Me

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Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.

8.31.2005

Office Thoughs and Crazy Talk

Alright! Thank you for joining me today. I swear it will make sense to you soon. It might not have made sense then, it may not have made sense when all the fog was in the air, but the shit will make sense now…

Question: Is Clay my new competition? I love him and all like that, no shade Clay, “How You Doin’?” But you’re really giving me a run for my money…Why am I hearing in my head, “Step Your Game Up,” you know that Snoop track. I mean a bitch has been sliding for a while now, I know some of you people notice, especially the bitches that like to get up on here and talk all out the side of their neck and all like that, like they really know what the real deal is…and speaking on rivalries and stepping up games, one of my nemesis beat me to the punch line. That’s okay, I’ve been laying low…and although he thinks I’m gonna bite, can no body do it like Trent.

Shot Out to: All of my fellow bloggers. I’m sorry that I haven’t been keeping up with your blogs; I’ve been so busy! But I WILL read you this week. Big ups to all of my office workers those who are confined to the cubicle or the ones with the office an no window, shot out to anyone who works in the office-the pits…All of my regular readers I love you! I see you, I thank you.

My thoughts are with all of my readers and personal friends from New Orleans. I am praying for you and I am hoping to talk to a few of you soon. My first love lives in New Orleans and I haven’t been able to talk to him yet…so I am kinda anxious about that. But once again my thoughts and prayers are with the families and friends of those who have been affected by the Hurricane in the New Orleans/Biloxi area.

Don’t be alarmed these are the thoughts from the first day of my new gig…back in the corporate world, in my cubicle…lol. Ask questions later. I always find time to sneak in writing some type of way…so here is my stream of consciousness.

I look so good. I like to convince myself that I am a night person. Maybe because of nighttime activities. But truth be told I like to get things out of the way so I can luxuriate the rest of the afternoon.

I like the way I look in the morning. Fresh to def. Curls in order, fresh breath, creased clothes, soft lotioned down hands, shiny jew-ellz, Burberry touch on the neck, pulse points, and shirt to add to the ambiance. I can’t forget my nicely balmed thick, nicely shaped lips.

I know the two hoes my opposite cubicle hate me. They are always prying to see what I am doing. I’m always touching myself up, spraying down every two hours applying a fresh coat of shea butter to the lips, blotting the face for oil. There is a cute, excuse me fine ass dude in the office, and I have to look right, I am very competitive. And I know all the right people to make friends with, and I have to make friends with him. Don’t think I don’t walk past his cubicle on purpose just to see what he’s doing or to see if he’s looking back at me.

I know I come off arrogant or whatever. But hell it’s only my second day here-I’m really not trying to make friends with them. I am on my 6-month plan.

All I have to do is come to work on time for 180 days and that promotion and that all expense paid relocation fee to Manhattan is mine. Then I’ll work for another 3 months and bail on their asses. It’s perfect, because I’ll be closer to him, in the mix with all the right people and party non-stop, while having wild circus sex with that hot nigga in Brooklyn. I am so ready to give my virginity to him…

Wait…why does the name on that cubicle say Cartier Carter? Wait, and it’s a dude!!! What? Niggas and their names…I wonder if he knows it’s French. Wait, I have him in my pocket…

So it’s been a few months since I’ve been involved in the real work world and it almost sickens me to my stomach. I mean I want the east coast bad. I wasn’t about to deplete my savings on my lavish life-Wait her name is not London Towne…I figure at 2,000 a month in rent plus another 2,000 in moving expenses. I would have technically had enough money for two months rent not to mention a new NYC wardrobe, furniture, and whatever else I might trick my apartment out on (rolls my eyes) so there is a plan. A method to the madness. I took this job just to use it to my advantage. My days of paying corporate dues are almost over. Then when I shack up with Mr. Man we will be a power couple I can see it now…

Office Gossip: No she is not on her corporate phone talkin about how Kim owes the IRS 80,000 cause she was goin’ exempt for years, silly ass hoe.

Those are the types of bitches that pay meticulous detail to what I am doing. So they can probe my cranium with the are you gay question. Anyway, let me get back to shuffling papers and looking busy. I don’t want that lesbionic supervisor of mine coming down hard on me on the second day of work, I can’t seem to hide my pre occupation with my self grooming habits, who do I think I am a cat?

I hate work, I don’t see how people can be cooped up in these damn office thingies all day…but damn he’s fine…and thick. I wonder what he would feel like bent over. Or on his stomach with his ass in the air with my tongue in it. Or maybe me on my back with my legs in the air. Mmm…

Tomorrow: The Lunch room and more jargon. Plus a few tricks up my sleeve.

8.30.2005

The Iconic Queen Of The Day

"Someone I use to know-oooohhh," is the run that she did when she was getting her face beat in the bathroom as she and the "King Of R & B" talked about nipple and pulling turds out of her ass. Don't you just love Whitney and Bobby?

I am so mad that the show isn't coming on anymore! I was thoroughly enjoying watching someone else's dysfunctionalism so I wouldn't have to think about my own too much. But they love each other so much, their co-dependency of each other is almost sick, but I guess that's what happens when you get in love right...?

There was a point in time where we were all under the impression that Whitney was this perfect Ice Princess and she could do no wrong. She was the ghetto girl groomed for perfection like Barbie and all of her majesticness. But as we all know looks are deceiving.

I often sit and wonder what would happen to a person if they had to live their life pretending to be something that they are not. Would you start coping with drugs just to deal with the pressures of holding up this image of perfection when you know you're cursing up a storm off record and talking about "Oh hell to tha nah," every other second?

No here to talk about Whitney and her down falls, but lets look at Whitneys career. I am tellin yall when Whitney gets over this little issue of life that she's dealing with, this will be the greatest come back, and she is gonna hit notes she didn't even know she could hit! She's gonna slay yall bitches for talkin' so much trash about her! Hmm...(I'm not doing this with him todaaaayyyy...)

The album that set it all off! Her debut CD giving off turbin and negrodian 80's sheik with the bald fade on the beach was classic! You Give Good Love, Saving All My Love For You, How Will I know, All At Once, The Greatest Love Of All where the hits that shot Whitney into the meteoric atmosphere that broke the barriers of MTV and won over black and white America.

Whitney! The big wig, the classic fashion fair make-up look, the first female to initiate the white, wife-beater. I wanna Dance With Somebody, Didn't We Almost Have It All, So Emotional, Where Do Broken Hearts Go. This album was the one that solidified Whitney's talent, staying power, the ability to reinvent, break record sales, set trends, get endorsements, and let yall hoes know that she was the shit.

I'm Your Baby Tonight! When Whitney got a lil ghetto on you! She let yall know that she was tired of saying she was white washed and all like that. Whitney was at the top of her career with this CD. She told you her name wasn't Whitey, I mean Susan ("So watch what you say, that's all I'm asking, just watch what the fuck you say!"). The CD that highlighted the black 90's sound with the casio drum beats and highlighted L.A. Reid & Babyfaces production. This is the best Whitney CD ever! She came for it on this CD...this is also around the time that her "sweat" problem, became a problem and people started to speculate. I'm Your Baby Tonight, My Name Is Not Susan, All The Man That I need, Lover For Life, Anymore, Miracle, I Belong To You, Who Do You Love, We Didn't Know, After We Make Love, I'm Knockin...wait that's every track on the CD! This is the official play through CD!

Just when we thought that her success of I'm Your Baby Tonight was hit, she really went paramount of us with Rachel Marron and the .Bodyguard Soundtrack Of course putting out the timeless classic I will Always Love You, Run To You, I have Nothing, and I'm Every Woman all became our favorites. She got married to Bobby and birthed a child...took a break and then that's when it all unraveled.

Did She Not Do It with Waiting To Exhale?
Shoop Shoop & Why Does It Hurt So Bad (I-pod update) She did it again. She proved that she was an actress, singer, mother, lover and a few other things we didn't know about. My favorite line of the movie is when she was on the phone with Robin (Lela Rochan Sp?) and she said "Girl, what do you expect him to say I'm a crack head?"

The Preachers Wife, was the gospel CD that crossed over all America. I believe In You and Me, Step By Step, Joy, Hold On Help Is On The Way, I Love The Lord, Joy To The World...Just another Classic CD under Whitney's belt showing anything that she touched turned into Platinum.

My Love Is Your Love was critically acclaimed but after tabloid rumors that were shortly confirmed true, this album didn't do much.
A lot of people weren't feeling her new "urban side" with It's Not Right But It's Okay, but that became the ghetto anthem for so many queens and girls alike who had been dissed. We all thought it was about Bobby, but hell I still think it is. I loved the album, she churned out Heartbreak Hotel with Miss. Faith and Kelly Price. When You believe with Mariah, If I told You That, My Love Is Your Love, I learned From The Best, Get It Back, and Until You Come Back (Which was a powerful ballad) highlighted some of the best tracks on the disk. It became very evident around this time that Mrs. Bobby Brown was slipping and doing too much of some substance.

