Okay...so the exclusive "Trent Jackson" interview is live and up on my Husband in my heads site. Check it out here! Hmm...
Shot outs to: Anthony Davis, all of my fans in ATL for showing me love, ShawnQT(KEEP YA HEAD UP!), The Fonz, Freddie-and all like that.
I am so fuckin pissed that I accidentally erased every song off of my I-Pod today. Oh I was so pissed! I had to make a drive to Pasadena (a city about 14 miles North East of Los Angeles)to have a discussion with some fabulous gay men (shout outs to my new gay black friends) about sex, relationships and falling in love. I was forced to listen to the radio for the 45 minute drive (which usually takes 20) in rush hour traffic. So now I have to conjure up a way to get all of my shit back on my I-Pod. I couldn't play any of my weeks rotations...yuck I feel so unbalanced.
So why is my ex-boyfriend who dumped me for a trans-sexual feeling a lot more nice to me lately. I mean I am one to hold grudges, but I get over it after a while because the shit isn't healthy, right? And plus I am so much better than that...So he calls me and asks me on a date! My dumb ass says yes because part of me misses the way he eats me out, the way I can be myself without him trying to change that. The way we use to miss each other. The way we kissed. The way we held each other, the comfort of it all. The way he laughed at my jokes. The secret way we communicated-without saying one word. The way we talked about people silently, how we knew what we were thinking...I miss the way we use to feed each outher our favorite candy-how I would let him lay his head on my lap while I played with his ears-and gave him the sincerest kiss on his head...But I can't forget the fact that he dumped me for that man in a skirt and combat boots, then lied about having a babies momma. However, I don't excuse his behavior there isn't a reason why we can't be semi cool. Shit it's been 5 months...and I just may have to come off of my high horse and suck his dick one time...I have to try out my new mint tingle condoms with someone right...But anyway, I'll keep you posted. This really bothered me because I am one to stick to my word. I swore that I would never allow myself to have sex with him again. Yet I know that he's a beautiful person, and has the potential to be a great person if he just simply got his shit together. I understand him because he's young, black, and gay. And I don't give up on black men...(I think I said this b4) I am just fortunate that I was able to get over my own issues and become a positive, intelligent person. I thought that me being around him and talking to him till I was blue in the face would help him get his goals on track...but that hasn't seemed to work yet...I pray that he gets it together for his sake, because I don't have time for the people are unstable. I will help him...but as far as any relationship, Trent has his eyes set on something else.
I rounded out the night with my friends at the Cheesecake Factory enjoying Pina Colodas, since I've been craving them since like it's been hot as hell. I think I just enjoy the illusion of the tropical drink as it provides a temporary escape to oblivion.
So anyway, for the record, although I've talked to Smiling a little more about me, don't be mad at me for not revealing my real name. It's not important. Yall don't go around callin Tina Turner, Anna Mae Bullock, so you don't have to call me....read the interview to see where I am comin from and if you have any further questions I'll be glad to answer them.
Everyday I learn that all gay black men aren't evil and vindictive. All skinny people aren't evil, and everyday I love myself even more than the day before, because it is a blessing for me to be able to share and grow with you. It's a blessing for me to be able to get nice letters from people who appreciate me. When you've grown up being called stupid, fat, and told you'd never amount to anything, and for people to always second guess you when you know that you're different and you want to do something different from everyone else is such a great challenge. But I've found the answers within me and I strived to be what I wanted to become...that is manifesting today.
Day 2: Honor the Devine with Trust.
Today, I place my TRUST in the omnipresence of the divine.
I trust that I will be divinely guided today.
I trust that I will be divinely protected today.
I trust that everything that concerns me will be brought into divine order according to the perfect will of divine.
I trust that my experiences today will provide me with divine revelations that lead to divine understanding and that will unfold as divine wisdom, as an active faculty present in my consciousness.
I trust that all my needs will be met today.
I trust that the pure desires of my heart will manifest today.
I trust that the loving presence of the divine will sustain this day, as it has everyday before this day, and as it will forever.
I am grateful that my trust in all that is good, God, and the divine is the only sustenance I will ever need.
And so it is!
Trust of the divine is not the same thing as trust in people.
Trust is an instrument of divine wisdom.
Trust is the reliance on the divine to provide all things.
Trust cannot be broken. It is given in wisdom or in shame, guilt, or fear.
Trust is Self is Trust in the divine.
P.S. It's a club night tonight...and you know I met that boy! Will Trent be drunk? Will he go on a date? Will he get a number...Tune in tomorrow to find out!
I love what I do for you...
I won't know you're here unless you tell me...