Me

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Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.

9.30.2005

Stupid...

What’s really hood?

Shot Outs To: Cash and nem, E, I feel the love, I feel the love…

I am going to need the whole city of Los Angeles not to smell like fire and brimstone when I know I live 45 minutes away from the fires. Los Angeles, uniquely, design is that of a basin, surrounded by mountains to the north, south, and the east, so all of the smoke settles in so we can breathe it all in and fuck up our lungs even more. I’ll be glad when this is all over…but this shit happens every year.

Yall know that I am really feelin’ Toni Braxton's new song, Stupid. Maybe it’s because I am stupid. I was stupid for loving him, I was stupid for actually thinking that it could have worked between us, all the nights he laid in my bed beside me, I was stupid for cooking filet mignon at 2 a.m. for his ass, and I was stupid for thinking he was in love with me. How could I be so stupid?

It’s been almost a year since the dumpation occurred in October. For a minute I thought that I could bounce back and be normal and not miss a beat, but because I was so comfortable being myself it threw me for a loop when I got dumped out of no where. It was so cold, all of a sudden, he stopped calling me, didn’t take my calls, he didn’t even come and get his shit from my house…and one night I went out and there he is in the club with a man in combat boots, a skirt, a wig, a 5 o’clock shadow and a brick face makeup job! I am so outdone…

Just when I think I am over him, here he comes sending emails, talking about he tried to call me but my numbers were changed, the people I use to talk to I don’t talk to anymore, etc. Says he saw me recently but he couldn’t catch me in time. He says I’m looking good (yeah because I am not with you and I am thinking about myself and my career these days) and he would like to see me…I think not. What happened to you calling me last October when you decided to dump me for a drag-queen. Anyway…enough of the black man single blues.

Why is it that you’re never enough for the long-term haul? Is it me or is it you too? We can talk, I can make you laugh, we can go out, we can kiss, we can hold hands sometimes, we might even show each others our johnsons, but right when it gets to that point, that point were it’s now or never, the point of no return; serious, the blacks wanna bail.

I’ve stopped looking; but then I meet someone else, and the same shit happens. I’m getting bored by myself…and damn you Toni for making such a good CD about Love and Relationships…

The last time I was really in love, really in love…I was the one that was scared. I’ve never told anyone this story either. I was in Burbank auditioning for this show, and there was a cute light-skinned cat in the lobby waiting for his appointment. He struck up a conversation, and I really liked his appeal, he was really cocky and arrogant…more than overly confident. It was such a turn on. His name was Brandon. I enjoyed him a lot…a whole lot.

He ended up being the closest person to my heart. He was a dancer so he was always gone, but he called me often and we would spend hours on the phone. We would spend time together when he came back to L.A. For some reason I wouldn’t give into him. I was just like no, no, no…

I never have known what would have been…we had a fight a few weeks before my 21st birthday, and I never got a chance to talk to him again. Brandon died the night of my 21st birthday on my way to my party to make up for the things that he had said to me…at his funeral his sister gave me the envelope that he had for me in the car that night. I opened it tonight; I’ve left it sealed for 3 ½ years…

All I can say is that I am stupid.


STUPID

9.29.2005

Composed

SO I was thinking, if I adopted, took on, or looked at certain aspects of my present life from a more optimistic standpoint I'd have a more positive outcome. Not to say that I am not a overtly negative (like some of you think...) but who doesn't have negative or ill feelings towards certain things?

This school situation. There is nothing I can do to change it, but approach it with a positive outlook. I should go in expecting to pass and gain knowledge that I didn't have before. This is one of my goals, to graduate college before I hit the 25 mark, I am a little more than half way there, so I should be able to do it...anyway, just thinking. This doesn't mean that I am about to start being nice to bitches that talk shit and go out of their way to be fucked up towards me...I am just looking at things that I have control over, and I don't have control over other people. Even if I was the nicest man (which sometimes I am) in the world, people's perceptions are still distorted...

Okay so the judge threw out the libel suit against, Trent Jackson Inc., Intricate Publications, NuWave Media LLC., and Trent Jackson this morning, just like I knew he would. There is nothing like a hungry blood sucking goon that comes after your coins, that's why I protect myself the way that I do. It just amazes me how people come out of the wood works with these accusations...saying how I depicted them in a negative light. I don't depict people inaccurately, only truthfully.

Shot Outs To: E, Quaheem and Cash.

Cash, Lil' Kim gets 4 1/2 mics, not 5. I take the points off for her two minutes worth of asnwering machine skits, although I do enjoy her impromptu and seemingly scripted chat with her sister at the end of track 21. I think my favorite track is "Kitty Box" it's so different from anything Kim has done before, and I think she really ventured outside herself on this album. I think anytime a person goes through something trying and stressful, they produce great work, this is an example of that. I think it's safe to say that this is one of her better CD's if not the best...

Toni Braxton is lovely! It's such a groove CD. However there are a few things I don't like. For instance I am gonna need her not to sample another Tupac track, or should I say The Crusaders, "Wildest Dreams". On "What's Good," I really can't take too much of it, because it's so Tupac. Then on "Finally" she "barrows" a few chords of "Heaven Only Knows," courtesy of miss Faith Evans. There were a couple of songs that I wanted Toni to take me there like she did on "Unbreak My Heart," but it never happened...instead she kept it mellow and showcased her ability to sing a song and not have to woo the listener over with fancy runs of vocal acrobats to prove that she can sing or to try to reassure her fans that she still has it. I enjoy the CD. My top three tracks are "Stupid," "Supposed To Be," and "Trippin." Both Kim and Toni are worth the purchase. I try not to support the download trend, because I am an artist and I don't want people bootlegging my book.

Was my post on shitting too much for the kids? I'm starting to think that it's not okay to have fun while on the crapper, fuck yall! Stay constipated if you want to. I embrace my healthy colon...

I'm tired...and my antics are coming to an end. But I'm feeling really competitive. Let's see what happens over the next 24 hours.

Thank you for allowing me to be apart of your world, if only for a moment...

9.28.2005

I Can't

The reason why I can't is because it is 3:08 a.m., and if it were a normal day I'd be getting up getting ready to go to work, so my body is like WTF?

But let me leave you with this as I go masturbate and go to sleep. I'll write this as a reminder on what I need to expand on tomorrow at 5 or something.

1. I think me and Alphonso are going to be boyfriends for real.
2. I have to be in court in like 5 hours, and I am so tired of these hoes trying to stick me for my paper.
3. I hate class.
4. 215 wasn't in my email box today and I am upset.
5. Yall hoes tried to front me on my post about defication.
6. Toni Braxton and Lil' Kim both have great CD's.
7. I gained 2 pounds and my surgeon says it isn't good.
8. My underarms itch.
9. My eyes burn
10. Tomorrow, later on today is going to be on hell of a day and one hell of a blog.
11. I got weak and went to nates house.

9.27.2005

Send It On...

What an interesting day this has been, I guess it’s like all of my other days. Even if nothing major happens, there is always something that highlights the day…

Shot Outs to: 215, I appreciate the time that we spend. Swimming Pool, how funny you are! My readers for being my drive to share my jargon with you Monday thru Friday! I appreciate you!

Don't front Toni Braxton today! 9.99 at Target and Best Buy. Don't front Lil' Kim, 9.99 at Target and Best Buy, yall betta put some money on that hoe books.

