Me

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Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.

11.30.2005

Bitch November Is Over...

Logo better have their shit together tonight with a new Episode of Noah’s Arc, or else, they will be getting another angry letter from me. But baby, are yall into Law & Order Special Victims Unit? Did you see what the feds and the local authorities were serving last night? OMG, I can’t take it. They so made a plot out of the Hurricane Katrina tragedy and how this white man (they are always up to something) stole some damn anthrax (devils), used the black man, who was a pedophile, that stole three sisters after their mother and grandmother died in a flood took them to New York, white man sold the anthrax, gave a vile of it to one of the little girls, told her it was fairy dust, she dropped it, the man that stole her, breathed it in, he died, girl it was just a mess, like how John left Bernie into Waiting To Exhale. So real, so real.

Hi, My name is Trent Jackson and I am a mess.

Shot Out To: Nicola…I see you and yo tat! Try getting 7! You can’t hang!!! Whatever, shot out to Mr. Davis, you make my coochie so warm when you leave me messages, I feel like Prince, “Why come you don’t call me…anymore?” You’re such the asshole…I’ve heard about you. Shot out to all of my readers! I love you, thank you and appreciate you…just buy my new book that I am working so hard on! And thanks to all of you who bought At This Moment! And making it a bigger success than I’ve ever imagined. Um, Tara where are you? Shondra, I love you. Shawn…it’s time for a collabo.

I see yall nosey ass bitches wanted the rest of the story, yall got it and didn’t know what to do with it. I tell you about the blacks. They always want to know the business, want you to give them the truth, spill the beans, you tell their asses, then they can’t take it! I’m threw. But alright for having 30,000 hits at the end of the week Trent, I must be doing something right.

Comcast was playing with the internet tonight. Why am I addicted to my computer? If my internet goes out I am worse than a blonde bitch with botox, collagen, and bleached skin in a scary movie...wait, I did just describe a scary movie. Internet went down, I start mood swinging, next thing you know an apple was in my mouth, cause I stop picking up cookies. Then I got on the treadmil with Gucci shades in tow cause I didn't want to make eye contact with anyone in my house...it was a mess, then I started pretending like I was Bree Van De Kamp and started getting wrinkles out of my sheets, I even changed the linens and put in some of those dryer sheets to make my nose burn at night while I am sleep, I think I should masturbate when I go to bed tonight, it's been about 7 days, and I haven't had sex in a couple of months, maybe I should call up whats his face so I can get some...I need to get married so I can just be the whore I secretly am with one person, since I am so not into the casual sex thing and if Sprint cuts me off one more time for .50 cents I am going to queen all the way out. I know my account spending limit is 200.00 and I accept the fact that I am a motor mouth and I know I go over mnutes all the time, but .50 cent and then you really want me to write you a check or charge .50 cents! Pahlease...I'm just a window shopper. I'm glad I got that out.

So let me tell you, a few days I told this boy that I liked him. Why when you tell boys you like them they start ackin crazy and things? Like getting scared, not calling you back, start being short on the phone and things. I am gonna stop telling boys stuff! Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them! I do want to see what one of my reader’s looks like, cause I heard he’s hot. I just may have to fly to his city and setup some type of book event to get him to show his face.

You know while we’re on the topic of what people look like, why are bloggers so anonymous? Why is it that they think people don’t know who they are? I mean your identity is not secret! Don’t you know I know who you are! I know what all of yall look like, yall secrets are NOT SAFE! Here I go startin shit. Trent Jackson knows all. Damn you! Don’t get stepped to! I still love yall though; some of yall should stay in hiding, ugly bitches. (Smile…I’d rather be fat than ugly and skinny…sick looking)

Anyway…Speaking of boys, you know the one of the bloggers that hates me the most, Tim, in Chicago, he has a new picture up and he is such a cute man, I must say…mothas secret got a little warm…How You Doin Tim? Awww…I miss him. Yes, I'd be the first to say that I read that blog...

Why is it like 32 days left in the year…I don’t know how I feel about that.

So did I tell you my cousin that got paroled back in August, yes Mark. Is a crack head? Girl…Baby…I need to into remissional prayer. Yes I said remissional, remission like cancer. It makes sense, look it up hoes, or catch a brick. You know I can slay a bitch with my verbiage. I have a few interviews coming up…including my first female interviewee…and yes there is even an interview with your favorite…and a revisit from…

Catch me tomorrow when I am not throwin jabs! Noah’s Arc Tonight, Trent Jackson Forever, and a brick in hatin ass bitches face infinitely!

Shout Your Niggar a hollar!
I’m out like Jheri Curls in the 90’s.

11.29.2005

The Breakup Part 2

So the funny thing is, I’m dating this guy and all these people are looking like, how did I get that one, why is he with me, I’m too fat to get a cute one, I look better than him and all that. People were jealous of me and they had no idea what type of person he was, what his vices were and what I dealt with…that’s why I always tell the fags all that glitters isn’t gold. I had bitches being dirty to me left and right and even had them talk shit to him about me as I roll my eyes and shake my head at them…I am just like look at those clueless bitches.

I am not gloating in the fact that we were together, but on a very big level I never thought of myself less than because I was overweight or anything like that. I took the time to learn who he was and get to know him on a intimate level while everyone else was just trying to fuck him and be around him because of his status and power, I thought he was attractive from the gate, but I wanted to be his friend more than anything, because I saw his need for one.

I knew he did cocaine when I first met him. He had that look. If there is one thing I can spot on first meet are a drug habit and persons personality traits. I can’t knock him for his problem, because as far as I am concerned food is a drug too. Overeating may as well be the equivalent to cocaine or weed, the only difference is it’s legal and it will kill you too, if you don’t know how to control it. He was a friend first. I fell for his charm, his ability to connect to me on a personal level. His ability to listen and give me constructive advice about business and career moves, his loyalty, his support…

By no means did we breakup mainly because of his habit. A lot of things go along with that, that I am not ready or willing to deal with at this point in my life. He is a beautiful person and I think is the only true one that KNOWS me inside and out. He did a lot of other things that I didn’t like, but that necessarily doesn’t discredit his character and his innate ability to love and accept me for who I am wholeheartedly.

When he first told me that he had the problem, my heart stopped for a minute. In my experience in dealing with heavy drug users, I’ve never had one come out and tell me, I have a problem that I need help with before we continue. I commend him for the decency to be up front with me before we really solidified our relationship. That I will always be thankful and grateful for, that must have been a hard thing for him to admit…I didn’t judge him, I knew that he was weak and very, very difficult for him to say…I always think, what if that had been me, telling someone I wanted to be in a serious relationship with.

A drug problem is something that I cannot excuse or compromise on if I am in a relationship, those of you have read my book know how I feel about that. But I can deal with him not returning my calls on time, or not seeing him. When I am in a relationship, I love hard, very hard. I don’t ever loose myself, but I do breathe and live my man…I am dominant but very submissive. I love to be in love. I love the fact that I am involved intimately with someone who I can show my tender side with, someone I can express myself freely with, someone who I can rant and rave with and they not judge me, someone that listens to my viewpoints, someone who knows Tarrance and Trent…and knows the difference, someone who is interested in me, not the world I am creating for myself. He did all that and some…and I miss that, I think he understood me a lot better because he is an artist as well.

We are still friends. I cannot completely turn my back on someone who needs help fighting an addiction. People use for many different reasons. He explained himself and laid his life out to me…we all cope differently and like I said, food may as well be my coke habit…but right now, until he gets his life together, till he feels he is ready to be in a relationship with me, or whomever, I will be waiting, because we have a connection that many people don’t have: Honesty, openness and willing to let themselves go and be seen naked. I am not going to make myself at his leisure, but I will be there for him.

Will it happen in the future, I hope so. I am hopeful. I know that he can shake this…he’s too strong (although he’s dependent), too talented, too smart not to ex the vice…I have faith in him. I know that all he needs is the right support system that he has been lacking for such a long time to see him through this and just for that reason and that reason alone I will be there. I’m not giving up on him…he just needs to work on himself right now.

I think about who I was before I got to this segment in my life. Many people gave up on me and didn’t give me any chances…but there were a couple who gave me a chance and backed me…I owe them, and the reason why I have to be there for him is because there were people there for me, I have to keep the cycle of strength and support going.

11.28.2005

Niggas Ackin Stupid: An American Pastime

Alright, Alright...children settle down. I've descended back to bloggerville. The kids queen out when I leave them in suspense, happy to you know were paying attention to all of my antics! Even got a few of you closet readers to put on your rainbow stickers...calm down my little steadfast litter the conclusion to my breakup will be posted tomorrow, of course I had to recap the weekend.

