N! Happy 25!!-She's such a sweetie! SmilingonDaDL...I think I have a crush on him...LOL, He's such a nice man-and just so together...I have to watch how I refer to him, I don't want to mess up my good streak! Shawn-TaQuan...where the hell are you? And speaking of that where are You Stone?

Speaking of SmilingOnDaDL, I had a sit down with him in his Ikea swivel chair on the Upper East Side...to give him the other side of Trent Jackson...during our two hour impromptu interview session on the Upper East Side...check for that on his blog on Friday...I'm pretty sure a few mouths will drop.

So as I was sitting here watching Kanye West's Through The Wire video-I felt inspired...a few reasons. He is another prime example how you can turn tragedy into triumph-you can go through something and still come out fine and okay.

It motivated me to keep going-even though sometimes I don't feel like getting out of bed...and making calls to make sure people got my book, to see if I got a review, checking to see how many books I've sold, blogging...talking to other people about writing, motivating people daily to not let anyone deter them from their dreams.

I thought about the mentoring program that I do Tuesdays & Thursdays. I work with at risk young adults-who live in some of the economically impoverished areas of L.A. I thought about how every Tuesday and Thursday those kids expect me to be there-because I am one of the only positive things that they see all year long. And how inspiring that must be...how fortunate I am to be in the position to inspire our next generation to lead a healthy, productive life...I know it can be done.

If you would have asked me 5 years ago if I would have been this capacity I probably would have answered yes. I knew young, that I had to change my own life for the better.

My father getting murdered, wasn't an excuse for me to be sorry and fail.
My Grandmother getting murdered by my cousin, wasn't to be used as crutch for people to feel sorry for me. Me being molested, wasn't for me to feel bad and less of myself. Me being overweight and people calling me fat didn't mean I had to buy into their idea of what beauty is or accept the label they called me. Having a fucked up and turbulent relationship with my mother wasn't an excuse for me to go out an treat women different or less than because my mother treated me shitty. People laughing in my face, talking about me, saying I was dumb and silly for wanting a writing career wasn't an excuse for me to get sidetracked and do something different because they didn't have the power in them to change their life. But I made it anyway.

I am successful because those very people and situations challenged me to be better-and silence them. Not because I had to prove anything to them, but because I saw my vision and knew what I had to do for myself to be happy.

As I sit here and look back at my life...and how God has been good to me continually inspite of my short comings-I can say that I am grateful for everything I've been through. It's made me better...and I say it all the time, you can go through the fire and come out pure as gold.

But my only irritation at this point in my life is where is my man at? LOL...I guess thats another thing I have to be patient and understanding about. I almost smell him coming...

At times Trent Jackson can be rude. He can be offensive...but I am here to provoke thought. I challenge you, my readers, just as I challenge myself to be a better person. Sometimes I can be tactless, not to justify me being like that, but it gets your attention, and it makes you think...my very purpose for this blog. I don't mean to be an asshole...I'm not one...I'm real...and if being real is being an asshole, being offensive, being tactless, I don't apologize for it one bit. I care about each and every person that is resposible for my 10,000th hit. And I want the best for you. I want you to be happy, safe, healthy, and productive. You are a peice of me...and I mean that.

Go Out Into the world and make your positive mark! Not because I said so...but because you stand for something more...than what you've been told.

I love you for visiting...and make sure you join me tomorrow for another eidtion of Live and Upclose with Trent Jackson as I talk about my book signing, Alphonoso Morgan, Fred Smith, My Homies...and whatever else may happen in Target!

I won't know you're here unless you tell me...How about that new picture?

7.18.2005

Queen Outs, Shot Outs, Bitch Outs...Manic Monday

So why was I on a Target run on Saturday night, right? I am infamous for my runs 15 minutes before closing time. I get off on stretching and altering the rules to my own needs for some strange reason…So I enter the store with a short list of things to grab in my 15 minute time limit, deodorant, Crest Whitening Strips (a la No4real), some of those frozen T.G.I. Friday finger food thingies for one of my infrequent after 5 P.M. alcohol binges, some aveno soap for my face and some other items. I like the small time limit in place because it makes me go in there and focus on what I need to get instead of walking aimlessly aisle by aisle trying to find something to spend my money on to compensate for what I am not getting elsewhere in my life. (Self Therapy Love It)

Anyhoo, I am on the phone gossiping with Mother-and I am asking her if she or my sister need anything and I would drop it off or what not. While standing in line, I like to give people their personal space so they don’t feel trapped by the rear of my basket, the shelves that display the fat man’s weakness (Candy, toiletries, the trial size items, make you splurge at the last minute items…) and their basket, not to mention every thing else going on around them.