The Greatest Hits was a classic moment, although I don't really like the track listing, I enjoyed Same Script Different Cast, Could I have This Moment Forever, Fine, One Moment In Time and one of Whitney's proudest moments, The Star Spangled Banner.

Just Whitney is one of the greatest shams of all time! She came out with her now infamous Diane Sawyer "Crack Is Whack" interview. She came out with this clearly "Studio" CD that didn't even capture one tenth of Whitney's classic luster. And she especially proved it when she came out trying to sing songs and she couldn't hit notes. She was clearly struggling and this CD made us pray for her more. All though I did enjoy, One Of Those Days, The Things You Say, Try It On My Own, and Dear John Letter.

One Wish, The Holiday Album, was the album that should have come along time ago.
Although this was better enhanced with pro tools than Just Whitney (and maybe because there were some recycled tracks there) I still enjoyed the CD and her effort on the tracks. Listening to this CD just let me know that the voice was still there and I that we should all standby for her great return.

I don't have any doubt that Whitney will come back and rightfully take her place at the top of the charts and silence all the critics and Wendy Williams with her new look, sound, and story. She is the epitome of black talent. There is no doubt in my mind that Whitney will be the new poster child for survival and going through the storm and coming out looking and sounding fierce (did I just say that?) as ever!

What do you think?

8.29.2005

Say It Aint So?

Alright, Alright....Haayyyy!

So nice to see you again! I'm glad you came by to visit today...been a minute. What's been up? "How You Doin'?"

Big ups to: Shelton Jackson, Alphonso Morgan, Happy Birthday to Fred Smith!, Marz, and to you my readers!! Haaayyyy...

No Puffy, Diddy, or whatever he is calling himself, queen all out on the VMAS last night! What was up with all of his over the top, more than usual flamboyance? All the water, the fluorescent flashing lights, the bottom-esque orchestration? I don't need any more proof Sean Combs is a homosexual. It was just so nauseating. He is so nerve wracking. And speaking of homosexuals, R. Kelly is a little bit too comfortable with his trapped in the closet series. The first five were cute, but that shit that he lip-synched to last night sounds like he's had one too many of those "in the closet experiences." Alright for Ciara sporting that Bow-Wow gifted rock encrusted "non-enagement" ring on her marriage finger...And how about M.C. Hammer...anyway. Didn't Lil Kim look halfway right last night?I loved her so much! But the top lip has to be reduced to a real size...she didn't look anything like that picture of her circulating the internet...And did Kanye just win over the whole gay entourage? I mean we were already in love with him, but to go on TV and give props to the homosexuals...what? Okay. Make sure you go to the store on Tuesday and get Late Registration.

So I took a little mini vacation. Had to regroup. Get some things together. Deal with the drama. I've been blogging continuously for 5 months, and it was time...I'm okay.

There is no better time to say that I will not be in Atlanta this weekend for the Labor Day Pride. There were a few issues that contributed to me not attending primarily my printer and my book order. So I am planning a separate event in ATL with a few of my fabulous writer friends...It's gonna be dope! The details are coming together so I will announce them when the time is right look for them sometime in mid September. But the event will be in October.

I just finished reading Blair-Robert's soon to be released, debut novel "Breathe," and what a fresh breath it was. It was really good and I think a lot of the younger kids will relate a lot better to it simply because of the main characters age, but that doesn't mean that anyone can't relate to it. In the book Blair creates a universal character, Nafiq, who is a fine 17 year old Philly native who is battling his sexuality. During the book he comes into the gay life via experiences with the usual homosexual "fembots." While dealing with acceptance, rejection, black urban drama, and his family we turn the pages wondering what will become of Nafiq next. Be sure to check out the book when it comes out...

But yes I've returned! And I've got some interesting things up my sleve this week...so stay tuned for that. I've missed you! I love what I do for you! I won't know you're here unless you tell me.

8.24.2005

Why Am I Here?

I am almost certain that question has come up more than once in your lifetime. If you're normal it's a recurring theme...

While I was going to take a hiatus for a while (and I think I still might) something struck me in the worst kind of way tonight. I am only able to articulate these feelings of high emotion in the written form because if I tried to tell you they wouldn't make sense and even after writing, I still don't think I make sense.

For once in my life, I finally thought I knew the great answer to the question: Why Am I Here? I am sure it was to help people, to expose myself so much to people that they could see me and be like, if he can do it, so can I. But that is the main difference between Tarrance, the real me, and my alter ego Trent Jackson. Trent Jackson hasn't been through anything. He was created, altered, designed to be perfect-that's why he appears that way, in a sense he is-because he isn't tainted, and he is everything that Tarrance has ever wanted to be.

Tarrance is the person who has dealt with being molested. Tarrance is the one who experienced the death of his father at 6. Tarrance is the one who grew up with a abusive mother. Tarrance is the one who watched the helicopter on the news fly over his grandmothers house, as her body laid riddled with bullets as he tried to prepare for school that day. Tarrance is the one who sees everyone for what they are and makes the conscious effort to deal with them or not. Tarrance is the one who penned At This Moment and chose to share his life with the world. Tarrance is the one that gets up everyday and blogs to you...not Trent. He is just a shield to protect the already wounded, but brand new Tarrance....you get it?

There has to be something better in store for me than what I am going through right now. And as private as I am I won't get into to it....but I was just thinking why do all the good people have to suffer and go through shit just to get suckered out and get the short end of the stick at the end? Why is it that the people that have goals, purpose, love freely, who give unselfishly-always end up hurt at the end...? Not to say that I am more deserving over someone else, but I am really getting irritated at all of these "zombies" walking around getting the best of everything. Is it just me on the outside looking in, or are they camouflaging (like me) their hurt with material possessions versus alter egos?

I'm fortunate for what I have. I want to be a lot better than where I am now. I am really wanting for one thing right now (lol...) but I could be homeless or cracked out or be somewhere in a straight jacked and padded walls...thank God I'm not.

Tonight I went to my cousins house and he and his sister were on their way to the Coco Chanel Store, and the Bijan Boutique (mind you, you have to get an appointment to get into the store) and they were going on and on about this and about that. And I stopped myself from saying anything...but I thought these are two rotten ass kids. They don't go to school and neither one of them is in the position to be spending their parents money like that (they aren't on baller status either, don't be fooled)...they don't have goals, dreams, aspirations...and when I try to get them to enroll in school with me or something, they "don't want to." It's such a shame to see them sit up and just wear these clothes-and what does it all mean when you can't make logical decisions, and can't think without asking Mommie and Daddy? Why are they here? I love them and all like that, but I wish that they would just give up the negroidian spending style and do something more productive and lucrative with their life, besides looking fabulous. That shit is old...and what's gonna happen when it all goes away?

My family irritates me. In 2006 I'll be THE FIRST in my family to not only GRADUATE COLLEGE, but with a DUAL DEGREE, in Radio/TV Broadcasting and Secondary Education-but they talk soooo much shit about me being in school and why I haven't finished on time, and I'm naieve for pursing this, or I'm dumb for wanting to be a teacher...they don't make enough money, blah, blah, blah...It's not about money, it's all about inspiring people and helping humanity for the better, and in my opinion it can be done because change starts with me. Sharing my experience with people motivates them for the better...why is it the the dumbest ass niggers (yes I said NIGGER) trying to comment on my shit and they settled for some whack ass civil service job years ago that some white man signed off on just to make them think that they were getting something out of the deal. Or are they just that mad that they're stuck and gonna retire at that shit (thats cool if you want to do that...nothing against you) But I think so much bigger than that. I want more. I want to challenge myself to be better. What is wrong with that? Why am I here?

It's part family, who I love, but they just fuck you in the ass so hard without vaseline, they just leave you with hemorroids and let the dirty air hit them while you are sitting numb and in excruciating pain. It's me not taking more responsibility for my own outcome...I just get so tired of dealing with life and people dumping their shit on me all the fuckin' time I can' breathe and deal with my own dilemnas. Hell I've got a ego, a super ego, a alter ego, and a fuckin id to deal with let alone everyone else and their shit! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

As I scramble to make my ends meet and my shoe strings tie for this Atlanta Trip next week, and contemplate on my future and wonder if what I am really doing is just-I can't help but to think of all the people that have been successful at what they've done, and how they kept going in times of adversity and when no one around you can support the positive things that you're doing.