Now aren't we all mad that Logo had the nerves, the unmitigated galls, to trick The Blacks like they did on Wednesday? No NOAHS ARC!!! We've been had, we were taken for a loop, led astray, hoodwinked! I can't take it. But I did have a time watching all of the episodes in order, and I enjoyed the Bobby and Whitney Marathon on Bravo too...Speaking of Bobby, have you heard him singing the hook on Damien Marley’s Song? If you haven't take a listen...Alright for hooks, shout out to Shawn!

So my Thanksgiving was cute, non emotional, I had already told that man if he stepped foot to anyplace where my name was on the deed there was going to be a bad misunderstanding, so I always get what I want.

Let me tell you how I was up cooking all damn night, starting on Wednesday at 11 p.m. ended at 4 a.m. Thanksgiving, then woke up cooked from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Baby Trent set off a Turkey, Dressing, Greens, Macaroni & Cheese, Candied Yams, Potato Salad, Green Beans, Apple Pie, Sweet Potato Pie, My homemade cranberry apple sauce, and a good ole treadmill and a dildo to go off on when I got done eating all of that food. I can't forget my high-powered Dick Gregory style bowel cleanse, cause a bitch is on the Kanye West workout plan for the new photo shoot coming up on the creep. Whew. I can't take it. When am I finally get the right man, fuck that, the right friendship circle to cook for?

Um Shot Outs To: Alvin, I am glad that you enjoy the writings on the wall...you made me warm when you said that...stop! You're too funny and I can't wait to see you play! Tara. Hmm. Shondra, I told you I be prayin' over here! To all of my readers, thank you! I appreciate you.

So I watched The Boondocks last night for the first time and I must say that it is now in my Sunday night rotation! That Aaron McGruder for giving us such wonderful satire! I love it. Tonight’s episode called "The Itis" (as in niggaitis) was so hilarious! He said the top three killers of Black people are:

1. FEMA
2. Pork Chops
3. Nigga Moments

I can't even go into it, you just have to watch it. He tells the truth and he even uses "nigga" cause yall know yall use it too, yall just be tryin to front like yall don't. I love Aaron awww...Shout Out Aaron McGruder and the whole Boondocks team! And alright for my favorite hood actress Regina King who plays the voice of young Huey...she pulls it off too. Hot, real hot. Alright for the animated blacks havin Tivo and how they were watching their version of the Vibe Awards and how someone throws a chair and the niggers just start ackin stupid and it become an American past time...

On to Desperate Housewives...So Is Lynette’s boss a bitch or what? That good dick that she got a few episodes back needs to come and revisit that tired coot. Wait...but she did from that office worker who I thought was a member of the same team I was on...and then got him fired, just like a white bitch. What she needs is some of that good black...remember I told yall that? But I am glad Lynette is good with office blackmail, she is a mess for getting everyone fired, so much for her clever plans, is this the first to backfire? Bree is fierce for that shotgun! She makes me wanna go out and get one, but you know the blacks can't fire a weapon out of their second story window and not get arrested for public endangerment, and don't have no priors cause it will be a felony and next thing you know you'll be on lockdown. And Carlos! What, clutching my pearls for dear life. What is the tea with that nun he's kickin' it with, she is giving me Laura Ingalls! I can't. Miss Susan and her father...why is she so clumsy! Startin' fires, killing people in the back of the feed store, makin' people breakup with her...I am so over Susan. Bree needs to nip that psychotic pharmacist alone he is a mess and so is that nun that Gabrielle is trying to have a showdown in the middle of Wysteria Lane with. Mess...all of that Hospital last words stuff Bree was giving, oh so white girl! The white girls are a mess, that’s why I am into them and all like that, I so can't wait until next week.

I am so mad that I was working on my new books Sunday night like I have been the whole weekend, and the fuckin power went out. OH I AM SO PISSED!!! So when I pull back into the driveway, that man is out there fuckin with the circuit breaker with no flashlight. Which totally annoyed me, I leave the house to go get a new facial buffer from Target and look what happens, my humor erased and it didn't help that this muthafatha is out there fuckin' with electricity in the dark and he don't even know what he's doin. Bastard. I walked up to the box told him he shouldn't be fuckin' with unfamiliar territory, I pressed one button and the house lit up like morning sky...he was pissed, he wanted to be the man so bad, and here I am the Homo of the house and I got him right on together...so much for calling me a fag. LOL. I love the fact that he's 46 and I am 23 and I own two houses now, with no felonies (God forbid, but I have self-control) media company, nice stash and a lot of other things in my order...my whole point on saying all of that. Don't make fun of the less fortunate, don't talk about them, watch them close. One so they won't get to close to plot your downfall out of jealousy, and two to use them as your personal blueprint on what not to be like.

I love you! I'll see you tomorrow with the breakup!!!


If you don't like something change it, if you can't change it, change your attitude!


11.23.2005

THE BREAKUP...

Um, I know yall are like, nigga you are a few hours late for the post...but it's all good cause I am still here. I mean when you cut corners and cheat you get cheated in the end too, so I couldn't leave my good and faithful readers in the cut, left hanging out on a limb...

Let's do some housekeeping. Don't forget to watch Noah's Arc tonight! And Happy Thanksgiving to all of you! I will resume my regular blog schedule on Monday! So have a great safe weekend and don't forget to go and get your colonics after you eat all that food! Honey walking around feeling heavy ain't cute especially if you're already fat, take it from a bitch that knows.

Shot Outs To: Nic, alright for being so cool! I love you and I thank you! Check out Nic's review of the AMA's last night, which by the way were a major yawn. Cash, where is my damn money? 215...I understand. The Blacks, M.I.A. for gobble gobble day? Hmmm.

Breaking up isn't the most easiest thing to do. But when you know you're putting yourself in a situation where there will be drama and unlimited ego sessions, you may as well cut off you losses before they happen and move right the fuck on.

When two men are in a relationship, everything is magnified times 10. You have two male egos, if you're dating a black man, that's two gay black men, which is drama within itself, you have so many issues wrapped up in a package that you want to make work, but if you don't feel like the extra push then it's not for you. And even if you try to make it work, your partner may have been hurt, or is carrying around so much Tumi Luggage that he can't even get on the plane cause his shit weighs too much.

I am a relationship oriented type of guy. I understand and can effectively put into action the theory of understanding and compromising-but I remain single and I know the reasons why I am single. I am opinionated, I usually don't conform to other peoples ideas or suggestions, I say what needs to be said and I just don't go for anything, it's called being an individual. Being an individual and compromising is a fine line. But people don't know how to not compromise their emotions versus their own personal beliefs, there is a difference. No one made me a relationship expert, this is just my opinion mixed in with a little bit of my life experiences.

So I met this guy, earlier this year. Nice guy, he is in the "industry" talented, nice, we've got a lot in common, and I knew right away that we would date and all that. The only thing was he didn't live in L.A. which wasn't a problem, because I saw him a lot on the road and we've even met up with each other a few times, so it wasn't like I didn't see him enough. Lets say about June we decided that we wanted to start dating each other after a few months of courting if you will. I was real geeked on having this smart, talented, attractive man be apart of the program, and what made everything better, is he asked me did I wan't to wear a ring...how cute right, no do you want to marry me or anything like that, do you want to wear a ring. I said sure, I liked the idea of security, commitment. I thought that this was it. Everything I wanted in a guy-I was on my way...until he told me he had a drug problem.

...I'll finish later, I'm running late for work.

11.22.2005

FanMail!

This entire post is dedicated to anyone who has sent Trent Jackson FanMail! Gosh, I feel like TLC now...

I thank each and every person who has sent me FanMail. When I started this blog in March, I didn't know what I was doing. All I know is that Fred suggested that I start a blog and his simple suggestion turned into a 1,000 visitor a week semblance of expression that allows me to balance the axis of life. I didn't plan out to have 22,000 hits, I didn't know that I blogging would be vicious and that I would be a source of inspiration to people across the world...I didn't haave a clue. But I'm here and I've accepted that challenge. I didn't think that I would have met or been in contact with so many people like Shawn Taquan, Tha Other Shawn, Rashek, Divo, Frank, Stone...a few others. I never saw any of my infamous interviews with No4real or bitch out sessions with a few of the other silly hoes I've encountered, but it has been an interesting ride-and I am grateful for every minute of it...

I thank each and everyone of you who have made my hit counter reach over 25,000! Wow...who would have imagined? But I am glad to know that you enjoy my rhetoric, my banter, my jargon, my verbiage-all of me, the good, the bad, the insecure, the secure, the confident, the fat, the scared, the right, the wrong...all of me. If it were not for your validation I wouldn't be here today. So I thank you.