So out of nowhere this gust of wind swoops on my right and hops in line in front of me. I stop, pause and think and politely say,

“Excuse me sir, I was in line.”

“No you weren’t mutherfucker! I didn’t see you.” The wide Mexican man shouted.

Without even thinking, I immejiately dropped all of my sadiddyness, and acted like I didn’t roll up to the Target in a Hummer-and got Ghetto on his ass!

“Muthafucka who the fuck do you think you’re talking to like that, you fat, burrito & bean eatin’, super-sized, crusty foot, hammer toe, broken English speakin’ bastard! I know you saw me in the muthafuckin’ line! BIATCH”

“Fuck you, you were on your phone-you weren’t in line.”

”No BITCH! Fuck you, you saw me in line and if you had any kinda fuckin’ sense you would step your ass out of line-cause you really askin’ to get fucked up in Target! Tonight is not the night to fuck with me hoe!” I shouted.

My mother was in my ear sayin’ “Oh lord they got him rowed up!” She was silent. As I knew she enjoyed (sometimes) hearing the creative things I could say during a bitchout.

So then the lady behind me said “Sir he was in line.” She was Mexican too. Keep in mind that it’s closing time, the store had already made it’s “Attention Target guests the time is now 10:00 and your Target location is now closed, please bring all your final purchases to the front of the store for immediate check out…” spiel.

So I had an audience. At least 80 people tryin’ to check out. See I try to be low key out in public, but then I loose all of my marbles.

Then the man pushes my basket and lunges towards me “Fuck you mutherfucker alright!”

“No fuck yourself AGAIN BITCH! And watch where the fuck you’re stepping. If you get closer I am gonna fuck you up!” I reached in my back pocket (inconspicuously) to pull out my instrumentation, see. I don’t travel without it. Because I am a shit talker, and people like Chgocutie and Frank have it out for me, so I have to be prepared when I travel you see…You not gonna be comin’ at me all sideways for havin’ opinions, viewpoints and strong verbiage…ain’t gonna happen. Get Stepped TO!

“Don’t threaten me in front of my kids!”

“FUCK YOU AND YOU’RE UGLY ASS KIDS! GO HOME AND FUCK YOUR WIFE WHILE YOU’RE AT IT AND MAKE SOME MORE UGLY KIDS, YOU RUDE, INCONSIDERATE BITCH!” (Me yelling rude and inconsiderate-while I am being the typical negroidian in Target right..?)

He backed off and without warning, and rightfully so. He saw that look of love in my eye. It’s all in the eye honey; it’s all in the eye. So security rushed the scene. A Black on Mexican crime was about to occur…and sense the racial tension in L.A. is thick as thieve that had to prescribe something for the remedy, Antonio Viallraigosa, our newly appointed Latino Mayor…

“Sir please calm down…” The big burly, bouncer-esque ballhead duo came and said simultaneously as if they were programmed to say it. As if they had seen this scenario play out in the 10 items or less line before.

“I am calm! I don’t appreciate this rude, inconsiderate, son of a butter churnin’ bitch, cutting in front of me in this line and then turning the shit around on me! Fuck him! And the Truck he rode in on!”

So then the man offers to let me go in front of him. I say “NO you’re shit is already up there, go ahead, BIATCH”

So security leaves and I resume conversation with my mother to explain to her what happened, so while the man is ear hustling he says,

“It’s over why are you still talking about it!?”
“Bitch why the fuck are you talking to me? And why are you in my conversation, you don’t pay Sprint Hoe! Turn around and shut the fuck up bitch!”

So this time Susan Wong comes over and calms me down yet again and takes me to another line to check out. While all the while I am chuckling to myself, I thought the situation was pretty hilarious myself. I don’t like bitches thinking they can just do whatever and whenever-what do I look like? PAHLEASE. And then I am just laughing at how engaged in ignorance I’ve become, but sometimes it’s warranted…

But WELCOME! I am so glad that you came to luxuriate with me today! Another Manic Monday! Thank you for letting me take up occupancy in your brain. I love you for coming to my blog and experiencing me first hand!