My boy...how can I tell you who you are without being obvious (they are already on our relationship low key...already....) thank you for understanding. And thank you for inspiring me daily to be a better person. I appreciate our time so much...you mean a lot 2Me!

Rasheek thank you for doing all that you're doing right now. It count's in more ways than one. I wonder if I'll be able to look back at this moment and say, damn I'm glad I kept my head up and I didn't keep asking myself why I am here.

8.22.2005

Family Time & New Additions, yet another, Manic Monday...

Alright...how was your weekend? "How You Doin'?"

So I guess every Sunday is now an unofficial family day. For the past three weeks we've been doing outings, it's a good thing. No complaints. Yesterday we went to the Go-Kart Track and then we went and ate. It was hot. It's been a while since the majority of us got together for some fun...and with my cousins, mom & uncles birthday rapidly approaching...I feel a party of some sorts...

Shot Out To: Blair-Robert. He's a new African-American, gay author. His book Breathe, is a coming of age story of the 17 year old Nafiq Johnson, the quintessential hip-hop teenager. Urban slang. Cornrows. Timbs. Throwback jersey. And, of course, the cool brutha swagger. He’s also a star high school basketball player with a 4.0 GPA, admired and respected by his peers. And we can't forget that he’s a charmer when it comes to the cuties. Unarguably, he has a very bright future ahead of him. At least he does until his battle to keep his sexuality on the down low starts to disrupt his life. Will Nafiq be successful in keeping his true self buried in the closet, or will his world come crashing down upon him in the form of an unaccepting community and family? Take this suspenseful journey with Nafiq and discover what is in store for this young brutha. Be sure to check out his site, as I will keep you posted here, and I am sure I'll be granted some type of exclusive interview...Big Ups to my 16 year old Protege, Marz, the Philly kid who has been blogging about his "Life As A Teenager" over at his blog: My Teenage Years. He's witty, funny, smart, intelligent-and definitely reminds me of the young Trent Jackson...hmm, watch out now! It's just funny to see how the "new kids" are living these days...check him out and send him some nice comments, and show him some love! Shot to: Bobby Brown, Jr. Don't you just love his blog? He's so uplifting and just so real. If you haven't read his blog, go and check him out. Big Ups to: Dizyaboy-his blog is hot too! such a nice mix...everything from eye candy, to entertainment gossip to real life shyt...

So nothing really happening with me. I'm counting down the days to my ATL adventure with a few of my other black writer friends: Fred & Fonz.

Everything is fine with me...so this is one of my "unofficial" days off from blogging...but while I take this short break enjoy a few of my still moments:

INTROSPECTIVE...
I enjoy so much spending time with my close friends and my family. Without their support and acceptance I couldn't be who or where I am today. Every time I blog I give you piece of me. And although I really don't bring everything into the mix...today I am giving you a behind the scenes look into the people that are supportive of me!
This is me and my assistant Erika. She is more than my assistant. She keeps me grounded, balanced, and she keeps it all the way real! She's been on my team for the last 5 years. She and I met in college and she's been my major supporter since "At This Moment" was still a manuscript. This is just us out having lunch...


This is Me, Erika & My Cousin Mark (the one that just got out) after lunch a couple of weeks ago...

Me and Mark after Lunch...the bleached look is in (Fuck Yall!!!)


Me, Mark, Tuesday's Two kids & my little sister at Knotts a few weeks ago...

Me, Lalah & Raquel at Tim'ms' reading tha other night...

An old skool pic of Me, Lah & Raq

Me, Lalah & Tim'm at his L.A. reading last week.

Me, Fred & Herndon Davis












There will be more as it happens! I'll see you tomorrow!
I won't know you're here unless you tell me....

8.19.2005

Trent's Week In Review

Haaayyyy....I love you guys so much!

Shot Outs to: All of my readers! How you doin'? Alright? Thank you for your continual support. Bobby Brown!! I see you... Tim'm! So phenomenal you are! He's such a great person! Visit his blog and support his work! I just acquired his new chap book, Bare...and I have to add it to my reading list, but I am sure I can get it done in one day. Shot outs to my new writer Friend, Shelton Jackson, who just wrote The Second Chapter: Acceptance. It's a poetry book that talks about his experience living with AIDS. Alphonso (who I love sooooo much) he makes me laugh so much. Then he had the nerve to call me a Balmy Mingler...lol, I'll explain later. Jeffrey King, Happy Birthday! Lalah and Reesey it was so good hanging out with my ladies!!! and Daniel, the new blogger on the block...watch out now!

I've been trying to convince Alphonso to start a blog. He's so funny...you have to meet this guy. He's been on the road with his book, Sons...and he comes up with funny shit to say. I admire our conversations so much...anyway. A Balmy Mingler is a person who wears lip balm and likes to socialize and mingle, a fuckin' mess as he would say. But yes I wear lip balm and I like to mingle.

Tonight was a great night. I think that I've been experiencing such a horrible time these last few weeks on and off screen that I really haven't been able to capture a calm, positive moment. And that all changed last night! I met soooo many phenomenal people it was too much! I loved it.

Thursday started off with a hateful hangover headache. I took a B.C. powder (industrial strength) to get it together. It's so funny when you feel like a fuckin mess, you don't look like it...hmm, why is that? So I had to get up and go to court, which ended up lasting 5 hours. There was this tall light skinned boy that made it all better so that was okay.

I spent most of the day talking on the phone and dodging idiots on the road, while having one of my infamous road rage fits! Blah-whatever...but I knew that I had gotten an exclusive invite to an intimate reading from my hero Tim'm.

For those of you who don't know about Tim'm he's a renaissance man! He's a singer, educator, scholar, speaker, writer, journalist, there isn't anything that this brotha can do! He's such a gift creatively and his spirit is so warm and friendly. His new chap book, Bare, in which he read from last evening here in L.A. is just that. It captures the pure essence of universal thought, feeling, and action. I even love his reflecting process in which he takes the last thirty minutes of the year and reflects on the previous year and calls into existence the things that we deserve in the New Year! Bigger than that resolution we don't even keep.

It was a warm vibe at the event. A few familiar faces came to support like my friends Lalah and Reesey...it was a cool event.

I went to celebrate the birthday of Jeffrey King. He's the founder of In The Meantime Mens. In The Meantime is basically a group of Gay black men that meet every Tuesday to have a nice round table discussion. They also host health seminars, retreats, and other community service events. Jeffrey has been extremely supportive of my book and has been instrumental in my success here in Los Angeles with At This Moment and I appreciate, thank and love him so much for that (with his sexy, flyy self). So I had to go and support!

Thats when I ran into Daniel. Daniel is so crazy. I first met him at my book signing back in March. I thought he was the cutest thing when I first saw him...he's very mesmerizing when you meet him in person. He and Fred actually upstaged my event! I was like damn is that Fred Smith? Who's that with him...anywoo...It was great talking to him and sharing my ideas with him.

While at the party I also met Mr. Shelton Jackson. This is just a prime example of you never know who you'll meet! I was sitting with a few people I had met at previous book events when Shelton sat down and I was like "Damn, I'm hot, see thats that fat people sweat." and Shelton laughed. Then I said "What's so funny, you know you talk about fat people, just like I talk about them!" I had them rolling...he told me I had a nice nose and I was thinking to myself, damn does he know I have a nose job? and a lip job? Shit...anyway. We talked and he plugged his book, and I plugged mine! What do ya know? His book talks about dealing with life and having AIDS. He talks about loosing his first love and "Accepting the fact he cannot change the past, but the future is his to do what he will." It was very inspiring to meet him! He will also be in Atlanta with myself and a few other writers! Check him out!!

Me and my cousin Mark talked briefly today, which made me feel good. He's so cool, he should drive a Cadillac, diamond in back, sunroof top...he's so pimp.

Overall, this has been such a phenomenal and eventful night to wrap up a hectic week. I can smile, kick back and enjoy what life has to bring, bad and good...

I love you, have a great weekend, and stay tuned for next week...I have a lot of shit to throw at you. An interview with Clay? Alphonso Morgan? Bobby Brown? My Secret? and Trent's Photo's...you'll have to be on your shit for next week...

I love what I do for you!!! Be Safe and BURSELF (My new License Plate...)

It's Okay Not To Fit In The Mold...Break It

8.18.2005

Whatever Happened To...?

Um, what's really hood?

So fuck a VH1, talking about where are them acid washed white folks at now. Trent Jackson wants to know where are these fools at!