Some Of My Favorite Fan Letters:

Hello Trent,

Hope you're doing well. I am writing to give you mucho kudos for your blog. It's been a mainstay in my blog favorites. Your post "The Day I Died," was especially touching. These are the kinds of posts that really get to people. These are the kinds of posts that can save lives and uplift people. Your story has helped me as I continue to struggle with issues of self-esteem, sexuality, doing what I want vs. doing what others want, etc. As of late, my life seems to have me on an emotional rollercoaster (seemingly more lows than highs). I don't know how many times I've died emotionally within the last five years or so from so many different but personally impacting events. I think you sum it up pretty well by saying this:

"Although life is a constant struggle, it is never worth giving up, it is never letting people dictate your life for you, it's not about pleasing others to feel your self worth. It's about finding out what it is that you want, what's you happy, and you do it. Fuck what ever you go through, that's only to prepare you for what's to come. Nothing in life easy, everything is worth the pain, the struggle, the story, the lesson, the tragedy, and the triumph. I am here today because I was allowed to die (in the emotional sense) and comeback revived, refreshed, revamped and in control of my own destiny. Thank you for allowing me to have this moment. Thank you for giving your gift to the world. Thank you for reminding me, and anyone else who has read this not to give up on yourself, because you never know what tomorrow holds."


I'm slowly but surely getting better. It's going to take sometime to get to where I'd like to be. I'm faithful that I'll be there.

I'm so glad that you made it through. It would be a shame if we were robbed of a person of your caliber. You're an extraordinary individual. Ultra-talented. Very intelligent. And pretty handsome. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story, your struggles, and your wisdom. (Your book's on my reading list!)

Keep up the great work. Talk with you soon. Have a good one!

Take Care,

***********
Hello Trent,

I have been a silent reader for the last week. (Ever since
I clicked next blog and you appeared.) I have been trying to read it from the beginning before I contact you but that's not going to happen. Your blog is funny, of course it has it's serious times but it gives me entertainment. Keep up the good work!!

***********
Ok...I am going to try to not sound too much alike a fan...BUT...I have to tell you that I truly enjoy your work...not through your book (though the next time I am in the States I fully intend to get copy) but through your blog...I found your page through Frank's about 3 months ago and have been reading ever since.

I read all of your archives...and have loved every one. You are insightful, controversial and horribly funny....and all those heifers who hate on you need to find some humor!

I have always wondered how I could have left comments on your page but for some reason I just cant seem to set up my blogspot page properly.....so I said Fuck it and chose to go with Myspace (which I see as inferior in my eyes but say what...I lived with it).

I hope that you do still check this page from time to time because I would be very happy to have some link to you in some way.

Loving you and what you do,

Anton

***********
First up just let me gush and get all the accolades out of the way. I'm a fan of your blog. I just recently started getting into the world of blogging and yours is one of the blogs that I really look forward to on a daily basis. You bring something really different because you represent for all of the brothers who don't fit the image or norm of what is quote, unquote the accepted norm. That's not to say that you're not fabulous or fierce but you know how the children can sometimes be. I really like what you do and I like what you represent so this is why I always hit you up as well as give you shout outs. So just keep on being the cool as hell, very real person that you are because it takes someone like yourself to keep all these other boys in their place. You know I was trying to find a place to put the word verbiage in here but I'm almost done so I canĂ‚’t. I always laugh when you use that word because it is starting to become your signature trademark. Peace and one love to you Trent.

Some Of My Favorite Posts:
I shared some really personal things that a lot of people who didn't read my blog in thebeginningg didn't get. So I'll select one blog entry f
rom each month up until now. I started my blog in March of this year, and my favorite entry for March was, I smiled Today. It was the first time that I talked about my cousin Mark, and seeing him for the first time, while in jail, since we were teenagers. It was a really interesting process. April's favorite Post was,
New Leash On Life, simply because I was expressing myself, it was very introspective and poetic. May would have had to have been my post called,
"The Bitch Has Gotten Besides Herself!" That white woman who thought she was gonna come all up on my blog and give it to me bareback. I had to shut her down. And I also liked my interview with Shawn-TaQuan, that is one of my most famous, if not my favorite interview. June brought my interview with Divo, whom bared his soul. I think I have a knack for getting people to open up to me...July was my Open Letter, because it started so much shit, a riff between me and theMidwestt blogging crew (YAWN) they still aint got shit on T. But overall, they still took what I had to say out of context. But people only have a problem with you when you speak the truth. August was my infamous, "Shut Up Bitch" post. September was when I told yall how "Stupid" I was. I think I finally got over my ex then, and I was officially going to be single for a year...Last month I didn't have any favorite posts, because there were too many things going on. I had yet another fallout with a blogger, who cares, I had a fallout with my mother, thats constant, and I got engaged, thats over. So, October was a delicious month for me...hmmm

So with a little over 25,000 hits, I am looking to reach the 30,000 mark before I go full blast with my new plans for my blog in 2006. The only way to do that, is to be who I am and continue to use the formula that has been successful thus far. Without you, my friends, not my fans, none of this validation and success would have been possible. You've supported me, you've given me great times, you've challenged me to think, you've bought my books, you've bought my friends books, you've sought me for advice! You've done so much. I thank you and Iappreciatee you for all that you've done! Truly without you, Trent couldn't be in existence.

I am not a celebrity! I am a friend of yours! We're all the same...we just deal with our problems a lil different! I love you (but I don't live for you) and once again without you, there is no me!

I'll see you tomorrow, where I'll talk to you about the breakup!!!
Don't Forget Imma about to turn this muthafatha out!

11.21.2005

HAPPY MONDAY!

What? They finally show the blacks on Wysteria Lane, why they gotta show them ackin all crazy and what not. I love Alfre Woodward's wig though, it's so shaggy, messy, yet so suburban blackish, still black enough not to be completely white, but it gives off Tina Turner on a bad day.
I can't spell for shit! If I didn't have spell checker I would be worthless, shit sometimes with it, I am still a mess. How You Doin? All right for the three-day workweek, and don't think for a second I wont be taking off Thursday and Friday too. I've been so tired for the past two weeks it’s been ridiculous, I can't take it. Trying to meet deadlines, talking to the executives here, there, conference call that, press release that, file that paper, go to that court date, plus go to work and maintain a relationship! WHEW. A muthafatha is tiyad.

Shot Outs To: Marz...I miss you! AWWW. I've been so horrible. But you have as many fans as I have! The kids love you...I'm watching you, from a distance. Tara, hmm. Superstar Nic, How You Doin'? Great to have you...And Clay...you are too deep!

You know, I have some of the best readers and fans around. I constantly get great fan mail; tomorrow I'll post some of the nice letters I get. I don't get too many bad ones, well not at all really, but I get some really good ones. I know, but I didn't know that I mad such an impact on people...wow. It's really humbling and such a blessing.

So I had an okay weekend. But what's up with the grocery store trip with my mom and my sister for Thanksgiving? So this was the first time that I spoke to my mom in about two weeks. So I am walking around giving shade with my Gucci eyewear on, she's actin all normal like nothing has happened and what not and I am not the one to sit around and act like nothing happened. I hate when bitches act like nothing happened and you're not supposed to be pissed off-girl please. Anyway, I finally took off of my glasses in the produce section and gave her this look, like cut the crap and give me my apology or else I won't be saying prayer or preparing dinner this year, needless to say, Trent gets what he wants and that was the end of it. After December 31st, I am not dealing with anyone or their bullshit, I've already selected out my theme for the New Year and everything. Standby for the next 40 days when I'll announce everything. Wow 40 days till the New Year, all right!

So mom is throwing shade cause I didn't tell her where my new house was. I wish that she and everyone else respects my privacy and understand that I won't be giving out my address or phone number for 60 days. I mean what? I want to be left alone, respect that. If you can't deal with it, don't do me. As much as I am public, I am private.

So while I've been enjoying my downtime from promoting my book, I've been trying to be motivated to write my new pieces...but it's not coming together like I want it to. I think taking this time out to myself and settling into my new space and all like that will help me focus like I need to so, we'll see.

I love you guys so much. I really do. I got a really nice fan letter over the weekend and it was so cute. I get a few fan letters a day-but I think this was the best one...I'll post it tomorrow. It's just really interesting to me because people write and they always say, "I don't want to seem like a groupie," or "Be too star struck," I am like who are they talking to? Because I really don't view myself as a celebrity or anything. It's so funny and like wow to me. I go through the same struggles, I still have a day job, I still get parking tickets, I am just a regular person-and because I know it's not about me or what I do, I think that makes the difference. Sure there are plenty of writers, who are more creative who have the potential to be great people, but many are called, few are chosen, and only a select succeed. But I love all of my readers! I do, and I thank you so much for your letters and I am glad to know that I am able to share my experiences with you...just wait until 2006!

