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Thinking To Myself

Living my life in the pursuit of happiness.

I wont bitch and moan about fake people, haters, the jealous, the bold, the beautiful, or the ugly, I’ll just accept the fact that it’s apart of life and there is really nothing that I can do it about it, but deal with it, build a bridge and get over it. I think I am actually growing up and learning that it’s okay to feel the way I do, and it’s normal for me to grow through this time and time again, although it seems as though I’ve been missing the point, but not really. It’s just realizing that the more you know the more things do really stay the same.

I really don't understand what gain people get from twisting the facts. It seems as if people have walked away from the truth and become comfortable with lies, I guess this is part of the challenge of blogging (or in life really…), there really isn't a set form of protocol, so people just believe they can do whatever they want that's too bad…I guess I am not really exempt from this either. However, I don’t feel that I’ve ever been malicious (wait…let me think…no I haven’t) It’s funny that people who are genuine have to encounter people who believe in distorting the truth for their own demented, delusional reasons. But at least I know that I've caused a rating to climb if nothing else. I have to be aware that pimping goes on all the time in the entertainment world and I wont take it personal. This is just another prime example of a hater and someone trying to ride on my coat tails, it will all become very apparent soon enough.

So I’ve been spending more time over at the compound, Nate’s house. And me dating the neighborhood refer man has some very perplexing situations if you will. I don’t know how I feel about continuing the charade, although Nathaniel is a very nice man. It’s so intriguing to me more than anything, the hood lyfe.

Not to say that I am better or anything like that, but I didn’t grow up in the hood. That isn’t my black experience. I can safely and honestly but humbly say that everyone in my family is blessed with a well paying job, and lives very comfortable lives. Although we have other issues jumping off (like the Kennedy family) I have never had a crackhead uncle or aunty, or anyone that’s so hood, they put the family to shame…so watching the life of Nate is so interesting to me…Somebody else’s life is always more interesting than yours.

So while on my visit, I was on my back, legs over the shoulders getting ate all the way out, when the doorbell rang. As I rolled my eyes and sighed like a ghetto girl named Shaneeqwah I knew that he had to get up and go do his transaction. So while waiting on him to come back and finish, it was taking longer than usual to exchange objects. So me being the investigative journalist that I am throw on my sweats and walk to the bathroom, knowing that I have to pass the living room to get to the bathroom. So as I am walking, and carefully motioning my body to not make any noise as if I am the thief in the night that Jesus talks about in the bible, my mind goes back to September 5, 2005 at 2:39. It was the cock-eyed nigga that robbed me that night. I didn’t make any sudden moves cause I didn’t want to do anything left but as soon as he closed the door.

“Pookie that’s the nigga that robbed me! The one I was telling you about!”

“Are you sure that’s him T?” He was all calm and.

“Nigga, I can’t miss that eye nowhere!”

He laughed for a minute and then pulled a gun from his waist and cocked it. I told him not to do anything stupid and haste that is gonna put you in a fucked up situation.

“We gotta get that nigga. I know where he lives, ol’ pussy ass nigga. That’s the nigga that you hit with the car, right?”

“Yeah Nate, I am telling you, that’s him!”

So as he calmed me down, and told me not to worry about it, he’d take care of it…I told him not to kill him, but set his ass up so I could be there to kick his ass like I wanted to that night. While Nate sat there and just plotted his downfall, I felt protected and relieved. And thought to myself, how I’ve always wanted a dude like Nate who was hella hood and could fight, just in case anyone fucked with me, just cus I was his dude. How hood was that. Just to be there in that moment of protection is something that I never felt before. And just to know that this feeling was only gonna last for so long was fine with me, because we are from two different worlds, and no matter how hard we try to keep it tight, it won’t happen, because day and night can’t and won’t ever co-exist.

I know there is some bigger plan for my life.

But I haven’t quite narrowed it down to the bare exposition quite yet. It lies somewhere in between a challenge of motivating others to be the best that they can be and entertaining people through their dramedy with my life stories & experiences.

How will I get there? I don’t know. Some days I’d like to think, I’m on some type of black brick, trimmed in Tiffany platinum road to oblivion-but the windy curvy road that always lies ahead in life, deters me from what I thought I knew. I can’t really be sure.

While trying to balance on the axis of life, I have to hurry and make a decision before my idea of the yellow brick road turns to ruin.

Thank You: 215, for being in my mind and understanding who I am on a raw level. I am looking forward to Tavern On The Green!

4 U 215


Stone said...

Shocked is all i can say! Nasty state of shock i am in. lol

Anonymous said...

well, well, looky, looky. what a read this am. it was like your damn book.just reading to see what happens next. thanks for letting us/the blog world into your life.

Anonymous said...

well, well, looky, looky. what a read this am. it was like your damn book.just reading to see what happens next. thanks for letting us/the blog world into your life.

Rahshek said...

Wow, this stuff made is made for TV drama. I'm willing to produce, if you are willing to hand over the rights ... lol, I could certainly see this on the big screen. There is never a dull moment at JUSTASKTRENT, that's why I continue to visit -- it has become my cup of joe. Just the jump start I need to be the most productive corporate bee possible. I look forward to the follow-up :) SMILE your on camera