As usual Shot Outs to: Shawn (thanks for that), Shawn-TaQuan, all of the readers! And a special, "How You Doin'" to Bobby Brown...hmmm...and not Whitneys husband either. There are a lot of new bloggers poppin up all over bloggerville. And the newest two (Clay and Bobby) are not only attractive, but they are intelligent, thought-provoking, well-rounded, balanced, and eloquent. Not to mention enterprising and engaging. What? Read their blogs...and stay tuned for a f ew exclusives...

So Where is Hi-Five? Remember them. Playing The Kissing Game, She's Playin Hard to get...they were the bomb!

Okay...Troop. Spread My Wings? Wasn't that the cut? Attitude, All I Do Is Think Of You? They even had a dance named after them they were so hot...where is Troop?

Remember M.C. Hammer's protege, B Angie B? She remade I don't wanna loose your love and she did that other slow cut, "So Much Love." She could really sing. I don't know why she didn't make it...

Michel'le...Somethin' In My Heart....No More Lies, Nicety. Was it we couldn't handle her speaking in real life or Dr. Dre broke up with her and there was no more? Which ever it was, her first CD will remain in the classic of singers in the early 90's.

Why did The Boys dial everybody's heart? They were cute, lovable...could they have made it past teen girl faze? They did all of their writing and instrumentation, I don't see why they couldn't make it..

Was Dionne Farris really Hopeless? Or was she too Michelle N'Daygay whateverish for the world? Did she come out with a CD? Did she make another single? What is her tea?

Okay...whatever happened to the Just Got Paid, It's Friday night man? Johnny Kemp. Did he just get paid on a friday and bounce?

KARYN SUPERWOMAN WHITE? Okay, now I'm convinced that after she and Terry Lewis broke up it was over for her. I loved her so much (more so than anyone on this list) There was Superwoman (remember when Gladys Knight, Patti LaBelle & Dionne Warwick did their version) and Hunga...? Aww Karyn White....

I don't think America, or me for that matter was ready for the girlfriend duo Zhane (JOHNNAY) They were Sending Us Their Love,
and telling the D.J. to keep playing that song with those lesbionic haircuts and those leotard things on...they were hot one minute and cold like Iced Tea the next...did they breakup and not makeup? Hmm...

and what would we do with out Tracie Spencers "Tender Kisses?" I think it was her curious, surprised eyes that spooked and creeped everyone out. But she wrote her own material too...hmmm.

So what happened to this talented litter of black entertainers? Where do you go and what do you do when your 15 minutes was cut short or runs out? I don't think that they took advantage or even maxed out their careers...but then again there is always the Surreal Life...

8.17.2005

The Hit List Revisited

Alright....What's really hood bitch?

Shot Outs to: My little secret! 3 more days right...? All of the readers! Thank you! All of the nice kids in ATL showing me love three weeks before I land! I caint wait!!!

So the last time we read Trent's Hit List it was cute or whatever. I mean trying to find new cuties is hard. So here is my new summer list...we'll do another one in the fall, and again in the winter...here are the picks...


Dan White! The new Cutie on Barbershop the series on Showtime. He's hot and he's definitely going to keep me watching...he was enough to make me upgrade Showtime to my DirecTV pack. Or was it me supporting the black show?

Alright for Gary Guidry, the super producer for I'm Ready Productions, the hit producer behind Friends & Lovers, Cheaters & The Maintenance Man. Yes Gary I'm ready for you...anyime.









We all have to admit that we have a crush on Raphael Saadiq.I saw him the other night at the Joi concert and he was lookin' to fuckin good...Damn...can it be just me and you?















We all can't be Common!His style, his commanding presence makes him everything but common....GO!













Can I pimp all over the world with Luda? (How You Doin'?) He was cute in an indirect type of way when I was whisked away by his Neptunes tracks and fast spitting verbiage my freshman year in college...Splash in this waterfall, alright?

















The Big, The Bad, The Bold, The Blitzful Jerome Bettis...steel this!


















Okay so what he had a little snafu with Coke. He can sniff my....hmmm. Alright for NFL'S Jamal Lewis




What...Okay. Two word Trey SongzGhetto, cute, packin, airbrushed and hoodfine.


















Bobby Valentino...I'm so Curious. Some says he looks like an Ape. Others don't like his style. But he's hot and yoked up...and if his man would move bitch get outta my way I can have my moment...

Then there is Terrence Howard...The man that we all love to hate. He's always playing some villainous role that makes us hate him more. When we finally start to like him in Four Brothers, he gets killed. How fucked is that? But his stock is rising and I loved him in the Best Man...with my favorite HollyHood Chocolate Chunk Morris Chestnut.





Okay....Tomorrow, Where are they now?

8.16.2005

Okay, So What.....

....My blogs have been boring. Me talking about my family and all like that. I figure that I take the time out to try to make a genuine effort to get close, love, and cherish my time with them-since there was almost a loss. I think that we should try to learn, not even learn, lets go beyond that, accept people for who they are. Their difference, their positives, their negatives, especially our family. I know that my family is unique, functionally dysfunctional. I've learned that each of us have our own experience that makes us who we are. I've learned to (primarily my maternal side) love them from a distance. I understand that we love each other, but we really don't know how to love the right way. So with that said, I've been trying my best to make the damn thing work, since Tuesday died and my cousin got out I have to hold on to what's left. Because they are my family, not only am I nothing without them, but truly, really, when it comes down to it they are all that I have. No matter how many books I sell, how many Benzes or Range Rovers I have or will get, who I socialize with, my family, as long as I live-just like most black families will always be there.

My blog is about life. It has nothing to do with my career, my attempt at fame, my book (although I do mention it at times...). I talk about things that we all go through, and I write to let you know that you're not the only one going through the struggle. Our universal thread is the desire to be loved and love. We all have it. That is our driving need. We go through shit that tests our ability to love and to be loved...But I think with every experience we learn how to be better equipped to past the test to attain, love.

Last night me and Mark hung out...And still no call from the Wendy's Boy, okay I am really over him. For the first time in our adult lives, we went to Happy Hour and got drunk...and me, in all of my inebriated faggotry called an anonymous blogger and tried to have conversation with him, I hope I didn't make a fool of myself. But he's a nice guy...sorry I interrupted you....and damn I love that Bow Wow and Ciara song. Anyway after about 10 Cadillac Margaritas (or Salt Waters as Valentino calls them) we headed to the Hustler Casino and came up on a few Hundred each playing Black Jack (damn we got lucky...) then we went to down to CoCo's to get Sundaes and Pie from the after glow of Tequila, damn we were acting high like a muthafatha. Was the highlight of the night when we saw the crackhead chick sitting in the back of the car slapping herself laughing senselessly while her eyes popped out her head like she was seeing Michael Jackson serve Jesus Juice to the little boys?

It's funny how when you're drunk, you can capture the pure essence of someone. Sitting there watching him discretely, comparing him to the kid that I use to know. The kid that I hung out with every Sunday at the skating rink. He was the same...there was something about his restlessness in his nature, that portrayed his cool, laid back, easygoing, sometimes non-chalant attitude. His sporadic wit and humor is right on time and you can't help but to laugh for a good five minutes. He's still smart...sharper than ever. He's good with words and a good conversationalist. All these years I knew that he needed his family just like I needed mine and I am glad that we can finally be there for each other...I can't help to think what could have been if we would have been in touch all those years? We closed out the night driving down the 405 freeway listening to the 80's mix on my I-pod singing to all of the Bobby Brown, Hi-Five, Jodeci, Troop, Soul Fo Real, H-Town, songs that we use to groove to when we were kids...for a second I thought I was in Waiting To Exhale. You know how they were all singing at the end...?

I have to admit that I have a crush on a blogger. Maybe even in love with him...

Day 22: Honor Others With Service.
This means to give yourself (time, knowledge, resources) without an attachment to the expectation of reward or recognition. Working with a consciousness of love...unselfish giving.

Shot Outs To: Clay, Valentino, Shawn, Stone, & Marz. All of my readers, Silent, Unspoken and Blunt. My fellow bloggers-and all of my aspiring artists alike.

UM, WHERE IS: IQ, A.D. (Don't be namin' no building's after me...) and Kevin C?
Shout me! I won't know you're here unless you tell me....

8.15.2005

Hear Ye, Here Ye!

Alright! Alright! Alright!

Yes it is another Manic Monday, "How You Doin'?" And so what y'all think I am Wendy Williams, I am pretty sure there are other reasons why you read me...or at least try to. I'm Trent Jackson BIATCH!! (Wait...a tic, I changed that name...)

I love giving people shot outs on my blog. Number one it's my muthafuckin blog and I do whatever the hell I please, even if that means excluding you in my shot outs cause you're full of shit and you're a jealous, intimidated, whack ass hater who has to imply things, instead of calling shit out directly, unlike me, who doesn't have the wannabe, sap-ass, apologetic, cut you on the slide, antics that you present with every attempt of a blog that you write. So take that! LOL. Shoting-out is my way of saying Thank You! Acknowledging those who support, help, uplift, and understand me! On my journey of life. Without some of these people inspiring, motivating, and helping me see things...I wouldn't be able to do this.