What was up with Miss. Alfre Woodard, Ms. Betty Applewhites finger to the lips as the new Caleb was driven away in the platinum bands on Desperate Housewives...and I am glad that Bree finally got the memo that the pharmacist is a whack job, I wish my mom would get the memo about that man she's seeing. UH, Niggas and the shit they do. Did I tell you my engagement was really off? I'll talk about that on Wednesday, I've had enough this time...

After reading Shawn’s blog entry posted last night, I was inclined to talk about my growing relationship with God. Pray. I think a few weeks ago when I was going through my issues with my mom and my constant issues with my family, Prayer is the only thing that can help us and sustain us from going over that edge that we constantly dangle on. Remember God is gonna do everything he promised!!! So...In conclusion. I love you! I thank you for being apart of my world! Remember we pray together at 9 am Pacific, 10 mountain, 11 a.m. Central, 12 Noon eastern!

I heard a great quote last week, "Questioning and challenging authority can only lead to enlightenment."

11.18.2005

It's My Off Day

I am tired.
It's a pleasure writing to you 5 days a week and all like that but...I need a day off!

Thanks for supporting me!
Have a great weekend!
Turn the haters into motivators...

Catch me on the flip.
Be blessed not stressed!

Trent.

11.17.2005

BIIIITTTCH!

First she gave us the German, Irish, 80's punk rock, European fit that gave shade, shade and more shade and now She's giving us Motha Dashiki returning to roots better than her hair, Noah's outfits are outrageous, over the top, and an inspiration to all skinny bitches world wide! Alright Noah, I can't take it.

I keep telling the girls everything that glitters isn't Platinum! How and the hell is Noah's Man, Wade, the presumed heterosexual who doesn't like his ass played with, gonna shell out 4,000+ dollars one week and then the next be broke, girl gimme a break! You would think he had a secret crack habit, but we all know that "Crack is cheap, crack is whack, and if he spent that much money on crack, we better give him some receipts," alright. Alright? I mean I love the intent, but fuck, "Yes honey, I love him he is fine, he does a lotta nice things fah me..." Not the retro Janet, but Wade has a right to be pissed about the whole rewrite of the script, via the studio, aka, the Scarlet Pussy, who's pussys lined with platinum with the key to Heaven in her clit, who was involved in the three-way big as the freeway got them into this mess in the first place! You see how fish do, they cut you and get you caught up in all of that "emotional" mess. I know, I'm emotional too, that's how I know. I can't fuck with fish...anyway

Now. This whole, Little-C, Eddie, T-Money situation, needed to be a wrap, for those of us who have been keeping up with Noah's Arc, were excited that Chance, the new (quasi)thug on the block was getting rid of Eddie for his infidelity-cause lord knows I would have left his ass and took half of everything...why his pussy get weak and wanna go back? I mean, fuck, he got kids involved and things, trying to apologize, Eddie went through Toni Braxtons "Secrets" and gave out Another Sad Love Song while Chance was trying to figure out How An Angel Could Break his heart, while he wanted him to Just Be A Man About It, when He should have been thinking Why Should He Care? He should have walked on his ass found the remedy over the funny lookin, piss colored bastard, took that ring and threw it at him and make some potpourri out of those expensive ass flowers! Hmm. That whole situation was too Halle Berry, Eric Benet-ish for me, I can't take it.

Now whassup with Ricky and him falling in love with the intern!? That's all he needed was to be validated and recognized for the man that he is, that's all, sex doesn't give you fulfillment like that. Anyone can fuck, but it takes a true person to realize all they possess and be patient in getting the right one so the sex could be better. I think its wise for us to just wait and be patient on love, it will happen, it's meant to happen. Fuck what it looks like. I'll be watching Ricky closely, I hope he doesn't fuckup and let his insecurities get in the way of what looks to be a promising situation. We all need to experience love and step out of our boundaries just once in life, just to see what it feels like out of the comfort zone. You'll never know what it may bring you, you see Chance was happy for a moment in time, even if for a second.

Now Alex, that's my bitch right there! He puts the icing on the cake, only he would be dressed in all black ready to have a "Good clean, night fight," ski masks and all, with a casserole ready for combat! A little extreme, but hey, he's not that hot, but his piece is, he has every right to be a jealous, insecure whore! He's cute enough to make you that way. But I love him and his situation is gonna work out...But baby, the pool scene, the gun, hot mess! Totally hilarious-but he still gave it to me best when he was a woman a few episodes back!!! His one liners are amazing and to me, he definitely makes the show.

I am beginning to be engulfed in Noah and his Arc, this is a sure indication that I will be purchasing the season 1 DVD...I think I should start having Noah's Arc parties...hmmm. Don't forget to watch Oprah today, her episode is on "When I knew I was Gay." She has been talking about the kids a lot lately, I think she and Gayle are coming out...

tootles bitches!

11.16.2005

What? Can I get your opinion please?

So Noah's Arc, better be good tonight. I mean, Wysteria Lane is getting to bland for me, like the audience it targets, but I am seeing how Bree is going to work out this situation with the crazy drug dealer.

You know I really forgot what I was gonna talk about today...but I know I wanted to get your opinion on something....but I wanted to say something else totally unrelated. But If I remember it I'll just post it tomorrow...

I've just been kind keeping to myself lately-not really in the mood to chat or do anything, I'm trying to finish off these projects and reshuffle a few things and I''m in the process of moving too, so that is getting a bit sticky-icky...

But in my email in-box I got this "Press Release" and I wanted to get your opinion on it. I think it has valid points I think it's almost accurate, but...what do you think?


An Email Sent To A ListServ I am apart of...

LOGO IS A NOGO FOR AFRICAN AMERICAN LGBT COMMUNITY

LOGO, MTVN’s new ad-supported basic cable channel for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) audience, launched June 30, 2005 with more than one thousand hours of programming content and in almost 18 million homes across the United States. Programmed with a mix of original and acquired entertainment that is authentic, smart and inclusive, Logo features more than 250 lesbian and gay-themed feature films, an ongoing documentary series, newscasts tailored for the gay and lesbian community and quality original shows and specials. Out of the 250 shows on the network there has only been one (1) show and one(1) acquired film that has been created about African-American gay life. LOGO proudly boasts its more than one thousand hours of programming; yet, quietly addresses the fact that only 24 minutes of this programming is available to an African-American LGBT community. Programs such as Round Trip Ticket and Open Bar create an illusion of a gay America, which has erased African-American culture. In addition, the network continues to air programs such as Hip-Hop Homos. This well produced documentary not only failed to acknowledge the national phoemona of the “Gay Rapper”; but failed to introduce to its 18 Million gay viewers Caushun, the only gay rapper who inked a deal with a major recording company. We are continuously displaced with programs on the network such as WISECRACK, the late night comedy show featuring the comedic stylings of every non-African-American comedian from across the U.S. Where are the faces of Harmonica Sunbeam or Sophia McIntosh? Of the many gay films that air on the network is Ski Trip, the safe choice aired with little fanfare as the first African American gay themed film to ever play on a national network. There are films such as Paris Is Burning, Brother To Brother, Latin Boys Go To Hell, Burnt Money, How Do I Look and Punks, which have yet to see the light of day. At this point, The Atlanta DVD serial The Closet would be welcomed to a community starving for recognition. How much longer must we be subjected to another airing of Torch Song Trilogy and Priscilla Queen of the Desert? Nonetheless, anyone who has not seen or owns a copy of Angels in America they have to live under a rock! With more than 25 African-American pride events, circuit parties, and festivals, a slew of gay Black Gay Activist, Organizers, Drag Queens and Kings, Executives, and Taste Makers it continues to be a mystery as to how an entire race of people are erased from a network which has been designed to speak to them. While the network is home to original series, including: Noah's Arc, a scripted comedy-drama series based on the web phenomenon following struggling screenwriter Noah, an African-American gay man navigating love and life in Los Angeles with his three best friends. This is not the solitary voice of Black Gay America just as Queer as Folk was not the voice of White gay America. And the scale of indifference of this show would never tip over if we as a community another option to balance this program. This is in no shape or form any disrespect to the show creature! You go Patrick! So call your cable carrier! In fact don’t call your cable carrier. Compose an email to: Judy.McGrath@mtv.com, Tom.Freston@mtvstaff.com, Eileen.Opatur@mtvn.com, dave.mace@mtvn.com, brian.graden@mtv.com, and sumner.redstone@viacom.com. Tell them that you are embarrassed to at this abomination that they are passing on as a Network. Let them know that you are calling your cable carrier and advising them that you want LOGO removed from your basic cable plan! MTV Networks, a division of Viacom International Inc. is a publicly held company. You are John Q Public. Raise your voice and be heard. (NYSE: VIA, VIA.B). This isn’t about seeing 12 hours of Black Gay programming. This is about seeing more than 30 minutes once a week of Black people on television. Don’t let there be more Black people living on Wisteria Lane than on the LOGO network

11.15.2005

What If...One Of Many

I think as humans, people, we always sing that Brian McKnight song, "Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda." If we don't sing it, we certainly think it. It's apart of our psyche to wonder about what could have been, or what use to be.