The beauty of friendship is like morning dew on a flower. It happens everyday, but is dried up by the sun, therefore we must take advantage of the moment while it is there…

I had an intervention tonight. I was on the phone with one of my friends from high school. We called one of our mutual friends who has bouts with depression, all too well. We were all talking and having fun; it’s been a minute since we’ve all talked on the phone. As people we all get caught up in our own lives. I’ve been working on my professional career, my friend just came back from an internship overseas, and she has been spending time with her new girlfriend…not to say that we didn’t have time for each other, but often times we get so caught up in our own moments everything takes a back burner to our own needs, as it should, but at what expense?

In mid conversation, she’s talking and then she just starts balling. My friend who lives up north laughed, not knowing if she was serious. I knew that she was, and I got silent for a minute, because she was at her breaking point. What got her to this point? Why did she get so fragile when she heard the three of us on the phone? I immediately hopped in my car and took the 6-minute drive to her house; I needed to get to the bottom of it.

She, like me is having her pre 25 stage. I feel the same way she does. I hate school, and I feel like that I haven’t done anything worthy in my life. Now before you say I’ve wrote a book and all of that, that really doesn’t mean anything to me, it should, but it doesn’t. I don’t look at it like that. I don’t have a degree, and if you stripped my talent away, what would I be? At least I would have a degree to sort of make who I am, but thank God for talent right? I think that the idea of stability bothers those who are creative. Bothers us in the sense that we want to be like everyone else, but knowing we can’t…

After sitting down talking for what seemed like forever I helped her with a few solutions to the problems, of school, working, etc. I gave her a few tips to balance all of that, while trying to be content with herself and not be lonely, in her apartment while her girlfriend is spending hours in the studio recording her debut CD…

Life is difficult, but we have to find the balance, and support to get through and find answers and solutions to the problems that perplex us too often…I am glad that I was able to be her Zoloft for the moment. Because one should never have to feel alone or abandoned when you’re going through something. I know what that feeling of emptiness is like, I know what it’s like to have no one understand you, and I know what happens when you get to that breaking point and you know that you’re better off dead than you are alive…and when you’re friends with me, you should never have to be to that point.

I think the pure essence of my day came today when I realized that shitting is so cathartic. I love shitting and I am most reflective while I am sitting on the toilet releasing the toxins of the day. But there is something about shitting in the corporate realm that makes me feel really uneasy, especially when you’re in that small confined space, being nosey. See sometimes I like to know who’s sitting next to me, you know you look down at the feet in the stall next to you, to see who it is, so you can look at them funny when you make eye contact in the lunchroom, and say in your head, “You know you shouldn’t be eating that, after you blew up the bathroom like that and had all of that gas…” I know I am crazy, but you know you be doing it too, and feeling self conscious when you have to go in there and put like 10 layers of tissue paper down and 5 layers of toilet tissue, and don’t let me have no hand sanitizer handy, I will squirt the toilet down and then layer.

See I like being naked when I shit. Even if the defecation process takes 5-7 minutes, I take an extra 10 just to sit there and enjoy the quiet time…and then I start getting ideas, or thinking how I am going to re-invent myself for the next book. Then I laugh at the other black fag writers who hate me for who I am and what I say, then I think about how wack they are because they spend so much time seeking my advice, reading my blog, and associating with my associates just to keep tabs on me. But I bet that you missed that I’ve already sold another 1,000 copies of my book dumb asses! (Snuk that one on u huh!) Let me lay this particular issue to rest…

On a lighter black writer note, Fred Smith, Brent Dorian Carpenter and myself will be filming an episode of The Herndon Davis Reports this week…I’ll let you know the air date, ironically, this is the same day that my show goes into production…

But take time to shit…never hold it in that could cause all kind of problems in your colon…

But wait! I am going to need D’Angelo not to fly through windows!! What is that about? Is this is wakeup call to stop smoking that shit? Anyway, he says he’s “Fine” and he’s ready to “record,” so I am sure he is gonna shut the shit down when he comes back out…

In the spirit of D’Angelo, lets Send It On…


Send It On

9.26.2005

Manic Monday Bitches!

Alright!!

How about a phenomenal weekend.

Shot Outs To: Jamal Franklin and his antics of an interview that he did with me! It was really cute, you made a nigga proud! Shawn-TaQuan, did you get my hot wheels? 215, Always a pleasure to see you in my inbox, and T, hmm…Erik Mehki is such a cute name.

Are those hoes not a mess? Desperate Housewives is too much, I can’t! Don’t ever have an anonymous person in the cellar at the bottom of the stairs feeding his ass a gourmet meal, butter included, on a silver tray with all of the fancy utensils. What was that about? It’s real interesting to see the blacks have the “crazy” drama on the show. How come they gotta be holding someone captive in the basement, that’s for the whites to do, I guess they couldn’t be too stereotypical, like have them murder someone or have Alfre Woodard all up in the spot pregnant by her someone other than her husband. I guess, I’ll be waiting next week…

I had a cute time with my family at the Barona Ranch Valley Resort & Casino over the weekend. We were celebrating my Uncle Marks and my mom’s birthday. She is turning 44 on Wednesday and he’ll be 50 on Thursday. I’m throwing them a surprise party Friday night…it’s gonna be fun.

Just please remind me to fly 2 hours away from home, next time. I am not really big on the road trips. My family is interesting to say the least. And my fresh out cousin Mark Jr., who likes to tell me about his all-night coochie eating sessions, is a mess. Talking about how he was high on X and all that. I am gonna have to tell him how I like to have cum shot on my face. LOL. ROFL…silly ass. What makes him think I want to hear about that? Anyway he lost about 400.00 on the crap table and I lost about 350.00. I came home with 10.00 LOL. Broke ass. That was enough for a fish box and a blunt. I was smart though. I put a block on my ATM card, so I wouldn’t be smokin (shooting dice or doubling down on the black jack table too much) up all the damn money. I just can’t wait until I go to NYC so I can hit up Atlantic City…

Why is Troop gonna be in concert on Friday? Why am I gonna be there?

I’m glad that for the most part all of the homosexual bloggers have been getting along. I’m glad. We’ve been leaving each other alone and staying away from the drama…that’s really good to experience…wow. How touching. I knew we could do it.

So I’ve ended my ties with Nate. I think it’s better for me to be single and remain that way until I can find someone who has my best interest at heart. I think at times as gay men we don’t want to be totally honest with ourselves. I think we always try to turn into what we know is gonna be a sex hookup into a relationship, and we know that ain’t gonna happen. Even though we talked and laid up with one another more than we swapped head, I knew that Nate was still trying to slide up in me, and he just didn’t understand that I’m not that type of guy. I want commitment, I want solidity, not some adam4adam-esque idea of what a relationship is suppose to be like, so no matter how I look at the situation, it wasn’t helpful to what I want and need to fit in my life right now.

I miss being in love. I miss, sharing myself intimately with someone. It’s almost been a year since I’ve been in a relationship, it’s been short and it’s been long…not rushing, and not patiently waiting either. So while I am thinking and reminiscing about what love is, what it use to be, and what it feels like, I’ll be thinking Take Me…(thanks Shawn…)


Take Me

9.23.2005

Laura Ingles...LOL

Let me tell you how excited I am! Finally my life can have more zest and return back to some type of normalcy. I urge you to watch, the white people are so interesting! And the thing I like about Desperate Housewives and the Lifetime Movie Network, it gives you a pass into the lives of the whites. Not like we care or anything like that, but it’s an accurate depiction of White Suburbia. I’m tellin’ you, watch, even if it’s just to say “Them white folks is a sho’ nuff mess!” Desperate Housewives does premiere on Sunday, you better be close with the Buffalo Wings & Special Occasion ranch. Alright…

Speaking of normalcy, Shot Outs To: 215, you’re great. Tha T to tha L to tha C. Shawn-TaQuan (how you doin’?), Stone and a special wink to Alvin…(damn he’s fine)

So yes, my life has been a complete wreck for the last few days and who gives a fuck?! More F and less U all right? Were all allotted our space, but hell, living with Trent isn’t easy.

