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8.09.2005

Majestic? Not Manic...Monday?

First I want to give my shot out to Tuesday Rogers. My sister who I lost on January 4, 2005. Today would have been her 35th Birthday! You were truly a blessing to our family-and it's such a great blessing to see your children bear your positivity and sustenance of light. May you shine on forever in my heart, my dreams, and may you forever live through your guidance and lessons...I love you girl! Eternally at peace
Happy Monday to all of my readers! I love you so much! Shot Outs to: Ricky, Marz, Stone, Shawn-Taquan, Shawn...alright! All of my silent readers in the building! I see you too. Thank you to all of the 35 people that bought my book over the past week! I appreciate it-and I hope you are enjoying what I give! (and if I get one more fuckin' paper cut...)

My anxiety had been building up for months around the date of August 7th. The Day that my cousin would be released from jail. My adventure began with no sleep, and the ringing of the phone at 3 a.m. by my uncle to let me know that he was at my house so I could accompany him on his three hour trek to pick up my new parolee cousin, who is just a month younger than I.

The car ride was similar to that of the one we did in March. Quiet, saying a few words here and there. We actually got lost on the way there, thanks to my uncles typical mans direction, not wanting to ask for none of the white hillbillies for help...I am into following the north star and all like that or maybe I am just use to the convenience of AAA on speed dial...
Whatever it was we got there, and on time. We signed in and before no time, there he was. My cousin who acted out just to get attention, which led him to this situation that led us here today. My cousin who I roller-skated with every Sunday in my turbulent childhood. My cousin who had gained weight (that prison muscle build) since my last visit with him behind the glass...I see I had to take him to the mall today and get him some proactiv because that water let his face have it! I was glad to see my cousin. I gave him a hug and we didn't break for about a minute. Our embrace made up and broke the ice for 8 years of loss time. We had somehow (because of our parents) missed out on the most important parts of our young lives. High School Graduation, Prom, and all of that bullcrap.

I felt complete. My cousin one of the people that I missed the most was standing right in front of me, looking at me dead in the face…I would never thought that this day would come where we would and could be finally in control of our relationship. For now we are grown and we can rectify our parents mistakes by breaking the chain and becoming productive, supportive, positive adults, together, something our parents failed at.

Our car ride was full of questions of jail life, survival tactics, and all like that. But me being me, I was wondering if the homosexual nature was rampant in there like people think, it’s too soon for me to inquire anything like that because I am still trying to break the news to him that I am gay…

We got home and we spent a few minutes with our family…but immediately we had plans to go to the
Beverly Center, and blow money and do the things that we were deprived of doing as we were growing up. We had fun, sitting over drinks, talking about our future plans and how much he wanted to change his life for the better. I think this had all to do with knowing that I was back in his life and there were people there to support him and challenge him to be better…I cared. And it was evident that he was glad to be to give apart of himself back to me.

My family life is something that always plagues me. I am a product of a nasty cycle of embedded dysfunctionalism. And I am starting to realize the chains that I have already broken.

I am enjoying my time with Tuesday’s children. I am glad my cousin is home and he is able to reconnect with the people that are important to his existence.

I am glad that my prayers are always answered right on time. Today I feel complete-my life with my family is getting better, and in the process I am becoming a better person.

Day 14: Honor Yourself with Freedom.

Today, I will remember how powerful I am.
Today, I will remember that I am protected, guided, and illuminated by the divine presence in my being.
Today, I will remember the number of times I have been sheltered from the storm.
Today, I will remember that I have been forgiven when I was unable or unwilling to forgive myself.
Today, I will thank the dive for mercy, grace, and goodness that give me the FREEDOM to be and grow and live the glory of my divinity.
For This I am grateful!
And so it is!


Let’s Remember

God’s grace is Freedom.
God’s perfect and divine plan for my life will set me free.
Freedom is my diving birthright.
Freedom is a state of mind.
I am always free to choose.
My free will is the foundation of my freedom
I am free to ask for what I want.
Freedom is an experience that money cannot buy.
I love what I do for you....I won't know you're here unless you tell me!

2 comments:

Chosen Brotha said...

Aww...that's sweet. Here's to rebuilding bridges! Hope everything works out with the cuz.

Jamal K. Franklin said...

Mr. Jackson,

Thanks for giving us yet another perspective into who you are. It's refreshing! Thanks for the advice too...it's good for us to honor ourselves with freedom. What's ironic is that if we don't do it ourselves, no one else will.

Coming Into Reality,
-Jamal