Shot outs to: Valentino! Alright!, Marz and all like that, Fred, Jeff and Sam. Yes big ups ot the new man on the block, Clay, who has a nice blog over there on the eastcoast, check him out...I'm sure an interview is brewing with his cute self...hmmm....

So the boy from Wendy's hasn't called me, I am over that particular session now, setting my eye on something new, manly, and able to handle all of me in my rotundness, alright? Big ups to....for holdin' me down.

So why did my uncle have me on high alert tellin' me Mark was dead and all like that. I canceled my book tour dates waiting on a positive ID from the coroner all last week, coming to find out it wasn't him.

Sunday is usually my day for catching up on work, recouping from hangovers from my social outings with other socialites and aristocats. I've been trying to get this second book done, finish my book dates, balance my personal life, get this pre-production stuff for my reality show done, and work on a few side projects, when my doorbell rings. See I am not one for answering doorbells unannounced. It's either, someone you've been avoiding, an angry ex, an angry blogger, the paparrazi, the Jehovas Witness or some crackhead asking to wash your car for 5.00 (Yes I still live in the hood, that big royalty check ain't came yet.) It was my cousin who's been M.O.P. (Missing On Parole) for the last 4 days...you know the one who we thought was dead.

When I got up and answered the door I realized that, yes my life, is in all of it's glory, haze, and inebriation, is an illusion. And that if these people don't stop sending me through crazed dramatic DynastyKrystleCarrington-Esque episodes my life will end, but yes, I live for all of this stuff, and like Fred said, I do "Lead an interesting life."

I stood there and asked him "Where the Fuck?" Had he been and what was he thinking running off like that? I told him I worried I was, concerned and hoped that he hadn't returned to homosexual heaven. Because if he had went back I wasn't sending a card, note, or semblance of good news. I wasn't even visiting, once was all you were getting from me. Hmmm...

He apologized, but my best-friend/assistant Erika told me where he was, and he confirmed when he said "I was only getting some pussy!" Damn can I get dick for 4 consecutive days? Nevertheless, we went to see Four Brothers tonight, which was a good movie and we had a drink and finished catching up on our lives as they happen.

My weekend was phenomenal. Friday night I went and saw my homegirl, Joi perform at the Temple Bar in Santa Monica! She was off the hook as usual. Saturday Fred Smith and I convened at the Black Men's Health Conference held at the U.S.C. Davidson Conference Center, hosted by In The Meantime Men's Group. Fred and I did signings with their group earlier this summer. We also signed a few books over the weekend. I was also able to meet Herndon Davis, author/activist and T.V. host., Dr. David Malebranche, who is an expert on HIV and AIDS and mingle with a number of successful, positive, Gay, Black, Men. It was such a great event. Jeffrey thank you for having me and Fred!

So yes...Today I learned that trouble don't last always...it last just long enough for you to realize that you're strong enough to endure the temporary anguish that it causes...temporary.

Day 21: Honor Others With Forgiveness
I am now ready and willing to receive the perfecting presence of Spirit in my live.
I now open my mind and heart to the divine understanding of spirit.
Now I FORGIVE myself for every thought, word, and deed I have embraced or undertaken that has kept me from the realization of the truth about myself, and the perfect unfolding of the divine plan for my life. I am now ready and willing to receive the perfecting presence of Spirit in my life. I now open my mind and heart to the divine understanding of spirit. I now FORGIVE everyone for every though, word, and deed they have embraced or undertaken that has kept THEM for the realization of the truth about themselves and me, and the perfect unfolding of the divine plans for our lives.
I FORGIVE all! I release all! I am now free from all except the perfect and divine plan and purpose for me life!
For this I am grateful!
And So it is!


Let Us All Remember...

God has always forgiven us
We can FORGIVE ourselves.
To FORGIVE is to be free.
Being angry or hurt will not get me what I want.What I withhold from another will be withheld from me.

until tomorrow friends! I love what I do for you! And I won't know you're here unless you tell me! 15 minutes will never hold me in...and I am bigger than the closet!

8.12.2005

Infatuated In Love

All I do is think of you, so I know that I've got a love jones.
Every time I think about you, I know I Gotta Getcha, but I gotta breathe...please.
I want you so bad, I want you to Rain down on me like Coko said to do, but I know it's just me being Weak.

When I first met you I found myself Speechless like Beyonce but we're just Ordinary People, but for some strange reason I know you like Janet and You Want This. But I am thinking about Fantasia and I know I ain't gonna beg you.

You seem like the type of person that would fill me up like Fire & Desire and get me Moist. When You smile I imagine that can't nobody do me Like U, and I could be right cause it sure is Funny How Time Flies When You're Havin Fun.

You remind me of Maruques Houston and I damn sho wanna get you Naked, Would You Mind?
We can have Anatomy 1 on 1 as we venture off into Bump N' Grind land and exchange Tender Kisses...

Wake UP TRENT!!!

It was only yesterday that I was having the worst day of my life and I was driving through the Wendy's drive through and his eyes met mine. They spoke a language of simple sweet statements that sent a warm rush through my veins...I was on it. Just like I was on that number 4 with the Biggie Fry & The Biggie drink.

He was light skinned. With a brush of blemishes from his encounter with acne. He was pleasant and courteous over the speaker, but when I drove up, his smile shined liked the ocean waves being graced by the golden sun. I could tell that he was into me, but I was too pre-occupied with my Uncle telling me that my cousin was a wrap I couldn't stay and luxuriate in his drive through banter as he asked me for my money and handed me my change, I was mesmerized by his vibe, I drove off.

I though to myself I am cute. But was it the Range Rover that got the attention, or was it just me? I am sure it was just me since my car hasn't been washed in months...was he imaging being a passenger in my car or the leading man in my movie of life...whatever it was I didn't know because I drove off.

As I canceled my dates for the week and process the information of devastation in the midst of all that the young man in the drive through was on my mind...strong. Was he thinking about me? Was I on his mind? Was? If? Should? Would? But I drove off.

I knew that I had to do something about this. I woke up Thursday morning and I had a plan. Get what I want. I woke up got a fresh trim, a nice shave, and put on the crisp cleaned clothes from the plastic.

I made myself familiar with the route of the Wendy's right off the 405 freeway at La Tiejera close to the airport. I hawked through the windows like an eagle on prey, and there he was back turned to the parking lot.

I parked my car and walked in with my swagger of suave and got in line. He turned around and he saw me. Our eyes locked, and the same intense heat I felt before was relived again through meeting number two: The Arrival.

He dropped the fry's he was trying to place in that white paper bag. He walked to the back in school girl giddy embarrassment-but reemerged interested and just as crafty as me. He told the girl on the register that they needed her in the back, while he clearly had his headset for the drive through on...and promptly took his place in the register that stood in front of me...

"Didn't you come through the drive through yesterday?" He asked as I screamed out yes in excitement in my head and let out a non-choloant "yeah" right to him.

"Let me have a fruit punch, medium please," I asked. He looked at me like Nigga is that it? I know you came to look at my pretty sexy ass, just ask for the number and quit playin games.

He charged me for a small. And I knew that he, just like I was on it. I already had my number written out on a piece of paper-but then his co-worker swooped up just as I was getting ready to pass him my number. But I already had my Fruit Punch, and I walked off. But as soon as the co-worker stepped I slid my number on the counter, I gave him that look, and he smiled. I got back in my car, and for the first time, non-intoxicated, I gave a dude my number. For the first time, I stepped to someone.

Now why the fuck hasn't he called me? I know his muthafuckin ass thinks I am cute? LOL. Who invented this damn waiting game grace period for the initial phone call? Fuck that...I need this feeling to end, now!

8.11.2005

A Moment In Time

I think that my life is an illusion.

But life itself is an illusion. Things never seem as they are. There always seems to be a back story, or something beneath the surface, something like a microscopic nuisance that pics away at the pure essence of life.

For every good moment, there is a life changing experience. For every life changing experience there is a challenge. My illusion: Tuesday's death; him coming home.

My world has once again stopped and I am forced to think about that moment in time where everything was right, reminiscing on the good times that we shared-my life complete. Just when my family was coming together, seemingly, it turned once again for the worst. And now, in the worst kind of way, I am throwing my hands up in defeat, not caring about what happens next.