Shout Outs to: My informants all over! I love you so much for giving me that info…camera phones are a mess. And so are some of you bloggers…Shot outs to NO4Real for being so REAL, FOR REAL!! Was that an interview or what!? Shawn-TaQuan…(lol) Rashek from D.C.-I appreciate you. NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE DOES, I’M TRENT! And you’re you! I appreciate you for what you bring to the table-don’t let anyone tell you otherwise…

So after my explicit Target episode I got a call from my ex. WOW. We never talked about him, nor I am going into detail about the whole situation. But we’re back on speaking terms…and it looks like we have the possibility of being friends. I think he is a great person and has the potential to be such a beautiful man, if he would just grow up and stop letting outside influences dictate his actions on dealing with me. I mean you’ve slept in my bed, ate my filet mignon that I made for you at 2 a.m., you’ve spent some of the most intimate moments with me, you know me inside and out and yet you let people tell you bullshit about me and think that I have ulterior motives? OH BOY GIVE ME A BREAK ALREADY. He knows me, intimately. Like no one else has done before. He’s the only one that I loved (so far) and even though he chewed me up, swallowed me, and spit me out like a bulimic white girl…for some strange reason there is still a place in my heart that wants to forgive him, that wants to let it go (I have). That wants him to be successful, that wants him to grow, that wants to be with me…but I am not one to go back in time…

”I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m living in the moment…and I’m thankful for the man that you are, you are, you are…”

India.Arie...beautfiul Suprise
(Those of you who have my book can put this together...)


I watched the sun come up with this guy named “Spade” (Also a la NO4REAL, he gives people interesting code names) I went to his house at 3 a.m. for a booty call, but it ended up being an enlightening refreshing conversation that included watching the sun come up. 5 hours later with no condom wrappers opened, no bodily fluids extracted-my mind was expanded and introduced to the realness of life. For once, someone is as crazy as my real self is. Someone can actually make me laugh instead of me cracking wise ones, and whispering witties in their ear all night. Although he did make reference to my booty and how he got along really well with “thickies” and how my ass reigns supreme…and he wanted to know why I haven’t let anyone hit that yet…LOL usual, typical nigga shit-it was expected. But it was all good though. He’s a nice guy and he’s hella smart-hyper-intelligent even. Nothing is expected by this meeting of the two great minds-but it would be nice to have him as a friend.

Don’t you hate it when you get irate with you cell phone company or whomever you give your money to, to provide you with services and they hire idiots to handle their customer service? And then when you get loud they hang-up on you cause they know they’re wrong…(side note)

Anxiety is building. Tomorrow I have a reading & Discussion of my book with In The Meantime Men’s Group…wow…I always get scared when I have book event….

Coming up: My Book event, 4 ½ weeks until Atlanta, Down For Whatever, Sons & My Friday Finale. Thanks for stopping in for another episode of Live & Up Close With Trent Jackson! I love what I do for you-and I wont know you’re here unless you tell me….

Reality Show is in the works…

Remember the name: Trent Jackson
Remember the face: Star Quality
Remember the M.O.: Unlimited Potential

7.15.2005

Revisited Part 2: No4Real...FahReal



The only thing in life that is constant is change…and I’ve certainly witnessed the change in No4real! The last time we had a chat, he didn’t give much of anything…very secretive. If you haven’t noticed, he’s got a three-part Q&A on his site, answering the most personal questions! He went from being in the closet with his picture on the front door to learning and growing into his own skin…we talked about my book, his recent breakup with “Baby,” and a couple of other shockers…

No4real4real: Mr. Jackson – hello

Trent: FINALLY! HOW ARE YOU?

No4real4real: LOL…I am great

Trent: that’s good how have things

No4real4real: just got in the home, things are cool, tired from work…been working 13 hours shifts this week

Trent: wow-go ahead and work that stack your cash

No4real4real: trying. I need to support my move

Trent: where are you moving?

No4real4real: the big apple

Trent: thas hot-I so need to be there…

No4real4real: I need to be where that action is! I am too hot for CT

Trent: of course!

No4real4real: so you met Freddy smith

Trent: yeah we're friends, lol…did you miss that memo? We’re in the same city… So did you read my entire book?