One of my biggest questions in my life is "What would it be like to have a father?"

My father was murdered when I was 6 years old. He didn't live in Los Angeles with me, but we used to talk on the phone all the time. I use to look forward to his calls every Saturday and an occasional call during the week, to see what I was learning in school, or if I had fun, or if my mom was being mean to me or not. I remember his deep, husky, raspy voice that was always upbeat and had a certain spark of contentment to it. I could tell that he was happy to have a son, to be a father, I knew that he was looking forward to teaching me all the things that a father teaches his son, but that was cut short by a bullet.

I remember the last time that I talked to him. I remember it because he didn't sound the way he usually sounded. One thing, I could tell he was outside, and he sounded like something was wrong...He told me over and over how much he loved me and how he wanted the best for me, and even asked me if my mom had a boyfriend...and if I liked him, Daddy must have known something about my mom back then...lol. But later than night, my dad was murdered. June 19, 1988.

It didn't hit me, really until later, the fact that I didn't have a father. I didn't know the effects, especially since he lived out of state. But the kids made it more apparent than my mom did. They would tease me, because clearly I lacked the masculine touch. But that didn't bother me. I think it was the fact that most of my friends knew their dads or at least had dads, even if they were fucked up, they had them. I think as I got older, and I wanted to play football, and do all of the "things" that dad and their sons did, I didn't have that. I've always felt something was taken away from me. A piece of my roots, something that altered my very being of making me who I am.

I wanted a father to go to when I needed advice, when my mom got on my nerves, a dad to run to cause I needed five dollars, someone to talk to, someone to bond with, show me about sports, cars, the guy stuff...more so than that, someone who had a part in making me. Someone who looked like me, someone who thought, felt and did things like me. My father. Something that I don't know anything about...something I wish I had.

What if my dad never died? Would I have been the same person? Would I have been gay? Would I have an attitude problem? How would I think? Would I be in this chair, writing to you right now? Would I have finished school when I was supposed to? Would I have lived in California? Would he and my mother gotten married? What kind of job would he have had? What kind of person was he? What did he stand for? What were his goals? What did he want to be when he grew up? Daddy...what if?
Daddy
1959-1988


11.14.2005

A few Things...

It’s not how much baggage you have, it’s what you do with it that makes the difference.

For the longest I’ve been trying to check my baggage in at the airport and leave it there unclaimed. I don’t need it. I’ve been hearing Erykah tell me ‘Pack Light.’ As I search for the answers on why I need to have a chip on my shoulder and carry things around like the way that I do, or have been, I wonder who I would be without my baggage, isn’t that what makes me who I am? Isn’t that what my experience is all about? But truly, we've gotta shake it off, in order to be healthy, positive and productive.

Shot Outs To: 215, Tara, ShawnQT, Shawn, Shot Outs to my new girl on tha block, Miss. Nicki, 'how you doin?' Renita, Special shout out to Tha Blacks, so nice basking in your ambience this weekend...and to D, for hosting such a nice intimate event, although I was like 6 hours late. I always appreciate our conversations! And stop worrying about me; I'll be fine...But thank you for acknowledging my flame that burns with in, that no matter what, it will never be put out! Trust that..."It's their issue not mine..."

I had a great weekend. I was feeling, so to myself that I didn't want to do anything, I decided at the last minute that I wanted to be social, even after I told people I would be making appearances...I don't like the title flake, and since I am not one, I showed up. My first stop was at my friends early Thanksgiving dinner. It was cool, I loved it. Nice people, great food, unlimited liquor! But the one thing that I learned is that we all need someone. My friend is lesbian, and she and her girlfriend just moved in with each other. I realized over the weekend how difficult it must be to be in a gay relationship-and how your family can turn on you in the blink of an eye. It's really important to have a strong support system in which you can have some type of anchor and normalcy to the holidays and things that have become apart of our makeup. But I was so glad to have been apart of the dinner. It meant so many things to me; a sense of belonging, a sense of support, fellowship. It was beautiful.

I made my way, 6 hours late mind you, to a party that I was invited to a few weeks back and I appreciated that too. I was able to spend time with D & The Blacks. I don't get a chance to see them much, so I appreciate them even more. I ended the night with watching Noah’s Arc with D and his hot friends...and went home and ended my weekend with church and family time, quite cute.

This week I really need to focus. I'm way too smart to sit around not doing anything, basking in the mild success of my first streak of creativity. I feel the need to do more, interact with people more and share new experiences so people can learn and be blessed...

I'm blessed and fortunate to have been able to express myself freely, to have so many people support me and my creative drive, to see me for the beautiful person that I am, and accept me for what I bring to the table.

This week, focus on yourself. The beautiful person that lives inside, that coexists in a world full of drama and doubt. Reconnect with that person that is hiding, that needs to be seen, the person that counts, the person that makes the difference every time, you. Everyone has a message, everyone has a story to share, an experience to be apart of-realize that it's okay to be you and everyone has their time to be themselves.

Thank You for letting me be apart of your world, if only for a minute...as I thank you for being apart of mine.

Remember, it all comes back to you. At the end of the day, whatever it is that you want, you have to do it for yourself, not anyone else.

11.11.2005

It's Friday, It's Your Off Day, and I'm gonna get you fucked up!

So anyway, who's ever at fault, Terry, Johnathan, Oprah, whomever, the fact still remains that whether or not Ms. McMillan knew if infact her infantile husband was a homosexual, she was deceived and betrayed and has every right to be upset, I think. The fact still remains she should use her facial expression skills as a ventriloquist. They are a mess, they know it, I just have to make sure that I don't get into no mess like that.

Shot Outs To: The Blax, she made an appearance that had me gagging and clutching pearls all like that, I can't. Shawn-TaQuan, mmmhmm. 215, stop calling me during sleepy hour!!! I like it though. Shot Outs to all the readers, happy Friday.

Why can't people take a hint? I mean, as much as I am the "socialite," and in the mix of things, I am so ultra private and guarded, very reclusive-so why must this guy keep calling me trying to get me on a date talking about how he wants to be with me and all this loud talk about him crushing on me! YUCK, you're so gross, I don't know why I gave you my number, find someone else to bother. I keep telling him I am not interested, I am actually highly involved with someone, so it's best that he just remain at a friendship level, and when I am ready to hangout with him, I'll call him. I am the type of person to do things when I feel like, and I plan shit out. Furthermore, I have to mentally prepare for events, if I don't know about it at least 2 weeks in advance chances are I am not gonna go, unless, I feel like being last minute, sorry, that's just the way I operate. Take it or leave it. How do I shake him off like M dot Carey?

So why have I been playing M.C. Hammer like he is the best thing since black dick? I mean. So Shawn, one of my celebrity friends, has this interesting post on his blog. It is a three part video about the Bush administration and his push to pass the Patriot Act, he's only gonna have it up through Saturday. It's just over an hour long and everyone should watch it, especially since The Blax are off of work today, get off Adam for Adam or ThugBait and expand the mind!

So why am I like so Blah, this week was interesting, boring, bland, whatever, yawn already! I thank you for spending time with me!

I'll be working on my third book this weekend, and maybe I'll post some of it on Monday. Hmm...give me a reason to and maybe I will.

I just wanted to share with you, it's very rare that you find someone who is so open and genuine with you, it's a nice feeling, a lovely feeling. When you experience this emotion, make sure you sincerely appreciate them and let them know it. Be honest and open with them in return...give each other space, and understand the person for who they are and the experience that they have to offer. You know who you are, and I so appreciate you, and I think the world of you, despite your shortcomings, despite what people think or say about you, despite your insecurities, or what you feel makes you inadequate, it's what makes you the person you are...and I can't wait to be in the moment with you again.