Are we all, or is it just me, waiting on pins, needles, cracked eggshells, and hot coals waiting to read the final installment of Jamal K. Franklins, chat with Trent? He so jacked the interview from me, how dare he? Slimey Southerner…and where is he getting all these pictures of me from? That fool is doing some serious digging, I am glad he had enough decency to pick cute ones…I still get the feeling that the shit will hit the fan with this last little piece. Don’t get stepped to Jamal. And speaking of pictures, isn’t the socialite formally known as Frank Leon (hyphen over the whatever it is and all) Roberts letting us all have it with his new photos? He almost makes me want to play with my virgin coochie at night when we all know I am saving it for one of seven, and he’s not on the list. But the pictures are hot though, and I had to mention it.

I will be going into production on my reality show in 8 days, oh my word. What am I going to do? What am I going to wear? I’m glad I don’t have to worry about lines and scripts…but the shit is going to be funny, I can tell you that much, and yall hoes better watch it too, and buy the first season DVD. I ain’t playin! I’m gonna know. It just dawned on me that I told Jamal Franklin how much I weighed, how dare he? Make me give up info like that.

So…Babyfaces album, LaToya London’s Album….4 Days until Lil’ Kim and Toni Braxton. Why is RayJ’s CD better than Babyfaces?

I am almost coming back into my self, so with a family trip to the spa in San Diego, I’m sure to have some stories to tell.

But wait, why was I at the compound last night, and around 11:45 Miss. Laura Ingles Wilder decides she wants a chronic sack? I laughed for about 35.5 minutes that the white girl was in the hood-buying reefer. I also made up my mind to stop going over there and ceasing communication with the thugs…that brings unwarranted trouble into the realm. I mean here I am going through all this mental shit and I am playing Russian roulette with Lucifer and his spirits, give me a fuckin break Trent, you’ve got your whole career to live for scandal and legal woes, don’t start prematurely…you nest egg is still growing.

I would like to thank each and every one of my readers for all of your support and love despite my neurotic sometimes-psychotic breakdowns. Over the past week I felt like Mariah Carey: throwing plates all around, falling on them, I even felt I needed a Zoloft, when all I needed was to listen to the still voice in my head. The answers are always within.

Have a great weekend, and don’t do nothin’ I wouldn’t do…
That’s a cute idea though, get little rainbow bracelets made, W.W.T.D.?

Always suck dick with a strawberry flavored lifestyle unless you’re in love.
Take the nut on the face not in the mouth!

Holla Back Youngin!!

Oh yeah, Granola and Treadmills work, and fuck a fake bitch any day!



MP3 File

9.22.2005

Thinking To Myself

Living my life in the pursuit of happiness.

I wont bitch and moan about fake people, haters, the jealous, the bold, the beautiful, or the ugly, I’ll just accept the fact that it’s apart of life and there is really nothing that I can do it about it, but deal with it, build a bridge and get over it. I think I am actually growing up and learning that it’s okay to feel the way I do, and it’s normal for me to grow through this time and time again, although it seems as though I’ve been missing the point, but not really. It’s just realizing that the more you know the more things do really stay the same.

I really don't understand what gain people get from twisting the facts. It seems as if people have walked away from the truth and become comfortable with lies, I guess this is part of the challenge of blogging (or in life really…), there really isn't a set form of protocol, so people just believe they can do whatever they want that's too bad…I guess I am not really exempt from this either. However, I don’t feel that I’ve ever been malicious (wait…let me think…no I haven’t) It’s funny that people who are genuine have to encounter people who believe in distorting the truth for their own demented, delusional reasons. But at least I know that I've caused a rating to climb if nothing else. I have to be aware that pimping goes on all the time in the entertainment world and I wont take it personal. This is just another prime example of a hater and someone trying to ride on my coat tails, it will all become very apparent soon enough.

So I’ve been spending more time over at the compound, Nate’s house. And me dating the neighborhood refer man has some very perplexing situations if you will. I don’t know how I feel about continuing the charade, although Nathaniel is a very nice man. It’s so intriguing to me more than anything, the hood lyfe.

Not to say that I am better or anything like that, but I didn’t grow up in the hood. That isn’t my black experience. I can safely and honestly but humbly say that everyone in my family is blessed with a well paying job, and lives very comfortable lives. Although we have other issues jumping off (like the Kennedy family) I have never had a crackhead uncle or aunty, or anyone that’s so hood, they put the family to shame…so watching the life of Nate is so interesting to me…Somebody else’s life is always more interesting than yours.

So while on my visit, I was on my back, legs over the shoulders getting ate all the way out, when the doorbell rang. As I rolled my eyes and sighed like a ghetto girl named Shaneeqwah I knew that he had to get up and go do his transaction. So while waiting on him to come back and finish, it was taking longer than usual to exchange objects. So me being the investigative journalist that I am throw on my sweats and walk to the bathroom, knowing that I have to pass the living room to get to the bathroom. So as I am walking, and carefully motioning my body to not make any noise as if I am the thief in the night that Jesus talks about in the bible, my mind goes back to September 5, 2005 at 2:39. It was the cock-eyed nigga that robbed me that night. I didn’t make any sudden moves cause I didn’t want to do anything left but as soon as he closed the door.

“Pookie that’s the nigga that robbed me! The one I was telling you about!”

“Are you sure that’s him T?” He was all calm and.

“Nigga, I can’t miss that eye nowhere!”

He laughed for a minute and then pulled a gun from his waist and cocked it. I told him not to do anything stupid and haste that is gonna put you in a fucked up situation.

“We gotta get that nigga. I know where he lives, ol’ pussy ass nigga. That’s the nigga that you hit with the car, right?”

“Yeah Nate, I am telling you, that’s him!”

So as he calmed me down, and told me not to worry about it, he’d take care of it…I told him not to kill him, but set his ass up so I could be there to kick his ass like I wanted to that night. While Nate sat there and just plotted his downfall, I felt protected and relieved. And thought to myself, how I’ve always wanted a dude like Nate who was hella hood and could fight, just in case anyone fucked with me, just cus I was his dude. How hood was that. Just to be there in that moment of protection is something that I never felt before. And just to know that this feeling was only gonna last for so long was fine with me, because we are from two different worlds, and no matter how hard we try to keep it tight, it won’t happen, because day and night can’t and won’t ever co-exist.

I know there is some bigger plan for my life.

But I haven’t quite narrowed it down to the bare exposition quite yet. It lies somewhere in between a challenge of motivating others to be the best that they can be and entertaining people through their dramedy with my life stories & experiences.

How will I get there? I don’t know. Some days I’d like to think, I’m on some type of black brick, trimmed in Tiffany platinum road to oblivion-but the windy curvy road that always lies ahead in life, deters me from what I thought I knew. I can’t really be sure.

While trying to balance on the axis of life, I have to hurry and make a decision before my idea of the yellow brick road turns to ruin.

Thank You: 215, for being in my mind and understanding who I am on a raw level. I am looking forward to Tavern On The Green!