No4real4real: yes I did

Trent: did you like it?

No4real4real: I had a hard time with it

Trent: explain

No4real4real: okay I got lost in the dialogue, it didn't work for me, and I hated the ending

Trent: so you didn't like the book

No4real4real: I guess, I was just really disappointed at the ending

Trent: why?

No4real4real: needed more of a conclusion, it just seemed so rushed at the end

Trent: well...I'll say this, I'll send you my second book, don’t pay for it...LOL.

No4real4real: will the second book be better?

Trent: But...not to make excuses, but the end was kinda rushed...well a lot of drama was going on with my book and me personally, and I felt that if I didn't put it out when I did, I will have failed myself. The second book will be a lot better. A lot tighter. All of the questions that you had are answered-and there is another cliffhanger. And plus I had a bad editor

No4real4real: okay, I am ready to for that!

Trent: and being that I did this alone, it was difficult…

No4real4real: I am still mad Mav (The main character in my book) kicked it with Caleb!

Trent: and this being my first book, it was a learning process not only with my writing,
But with my company as well...but give me another chance at that though. Why at Caleb? (I appreciate this feedback by the way) Was there anything good about it?

No4real4real: I feel like he was too young for Mav to take it there!

Trent: LOL-everyone wanted them to be together…

No4real4real: BOOOOOO!!!!! That was the making of a great friendship and never should have been taken to a sexual relationship. Don't get me wrong Caleb was hung Mav could get that elsewhere.

Trent: Okay...you said you had some questions about it...Are these the questions? And if anything.... what did you like good about the book-or was it that bad for you?

No4real4real: what did I like about it...I did find it funny though the experience seemed real enough…

Trent: but you were just annoyed by the dialogue?

No4real4real: yes I was. Many times I was reading it and couldn't find the transitions from one paragraph to the next like the paragraph was too long or something…

Trent: hmm...another problem I had with the layout and printing...but I could see that. When you’re a writer you kind of get tired of reading the same shit over and over, so that was sloppy on my part.

No4real4real: but there was a paragraph break to so it didn't seem as long, I am sure #2 will do better, I must say it is cool see y'all take your literary future into your own hands
That is hot…

Trent: everything is a lesson and now that I know what to do the second time it will be much easier. And I appreciate your honesty, because a lot of people tell me they like the book and only a handful tell me otherwise, and I always thought it was something wrong with that picture.

No4real4real: I am sure there are people who appreciate you as the cool person you are,
And don't want to hurt your feelings. In a way you have to respect that, but that doesn't help you art everyone can stand a chance to improve.

Trent: yes, its very true...it doesn’t help me grow, and I have thick skin and I can handle it. I've dealt with rejection my whole life, so its nothing...but everyone grows, and this is my growing time. I knew that At This Moment wasn't going to be the one to make it right out the box. It's not going to happen until like book three. But I want a career that spans time, not just straight to the top...then what? You come crashing down? I want a slow rise to the top so I can learn the business as well as perfect my craft...but there are so many things that I want to do creatively, there is really no limit on my expression, so this isn't the only thing I have under my sleeve.

No4real4real: okay, so you do you expect book three to be your real introduction

Trent: no, you've already had a little of the introduction-the third book will be more appealing to the masses.

No4real4real: okay

Trent: on to you, unless you had something else to say?

No4real4real: naw I am good

Trent: First I want to thank you for your last couple of entries on your blog; I think people love that openness that you've been giving us...

No4real4real: my blog, really?

Trent: will there be more of that?

No4real4real: as a matter of fact there will, I must admit it did take a lot to open up the way I did. But I felt it was needed. I am going through a big change in my life

Trent: shish, let me ask that!!!

No4real4real: LOL
Trent: so...taking things one at a time. How did you feel about my blog world post?

No4real4real: Yo that was hot, I really enjoyed that concept, although I feel like you don't know me at all, but it did make for great entertainment.

Trent: yes...what is the biggest misconception people have of you? Keep in mind that we haven’t had talk other than our interviews...so you're right I don't know you that well, that is just me being silly...did I offend you?

No4real4real: from the blog world it would have say the misconception is that I am stuck up and superficial, that is so far from the case…

Trent: what is the case?

No4real4real: I am a very confident person and I will never apologize for that-no you didn't offend me.