When I got the phone call about Tuesday dying that night, the first thing that popped in my mind was what did her husband have to do with her dying. I don't know why I thought that. I don't know why it came to me, but I am so intuitive it's scary. The week before Tuesday died I woke up out of a bad dream. My dreams are vivid. They are realistic. So realistic I can smell the scent, I can touch items and remember what they felt like, and the irony of all of this is that all of my dreams come true.

The week before she died I had a dream. I had on my Charcoal gray slacks, my white/navy blue stripped button down shirt, my wool jacket and a matching scarf. I was at a funeral. The casket was off to the right of where everyone was sitting. I couldn't see faces, I was in the same spot I sat in at Tuesdays funeral. I woke myself up because I didn't want to know what was going to happen. But as soon as I sat down that day, in the chapel, I knew exactly where I was and I knew that I had only dreamt about this the week before...

Yesterday I got the worst news of my life. For the last 6 months I've been under the illusion that Tuesday died of a Sickle Cell induced heart attack. But I got a call from an anonymous source that told me to meet them at a particular location-because they had something that they couldn't hold in anymore. I met them, and to my surprise they had a letter written by Tuesday a week before she died.

In the letter she vividly described the disdain of her marriage, and how unhappy her life had become. She suspected her husband of 12 years of had been cheating-she was looking for a way out and that she was scared.

A week later, she was dead, no autopsy and cremated three days later. How about that for closure.

That was the worst news of the day...I canceled my book tour dates and my appearances. I am not in the mind frame to accept what I read, and to imagine for so long that she lived her last days being unhappy and scared. Knowing that, chills me to the core.

I thought about how she put her own goals aside for that man and her children-but she constantly drilled me to make a life for myself and in essence, not make the same mistake that she did. Now that I know what she meant by saying that to me over and over-I started to think about all of the other things that she told me and now the pieces of life are coming together in an eerily, demented way. I think that she wanted her life to be perfect for her children. Perfect in the sense that there were two parents in their household, unlike hers. She wanted them to be smart, and love each other, unlike she and her brother. She wanted them to understand family values and what it meant to have a family, unlike her family, and for that price, I am sure she paid her life-in more ways than one.

But that wasn't all that threw me off...After driving around today and contemplating my move to cut myself off from the world, I got a call from Marks dad. I knew right away that something was wrong-because not only was his tone off, but he hadn't called me personally since Mark had come home.

His father was very upset from the gate that Mark and me picked up our relationship, not missing a beat, right where it left off when we were teenagers. He even tried to deter Mark from hanging out with me to spend more time with him. His dad was paranoid that I would put Mark in the line of danger, and possibly get him caught up in a situation where he would violate his parole. I was offended-I am not a social misfit. I mean I talk shit, but I know when to hush up.

He was so adamant about him not hanging out at my house...Where he knew he would be safe, but he let him hang out with one of his friends from before he went to jail.

72 hours later Mark is gone from my life...Again.

Was this moment an illusion? Am I in a dream? Right when I thought that I was on my way to be complete, I was emptied, stopped dead in my tracks-just like the night that my father died, the day that my grandmother was murdered, the day that Tuesday died. The day I died. Today when I got that phone call...

I'm glad I got the moment to take a picture so I can relive our moments forever.

8.10.2005

Bombs Over BlogVille

Over the past week, I've allowed my space to become negative. I've allowed myself to become irritated, pissed off, and my fuck you rants and raves have become the norm for my blog. While most know that I am not really that way, I get irritated at things-and like most people I react by getting worked up over nothing.

I think the thing that bothered me the most over the past week was the fact that someone has enough time to worry about what me and my "blog friends" are doing...and then to target us because we support each other and we are somewhat close. This along with a few other behind the scenes drama, my now infamous "Shut Up Bitch" post caused more drama than I expected.

With that said, I wanted to dispel some rumors, talk to someone who was outside the "circle" and get some opinions on a few things. I had a chat with: The Black Gay Blogger!

Trent: So...I have so many things that I want to talk to you about. First I think that you are so iconic, especially since you are thee "Black Gay Blogger." How did you come up with that name and do you find it difficult living up to that name?

Black Gay Blogger: An icon? Geez, lol. That's rather lofty. Umm...doing the BGB thing came to me about two and a half years ago shortly after I graduated from college. I was like "I have an idea...and if I make the jump to do this, it could be something big...or something ugly." And at first, it was very ugly. But it's beginning to even out. I don't find it difficult to live up to it; I'm only the Black Gay Blogger when I'm online. Offline, I'm just a regular gay guy.

Trent: okay...a few things..."Something Ugly" what has that been, and what is it now? And "I'm the only black gay blogger, when I'm online?' Explain that. You know they like to twist things around. What does that mean. I am gay and black and a blogger. I am online now...

Black Gay Blogger: Offline, I'm actually a straight white housewife. 2.5 kids and minivan. Tuna casserole on Thursdays. Friday's are pork chop night. When I first started out, a lot of my posts were very...angry. The typical "niggas ain't shit" diatribe, you know? And folks who comment would be like "Damn, get a man already and stop bitchin'" or "you're too young to feel like that" And then there was the Black Gay Male Blogger List debacle...lawdamercy

Trent: You are too funny!!! Not a straight white housewife!!!?? Now lets backtrack a little bit...June 03, your debut blog, first post. You are blogging, releasing your anger talking about things that affect us all...why did you start blogging?

Black Gay Blogger: BGB is actually my fourth blog - I'm an old head; I've been writing about my experiences online since '98 back when I had a Geocities page in HS. I guess I started BGB because I felt I had something bigger to say other than my daily bread. And I've been trackin' crumbs ever since.

Trent: oh okay, well shit you are The Marquee Gay Black Blogger! Alright now...So did you ever think that blogging would ever catch on the way that it has? And what is your readership like?

Black Gay Blogger: LOL, You know...I kinda had an inkling this could be something big. I think about how the CB radio was big in the 70s...this was right along the same lines. Maybe not to the point where bloggers were making headlines and stuff, but I definitely felt like it would catch on. Everyone wants a soapbox from time to time to have their voice heard. My readership now is...hmm...it's varied. All different colors, straight and gay, male and female...there's no particular demographic.

Trent: numbers wise, like how many readers a day.

Black Gay Blogger: 5,051 unique hits today

Trent: yes! Do those numbers at all faze you?

Black Gay Blogger: It varies though - some months are better than others - the numbers have never been a big deal - I just love to write.

Trent: okay...you have to admit that it is a bit shocking or humbling? or something though. I know for me when I see like 900 or 1000 unique visitors or 300 returning visitors I am like, wow what have I done?

Black Gay Blogger: I've been doin' this for a while though, I think the thrill is gone

Trent: I guess after a while it would...you know what’s next right?

Black Gay Blogger: Umm...no. What?

Trent: word on the street is that you have beef with me and you have some things that you want to say?

Black Gay Blogger: What Street did you hear this word on? Assumption Avenue?

Trent: lol

Black Gay Blogger: I don't even know you to not like you, you know?

Trent: CAN I BORROW THAT?

Black Gay Blogger: LOL - you can have that one

Trent: so. What do you make of this blog war, seasoned vs. new? That I have seemed to have take part in, if not "create"

Black Gay Blogger: LOL @ blog war - now how honest can I be?

Trent: very, brutal if you have to be

Black Gay Blogger: I don't think any one blogger created the so-called "blog war” I think was a gang of mufukkas.

Trent: name them

Black Gay Blogger: You trynna get me shot?

Trent: off record

Black Gay Blogger: Naw, let it be on the record

Trent: no…off record

Black Gay Blogger: Now this is just from my observation...You know how they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions?

Trent: yes

Black Gay Blogger: Those good intentions are probably what inadvertently sparked this

Trent: okay...

Black Gay Blogger: Because there was (and still is) a lot of tight-knit support among some of the newer bloggers: you, Smiley, no4real and some others come to mind And then Frank came with his post about HIV, which was a veritable powder keg

Trent: okay...now let me ask you this. One with logic could easily see that there was a little tension between you and he, even in the comment box. But even before all of that you made a comment about "The BlogWorld," You said, "How can you have a faux black gay blogger reality show without the gay black blogger..." Which was directly pointed at me, Frank and Larry...people could have misinterpreted that as taking a shot at the three of us...what did that comment mean…

Black Gay Blogger: LOL…that was just a little rib

Trent: okay...were you mad about it?

Black Gay Blogger: LOL - It was just a joke when I made mention of it on my blog, then all of a sudden there was this "tension" and I'm like...where is this coming from?

Trent: yes...fags are messy. Just like when I made my "Shut Up Bitch" post...if you've heard the song you'd understand what I was talking about.

Black Gay Blogger: Yeah, but when you start cursing other folks, it's hard not to take it out of context, you know? It's a fault of the medium. That's why further dialogue is important to clear up anything.

