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Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.

9.15.2005

Three Down, One To Go

If her name is Donna, Barbara, Pat, Diane, Elma, Elaine, or Joan she's more than likely a bitch!

Shot Outs to: The Readers, The Divo for gracing us with his presence...and question does he really walk around speaking the way he types? Does he really come and go in peace? I bet he'll curse your ass out and make you feel like dog doo-doo on a hot summer day...Big ups to the children of Bethlehem and Blair.

So remind me to be on time to English class! Which I dread the most-and not just because most English teachers are assholes and pricks, but because my fat ass was subject to a baby chair for three hours without a break! They ran out of adult size seats. You know those small ass chairs with that tiny desk made for all of you skinny bitches. God my stomach was in pain! By the time I got home there was a crease on my stomach so tuff, I thought someone took my ass to the dry cleaner and asked for heavy starch! I will be getting there 30 minutes early, I am not putting myself through that shit again. Either that or go through with lipo, cause I am not gonna be in grad school going through all of that. Anyway, Nate likes to play with my stomach for some reason and why does that irritate me...he likes grabbing my man boobs too...You know Stone is actually infatuated with them as well...hmmm.

Anyway, my official week of school is almost done...and I think that I've so far gotten over my fear of math. Maybe it's because it's remedial math. Wait did I just admit outloud that I am in remedial math? Wait...OMG, I was honest....I don't fuck with numbers like that. I balance a check book, I can compute royalties and the amount of books I've sold, I can count how much I owe people, I can compute my pay check and things like that, that's as far as it goes. It fucks with my brain to do anything else. Do I really need math to read off of a telepromopter? Or run my mouth and ask people questions?

So what. I think this is a great way for me to finally start slow, start with the basic foundation of math so when I do get the X or the Y thrown into the equation, I won't queen out and fail the course. Tonights math class was boring. I have this old ass white man teacher who was clearly reared in one of the red states stand in front of this dry erase board, write down problems in front of all these Black and Hispanic students and not explain shit. When someone challenged him about a problem, he yelled at the top of his longs like he really hated being where he was and like he had somewhere to go. Hmmm...I love a challenge...I'm sure I'll pass this fucker with my eyes closed, Every Eye Shut Ain't Sleep...I've got my speech class tomorrow, you know a bitch can run her mouth. (Wait, am I a girl?)

So why was I in Target of all places tonight, you know what goes down in Target...I picked up a few items, I get to the register, forgot my last 30$ in the house and the debit card...so I resort to the check book, why did that muthafatha get declined? OOOOOOOHHHH I was hot. They give me some 1-800 number to dial, when I dial it I get Maria, she is on some she doesn't know why my check didn't go through "I wasn't on her list," I would have to call between 6-10 pm central time. I will be up at 4 a.m. on their phone figuring out why the kids check isn't good. I don't have a criminal record, I got fucked up credit, I don't hang out with the check writing queens, what is the deal? Damn them I wanted my Cookies & Cream Granola Bars, and my new aveeno lip balm. Speaking of which. I love the Aveeno line. I use all of the face stuff...really helps a greasy bitch out.

So dating is interesting...hmmm. I saw his Johnson last night....WOW. Don't ever just pull it out. I will wait for sex...although, I love the art of fellatio. Damn it was big...I wonder if he'll let me....

Okay I am in love with Alvin...

So why am I on the phone with Erika. And she's telling me the story of how she's at the wax place. Me and my friends never carry cash on us, I think we are debit and Credit Card Queens (I love my AMEX) anyway, she gets waxed or whatever and she goes to pay with her debit card and the lady is like we don't take debit cards, cash or check only. Erika is baffled because she is in the heat of Beverly Hills and they don't accept credit card, so the Lady tells her to make a dash down to the Bank and come back...so this is only Erika's second time at the location and the lady trusts her...and I told Erika thats only because she knows something you dont. I told her she secretly planted a device that will make her coochie itch in 10 minutes if she caused drama on her way out...thats how they do it.

I must be loosing my touch. Dr. Bad Vibes must have visited the likes of well, I mean whatever, I can't turn or pull tricks like I used to. All the people that I want to interview are booked and arent returning my calls, I must be getting old. There is nothing worse than an old hoe.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

you are too busy for my ass. an old hoe.

Jamal K. Franklin said...

Whew...alright then - I gotta go. I'll talk to you later. Bye.

***

Why did it feel like I was on the phone w/you? That was spooky - but you're HILARIOUS!

Coming Into Reality,
-Jamal

The Divo said...

Yeah, I do speak as I type. I think that is sometimes a blessing and a curse. I know it's a curse cause folks start to hang up on me when I call.

Wassup Playa,

I see you have had a comedic week at school it is so good to see you on that grind. We will be sharing horror stories for the year together. If you need help in REMEDIAL just let me know, I failed it 4 times passed with an A last year. Then went on to regular math and beasted.

Holla at a dawg.

As always in Parting,

I came in Peace and in Peace I leave.

Stone said...

HE LIES ON ME. LIES LIES. THOU SHALL IT BE SENT TO HELL FOR THAT LIE