Trent: so...the question that we all want to know, how are you doing after the breakup?

No4real4real: LOL, very well actually.

Trent: okay...elaborate…

No4real4real: okay, I haven't been pressed since my break up. I must admit I have been in situations to meet new people and I have collected a few numbers since but no one has really captured my attention, after “Baby” people will have to come correct.

Trent: yes...so were you upset when he put himself on blast in your comment blog revealing his identity?

No4real4real: I have to admit I was a bit taken back by that

Trent: so was I…

No4real4real: there was no reason for him to do so unless he was tryin to get some attention to his blog

Trent: YAWN, anyway, next.

No4real4real: prior to that people didn't hit up his blog.

Trent: and they still don’t.

No4real4real: I am sure people went to his page but its not that entertaining so I am sure they lost interest very fast, my brother told me I should have erased his comment.

Trent: like me, I would have asked for an interview just for the messy factor, but being messy really isn't in me, so I left it alone.

No4real4real: do what you like.

Trent: You're a better person for leaving it up there...just like people always talk shit about me on my blog and others' blog, I leave them there as a reminder that I am not for everyone...just like my book isn't for everyone…

No4real4real: I feel you on that fuck them!

Trent: no I wouldn't even go that far. I mean I do this for me, not for anyone else. I know that I have a talent, regardless of what anyone may tell me, or how they may treat me, it's really not up to people its up to GOD and his destiny for me. So it really doesn’t bother me because someone will always have something to say, just like I always have something to say...But it is what it is...

No4real4real: that I like bernit told me on one of my earlier blogs," write as though no one else is reading it but you." That is the approach I took when responding to the questions, that is why I was as open as I was…

Trent: Oh, I enjoy your early childhood photos too…

No4real4real: those were tough to post my teeth were a wreck. That Boy Scout joint was really hard to post.

Trent: I mean I read the responses to your questions...and I know why they were hard...so what your teeth were a wreck, but that’s what braces are for right? When was your turning point when you finally looked in the mirror and said, you were attractive, you’re beautiful and you started to accept yourself for the person you are today, or has that moment even come yet?

No4real4real: well that moment has come and gone. I will have to say it happened when I attended that senior prom as a sophomore in high school. I went with this chick and didn't smile in the photos. Her mother is still mad at me over that She said I am too attractive not to smile in photos, and that I messed up her daughters prom pictures, a moment you can never get back- an insecurity that is not longer valid

Trent: had you been told your were attractive before then?

No4real4real: yeah…I think I kind of believed it but I always felt my smile messed it up

Trent: because of what your mom said?

No4real4real: yes very much so and all the ridicule I used to get in grade school

Trent: YES! So-you couldn't identify with the relationship Maverick had in my book with his mother and what happened to him in school one tenth?

No4real4real: now that I was with, even down to the conversation he had with her while watching TV, I swear that was so my mother and me, the distain between the two of us was sickening.

Trent: see...got you to tell me one good thing. I think you secretly like my book but for some reason you’re trying to read me on it…but anyway, how is the relationship with your mother now?

No4real4real: a little better, that was goin to be a LOOOONG bog within itself, but I can share. I am the oldest of three boys when my mother had her second child I was 5 years old, ever since his birth she has been abusing drugs, and she still does so to this day, to track her addition I use his age. Prior to her drug use my mother and I had a great relationship. Many of my family members were jealous of it. But that was to all change, so I had to grow up really fast. I used to take care of myself and my brothers, we did well for what he had, I been through it all, multiple evictions, lights and gas cut off, my mother taught me to steal from grocery stores so we could eat. From kindergarten to high school I attended 13 different schools, well 14 including my high school.

Trent: OKAY SEE, now you need to write a book!

No4real4real: not that serious, just what I know, I wouldn't have changed a bit, I love who I am and what got me to this point.

Trent: I want to commend and thank you for what you just said. That means so much that you say that, you have just helped and spoke to so many people.... You and I have a whole lot in common.

No4real4real: thank you, I applaud you for your self-assurance.

Trent: I applaud you for yours. What you just told me summed everything up; I think you have given everyone a better appreciation of who you are. Everything makes sense...now

No4real4real: that is a bit of my story, we can chat for hours, but a book is not venue. I
See myself speaking…

Trent: yes-you mentioned that to me before, you just inspired me to do something

No4real4real: what is that you are to do?