Trent: I actually made fun of things that were said about me-in places of public opinion. People will have their opinions about me and other bloggers, but I know who I am. But the funny part is that I was talking about, exactly what they did-run their mouths. And they just showed me how much I an evoke a reaction...I already told you about your line-there was no pun intended...it got a little heated, but I didn't mean to hurt anyone...so who are your blog friends? Oh I'm sorry blog and friend should never go in the same sentence, since the "Pussy Posse" is a target and we're so "seemingly tight" with one another.

Black Gay Blogger: Oh lord...

Trent: Well, I am just stating fact not opinion. What bloggers are you associated with, like your version of the black gay bloggers?

Black Gay Blogger: My version? Aren't we all black gay bloggers? Well...all of us who are black and gay...and blog…

Trent: well Karsh, there is a clear division between our "groups.” My intention of this chat was to squash this invisible, yet visible line of division between the old and the new. I mean I am "friends" with No4real, Stone, Frank, Larry, and Valentino, people like that.

Black Gay Blogger: So in other words, who are the bloggers I associate with, right?

Trent: yes

Black Gay Blogger: There we go

Trent: where are we going?

Black Gay Blogger: Well, I talk with Tony of Phillybred a lot

Trent: yes, I think he's a cute guy...who else or did they tell you not to talk to me?

Black Gay Blogger: Shhh...I have to follow my directives

Trent: I know, I can tell I mean am well aware that the members in your Klan don't like me so it is what it is...

Black Gay Blogger: Perhaps, but that's their business

Trent: but see it's not, because it's public. Now everyone is involved...

Black Gay Blogger: Everyone?

Trent: well, you know what I mean, it's public knowledge. My question is your "clique" isn't really different from mine-so to speak, so why do they have to target us, but it's okay for you guys to support each other, but when we (Stone, Frank, No4real...etc) we have to be a Pussy Posse. It was cute, but it was burnt the fuck out.

Black Gay Blogger: Oh dear...I'm gonna have to pray on that one because I don't have the answer, age, maybe?

Trent: but you and I are the same age, I am in your age group

Black Gay Blogger: Yeah, but we don't have beef now, do we?
Trent: so it's really no different. No you and I don’t

Black Gay Blogger: See! Problem solved.

Trent: you and I don't but your posse does and that could be a problem-lol

Black Gay Blogger: My gang...my clique...my entourage...so long as I get to be Ari Gold...

Trent: except you're the gay black blogger. The Marquee of the whole dip set...So let me ask you this. Because it has become an issue, it has gotten out of hand. We have all played a part-how can we all of us, the gay black bloggers, not really call a truce, but respect each other for what we have to brink to the table?

Black Gay Blogger: Maybe by checking our egos at the door.

Trent: and how do we go about doing that? I mean I know I come across as having one of the biggest egos, but I've always known that it's not about me. I think that we really recognize that we all bring something different to the table and we should really respect each other for our difference and experience. We are all black, we're all gay, we're all damaged, we all have baggage-we're no better than anyone. If anything we have so much in fuckin' common we should really be bound. But being black and gay encompasses so much shit...I truly believe there is a way to all "get along" and respect one another. And the only way to truly do that is through dialogue and discussion. I am guilty of being messy, and starting shit with other people, but as you said about the good intentions thing...I do it to provoke thought, not really to start shit.

Black Gay Blogger: But I'm sure the provoking thought only comes after the shit's been started. Then it's kind of useless.

Trent: I think you should look at it again Karsh, especially if or when people call me out first...

Black Gay Blogger: The "it" being...how to come together as one? Well respect is earned- it's not an automatic thing, you know?

Trent: true...very true. But there are so many dynamics...I think we stop feeling so threatened by each other then we can start.

Black Gay Blogger: Threatened...how? Elaborate on that.

Trent: well there is this competing thing going on. Like one is better than someone.

Black Gay Blogger: I sense that too.

Trent: and it's not really like that. And "frankly speaking," just because I have a book out, or Frank and Larry are working on PhDs doesn't mean we are better than anyone

Black Gay Blogger: I agree.

Trent: and people are threatened by that even jealous

Black Gay Blogger: Hmm.

Trent: and that’s stupid-because just using those examples I know that Frank and Larry both are getting that education to recycle back within the gay black community-I write because I know the pain that I felt growing up and other things that I've experienced. I write to let other people know that they aren't the only ones and how they can get over shit...and for some reason people like to use that against us...I even understand that you have a lot of great things going on about you...

Black Gay Blogger: Me?

Trent: that a few of us don't know about...like I heard that you were a child prodigy of the sort.

Black Gay Blogger: One in English with a minor in French and one in Math with a concentration in statistics and a minor in Comp Sci/Telecommunications

Trent: Polished...see what I mean. And they don't feel threatened by you. You can tell me what X+2 is

Black Gay Blogger: I don't see why anyone should feel threatened by me - I'm a pretty easy-going fellow

Trent: YES YOU ARE - but then there’s me

Black Gay Blogger: And we're both Pisces

Trent: and that says a lot, but my point to saying that people should stop making themselves feel inferior or less than because of what someone else is doing and then starting shit with them because of their insecurity. I mean that’s why they make a billion of everything, whatever happened to believing they could do whatever they put their minds to?

Black Gay Blogger: That notion still exists. Humility, on the other hand, seems to be in short supply.

Trent: so how do we go about replenishing the supply?

Black Gay Blogger: Checking the ego at the door. If you're an accomplished person, that stuff shows through regardless - making mention of it a lot just seems...well, it seems silly. And it comes off as pompous. I used to run in a lot of circles of folks like that coming up through school, and in the long run, they were only impressing themselves, not anyone else, you know?

Trent: yes...okay...taking notes. So you mentioned the whole HIV post that we really didn't discuss. It made a lot of people feel uncomfortable, and it was a catalyst to some of the negativity that was already lingering-how did you feel about the post? Why do you think Frank takes so much heat? And why we, ask black gay men, so divisive on issues that affect all of us?

Black Gay Blogger: LOL - and here I thought I'd get the easy questions

Trent: what are you trying to say?

Black Gay Blogger: I'm just joshing' you. I think Frank's post was necessary; the tone was just wrong and a lot of people took it as accusatory. Some of the people he called out may already do lots of HIV prevention and don't feel a need to mention it at every turn. Some live with the disease. Is it really appropriate to point the finger and demand why they haven't made a blog post about it? It's kind of crass. I think Frank took a lot of heat for it because he dished it out, you know? You can't fire off something on a hot topic like that and not expect some negative backlash. ESPECIALLY when statistics are concerned.

Trent: Very true..and it turned into something ugly. I think he was just asking why he hadn't brought it up-we can bring up everything else, but I think a lot of people are scared to talk about it because they don't want to offend anyone. But I think I was one of the first to say I didn't buy the numbers that were being presented. I believed it was a bit far fetched...But he had every reason to post what he did…and I’ll say it again, he called no one out. He simply posed a question to us and you know the kids don’t like being put on the spot…

Black Gay Blogger: And the numbers aren't really farfetched...that's the reality of the situation. It just depends on how they are interpreted...and a lot of people didn't interpret them correctly. (And that's speaking with a background in statistics - lol)

Trent: okay-well help me, us understand the correct interpretation

Black Gay Blogger: Let me find the study - It was passed around that 46% of black gay men in NYC were considered HIV+

Trent: CONSIDERED?

Black Gay Blogger: I'm looking at the study - if not considered, then 46% were diagnosed as HIV+ But that 46% comes from a much larger sample - 1767 people in five big cities - and those people were surveyed from bars, clubs, street locations, etc. So while we know overall that HIV is an epidemic, the study does little to support what we already know. It's nothing to really put your finger on.

Trent: okay...what is your take on Trent Jackson?

Black Gay Blogger: Well I definitely see Trent as an act. A shock jock persona covering up a thoughtful person.

Trent: oh how dare you!

Black Gay Blogger: Well you said that yourself, n'est-ce pas?

Trent: I don't think I am covering him. I think people actually know he's there, I think they talk to him all the time, they just stupid shit that makes me act retarded...

Black Gay Blogger: They got pills for that now, you know.

Trent: are you administering them?

Black Gay Blogger: I ain't sharin'!

Trent: oh whatever...blogging is my therapy

Black Gay Blogger: The blog has been all "fuck you" and "kiss my ass" and stuff - but we all go through that

Trent: I am allowed my moments, fuck them!

Black Gay Blogger: LOL

Trent: anyway-me saying that is just like whatever, I am gonna be me. It's always the people who don’t have their shit together 1/10 as much as you do that want to try to tell you about you. And I am on some miss me with that type bullshit!