Y'all have a good weekend! I'll see you on Monday.
Dreams are real, all you have to do is believe in yourself and everyone else will too.


Love,
Trent.

11.10.2005

Of Course...

Jonathan Plummer had an agenda! He wanted that citizenship and some loot. The man had a better eyebrow job than you lady come on! You knew he was gay, even though he dicked you down so good he made you blind to the fact that he was a versatile bottom...he knew he was gay too...he just suppressed it and though it could go away, but it didn't. He looked so fuckin pitiful on Oprah, in fact, he and Terry looked crazy.

No Shot Outs Today...

Terry McMillan let his ass have it! She let herself have it too, but I love her, she reminds me of myself a lil bit...hmm. Those facial expressions she made were giving me Ace Ventura. "I feel like taking this lamp and bashing your face in!" "Do you think he's gonna tell the truth?" Is she not impulsive, I was just sitting there waiting to see what was gonna come out of that nasty mouth next, but I loved every minute of it!

Everything about that man was gay. She has every right to be upset, irritated, pissed to have be publicly humiliated like that, and the nerve of that queen to try to sue her for what he did, just like a fag. Anyway, I love Terry, she's off the hook and a plum fool! She is the truth! I so need a photo op with her, did you hear those messages she left? Then she had the nerve to tell Oprah and Johnathan, "I broke the law! You could have too!" Mess! What is her problem? She is so erratic and impulsive, yet so brilliant. WOW. I don't know what to say, I guess she told all the business on Oprah, I can assume that there wont be a book about this particular issue. We'll see. Where is Oprah after the show...I would live for that. It's pretty clear that the two of them have issues, and I think that there is something there that we'll never know, like Terry knew what she was getting herself into from the gate, she just didn't know that it was gonna turn up like this. Hmm...we'll see. Fred had a good point too.

So Noah's Arc was, well, it was okay tonight. It was like whatever, all I'm gonna say is I wish I had a man like Wade. I mean what man do you know (besides me) has the ability to break out a checkbook and write out a check for 4,000.00 on the spot? Damn can I get a hookup. The show was cute, but nothing to make a fuss about, I am still trying to get over Ms. McMillan...

Why is MySpace so addictive and why is everyone that I didn't want to ever see again on there? I can't take it! I keep running into all the presumed heterosexuals that called me "fag" in high school saying hello to me, we have nothing to talk about, we didn't have shit to say then, we don't have shit to say now, get real. But it's kinda cute, cause you can run into the people that you have been looking for. If you're not on there, join, even if just to look. You'll have fun, caution, it's addictive.

I'm sleepy and hungry. I'll talk to you tomorrow with something more witty to say.

11.09.2005

T.V., Teddy & Trent

So, okay, election day was today, and Fred gave a great run down on what the Ballot was about, just checkout his post. Two things I tend to stay away from is Politics and Religion, I think Clay is much more effective on those two topics...ANYWAY.

Shot Outs To: Rahshek, How You Doin'? That's my partner in crime. Tara, it's always a pleasure! I love you and all that you do. Valentino...hmm, you know the deal and happy belated Birthday, I'll have to make that up to you in more ways than one, should we tell anyone our secret? TaQuan, you are a mess and I am going to announce our engagement if you don't hurry up and sign the pre-nump (we want pre-numps, we want pre-numps, Yeah! Trust the Swedish) mess, I think we should make our announcement. Shawn, give me what I want or our deal is off, lol. 215, Where, where are you now? Now that I'm ready to...finish the lyric.

Okay, so I am still mad at my mother for not gracing me with Mr. Teddy Ruxpin as a child. You remember the talking bear that reads to you at night and things, a toy of the 80's, 85 to be exact. He came out with My Buddy and Kid sister. I want them too, but I want Teddy Ruxpin more! So now that Christmas is only 46 days away, and what do I want? I want TEDDY RUXPIN! I will not be happy until I get it! My cousins had them, they had everything, now that I think about it they are criminal misfits and drug dealers, I am the only one doing something...wait a tic, on second thought. Anyway. I want Teddy Ruxpin, I don't want to ask my fiance for it, because he won't get it. He'll laugh and be like no, you're told old or some crap like that, and I gave up pouting years ago. So whatever, Teddy Ruxpin is hot.

So today is the day for T.V. here on the westcoast I won't get Oprah until 3, but Terry McMillan and her Ex-Wife will be on Oprah today to confront each other! Bitch this is gonna be better than me on the treadmill in a pink leotard! Then I'll follow that up to watch the girls on Noah's Arc do their thug dizzle, and of course why would you need TiVo, a T.V. Guide or a T.V. for that matter, since you have Trent Jackson, you know I'll give you the re-cap.

See I knew there was some shady shit going on, on Wysteria Lane. I knew the blacks were M.I.A. last week, but word on the street says that the nigga locked up in the basement (Which is a mess anyway cause that's not something that the blacks will do, I didn't like that from the gate), Paige Kennedy was fired from the show due to "misconduct" of a undisclosed nature. Hmm...I wish him the best, what will become of Alfre and her son, with his fine ass.

Alright for Patti LaBelle's tribute last night...UPN has just been hooking tha blacks up with programming. Nelly and Kelly opened the show with that cute "I Love You Number," which sampled Patti's, Love, Need & Want You Baby. Boyz II Men....awww, it was so nice to see them, Nathan (the one with the lips) needed to get some type of salt-water gargle going because he was giving me 3 packs a day, Kermit the frog throat...but as usual Wanya took us to Chuch! Let em rip, and Patti please don't put Ashanti's tiyad ass up there singing with you no more, the only thing Miss. Ashanti is good for is murdering the ink on some paper by lyricising to music, and she can half way do that right. Patti Looked good, well everyone looked good, but I wish Whitney would just get her ass half way right and give a tribute...but I think it's about time we come together and tribute her, maybe that will make her feel appreciated and make her want to come back and grace us one final time if she's that tired...Gerald LeVert could have stayed at home and he could have took his daddy with him.

So is any1 else feelin Mary J. Blige and her new cut Be Without You? That is the muthafuckin shit!

I have a question, but I don't want to start no shit, I'd rather let the people stay in their comfort zones, and then I'd be talking too much. Hmm. I do reserve the right...

It's been cute, don't forget Oprah, Noah's Arc, and my recap on Thursday!

Shout Me A Holler,
Fuck A Fake Bitch
Catch A Brick hoes!

11.08.2005

Frivolous Banter

Can you believe I don't have anything special to say? But when can I retire?

Shot Outs To: 215, Tara, Shawn, QT, and all of them like that. All of my readers, thanks...good to know you're still reading me, even after all of this

I mean I am truly at a loss of words! There was something that I did want to discuss with you though...my wedding, um something else though. I can't think of it...I'll tell you if it comes to me before the end of the posts. Oh wait, I know what it was...so, just when my book tour is officially over, here comes the media...I got two calls today from two different outlets that want to review the book and interview me. One of the outlets snubbed me last year when my book came out, now there is a little buzz around small circles that I am around the 6,500 mark people want to come talk...I'm not with all that. Media for At This Moment officially ended in October. One outlet I'll do, but the one that wants coverage now, wont get it...hmm, I like saying no, it feels so powerful.

Well thank you for helping me pick out my wedding band. LOL. I mean, hell, I needed some help, my partner can't and won't make decisions like that...he's weird like that. But they are both Tiffany rings and I like the first one a lot, but I also like the little flair of ring B. So we'll see. I am staying tight lipped about the situation, but some of you will be invited to the affair...if there is one, we haven't decided yet. But there will be some type of reception or something. I usually get what I want. But I think I am looking forward to the married life...awww.

So I don't really feel lesbians. I don't know, some of them are just...well. Not all but they are just. You know, a bit too, rough, abrasive for me. But very pink....very lambda-ish

Hmm...I couldn't just not post something...but I am plotting, you know me. I have a couple of interviews up my sleeve, and you guys always love them! Only if he would confirm, I don't like calling people out unless they show out...one is already confirmed, he has been for months.

Don't you guys enjoy Clay?

Me and my sister had a field trip to Target last night, we just walked around the store and picked up an item from each department, we were bored...Then we ran into our mother...it was real cute. But thats it...

My sister enjoying the ambiance at Tarjay. Looking a lil' ruff after a day of school

11.07.2005

Who Needs T.V. when there is Trent Jackson?

What?

So why did I go to bed early on Saturday, only to wake up on Sunday, thinking it was Monday, and how mad I was because I thought I missed Desperate Housewives. Why was I all messed up? I had a dream I was at church and all like that, and it was one of those way realistic dreams where you can touch, feel and smell things. So I was on one...But it was really Sunday, so I was able to wake up go to church and watch Desperate Housewives.