Trent: I get these ideas that just pop into my head, but I'd rather not speak on it...let me hone into it more. But yes, I definitely see you in that capacity-I just visualized it.

No4real4real: aiight - thanks
Trent: you are too powerful...you have served it...

No4real4real: lol

Trent: no really.... you have such a moving story; you can still go through anything and come out fine. Which is the point that I was attempting to convey in my book-and you telling me this, in my head I am saying...either I am not an effective writer or he was just trying to read me from the gate…which I think you are…

No4real4real: I have to admit that theme in the book did strike a cord with me, but I was still lost in the dialogue…

Trent: your assignment is to read my book again!

No4real4real: I can do that, as a matter of fact I will, still don't think Mav and Caleb
Should have kicked it…but that is my opinion

Trent: so Ms. Holy Roller, what is the latest dish with Ms. Mammala?

No4real4real: LOL-she is cool, we are doing much better. She is planning on purchasing a house with her sister. I am proud of them (meaning her and her sisters)

Trent: okay...so have you guys had a sit down discussion about dick sucking and all of that?

No4real4real: Yo I am still waiting for the discussion; my home girls I came out to I had that conversation with

Trent: so it sounds like that you're working out your issues with your coming out...I remember you saying you had planed on working it out, is it working out like you planned it?

No4real4real: so far it is coming along, as far as I know Holy Roller has yet tell anyone

Trent: hmmm

No4real4real: if she respects my feelings and allows me to do it on my own I would be very surprised; funny thing is she outed me about three years ago

Trent: what happened with that

No4real4real: LOL, long story short, I was away in college and we had a three bedroom apt. I gave up my room so my brothers could have their own room; I had a walk in closet

No4real4real: Holy Roller was the only one with a key. I asked her to retrieve something for me; I figured that would go off with out a hitch. A few months later I was back home and my grandmother asked me why so many boys were callin the house for me-why weren't any girls calling

Trent: lord

No4real4real: mind you I was president of my frat…I didn't press the issue knowing I had nothing to hide. Fast forward two weeks, I went to the barbershop with my cousin P-Funk

Trent: the names you have for people

No4real4real: he is the eldest male cousin I have…I idolized him, wanted to be straight like him and bone mad chicks, he was my barber-while in the chair I was looking to catch up - he was looking to catch me out...I told him about another male cousin Screamy. Screamy is the sensitive one and obviously gay…so Screamy was speakin on my mother, since she was currently in a lesbian relationship.

Trent: WHAT????

Trent: STOP!!!

Trent: YOU'RE MOM IS A LESBIAN?

Trent: LESBIAN???

Trent: BI???

No4real4real: LOL, I suppose

Trent: WHAT????

Trent: OMG!!!!

No4real4real: BI would be a better conclusion

Trent: THE PLOT THICKENS!!!

Trent: WHAT?

No4real4real: LOL

Trent: SHUT UP!!

Trent: NO!!!

Trent: STOP!!!
Trent: ITS…?

No4real4real: ROTFL

Trent: NO!!!

No4real4real:

Trent: GOD I NEED A WEB CAM!

No4real4real: LOL

Trent: THIS IS A STORY I NEED IN MY EAR!!!!

Trent: STOP

No4real4real: I will

Trent: SAY NO MORE

No4real4real: okay

Trent: SAY NO MORE-SO YOU'RE IN THE CHAIR, talkin about flamey…

No4real4real: yeah I was in the chair

Trent: or whatever and he’s raggin on Yo momma…

No4real4real: he was speaking on my mother

Trent: yes…and all of that.

No4real4real: I was telling P-Funk that I felt like he shouldn't have been speaking on my mother, knowing how Screamy was ridiculed for years about his sexuality - although he wasn't out…who was he too bad mouth my momma when he dealt with that his whole life

Trent: HELL TO THA NAH…see…no. You need to call me, this is too much, you've already overloaded the Trent Jackson sensors, and you know I can only handle so much just to let you know I am using your Speedo picture as the picture for the interview

No4real4real: no worries

Trent: showin all that cock imprint

No4real4real: lol

So…No4real and I got to talk to each other on a more personal level. Aside from all of that he’s a nice guy-and I can’t wait for my photo op with him in NYC. No4Real will appear again…there is a lot more where this came from, standby for that moment…The Trent Jackson Saga continues…See yall on Monday!

