I like looking at myself in the mirror.
It's not out of vanity, conceit, or my own belief that I'm the finest fat boy that roams the earth.
But I am looking for someone I use to know.
Somewhere along the way, I lost myself trying to be what I wasn't, whether it was straight, skinny, dumb, happy, unskilled, or popular all trying to find a certain semblance of reality or what I interpret as a dream called life.
I hate to admit the fact, that I've allowed others to dilute mys true self. I've allowed their comments, opinions, and ideas of me to take refuge in my body and cause a virus to an already weak immunity from the build up of life, to take over and make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin.
I'm kind of tired of my pseudo celebrityism. I've lost the idea that my relationships "inside" are strictly business. I am my only friend. And even that goes out the window when you're being pulled and tugged in different directions. Situations, people and experiences slowly chip away at your sanity. They, it, slowly starts to break you down, your essence, your relationships-and I almost ask myself daily, is all of this worth it? The answer is yes, it's not too late to turn around and change my mind now. I've been chosen and I've already accepted the challenge.
So as I stand here and look at the thick roundness in my lips, my freshly shaven clear face. My deep set eyes and my curly hair, I wonder if I'll find what I am looking for.
And in imperfection, I realize, I'm looking at myself. For the reflection in the mirror is only projecting the image that it sees.
I always get clarity when I share myself with you, naked...and as you pack up for the winter, I'll be with you soon in the warmth of comfort.