Black Gay Blogger: Do ya thang

Trent: so what else do you want to add?

Black Gay Blogger: Umm...I know there's gotta be something else you want to ask me. Don't hold back - this is supposed to be TRENT JACKSON. The Black Gay Wendy Williams, baby

Trent: LOL - see he started all of that. I'm not really like that. I just really wanted to do this interview to clear some things up. And to really make a statement that there was no beef, and to try to really set an example that people can follow. I think that there is nothing wrong with bloggers supporting each other, and so what if were friends, big deal.

Black Gay Blogger: There's no beef between me or any bloggers. The rest of y'all work that on out now, ya hear?

Trent: I think that a lot of people read what we have to say and it helps them in a lot of ways...and if we can bring more good vibes to the arena, then lets do that.

Black Gay Blogger: Hell, I'd invite anyone that had beef with me to just talk to me, and we'll straighten it out. And that's more of what needs to happen - dialogue

Trent: I think I say a lot of things that people take the wrong way-and they think that I mean that...when's not always true. I'm to blame for that. But there are only a few that can read between the lines, you're one of them

Black Gay Blogger: Hey, when you've been writing online for as long as I have and have lost friends, lovers and jobs over it, you learn to start taking things with a grain of salt.

Trent: I appreciate you. Thank you.

Black Gay Blogger: Thank you man

Trent: Alright Karsh, I thank you. I enjoyed the chat...and I am glad that we had this talk! And tell Bernard Bradshaw I said hello!

Black Gay Blogger: LOL - I will send him your regards

Trent: Have your answering machine call mine

Black Gay Blogger: Will do

Trent: although we need to talk in person...then I can get in your business without all of the mics and cameras.

Black Gay Blogger: LOL - I'm sure we can arrange that

Trent: Wait! How could have I forgotten....The Black Weblog Awards-what’s the update, why did you start them...and what can we expect on September 3rd?

Black Gay Blogger: Well, I started the BWAs because I got tired of seeing awards like the Bloggies and others pass by Black blogs and Black bloggers all the time. And I also wanted to help promote some Black blogs out there that others should know about, sort of bring everyone together for one common goal...it's been about a week and we have over 125 Black blogs and over 1000 ballots! On September 3rd, I'll announce the winners and if we have some sponsored prizes, I will announce those prizes per category before the winners are announced at the end of the awards, and all of the nominees will be posted in a huge Black Blogroll for others to see.

Trent: yes I love the idea! So who's in the lead? Or who’s been getting a lot of votes?

Black Gay Blogger: Can't give out that information - you'll have to wait until September 3rd

Trent: okay...thank you for that...I thank you for that! Don't be cheating either

Black Gay Blogger: I'm not - everything's on the up and up

Trent: I want a recount already!

Black Gay Blogger: I have three vote-checkers

8.09.2005

Oh Hell To Tha Nah!

I smoked a black with my cousin...I guess it was to commemorate our niggerish
ways...the hood in me felt compelled to luxuriate in the moment with him. I felt
16 again as we sat in my truck with the windows rolled up, sneakin' behind his
fathers back to smoke a black....puff...



So does Whitney Houston have everyone saying "Hell To Tha Nah," or "Oh Hell No," for everything that we oppose? I just wait till Thursday til I am able to turn to Bravo and be entertained by her and Bobbys niggerish antics. I love them so much.

Alright! What the day will bring. Shot out to all of the east coast readers! Yall show me so much love! I appreciate it!!

So yesterday, along with my mother, and cousin (that just got paroled, his name is Mark) took Tuesdays kids (Wait, isn't Tuesdays Kids' the perfect wannabe black version of Jerry's Kids? lol)to Knott's Berry Farm. Talk about a wore the fuck out! I mean I am in my early 20's I should be able to manage a roller coaster. And I must have got off one of them rollercoasters with a neck and back ache so muthafuckin' tuff, you would have thought that I was an old paraplegic fag wheelin' around smellin' like BenGay or whatever that old people ointment smell is. It sure isn't a Balm in Gilead.

The Kids had fun-and I am more grateful everyday that spent more time with them! They are so beautiful to me, and they look just like their mother....brings a tear to my eye.

But where ever there is happiness and joy here comes the bullshit, courtesy of Dr. Bad Vibes. In this case, my aunt, health-guru, aunty, Ann, who Tuesday and I called Sybil. You remember Sybil, that crazy bitch who had all of the personalities...is a mess.

So let me give you the run down. My mother took a nasty fall at work back in April. Coming to find out, my mother has a rare bone disease that is eating away at her hips and she won't be able to walk within 2 years. So...I'm dealing with that on the side. She's been off of work and back and forth to the doctor and all like that since April. We were originally suppose to take the kids to Knott's on Friday, but since my mothers appointment lasted all day-that was a wrap. Ann knew that the kids were coming since forever.

I asked her did she want to do anything special, she said she didn't know her schedule-so no would be the final answer. I told her that I was going to have a Fish Fry (this past Sunday) for dinner and to come and blah blah blah. Fast forward to Saturday she calls. She's on some, well how was Knotts? I told her we didn't go, yade yada yada. She was like, well I know you and your mother are keeping the kids away from me on purpose. News flash bitch! What is you talkin about?

Let me give you the back story on Sybil-she and my mom have a little tension just like everyone else in the family. They aren't close. This Blog, will give you the overview of the family dynamic. So since I am closer to the children than she, and they hadn't been over to visit their aunt, she blamed it on me, after she conveniently made herself unavailable she want's to have one of her melodramatic, lithium induced-hazed, delirium based episodes in which she tries to make herself seem like the helpless victim while my mother and I play the antagonist of the story, while getting ready to reach the climatic point were I curse her ass out and make her feel as big as a pinhole on a bulletin board. So Sybil in a nut shell, she is bored with her own life and she has to start shit and projects in everyone else's life so she can feel some type of self worth. Paranoid ass bitch. I mean I feel bad for her, but damn, I have enough of Tarrance's and Trent's problems to deal with in my own head to add to the mix...

So back to the main story....(wrapping it up) As per the conversation, she brought up the fact that I wasn't going to have time to "Have a Fish Fry," since I was going to get Mark from jail. I am like damn bitch, where are you getting your info?(Mark's dad, and Sybil don't really fool with each other, so...) so after a brief exchange of words, I understand that Mark's step mom tells her, and blah blah. So Sybil makes it a point to halt my Fish Fry by saying "I know you're trying to keep me away from the kids, but thats not gonna work see! I am spending time with them..." She knew what she was doing, she knew I was gonna give her what she wanted so she can shut her mouth...I did just cause I am not naturally a bitch (like some of you all think) I try to be diplomatic whenever I can but shit! So the Fish Fry didn't happen, I spent some time with my cousin. But...she knew that I was taking the kids to Knotts on Monday instead. So check this shit out.

At the last minute, this bitch is blowin up my office phone, cell phone, house phone, car phone doin extras. "I have some tickets to the King Tut exhibit and I told Kwame I would take him." Bitch I don't know why you told him that especially when you know that I was gonna have the kids on Monday. So long story short, this bitch tried to cock block and get me to leave Knotts at 6 to drive the kids (one of them mind you) 45 minutes in rush hour traffic back to my house so she can have Kwame to take him to see the mummy. But wait did you get the tea? Bitch what makes you think you have the privy to dictate my actions..."Knotts doesn't take all day." Well the last time I checked bitch you stay at the amusement park all day right? I for damn sure am not about to drive 40 miles at 2.98 cents per premium gallon at 33 gallons to accommodate you. And question Miss. Sybil, when did you get these tickets? That exhibit has been sold out for months now...what stunt are you really trying to pull?

Bottom line was uncle Trent was having his moment, and you get back to me days or hours in advance if you have a planned activity since you were conveiniently unavailable in the planning process before they got here mess. Anywho...that was my day. They didn't go, and she left some ugly ass voicemails that she'll regret later on in life...

That was my drama for the day. Between her, my mammy, and Marks dad they work my reserve nerves. Growing up in the same house, products from the same coochie and dick is a muthafucka. Family I tell you!

Anyway, I am preparing for my Book Tour Stop this week, as well as a secret surprise that is going to rock and shock some of yall! And get use to the family drama! It will be so much more if it...I need to devise a plan to tell Mark I suck penis! HELP!!! LOL. He keeps asking me why I am going to Atlanta and traveling so much....I wrote a book about being a fag...duh! But no....We're making up so much loss time, I know he's got to be wondering where my girlfriend is and all of that...Yes even I have issues with coming out to the Klan I ain't perfeck! Although no one ever said I was...

Peace, Blessings, Incense & Candles.