**Before you go...check this out...Such an honor this is...**

7.14.2005

Revisited Part I: Valentino-Of-?



We know him as Valentino-Of-Ct. Not so long ago he was the new kid on the block that had heads turning, eyes popping-and everyone guessing. I caught up with Valentino for a revisit of our now infamous interview. He’s settling in his new home in Atlanta, reconnecting with his father…and just enjoying life. This isn’t one of my juicy interviews; it’s more of a catch-up to see how our friend in blogville is fairing along after his two-week hiatus…



Trent: So...how was your transition to ATL? Well how is it going thus far

Valentino: it is going well. I was still nervous at first and some living arrangements had to change

Trent: like what?

Valentino: I was gonna be staying with a friend, but then I decided not to, because friendships can change with that sort of thing.

Trent: yes...so did you like drive a big U-haul truck down there and butch it out, or did you fly down there and have all of your stuff delivered?

Valentino: I shipped my clothes and computer before hand, flew down with the rest and some more of my things are gonna be brought down when my sister moves.

Trent: oh okay...so you just went with no furniture? Damn that sounds like you were getting out of a bad marriage...

Valentino: lol

Trent: like Tina did...”He can have all that other stuff, as long as I can keep my name..."

Valentino: no I didn’t want to deal with bringing all that

Trent: So, what led you to ATL?

Valentino: Well we all know my love of NYC. NYC is extremely expensive and I didn’t want to Borough. If I'm gonna be in the city...I want to be IN the city. When I visited ATL back in DEC/Jan I found that it had similar qualities to NYC-plus I loved how it seemed like a place a person of color could come into their own, if they really put their mind to it

Trent: is this your first time moving away from home?

Valentino: yes

Trent: how are you liking it and is your family calling you every second making
sure you're okay?

Valentino: yeah my mother calls often, sounding so silly

Trent: do you like roam around the house naked?

Valentino: lol…no. I don’t understand why people say that, when they get their first place

Trent: its so liberating

Valentino: its not all that-I do walk around in my underwear though.

Trent: not the ones like mine with the ass cheeks hanging out.

Valentino: but I live in a sort of high rise so I'm thinking people are watching me or like in that movie sliver

Trent: lol…close your windows fool

Valentino: why? Lol… I need light

Trent: cause that’s what white people do! Walk around with open blinds so people can see their business

Valentino: lol-my blinds are closed

Trent: so tell me about the selection of boys there and are they any different from the east coast boys?

Valentino: they are somewhat different, so country

Trent: that’s cute

Valentino: and everybody goes to church

Trent: (rolls eyes)

Valentino: and the light skin boys think they are heaven

Trent: that’s everywhere honey…So-do you think the men are better quality or is it the same...do you buy into the theory that men are different based on territory?

Valentino: no, there are just more here and the discretion is gone so people are trying to holla everywhere!

Trent: what? It’s fagville like that?

Valentino: somebody screamed out their phone number from a truck to my friend and me the other day

Trent: and they're all thugs huh?

Valentino: no thugs or I haven't seen any

Trent: QUEENS?

Valentino: assumed established

Trent: URGH.

Valentino: with their luxury vehicles

Trent: Looks like I need to go ahead and move to Brooklyn!

Valentino: the thugs look dirty

Trent: grimey

Valentino: cut off jeans and stuff

Trent: what? LOL

Valentino: well this is what I've seen so far, I'm sure I haven’t seen it all

Trent: LOL

Valentino: before people be attacking me

Trent: you know how they are once you say something on my spot they have it out for you anyway

Valentino: it shouldn't be that serious

Trent: they'll say it!

Valentino: lol, oh well

Trent: so where in the city do you live and do you have a spot that you frequent yet...how long have you been there?

Valentino: I've been here going on three weeks. I live in the buckhead / Lenox area which is like the ritzy /fancy area.

Trent: of course

Valentino: but I don’t live in a ritzy place

Trent: how much is rent

Valentino: my rent is 527

Trent: why not 525 or 530

Valentino: lol

Trent: such an odd number

Valentino: I know huh

Trent: so what’s your favorite place to eat?

Valentino: Checkers !?!?!?!?! I've been trying different restaurants; you're coming during Labor Day weekend right? Are you doing book things everyday?