4 U 215

9.21.2005

Liberation Revisited

I like looking at myself in the mirror.
It's not out of vanity, conceit, or my own belief that I'm the finest fat boy that roams the earth.
But I am looking for someone I use to know.

Somewhere along the way, I lost myself trying to be what I wasn't, whether it was straight, skinny, dumb, happy, unskilled, or popular all trying to find a certain semblance of reality or what I interpret as a dream called life.

I hate to admit the fact, that I've allowed others to dilute mys true self. I've allowed their comments, opinions, and ideas of me to take refuge in my body and cause a virus to an already weak immunity from the build up of life, to take over and make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

I'm kind of tired of my pseudo celebrityism. I've lost the idea that my relationships "inside" are strictly business. I am my only friend. And even that goes out the window when you're being pulled and tugged in different directions. Situations, people and experiences slowly chip away at your sanity. They, it, slowly starts to break you down, your essence, your relationships-and I almost ask myself daily, is all of this worth it? The answer is yes, it's not too late to turn around and change my mind now. I've been chosen and I've already accepted the challenge.

So as I stand here and look at the thick roundness in my lips, my freshly shaven clear face. My deep set eyes and my curly hair, I wonder if I'll find what I am looking for.

And in imperfection, I realize, I'm looking at myself. For the reflection in the mirror is only projecting the image that it sees.

Me.

I always get clarity when I share myself with you, naked...and as you pack up for the winter, I'll be with you soon in the warmth of comfort.

9.19.2005

MANIC MUTHAFUCKIN MONDAY!!!

What’s really hood bitches?

OMG, so Alvin was here...gotta watch what I say! I don't want him to think I am crazier than what I really am.

How many of us have SoapNet on your cable provider? Okay, well I lead a very boring and reclusive life, (popular to contrary tale…or on my own account) and I love a Saturday night TV show, especially Dysfunctional Family night when they show back-to-back episodes of Dynasty! Dynasty is my all time favorite show, well there is Soul Food The Series, but this is different. Dynasty was the show that I watched with my Grand-Ma, (she must have knew I was gonna be gay…) when I was growing up…so watching all the old episodes and remembering some of the scenes is so entertaining…and they have some good reads in that show too…

So I spent all day Sunday reading The Interruption Of Everything, By Terry McMillan. OKAY, the only thing that I have to say is that the book is phenomenal. I am a little more than half way done, and I've only read 5books to date in such rapid speed, Wendy's Got The Heat, The Wendy Williams Experience, Lil' Mamas Rules, Blessings, Sons, and The Interruption Of Everything will be added to the list when I finish tonight. I am also finishing up Down For Whatever and Beyond The DL.

So I had a chat with Mr. Jamal Franklin, I stepped into reality, or did I step into an illusion? Or was it more like a psych ward at a state hospital? Whatever it was, it'll be figured out in editing, because lord knows that man knows how to play mind games...let him tell it, there will be two versions of the interview. Why do I feel that he's going to try to make me look bad....the operative word is try. He has something up his sleeve, then he had the nerve to say…well just read my interview, I bring the truth. Yall know how my interviews are…

So I'm in my cycle. I have a low tolerance for people and their bullshit and I am only associating with people that have a 5-year plan. I am really tired of dead weight around me. I am a man on a move, with plans, goals, dreams, aspirations, and I can't do that with leeches trying to take me down. I changed my phone numbers over the weekend. I was so tired of hoes calling me and feeling under appreciated or asking myself "Why am I friends with this person?" If I had to ask myself that they shouldn't have had my number in the first place. I don't think my numbers will be listed for a while...and rightfully so. I've got work to do, and I'm slacking. I've been held back long enough and I don’t think any of us should allow or be subjected to such idiots who can’t appreciate true and genuine friendship.

And If I don't fall back on the granola and the treadmill, I am going to be looking like Whitney Houston on that Michael Jackson special.

I've been doing a lot of plotting, planning and thinking. I think it's the season for all of us to really excel and call into existence of the things that we deserve, the things that we want, the things we should have. I think it's important for us to seize each moment in time, because if we don't take the opportunity before us, we'll sound like Brian McKnight saying, "Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda..."


1 Moment In Time

9.16.2005

FUCK YOU FAGGOT ASS BITCHES

Yeah I said it! I called you a fag. Yes you bitch! Rusty & Poker Face. Especially those two. I am so VERY tired of all of the hateration I'm getting from the collective forces I want to call them out so bad, but I will just deal with those hoes accordingly and in person. I mean really calling them out will let them know that they are really getting to me. They are, I'm human. I'd be a liar if I said that it didn't bother me, no matter how strong or secure I think I am or appear to be, that goes for you too...

It bothers me that people have to be jealous or keep shit going because they can't be functional without drama. Or because they think that I am 100% like my blog and they can't see through the fluff so they go around talking shit about me that isn't necessarily or 90% true...their bad. Why spend all that time trying to convince people otherwise. Cause when they meet me their mind is gonna be changed, you're lookin stupid and then the next thing you know I am up in a photo with their ass somewhere (you know Trent don't take pictures with bitches he don't like...)

But that's aiight bitches, I'm comin hard for yall hoes, you know I enjoy giving shows...it's so sad that I have the talent, personality, charisma, focus, drive, persistence and dare I say the looks to go along with my package...you're just...well, bland...

Like I've said B4 HOES! 15 MINUTES WILL NEVER HOLD ME IN. KEEP TRYING AND EAT MY DUST HOES! CATCH A BRICK. Keep readin' my blog though, I love an I.P. address tracker. Always gotta watch what I am doin and all like that. You keep lookin so hard you're gonna miss something...keep in mind you're not even a bad facsimile of me, you can't do what I do.

Happy Birthday to Stone! Alright!!! That's my boy...I can't wait to have sex with him. LOL. I've been talking about boys and dick lately, I need to put that in check.
So I called Ms. Scan today to see why my check was declined at TarJay last night. Some queen tried to pass a check at Sacks where I purchase my Brunos at and they flagged my account for fraud, why did it take them hoes 48 hours to contact me though...my fault, I do change my phone numbers quite frequently...so the matter is all cleared up and I can resume my life unedited as I know it.

Shot Out To the anonymous commenter who said "You're too busy for my ass," yes I am, idol time is the devils playing ground, don't you know that! If I wasn't busy i'd have more time to be more angry than I am, and I'd find more things that irritate me about people. Being busy and focusing makes me spend more time and the further examination of self, try it sometimes.

And Stone don't ever try to front me.

I talked to Alphonso tonight and I love him because he gives me the best advice and he understands exactly where I am coming from...he's not one of the regular fags. But he really inspired me to turn up the heat...

So my Speech teacher is a fine ass black dude...who is mad flirty. I looked a hawt mess when I came ot class 45 minutes late, but we'll talk about that when something develops.

Nate and I are spending a lot more time together. I am actually on my way to his house now...I'm spending my first night at his place....wow. Did I tell yall he was the neighborhood refer man? I don't know if I can live the life of the drug dealers girlfriend. Bailing him out, stashing money in the freezer, depositing extra money in my bank account on payday, waiting up late nights hoping pookie comes home safely. It would definitely give me more to write about, and secretly I'm attracted to the hood because I didn't come from it, and I want to know more about it. I'm not sheltered, but I don't have a PH.D. in Streetology. My A.A. gets me by just fine.

I love what I do for you! Have a great weekend and shout me a holler if you need me. Is David Banner cute?


Drea, Tevin, Ena, Me, Laura & Melanie after Tevin's Show las weekend...

