Despite the dramatics of life, I've got a lot to be thankful for...and I am glad that I was able to go through my little snafu's. I haven't talked to my mother in 5 days. I think it may be better that way for the time being. The nigga is still walking around here like he's running shit, when he is nothing more than a liability, tax write off if anything. But every dog has it's day, so I am not too worried about it. As much as we see things when we're on the outside looking in, we can't really do anything but stand by and wait. But me being me, I'm moving on, I've got too much plotting to do to wait on someone else's downfall, I need to worry about the cushion on my own falling.
For the most part, my Janet Jacksonesuqe, Velvet Rope depression is over. I can now focus on my new books, my show and getting my personal life together...I know that I have too much potential to be wasting it on people who are obviously unhappy with their own shit and the only way they cope is to hate on me.
A few things, fuck who ever anonymous is, I can talk about my mommie issues all the fuck I want to. I suggest you take another look at the disclaimer to the bottom right of the screen, take a hint and catch a brick while you at it! I can rant and rave about whatever I want to, this is my shit. The last thing I need is another angry bitch trying to front me, fallback the time is changing! Thank you to all of those who allowed me to vent and be free and clear like my Sprint phone plan, I appreciate that...especially to my Grandma, who asked me "So are you dating..." Aunt Jacky, Tara, 215, Shondra, Shawn, Erika, Antonio, thank you for understanding ME, not some other version of me...Thank you to my readers who gave me insightful advice, and those who reevaluated their own relationships in their life, that's what were here for...to help each other.
You know, we never know how life is going to go. Things just happen, but I think that we, I, get so caught up in being human at times, just trying to solve everything ourselves, and turn to other people for help and or answers, we never look at the source of higher power in our lives. Throughout the week, I didn't even pray...not a once. I just thought I could handle it. But let me say this. GOD will bring you down to your knees to remind you, it ain't about you, it's never about you. It's about him and what he calls you to do, what he wants you to say, what your ministry or message will be.
Today I finally had the unrestricted ability to go to church...and the message, the word was so real to me. "Each and every thought has life or death attached do it." I thought about the ways I was going to kill that man. I even went to the shooting range and bought new bullets that could do the worst damage the quickest. I thought about all the ways I could get back at my mother for being so horrible and shiftless. I just knew that taking back her birthday gift of less than a month could easily go back to Zales, and I could replace my Marc Jacobs cologne and have enough left to splurge on new camera equipment or put in a quick Money Market or CD account to put out my book. But was any of that worth it? HELL NO. Fuck that Marc Jacobs cologne. Fuck that man, fuck my mom...leave them be, GOD TOLD ME. Focus on GOD and he'll take care of the rest, everything will fall into its place in its right time. That's what I learned...it was in my heart-it's not about me...
The pastor said "Every though and idea must be investigated, for the enemy comes like a flood." Was he telling a lie? Lies are sincere he added. I laughed to myself because I was just thinking what kinda lies that man was telling my mother...and how they contradict what's on his wrap sheet...LOL. Anyway, Pastor said, "Thoughts, Ideas and Suggestions...watch out for them."
In all of my wit, twisted humor, and me blurting out whatever I want...See through the fog people!
This week, I'll be finishing up 2 1/2 books and plotting...I have a lot to bring to the world! I appreciate you so very much and I thank you for being reflections of my gifts. (Who am I Erykah Badu?)
There was something else I wanted to say. OH...I am incorporating more prayer in my life...daily. You want to join me. No matter where you are, pray at 12:00 noon with me (It'll be 9 a.m. for me) if you can go for a full minute do it. Pray for yourself, pray for your family, pray for whatever issue you're having, pray for abundance of everything, pray to be in a position to help others, pray for positive and life changing friendships, pray for new relationships, pray for Whitney Houston, pray for Trent Jackson...okay let me stop being silly. But PRAY. Even thought I am crazy, I mean the ish!
Shout Me A Holler
Fuck a fake 1
Catch a brick...
P.S. Every thought and idea must be investigated!