Trent: no just Saturday and Sunday

Valentino: oh-u should host a party

Trent: you're gonna come sit with me half of one day and look cute right? PAHLEASE I am not on that level yet. If yall wanna throw me one and I'll pay for it…

Valentino: oh its easy to host a party, u make up the flyers and pass them out at ur booth

Trent: hmmm…thought

Valentino: not like a huge one

Trent: I don't think I am ready

Valentino: a small little hotel room thingy

Trent: that sounds fun

Valentino: but yes I'll sit at your booth

Trent: that’s sidebar...we could both use that to our advantage

Valentino: of course

Trent: so how do you feel about Ludacris and Bobby Valentino fucking?

Valentino: I don’t think bobby is that cute, so that disturbs me

Trent: he's cute but he looks like a little rat or something

Valentino: now if u said Ludacris and bow wow

Trent: so-about Bow Wow and Ciara you're fascinated with them-tell me why

Valentino: Ludacris looks like the smack you on the ass type, oh because ciara looks so much older bow wow still looks 12 to me what is he doing with that? I can't fathom it but I did see the new video...and they do have chemistry.

Trent: hmmm...I'm happy for anyone who does a relationship and a celebrity relationship even more...I think they are the new Janet Jackson and Jermaine Dupri…how is your love life going

Valentino: hmmm…its going

Trent: going?

Valentino: I think there's a circle of friends all vying, who's gonna get him first type of thing

Trent: do you want to get got?

Valentino: no, they're all a mess

Trent: lol. So you don't enjoy your singledom

Valentino: oh I do enjoy it, I'm not looking for any shackles right now

Trent: understandable

Valentino: someone to hang out with is cool, kiss, hug, laugh, but nobody to be holding hands with in the park…I cant take all that right now

Trent: Unless it's after dark in the bushes of Piedmont...oh I forgot about you and that free-spirit sex! So you've visited the infamous Piedmont Park...what did you leave out of your blog that you want to tell me?

Valentino: nothing. I have not experienced any of that that they say or even saw it, but if u wanna stand behind trees and suck on dicks and things then do you

Trent: lol, you'd rather just take them back to the penthouse studio

Valentino: no penthouse studio and no park people…I did see Ty Lattimore walking through there

Trent: wow

Valentino: yeah

Trent: he's not that hot

Valentino: not at all. I said that’s what u wanna look like walking through the
park? To myself

Trent: lol-I wonder how many silent readers I have...

Valentino: a whole bunch

Trent: LOL, I wonder if he's one of them

Valentino: lol-wouldn't that be something…my father told me to carry a knife

Trent: oooh I have the perfect gift for u

Valentino: oh did you reach the part in Alphonso's book where the drag queen slips
a blade from under the tongue

Trent: LOL-I haven't read night yet

Valentino: oh-my baaaad

Trent: But I think that the book is phenomenal. I’m so glad you’ve read it. I am
going to finish it this week and Fred’s too…I can discuss it with you when I’m done!
Because I don’t know of anyone else who has read it or reading it… what is your take on Alphonso’s book...I think he is brilliant and he brings a new fresh vibe to the gay black literary scene.

Valentino: yes he does-I loved it, it is much different from everyone else

Trent: I think that it is safe to say that it's one of the best reads, if not the best read of the year

Valentino: it really is, I think its good for young readers

Trent: yes...its definitely appealing to the urban crowd…the hood boys up top from the BK

Valentino: right

Trent: does he not have eyebrows? Lol (Not Alphonso and inside joke that Valentino and I have..)

Valentino: don’t u start

Trent: so since our last chat, is there anything you wanted to clear up or add?

Valentino: about?

Trent: anything

Valentino: not that I can think of

Trent: so moving out, on your own, to ATL what is your biggest learned thus far

Valentino: I haven't really learned anything yet, I was pretty much independent
before, I just lived with my mother

Trent: wait how does that work?

Valentino: I still cooked for myself, paid bills, got my business in order. The only difference is that she's not in the other room

Trent: something tells me you miss that

Valentino: not just yet

Trent: I'm Trent Jackson don't act like you don't know the name! Thank you for the update and I'll see you in ATL over Chick-Fila

Valentino: lol, I have date at smoothie king in ten minutes


Stay tuned for tomorrow-Bombs Over Baghdad and No4real is throwing them!