Monday August 1, 2005! Are you serious? Why has this year gone by too fast?
How y’all doin'? Is imitation really the best form of flattery? I think not!
Shot Outs to: Stone. Alright for that interview! A mess he is!! But I love him he's another semblance of a positive, progressive, balanced, all-inclusive (that hotel brochure word) black gay man. And he so calmed me down during my moment last night! I appreciate that!! That accent just having me want to lube my booty up and play with myself...shot outs to all of my silent readers all over-I appreciate you! Especially you Marz! ShawnTaQuan, Valentino, Larry Lyons...and all like that.
Damn I feel dirty. I sucked his Johnson and let him eat my ass like the Filet Mignon I cooked for him at 3:00 a.m., before he dumped me last summer. I finally got to use that Mint Tingle condom which wasn't even all or none of that. I liked the taste, but it dripped with mint jizz which got in the way of things...it didn't really cover up the latex condom taste...maybe they did that in order to simulate nut in yo mouf...who knows?
I didn't even enjoy the act. And I know I can suck dick better than that Superhead bitch (whose book I just finished reading...review soon to follow) I'll just stick to my strawberry flavored lifestyle regimen until the next episode. My impromptu dick sucking session was just that...EX. It wasn't makeup sex or anything like that. I felt dirty. Like my standards of morality were reduced to the simplicity of 1+1 and it = the compromising of self to please my flesh. I've got to have more control than this. I don't want to have sex again until I am involved.... but there is always a couple of exceptions, like Stone and (Your Name Goes Here). Sex is so overrated and so are men...I am just going to have a healthy masturbation life. You can't win for loosing, but there is always that other 1%.
One thing I love about my blog is my ability to connect with you the reader. I've been getting emails from readers, especially after my little interview with Smiling. A lot of people seem to be upset that Trent Jackson isn't my real name and some how feel deceived...now everyone wants to know the "real" Trent. Some of you tactless bastards have been blocked from my email...however Anthony D. (How You doin'?) sent me an email that I don't mind answering. And I wanted to publicly do it...not only because they are great questions but closing this chapter of curiosity.
Question: who is the real person behind the persona of Trent Jackson?
Answer: First off Trent Jackson is real, lets get that straight. Trent Jackson is my extreme side. He just has a name. Trent and the real me are one in the same. Except the real me is very shy, refined, mellow, I am a homebody. I live in a shell. Trent Jackson is the social one, the one making everyone laugh-all of that. The real me, is into harmony, he is has a strong naiveté (in a lot of ways) he sees everyone as good, no one can do bad... He wants everything to be right; he wants to live life without conflict. He wants his family to be unified. He wants everyone to be loved and accepted for their own unique difference. He wants to be loved.
Question:How much of you is really Trent and how much of this is persona that you present to fans?
Answer:I hate these damn questions because they really overlap. Um. Like I said Trent Jackson is my extreme side. We think alike. We are both real, in the sense of keeping it real. The real me is a lot more tactful, Trent just goes for the shock cut value while thinking about it later. Trent is definitely my id, he is Who I am unedited. Lemme give you a lil' history tho. Trent Jackson, was born in my dorm room, in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, at Southern University, Jones Hall, Suite 212D on March 7, 2001. Trent Jackson was made for two reasons, one, because I was an aspiring TV Journalist and all of them hoes had fake names and two in order for me to be successful and social I needed to put forth the persona of a fearless, rebel who was able to be gentle and affectionate while being charismatic, funny, serious, bitchy yet effective; so the scared fat little kid who felt ugly, unworthy, cursed, numb, void, stupid, and rejected could be sleep. Taking his place: Trent Jackson, a man who was everything, the real me wanted to be-who I am now: Confident, attractive, sexy, independent, focused, smart, balanced, creative, successful and wanted. It's funny how I created this alter ego that I bought into myself. I became him in front of everyone and behind closed doors. I tricked myself by becoming the person I always wanted him to be, that I discovered I always was-I just didn't know how to bring him out. The only thing is I gave him a name. I think Trent is way more flashy than Tarrance and don't think yall gonna start addressing me by my government name either. Only people in my circle have privy to that!
Question:Secondly this wild, crazy, zany don't take no prisoners style that you have has made you relevant and keeps you on par with the East Coast milieu of bloggers. But at the end of the day when Trent Jackson is alone by himself who and what lurks behind that image?
Answer:I am an extremely private person. There is so much shit that goes on behind my blog of openness that you don't know, like I am suing my former employer and I am in court every other day. Or that I am struggling to finish school because I moved back home to help my single mom raise my sister. I am grieving the death of my older sister, I have an uncle in the service who was in Iraq, I have a cousin in Jail for some bullshit...saying all of that to say that I think a lot. I am a worrier. I want to make things better for people so bad, because I don't want anyone to ever experience the tragedy and hurt that I've experienced in my short years of life. I get irritated a lot at the quality of men, but that’s another blog. Most of the people around me are close. I've been friends with them for years. And it's my family. I think the only "whats" or "things" that lurks behind my image is my wanting to be in love on an intimate level. To share my mind and heart with a person and the emptiness of me missing my father. My dad died when I was six and I think about him everyday. What my life would have been like had he not died? Would he and my mother would have been married? Would I be in this moment in time? Who was he? What motivated him? Did he think about me before he died? What did his laugh sound like? What was his favorite color? What was his favorite record? What did he aspire for me to be? Did he like football? Would he have loved me if I would have been gay? Did he love me? That’s what lurks behind me...
Question:You're interesting and different. Although I have much love for the black gay blogging community, I do detect that there seems to be a level of pretentiousness and a shallowness. The whole set is very much clique-ish. Will you be traveling to the East Coast to become a part of that sometimes shady incestuous clique or will you remain on the West Coast remaining original and doing your own damn thing?
Answer:Love the question and it's funny that you hone in on the subliminal hits that the other bloggers make. I love all of the bloggers, even the ones that I secretly hate and the ones that get on my reserve nerve! I will always be an individual, no matter where I go. I will never conform to anyone’s rules, I'll never kiss ass to be accepted by anyone, that’s first. I do plan on relocating to the Tri-state area very soon and we'll see what happens when I get there. I am not for everyone and I know that others feel threatened by my opinions, words, and my level of ingenuity-but that's their issue not mine. I don't feel apart of "their" world, and really could careless either way to be apart of it. If people can't respect me for what I bring to the mix, fuck it, fuck them. I already know who I am going to mesh with and who I will not tolerate. So there. But some of the east coast boys have preconceived notions about the west coast attitude-but that doesn't bother me because I've been known to be the exception to the rule, make and break my own molds, and blaze my own path. Furthermore, I am a memeber of my own club. I subscribe to my own magazines, I am a leader. I don't follow shit no one else does!So it really doesn't bother me because GOD has allowed me to be in my space and in this moment for a reason, no one can change that or take it away from me.
So there you have it-Live and Up close with Trent Jackson, join me again as I talk about The Confession of a Video Vixen, My Summer Reading, My Book Tour, Suicide and my Friday Finale! Sounds boring but...it's all tasteful like my Macaroni & Cheese. I can cook my ass off. My Aunt Jacky will tell you about New Years dinner!
I won't know you're here unless you tell me!
I love what I do for you!!