Behind Ena is one of Tevin's Songwriters Tim


9.15.2005

Three Down, One To Go

If her name is Donna, Barbara, Pat, Diane, Elma, Elaine, or Joan she's more than likely a bitch!

Shot Outs to: The Readers, The Divo for gracing us with his presence...and question does he really walk around speaking the way he types? Does he really come and go in peace? I bet he'll curse your ass out and make you feel like dog doo-doo on a hot summer day...Big ups to the children of Bethlehem and Blair.

So remind me to be on time to English class! Which I dread the most-and not just because most English teachers are assholes and pricks, but because my fat ass was subject to a baby chair for three hours without a break! They ran out of adult size seats. You know those small ass chairs with that tiny desk made for all of you skinny bitches. God my stomach was in pain! By the time I got home there was a crease on my stomach so tuff, I thought someone took my ass to the dry cleaner and asked for heavy starch! I will be getting there 30 minutes early, I am not putting myself through that shit again. Either that or go through with lipo, cause I am not gonna be in grad school going through all of that. Anyway, Nate likes to play with my stomach for some reason and why does that irritate me...he likes grabbing my man boobs too...You know Stone is actually infatuated with them as well...hmmm.

Anyway, my official week of school is almost done...and I think that I've so far gotten over my fear of math. Maybe it's because it's remedial math. Wait did I just admit outloud that I am in remedial math? Wait...OMG, I was honest....I don't fuck with numbers like that. I balance a check book, I can compute royalties and the amount of books I've sold, I can count how much I owe people, I can compute my pay check and things like that, that's as far as it goes. It fucks with my brain to do anything else. Do I really need math to read off of a telepromopter? Or run my mouth and ask people questions?

So what. I think this is a great way for me to finally start slow, start with the basic foundation of math so when I do get the X or the Y thrown into the equation, I won't queen out and fail the course. Tonights math class was boring. I have this old ass white man teacher who was clearly reared in one of the red states stand in front of this dry erase board, write down problems in front of all these Black and Hispanic students and not explain shit. When someone challenged him about a problem, he yelled at the top of his longs like he really hated being where he was and like he had somewhere to go. Hmmm...I love a challenge...I'm sure I'll pass this fucker with my eyes closed, Every Eye Shut Ain't Sleep...I've got my speech class tomorrow, you know a bitch can run her mouth. (Wait, am I a girl?)

So why was I in Target of all places tonight, you know what goes down in Target...I picked up a few items, I get to the register, forgot my last 30$ in the house and the debit card...so I resort to the check book, why did that muthafatha get declined? OOOOOOOHHHH I was hot. They give me some 1-800 number to dial, when I dial it I get Maria, she is on some she doesn't know why my check didn't go through "I wasn't on her list," I would have to call between 6-10 pm central time. I will be up at 4 a.m. on their phone figuring out why the kids check isn't good. I don't have a criminal record, I got fucked up credit, I don't hang out with the check writing queens, what is the deal? Damn them I wanted my Cookies & Cream Granola Bars, and my new aveeno lip balm. Speaking of which. I love the Aveeno line. I use all of the face stuff...really helps a greasy bitch out.

So dating is interesting...hmmm. I saw his Johnson last night....WOW. Don't ever just pull it out. I will wait for sex...although, I love the art of fellatio. Damn it was big...I wonder if he'll let me....

Okay I am in love with Alvin...

So why am I on the phone with Erika. And she's telling me the story of how she's at the wax place. Me and my friends never carry cash on us, I think we are debit and Credit Card Queens (I love my AMEX) anyway, she gets waxed or whatever and she goes to pay with her debit card and the lady is like we don't take debit cards, cash or check only. Erika is baffled because she is in the heat of Beverly Hills and they don't accept credit card, so the Lady tells her to make a dash down to the Bank and come back...so this is only Erika's second time at the location and the lady trusts her...and I told Erika thats only because she knows something you dont. I told her she secretly planted a device that will make her coochie itch in 10 minutes if she caused drama on her way out...thats how they do it.

I must be loosing my touch. Dr. Bad Vibes must have visited the likes of well, I mean whatever, I can't turn or pull tricks like I used to. All the people that I want to interview are booked and arent returning my calls, I must be getting old. There is nothing worse than an old hoe.

9.14.2005

Ain't Really Talkin About Nothing

What? Bitch! What You Say? Nah I’m just playin! What’s really hood?

Shot Outs: Tha Buddah, Shawn, Tara, and all of the hood.

I am so excited about September 25! It’s the return of Desperate Housewives!!! I am so ready…In the meantime I want you to check out Shawn’s Blog, there is so funny shit that you have to see over their…hurry up! Go!

I have been stretching myself so thin lately. I’m working the A.M. shift, going to class at night but I’ve managed to sneak in a date for the last couple of weeks…so this dude is nice…and he finally allowed me to take a picture of him, with my stalkerattzi device that can transmit pictures and make phone calls to anyone in the world in a matter of minutes. There’s just one thing though…he’s like mad hood. Why did this man wear a G-unit wife beater to a date? Anyway…

He’s cool. I like him. But that’s as far as it goes, you know how you know it’s just not going to crack off. I mean I’m into Martini’s he’s into St. Ives (and he did ask for that at the restaurant…) I’m into Benzes and he’s into Monte Carlos on 23’s. I play Black Jack and he shoots craps. I mean it’s interesting to see us in the mix. Cause I like all that he is and he likes me for me, but our different experiences start to bump heads…he calls me uppity and I call him ghetto. But it’s cute…I’ll keep you posted.

So while I am tired and unmotivated to continue school, but forcing myself to go finish this last semester and a half, balancing work, networking, learning more about myself and my limits, meeting new people, and writing new volumes, I am going to retire early tonight.

But I ask myself this. When starting new relationships, how much of myself should I compromise if any just to see how far the relationship that could potentially work, go?

Side note: This is a guy who I met a few weeks ago, that knows nothing of the “Trent Jackson persona.” He doesn’t know I’m a writer, he knows nothing of my creative endeavors. All he knows is I go to school at night, and I have a day job. Although he did ask me why I had a big blow up of myself in my hallway that was next to the blow up of the cover of At This Moment…I’m letting him know me first before all of that other stuff…and just for the visual factor:


4 Tha Streets

9.13.2005

MMM THA FUCK HMMMM

Oooooohhhh Blogger was hatin on a muthafucka tonight. I typed all that shit and then she wanna go and erase everything, like a hating punk. Just know that this post is a bad facsimile of the first! So I'll try to make it as clear and and as witty as the first...I've been getting my mojo back! Just when I thought it was safe...

One of the most important things in life is to watch what you say, and who you say it to. This goes for all of us...me included. Like for instance, I've been dying for weeks to tell the story of how another, lets just call him a "colleague," I would never call him a colleague because he can't stand me just as much as I can't stand him. And you know Trent steers clear of people he doesn't like. Fuck being cordial, fuck kissing ass, fuck all the fakeness. I just don't say shit to your whack ass. I would never put him in the same category because as far as I am concerned he is so far beneath me, he's not even worth the gum on the bottom of my Bruno Magli boot that I had to scrap off the other day. HOLLA!

Anyway, he's talked so much shit about me, sent out so many vicious emails (and yes Trent's favorite word coming,) hated on me so tuff he didn't think that I knew what the deal was...well, see he finally spoke to the wrong person about me, and what he didn't know that not only was I an ear shot away from hearing this, I was lying in the bed next to the person he was telling! How about that for a mess! Hmm...Bitch ass PUNK! OOOOOOH I want to call your ass out so bad!!!!! But I'm better than that. I'd rather lie in wait for him and catch him up when it's just me and him...