Shot Outs to: Tara, yes, thank you, just make sure you give them my government name and not the alter ego. Besides, just make sure he is readily available to be found, cause I am gonna be on that like a hawk (let me fall back my fiance reads my blog...) 215, I got your email and your voicemail...I'm busy. Fred Smith! (How you doin'?) Antone thank you for being such a vital, crucial part in my mental well being, I so appreciate that. I just want my cut off the top for that tell all book you're going to write about me...we contain so much.

So I was supposed to be focused on writing this weekend, that went out the window. Focusing is so important and detrimental to your success-you shouldn't be deterred from what it is that you want to accomplish, you need the drive and the need to want success...this is why I do better when I am in a relationship, I can focus 100% better! I have been single for 365 days...wow. YAWN! Men are so dumb, or something to that notion. I mean, whatever. Yeah, just whatever. All the men that I am in love with live elsewhere. I am on my way, don't worry...coming to a New location near u.

This weekend was interesting but boring, I mean this is my regular life we're talking here, not much goes on...although I do need your opinion on something later on...

I am so mad that Desperate Housewives is getting so YAWN! I mean what. Them hoes were on the top of their shit, not to mention they excluded the blacks out of tonight's episode right after Rosa Parks died, I mean what is that about? Haters. Anyway, Bree is getting on my last damn nerves, Hive girl? What? How is someone gonna slip her a mickey and then have sex with her, and she not feel dirty or some type of indication that her kitty trap has been tampered with? You mean to tell me that bitch can keep every hair on her head in order, keep every piece of Wedding China clean, every bed and table made to perfection and she can even feel a prick of a cock in her coochie, girl please! And poor Linette, all them cum stains on that suit, I know she was embarrassed about being the office joke, but damn. It's hard being a suburban soccer mom, not that I know or anything, but I am just saying. I mean three little white kids and a husband, that is a handful, you know those white kids are different from the blacks. Linette's boss is back to her bitchey ways, she needs to slip that bitch a mickey so she can get her mind right. What Bree and Linettes boss needs is some black dick to get their asses together. A mean piece of black dick will work them bitches over so senseless they will never look at another piece of rare meat again! Hmm...And why is Gabrielle a hoe. The real question is isn't that hoe suppose to be pregnant? Why isn't she showin yet? It's been three months in TV time. Whassup with that? I know she ain't tryin to tell us somethin. Poor Susan and Mike...Poor Susan and Mike. Noah's Arc is givin' these hoes a run for their money.

So I was thinking over the weekend...like I always do. I think I think too much, like right now. I always analyze things, and wonder if I am really crazy...I was talking to my friend Karen, shot out to Karen. We were having dinner this weekend, and we were talking about a lot of things, relationships, men, etc. And we were talking about me keeping it real...and she said something really interesting..."People say they want you to keep it real, but they really don't, and that's why you have problems sometimes." I wasn't offended, because I knew she was being real! Which I didn't have a problem with. I love it...but it just let me know, that I wasn't crazy, and maybe sometimes, more often, I should reserve the right to remain silent...cause anything that I say can and will be used against me, turned against me, and misinterpreted in everyday life.

Thoughts of the week:

Knowledge, if it's used properly wins battles.

Actions are the results of thinking. The mind is never blank!

A lie is a deception. When we lie we want the other person to accept it as the truth...

The fuel source of any thought is Attention...the life span of any though is determined by how much attention you give to it.

Thoughts hate being ignored!

People are always watching. They wont say anything, but they're watching...

So, Ring A or Ring B. As much as I am flashy, I am very conservative and traditional...

Ring A



Ring B

Shout Me A Holler!
Fuck A Fake Bitch!
Tell Tha Hoes To Catch A Brick!!!

11.04.2005

Friday, Fun, Fantastic, Fab, Fuck Em!

Feelin' the way I do. It's hard to keep focus, one minute I'm staring at the moon mixed into your eyes....

I like the thought of spending days on end with you. For you. Complete, some of me. Understand, me in all of my complexities. With you, I, enjoy, the, skin. That I'm in, and it's you that, takes me for who I am, who I will be, and who I am becoming. I knew, then, when I met you that, there was a connection unheard of, something like foreign speech. You knew it too, but being who you are in your element, you won't show and tell. Kiss and tell, or tale. I smile, thinking about the time that we spend. Every intimate moment, I cherish, for you...make me...

I had to get that out of me...

Being in what we think is love, infatuation can get the best of you. Just the thought of knowing someone is there in the corner, watching your every move. Protecting you like a child...I don't know...I like it though.

Tonight, I was a guest of John Salley's at The Will Smith produced, Heavy D starring play, Medal Of Honor Rag, at the Egyptian Arena Theater in Hollywood. It was so cute going up to the door, giving them a name, and being on a list, cute, cute. The play was about a black Veteran of the Vietnam war, who returns home after his whole platoon dies in an bombing. He is the only survivor, he single handedly pulls 10 men out of fire ridden tanks, and kills over 20 Vietnamese troops. He returns to his native Detroit with Post-traumatic stress syndrome. He receives the Medal Of Honor, and is given exceptional treatment. But his dilemma isn't the fact that he was surrounded by death and despair, or why did he live and the others die. The true fact is would he would have been treated any different if he weren't black, and he didn't have a Medal Of Honor.

It was a short, but very intense 55 minutes of a play, that was set in a therapy session between D.J. (Heavy D's character) and his Shrink. You can check out the play's site here.

I can't believe that it's Friday. It was a long week! But it went by hella quick! Today is payday...! Final, fuckinly...hmm, and my cousin Mark, who has been AWOL, his surprisingly, but not, back home...more on that after Desperate Housewives!

Don't forget we meet everyday in spirit at 9 am Pacific, 10 am mountain, 11am central, and High Noon in the east! Friends that pray together stay together.

Shot Outs To: Cash, nigga you owe me some money. Shondra, Tara and YOU...for allowing me to be apart of your world for a minute! Marz, I haven't forgotten about you either.

Have a great weekend!
Always Reserve the right! And don't ever let anyone push their opinions on you, make you think you are crazy, disrespect you, invalidate your experience and beliefs, and make you second guess who you are! Fuck them hoes!!! It's not you, it's them (lol)!

Shout Me A Holler!
Fuck A Fake Bitch!
And make these hoes catch a brick!

11.03.2005

Okay, So...

So who's the new bigger mess? R. Kelly Trapped in the closet, 6-12, Noah's Arc, or Desperate Housewives? I'm so thinking that my run, my nights with the Wysteria Lane are coming to an end, because the people (Patrik Ian-Polk & Co) are plotting up more drama over at the Noah's Arc storyboard. I love it so...

Shot Outs To: Tara, OMG, 40 days away! I better get my tickets too and a personal session...hmm. But wait, why did I call you and we were both laughing...thank you for being the reason why I hear Dionne Warwick singing, "Thats what friends are for," so many times throughout my day. Okay, 215, you're off the hook for now but only because I know you're working hard for our future I'll be taking my 10% off top. You know you're crushing on me, just wait until you see my_______________! All Eyes on Cash! Congrats to Valentino for having 10,000+ hits on his blog! Welcome to the Diamond club! Isn't that something, 10,000 hits. I've got 26,000...thats crazy, that many people come to hear what I am blabbing about.

Am I the only one that's excited about Rent coming to the big screen? I can't wait until November 23!

The kilt, the grunge boots, tight leather, heavy-metalesque jacket, the Mohawk, the Noah Personal Flair, I was feeling Noah's opening outfit on the show tonight! I am glad that they episodes are getting better by the week (crossing my fingers) but Chance, needs to quit being so damn corporate and get him a new dude...let his hair down and explore all the things that he didn't have at home, just like his boyfriend, Eddie did. I like the fact that tonight's episode explored the fascination with the hyper-masculine thug appeal of the gay community...I think we'll be seeing more of that next week. For those of you who don't have Logo, Chance and his boyfriend Eddie moved in together. Chance went by Eddie's office one day to give him his favorite cheesecake. He wasn't in his office, and he went in to leave him a note when he discovered a IM from a one, DL THUG LOVER, with an address and time of when they were to meet. Chance gathers up Noah, Wade, Tre, and Alex and they hit it to the address in the mini-van, and Chance see's Eddie screwing DL THUG LOVER and drives the mini-van through the house...That was hot! I can't take it. But yeah...I couldn't believe that Eddie is trying to make Chance accept the fact that he has this fetish for "Thugs." It's like whatever already...and what was up with Noah being ghetto, that was the funniest thing.