I'm getting ready to enter the "Realm" as I like to call it. The Realm is what I call my work cycle which lasts from the last week in September until the first week in November. This is where I finish all of my unfinished projects like my new book, Full Circle and I start production on things like my new Reality Show...which is gonna be fuckin BANANAS! So Tara is my official person to tell me if she likes my shit or not...so Tara will have the first half of the book by the end of the week.

Speaking of Tara, that bitch is a cockblocker. She will not let me chat with her fine ass brother Alvin. I want her to accept the fact that me and her brother are meant for each other! We are so meant to be together...and she just can't see that! Listen here and listen good Tara. You know me. We have chat and all of that. I just want to cater to Alvin that's all...so be like Fantasia and free yourself...lol Alvin is a grown man.

So anyway I am pissed off that I was walking around the Villa today acting like a white girl at a Michael Jackson concert. The frickin' power was off for like four hours and my internet was down for like 8. I was queening out while I was on the phone with Brent Dorian Carpenter. I so didn't know how to function without the very things that make some of us who we are. While Brent was trying to calm me down, we both talked about the urgency and our needs and desires to try to unify the black writing community...he agreed just like I we aren't close enough. And even with the madness and the drama with the other writing queen I can excuse her, cause Lauryn Hill said it best when she said "Forgive them father for they know not what they do..." The funny thing is half of these fools think they know me based on what I say...dumb asses.

The moral of the story is to stop placing value in our material possessions and focus on the things that we take for granted, like our life and the people that we love, we're all guilty of it...Especially me. Walking around like a madman with no power or internet.

What I am working on: Getting 2 bloggers and another writer in the hot seat.

Shout me a holler! I love what I do for you...


Track Of Tha Day

9.12.2005

Manic Monday: Trent's Jargonistic Banter

Alright!

Damn it’s been a minute. Nothing has been going on with me lately. Life has just been that, life. Nothing major is going on, but I do have a few things to say. Like I am infatuated with this man, a really nice man…

Shot Outs to: Blair, Shawn, Shawn-TaQuan, Stone, The Fonz, The Blacks, Markell, Clay, Ena, Drea, Mel, Laura, Resey, Tevin, Erika & my readers.

So I finally resume writing my second book, Full Circle, and I really enjoy this one, more than At This Moment. I picked it up and read it for the first time in like months, and I couldn’t put it down. I was just turning pages back and forth, like damn what happens next…so hopefully I’ll have it done, early next year, won’t say when because there are others that are watching what I am doing.

I have to apologize for the quality of my blog lately I let that shit fall off like Cross Colours and Boyz II Men what was I thinking about? I won’t tell you the secrets just yet, because they are still secrets, but I will say stand by for the better things to come.

I did a candid interview with my friend Alphonso Morgan, author of Sons, and it really allowed me to see another side of him that I appreciate so much more. We’re going to finish the interview sometime soon so it can be up. We talked about the shade factor and the hateration that exists within the creative black community (among other things like dating life, being a first time novelist, his career as an attorney, literature, etc.) I am glad that there is someone on the same page as me because people like to make me think that I am the angry, fat black fag that’s mad at the world (and I’m so far from that) I admire his realness and his rawness and so will all of you. He’s given me so much great advice and it’s nice to have such a positive person in the midst of all the leeches that suck you dry! I admire him, I love his work-and the interview is hot so look forward to that this week.

I think my prayers have been answered! All of my favorite acts of the 80’s and 90’s seem to be popping up doing concerts here and there, like Tevin Campbell. I had the honor to hear this man S-A-N-G his ass off Saturday night! When I tell you that mans CD’s do him no justice! It was so good to see him. He’s looking good and sounding even better than what I remember. He sang all of his old songs Tomorrow, Round & Round, Can We Talk, Brown Eyed Girl, I’m Ready, Shh and a few others. I am mad that he didn’t sing Come Back To The World! I told his ass about that too. I was fortunate enough to exercise my star power and get a picture with him and my friends Ena, Drea, Laura & Mel after the show…well actually it was Drea who coordinated the photo…but still. Anyway, He’s working on new material and everyone loved him! He’s dope, so look out for Tevin’s comeback and look out for audio and video sometime this week…. Troop is doing a show with Silk on September 30th here in Long Beach…I am so there for that.

So I am still working on my summer reading list, which is now my fall reading list. I am reading my other author friend, Fred Smiths “Down For Whatever,” so stay tuned for my review before the end of the month.

I finished “One Day My Soul Just Opened Up,” By, Iyanla Vanzant. The 40 days has come and gone and I finished it the first week in September. If you’re going through a lot of shit, or you’re starting to learn who you are, then the book is perfect for you. If you need to reaffirm who you are, then the book is perfect for you. If you’re just bored and blah, blah, blah, read At This Moment.

There comes a point in life when time is captured and we realize exactly who we are and why we’re here. Although this moment has happened for me a few times, I have been being reminded of my mental manifestations through people that I meet that have no clue who I am or what I am about. I tell you GOD is good and he works.

I often find myself plotting my moves in my head, how I will do this and that. How I want to expand my creativity past my writing and express myself creatively through other mediums and while things are in progress and I will soon take advantage of my creative drive, I still allow people to second guess myself…it doesn’t happen a lot, but it happens.

This past weekend I really had to sit back and take a look at all of my accomplishments and who I am as person, just to reassure myself that I wasn’t crazy or allowing myself to become a victim of my own mind.

I put out my own book; I sold 5,000+ copies over a 10-month period. I’ve gotten over (seemingly) what could have been some of the worst obstacles to get over in life; I kept going almost without a hitch. I enjoy helping others, I love inspiring people to be the best that they can be, daily…

But I realized something; everyone can’t come with you on your journey. I have it bad…and what I mean by that is, I find and see the good in people even though I know I should cut them loose. Sometimes no matter how much good people can do the negativity they carry outshines all of their positive traits. And I’ve got to learn how to cut those people off just so I can progress in my own journey.

I know I am here for a reason. GOD has chosen me, I can’t help that, I’ve already accepted the challenge…you’re chosen too, accept your challenge and stop denying it.
Today’s Lesson: Sometimes You Gotta Let Go…


Sometimes You Gotta Let Go

9.08.2005

Public Service Announcement #1

Please enjoy the musical interlude while we take a break from our regularly scheduled program to bring you an important message from our sponsor.

It's necessary to take a minute and breathe, reflect, and process...

The interlude that you are about to hear is dedicated to: Bobby, Clay, Alphonso, and The Blacks.


Public Service Announcement

9.07.2005

Well, I was supposed to be launching my secret today…but as you can see it’s not here, there is a technical issue going on, that I hope to have fixed soon, so you can all bask in the ambience of Trent Jackson...

I am irritated. I am not normal. I am a creative force that thrives and feeds on giving birth to things that normal people don’t do. For instance, normal people don’t write books, they may think about it, and not act on it, but I think and do, thus this makes me not normal. Not to say that I am better than the normal people, but it’s so much easier being normal.

It’s easy to blend in. Get a great civil service job with benefits. Start work after high school, get a new car, build up your 401k and all like that, start a family, or whatever you do. Being normal has its perks, but I am not normal.

I am the one that’s jotting or doodling while the teacher is talking. I am the kid in the class that figures out the rubrics cube and goes for the next task because I am bored, I am always thinking, sometimes over analyzing, plotting, planning, mapping things out, thinking, talking, acting quickly. Doing things because no one else is doing, you know, things that the normal people don’t do.

One thing that non-normal people don’t do is work. I hate working. Like right now, I’ve been at this new gig all of three weeks and I hate it. I long for the days when I am in my room, plotting my future, writing my book, trying to finish school so I can go and inspire other young minds to be great typographic members of society. Challenge them to be great thinkers, scholars, learn about the arts, literature and photography. I want to challenge them to learn how to accept people for their difference, value them for their contribution and understand the story of the common man. Yes I want to be a teacher, but there is one problem, I’m not normal.

I hate my job, and I am quitting. I prayed today while I was on the train, and I asked God to send me a temporary position so I can work for like 2 months or something and go back into hiding with my laptop and my brilliant ideas.

Some of you may think I am crazy, but when I am not happy I am not happy.

I talked to my mom about me quitting…and what did I do that for? She gave me this whole spiel about being stable and having benefits and all like that, and that was fine for her, and her generation or anyone else who wants to settle for a civil service job or a regular office job with good benefits…that’s cool, do you, but my gig is writing books, running my mouth on camera, and socializing. I am not good at numbers. I love the interaction with people, I am a humanitarian and I can’t do that in an office shuffling papers day in and day out for a dollar while my talents that will take me to the plateau in which I want to reach are dwindling by the second with all of the corporate banter and the mingling of the normal, docile, people who don’t think the way I do. Not saying that something is wrong with wanting that life, don’t want to offend you, but I think outside of the box. There is nothing wrong with me wanting to be at the top…and I am not trying to office politic, kiss ass, and invest 10 years, full vesting and 5,000.00 in my 401k later to do all of that.

I want to go to school, I have to finish school. If I don’t finish school and get these 18 units out of the way, I’m going to go crazy. I must evacuate the cubicle at once! BREATHE! Message of the day, go for what you know and do things to please you, no one else can do that for you…
Shot Outs to: Bobby, the most inspirational man on the face of the blog scene-I’m praying for you! You are such a motivational force for all of us…I will be strong for you now…and here I am complaining about a job and 200,000 people just lost theirs. I love your quote on your blog today "We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Alphonso thank you for listening to me and understanding who I am, I appreciate that. Shawn thank you for all that you do, you’re a good guy no matter what you try and tell me. And you, my readers, and thank you so much for your words, thoughts and emails…my surprise is coming soon as soon as I get over this technical issue. P.S. enjoy the track..

MP3 File

9.06.2005

Cute Boys, Old Men & Banter

HAAAAAAAAAYYY!

Shot Outs To: Shawn (not TaQuan…speaking of Shawn TaQuan where is he?) Shot out to all of the office workers, all of the cubicle heads, the train riders, and those refusing to pay all these retarded amounts of money for gas.

So Monday was the most relaxing day. Although I hate trips out in public when I am looking a hot mess-but I have to go. Someone may recognize me from the back of that book or some other quasi-notable thing I did, and they’ll be staring me down as I pack all of the booze and junk food in my cart then they’ll say “Isn’t that…damn he looks fucked up!” But I like attention like that, which is partially the reason why I go out looking fucked up, just because I don’t give a fuck…I think I am actually looking forward to the tabloid stories. I mean this is me you’re talkin’ to.

I guess the highlight of the day was when I was roaming around Sav-On and this not so cute 40-year-old man followed me around the store. It wasn’t until I cut my cell phone interview short with this reviewer of my book and asked him “What do you want from me?” He laughed and told me he was really vibing me and he wanted my number. I took his info and slid his number in my right booty cheek and went about my business. I am so not interested in talking to him. I have my eye set on something else, someone else. THE EAST COAST

So I have a new love interest a la Shawn. His name is James Blake, and some of you may know him because of his celebrity. And he’s getting ready to play Andre Agassi in the semi-finals or whatever. I am so not a tennis fan, or any sports fan, but when a cute boy is involved, I learn what I need to know, (take note hoes). So I am so infatuated with him. So Shawn calls me and is like, turn to Channel 2. And I thought he was on TV or something. It was a tennis match, then I saw James, and instantly I fell in love. I was like look at that mans ass; it’s so like edible. I know Shawn was like yawn already, because he enjoys fish talk way too much. Anyway, next on coochie. James Blake is hot, so here he is boy of the day, James Blake. He’s a Harvard grad, he almost had paralysis and all like that but he’s black, I mean back playing tennis, looking cute. Why does he remind me or Boris Kodjoe a little bit? Maybe it’s the mixed thing…








On a closing note, 3 more weeks until Toni’s album drops, and I am loving her singles so far Take This Ring, Please, Supposed to be a floating around on the Internet, and from the sound of it, it’s a lot of mid-tempo, shit you can groove to. I’m feeling it..

I am so excited; tomorrow I am going to test something out on yall. Now keep in mind that imma artist and a nigga is sensitive about his shit…this has been something I’ve been wanting to do for a minute…so we’ll see how receptive you are to it.

Thank you for reading; I love you for being apart of my small galaxy in this big universe.

9.05.2005

Only In My Life

Alright, Alright, Alright…

What a week, weekend, whatever, this has been.

Shot Out to: Markell, Stone, The Fonz, The Blacks, Brandi Jade who is in Biloxi, working her ass off. Shot Out Vincent in Biloxi working his ass off, you guys are so like the bomb to me, helping our people out in a true time of need. Big Ups to Kanye West, didn’t I just say the other day how he was winning points all over the place, and he done went off the teleprompter and said what he had to say! He has balls!!! Kanye is my MUTHAFUCKIN HERO. Last but not least, shot out to Clay who is doing the damn thing over at his blog. He is providing excellent commentary on the whole Hurricane disaster issue. I love him and thank him for that…he is truly dicking down the English language with words that touch us all and make us want to jump up and say “How You Doin’” and hallelujah to! I appreciate you so much for what you are doing right now, not only are you saying it, you’re doing it.

I think I have some of the best readers around. I get some of the coolest emails from people, and it just touches me, because people like to focus on what may some interpret as negative all the damn time and people just try to make me out to be the opposite of what I really am. So it just really touches me and lets me know that I am eye level with some one out there…I love it.

Another thing I love is seeing my family together. Family time is real cute, especially when they can put aside diminutive differences and be a unit...

You know, I knew a long time ago he was a hater. I had already made it up in my mind when he left that stupid ass comment on my blog, to follow it up with that stupid ass email, that followed up that silly ass phone conversation that we engaged in…and the nerve to ask him what the purpose of my book was. I should have asked him what the purpose of his life was. Anyway…

So me and my friend Danielle went out on Friday night to the bar. But instead of her meeting me at the location or a mid-locale she drove to her cousins house which as about 10 minutes from me. Her husband forbade her to go out with me because he insists that I am straight and I tell her I am gay just so I can try to deter her from him and get in her panties. The straight men and the things they say! Hell gay bois and the things they say (How You Doin’?) But I mean, he tells me, my voice is too deep to be gay! LOL, WHAT. He clearly hasn’t got the memo, that we I get angry the octaves rise about 5 times…

Anyway so she parks the car at her cousin’s house. We go to Joes Crab Shack then we hit it to the bar and have a few shots of Patron and then we Rover on back to her car on 116th in Crenshaw, the East side of Inglewood.

So as I am pulling up to her car, with the windows down (it was hot from all of the laughter and inebriation) while bumping Sex Weed on my I-pod I noticed the tall, slender young man smoking some reefer in the middle of the block.