I did like the fact that Wade, Noahs, once presumed heterosexual boyfriend, came out to his other presumed heterosexual counterparts. I liked that situation, because it did combat the stereotype that all straight men are homophobic. Wade and Noah even walked in tha joint holding hands, how cute. I think the defining moment is when Noah came home in drag and Wade was waiting on him...And was that my song, Take Me, by Teedra Moses, playing in the backdrop (Thanks Shawn!). Loved it, it made me want to go out and get married for real!

But I must say that tonight's Drag Queen, sequence was FIERCE, they all looked good as women and Alex's wig was hot, he looked like he had just stepped out of a just for me perm ad, made me wanna go buy a wig and sport it. Glitter face! I can't take it.

I loved the show tonight, Desperate Housewives hasn't been interesting like this since Bree's husband died.

I hate Jamal Franklin for playing so many mind games with me, he's gonna get his! You better fall back before you catch a brick! LOL and yes, we're still friends...I want my dinner too.

Alrighty then, Until Tomorrow friends!
Shout Me A Holler,
Fuck A fake 1
And if they fukkin wit u, make them hoes catch a brick!

Thank you for letting me apart of your world, even if just for a second.

11.02.2005

The Blacks In Full Swing

Aren't we all glad that the blacks came out and represented...Gracefully? BET 25 was a boring show, but it was nice to sit and reminisce about the 80's and the 90's...But I think it is safe to say that Bobby and Whitney once again made the show what it was!

So when New Edition came out I was like, yawn already. I am so done on Johnny Gill, so done on Ralph Tresvant, although he looks a little angry, I'd still do him. I was saying to myself, now how dare them, come on the 25 year show and not have Bobby Perform, just one song...and out he comes signing his signature tune, "Telephone Man." I was so exicited. I get so crunk when I see Bobby perform, because to me he still has it and I know that he can pull off a clean comeback, because we are just so fascinated with he and his wife. But it was so good to see all 6 of them together, and hug, and be friends, and be cute and put aside all of that old beef and drama. And I must say that Bobby was pretty well behaved, very mild to what we're use to seeing.

So then Whitney. Honey, stay out of Tina Turners wig closet and stay in your own. You can pull a cute wig and a cute gown together better than that Mrs. Brown, honey. I was reading her when Luffa died, because I was like, I mean I know she is going through her own battles and things like that, but we expect her to make some type of statement or go into the studio and record some type of Pro-tools down, lick down of a Luffa tune, but she said nothing. I was like, no ma'am. And out she comes tonight looking, pseudo healthy in the gown, glossy-eyed and things (was she high or were those real tears) speaking in that raspy voice...hitting whats left of the "I will Always Love You," notes as she introduced John Legend, who got on my last nerves, I am not feeling him, yawn on him...but I love Whitney.

I'm so over the R. Kelly public announcement.

But I love Bobby and Whitney.

So, I mean wasn't Hammer and Howard Hewitt both looking good? Yes, Next on Arsenio Hall, looking crazy. Anyway, other than that Bobby and Whitney...New Edition. That's about it. Everyone else could have sat in the audience. Is it me or are we ready for Season 2 of Being Bobby Brown?

Don't forget to catch Noahs Arc Tonight!
Don't forget to Pray with me today...9 am Pacific, Noon Eastern, 11 Central.

And always,
Shout Me A Holler,
Fuck A Fake One,
If you're about that Bullshit,
Catch a brick hoe!

P.S. BUY THE BOOKS: Trents, Blairs, Rashid's, Alphonso, Fred's! Support The New Black Gay Writers!

11.01.2005

New Book Tuesday

And no Shawn-TaQuan, you didn't miss the second book, I would have made sure that I would have got your credit card number and gave off some type of swipe. Speaking of Trent Jackson's Treasure Chest, how many of my readers have my book? You don't have it? I might have to do some type of mark down on my site so you guys can get it! Don't front me like that! You have Fred and Rashid's book and Alphonoso's, don't front, you like their books, you'll like my book too. I mean you read my blog everyday...Anthony, Kevin, although you don't comment. I see you....hmm. After 2005, I will no longer be signing At This Moment, so you better get it before December 31, 2005. You only got 59 1/2 days or something like that...Buy my shit! Anyway. It's not about me, I can handle that! Imma big bitch, literally...

So on with the new news. I'm very, extremely, happy, excited, elated, blessed, and all like that to be in the company of the new wave of Black, Gay, writers. We're sharing our stories, experiences and our lives candidly like we never have before-and it is with great honor and pleasure to bring to you the newest member of the group. He hails from Pittsburgh, reared on the mean streets of Jersey,
He is also a graduate of Drexel University, where he earned a degree in Film/Television Production, meet Blair R. Poole, author of Breathe.

It's the day of your release. Your first child - your book. What are your feelings right now?

I’m extremely overjoyed. I’ve been working on this project for a few years and to finally see it in print is wonderful. I’m proud of myself and thankful and appreciative for everyone who supported me and this project.

What prompted you to right the book?

Breathe actually started out as a screenplay. I went to school film and television production, and one of my senior projects in college was to write a screenplay. I thought creating a full-length, two-hour film about the experience of an African-American teenage male coming out was a good idea, especially since I was unaware of any such movies existing at the time. However, after doing a film budget and realizing the amount of capital needed to successfully undertake the project, I decided to adapt the film into a book. I felt that it was a good story and was determined to not let it sit on the shelf.

What authors you look up to?

I enjoy E. Lynn’s books, and I also respect him for paving the way for so many authors like myself. I also read a lot of Harlem Renaissance literature- like Langston and Countee Cullen. Also, I am influenced by Mariah Carey. Although not an author, she is a phenomenal lyricist.



Your experience putting out your book...production, drama, etc.

It was tough, at times, trying to get my book into print. I’ve worked in the entertainment and legal fields for awhile so I’m big on an artist owning the rights to their works. Therefore, I decided to self-publish. That way I would have complete creative and financial autonomy to do what I wanted. It’s also a big responsibility and you inevitably struggled some. Even right now, I am a one-man army who oversees and directs everything… from cover design, book layout, accounting, legal matters, etc. I get exhausted just talking about it. It took me a couple years to plan and come up with the finances, but it is a rewarding experience, nevertheless.

Also, I’ve had my share of drama. The most recent drama was an author who decided to disparage my book and business decisions online. After a week or so of his rants, I decided to confront him online. He didn’t like what I had to say, and, later, he admitted that he never read my book and never will. Well, if you never read my book, how could you make such scathing comments about my book? Needless to say, he was a hater. And this is just the short version of the story, it gets deeper. Separately, I’ve also received emails from some folks criticizing my lifestyle, telling me I need Jesus, sending me literature to ‘save myself, etc. But I’ve gotten use to it since I’m now in the public sphere. It was a little frightening at first, though.

Summarize Breathe.

In short, Breathe is a teenage, African-American coming-out story set against the backdrop of urban, city life.

How many people do you think can relate to Breathe or share the same experience as the main charachter?

I believe that most gay men, especially African-American and Latino gay men, can relate to the story. It doesn’t matter what age you are. There are various aspects of and facets to the story, and we’ve all had at least one similar situation. I actually had critique sessions for the book, and one guy told me that the first half of the book was his life, and he wished that the second half of the book would have been his life.

Are any of your personal experiences included in Breathe?

As a writer, I tried to convey the feelings I felt at that particular juncture in my own life. But, in terms of actual situations that take place in the book, no. Breathe isn’t autobiographical.

What message do you think your book conveys?

At its core, Breathe is about strength, pride, acceptance, love, and survival. Although a coming out experience can be dramatic or even traumatic for some, I wanted readers (especially young readers) to see that situations do get better with time. Just hang in there.

Do you think it’s appealing to all age groups? Beyond the African-American Community?

Definitely. Although the characters are African-American, the feelings and attitudes conveyed in the story are universal. The themes are universal.

What stereotypes do you combat?

I tried to combat many stereotypes. You have to read it to see. However, my goal was to make the important characters multi-dimensional. I wanted to make them more human, not a one-dimensional story.

Summarize Breathe in 10 words!

Dramatic. Gripping. Well-written. Entertaining. Thoughtful. Uplifting Realistic. Eye-opening. Vivid and Compelling!

...Blair and I will have an exclusive chat this weekend! It's the day of his release in the wee hours of the morning so we couldn't chat like I wanted to! But trust and believe, I will be serving the heat on that ass!!! Check out an exceprt of Breathe at Blair's site and support the artists!!!

I'll be back tommorow with a lot, a whole lotta!

Shout Me!
Fuck a fake bitch!
Catch A Brick hoes!!!