Danielle was getting out of my car to her car, we exchanged our disembarking salutations and right when she stepped out here comes the nigga out of the darkness,

“Are you gonna give me your shit or do I have to take it?” He shouted.

I was thrown off, because one, he was just at the end of the block smokin’ treez, two his eye was fucked up, and three he was half way cute and he smelled like curve and reefer, what a hot mix.

As Danielle was getting ready to hand over the Luis Vutton bag, I said “Girl what is you doin’ that nigga ain’t got no gun, you better take your bag back!”

“A cuz, you a fag huh? You a fag cuz?” The cock-eyed…(what’s the white word for robber……………….) the aggressor asked.

“Um what else is new girl, what is your tea. I mean the way you tipped to the Rover you act like you were tryin to step to this or something!” I told him back.

Danielle was down the block at her car fumbling for keys and all like that, do you know the bitch got in her car and drove off, to make me fend for myself, OH PAHLEASE!!!.

The nigga got in my car and started grabbing for shit. As I pushed him and called him the cock-eyed bandit, he hit me grabbed my eye, I mean, I-pod and dashed off. But not quick enough for me to put my car in reverse and give him a courteousy tap with my bumper and knock his ass out cold on the asphalt, or so I though.

As I fumbled around under the seat to look for my weaponry, I got it and made it out of the car only to find the reefer induced aggressor up, half way around the bend becoming one with the 2 a.m. darkness, haze and city lights. I had just been robbed. For the first time in my life I felt like a white girl n one of those scary movies.

I was pissed for one, he grabbed my I-pod, and yall know how much I love the I-pod, not only that, but it was a gift for my birthday. Two I hit him with a vehicle and he still managed to get away, with the I-Pod. Three, my friend was the true damsel in distress, and it didn’t get the police there any quicker either. Damn her and damn that cock eyed aggressor.

So…that was my weekend. YUCK. At least I had today off…wait; at least I am alive, although I know the bastard didn’t have a gun. Even if he did, I still would have had a conversation with his ass, just because I am chatty, and there is something about a young boy in a white T-shirt that just gets my virgin boy coochie moist inside. Now I have to replace my I-Pod and finish financing my editing studio this week, what a fuckin drab. But I am going to see Tevin Campbell on Friday…back to the world…and something else happened to.

Oh I know what it was, I was in the grocery store shopping on Friday and there was a light tap over my right shoulder and it was this guy that I used to do it with back in the day that has a big Johnson. He told me he wanted to do me so bad, so I skipped the grocery store and went back to his place a block away, fucked him like crazy, yes I sucked his dick while he ate me out and I ate him out then I dug him out how cute…
Then to top it all off, I see a picture of his wife on their wedding day as I exit the house, what a whore I am…I am just trying to figure out how he explained all the dishes I broke when I found out how he was married…and what type of karma am I gonna have come my way for that one? Don’t remind me….

This week we’ll have: Boy of the week, my new segment, Witty Wednesdays, a few interviews and a very special Friday finale!

I love what I do for you,
And my numbers on the counter keep going up, so I know you’re here whether you tell me or not!!!

Peace out biatches!

9.02.2005

jargon

Fuck you Frank! Say it to my face! Don’t write a check that’s gonna bounce like all those plastic balls you go to! Hmm…and we’re still friends, girl.

Hi everybody! Happy Friday to you! Shot outs to all of my readers. Shot out to my boy Vincent who is going to the south to assist in the hurricane relief efforts.

I don’t know what to make of this Hurricane Katrina situation. I know that Clay is proving an excellent platform and I think that he is addressing the situation in truth and he sums it up no better way. He and I will be having a chat sometime next week; in fact, it will be the Friday finale for next week.

It’s such a shame, but expected, that the black people in New Orleans are going through. I see that all of the white folks in Biloxi got their Red Cross/Salvation army aid, and are out. Why does the media keep perpetuating bullshit on TV about the people looting and stealing. It’s called a survival tactic. Black people are survivors…and we keep on surviving. Now they are talking about murders and all this other stuff is going on…this is going to be a bigger mess than what it already is, and thinking about this, my head is hurting…did all of this same shit go down in Tsunami Land?

It really saddens me that people are dying left and right waiting for food and water in the hot ass Superdome, people are taking drastic survival measures and are being characterized as beasts, savages, belligerent and unruly. The people were just following orders of the local government to be abandoned and left for ruin-and I am sure if they were left in a place in a condition like that, they’d be doing the same shit too. And has the mayor even made an appearance during all of this?

I am worried about the after, aftermath. How many bodies are they gonna find when they drain the excess water? Are they gonna rebuild the city? Are people really gonna be served and helped get their lives semi back on track? Is there gonna be an effort to help people identify and or be reunited with their families? What will be left of the city? Will it ever be the same?

You know I have to find the humor or craziness in everything…why are all the dudes on the TV fine ass hell? Walking around sagging showin their booties looting in stores and shit. Why is that so hood fine to me? So hot. I need to go and do some type of volunteer effort…

Switching gears a bit…no I didn’t cut the bitch for asking me if I was a top or bottom. I didn’t even dignify her question with an answer, I just smiled. Although she repeatedly asked me, I didn’t give her the time or day. I kept saying in my head, bitch if this wasn’t my second week of work I’d meet you in the parking lot, so don’t test me. I’m crafty, and needless to say she’s been there longer than me, and it’s funny how I came to work this morning and her cubicle was cleaned out…office gossip says she was fired…hmm was it my swift ability to draft up hateful letters to the personnel department? Hmm…she’d better watch who she asks questions to.
I am so pissed at the gas being 3.25 in Los Angeles. I am done driving. Period.
Rumor has it that Letoya Luckett, one of the original members of Destiny’s Child has an album out…is that true? Has anyone heard any tracks?

I am working on restoring the luster to Live and Up close in the coming weeks. I have some spicy interviews coming up, some nice little topics that will entertain you all, and I will put the end to the myth that, that damn Bernard Bradshaw started about me being nothing without the drama that goes on in my life. Who is he without his sex? Hmm…There I go, There I go, There I go, There I go

Is There something wrong with me for wanting to see Tevin Campbell?

Have a safe weekend! Be Blessed & Be grateful,
Rest In Peace to those who were caught up in the storm…

I love what I do for you…
I know you’re here cause you told me.

9.01.2005

On Pins And Needles

I think this is like test week for me or something. I have not been on it.

I am worried because I am a retard...why have I been trying to call New Orleans like a dumb ass knowing there is no power or water and the city is flooded...I am thinking about my friends down there, I don't think any of us knew the devastation that would take place. Go to Clay's blog and read his statement on whats going down in the N.O. he's so REAL he is.

Shot Outs to: Marz, Clay, Bobby, Divo and all of them like that.

So why am I sitting in the lunch room at work, with a table full of fish. And this girl that sits behind me in my cubicle who is all in my biznass (not to be confused with the two hoes that sit on the opposite side of my cubicle) she always asks "Do you go to clubs?" "Do you have a lot of gay friends?" I always give her the brush off. Not giving her anything more than she needs and I always talk to her in my extra butch voice just so she wont pick up on any additional tale tell signs that might dish her my tea.

This bitch comes to the lunch table after I made it more than obvious that I don't like her and I don't want her saying shit to me (I am hearing Whitney tell Bobby, It's not about you, can you handle that? Leave her alone-we don't feel like hearing all that, when we don't want to be bothered we don't say shit to you!) she knows this, she picks up on the vibes...but yet and still she is gonna force herself upon me. She sits down and asks me in front of 12 people, "Are you a top or a bottom."