Me

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Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.

12.30.2005

It's Been Real Cute...

Catch me on Tha B-Sides....

this is an audio post - click to play

12.29.2005

Don't You Just Hate It...

When a muthafucka think they can just talk their way out of any situation? Just running their fuckin' mouf. They are just use to just talkin' and talkin' till they are blue in their piss colored face and they sing the hell out of that same ol' tiyad song and want someone to feel bad for their county line broke asses! I can't stand a symp. I ain't yo daddy bitch, save it for him...and if you had any kinda since you'd know he'd was tired of hearin that shit too. Leave that bullshit in 2005! These hoes are gonna hate the new person I become. I ain't gonna have time for no one...2 more days 2 more days.

So about the sheets, I made it real clear that I was a lil more than irritated at the situation...I changed my sheets and I even let everyone in the house that I would not sleep on the couch anymore in agonizing pain...needless to say the sheets were changed and the entire room was Febrezed to the max!! I love Febreze don't you?

I've been had! I love my new job right. I like the whole customer interaction, I love people despite their stupidity and their negative rash decision making skills. So while walking through the station today, this guy, a reader of mine, came up to me and had this psychotic look in his eye...and he kept talking to my name badge. LOL it was the funniest thing! I was looking at him and I finally asked him, why don't you talk to me instead of my name badge! He went on to say how deceitful I was by not telling him my government I.D. and I just thought it was funny that:

  1. I am normal, and I am entitled to have a day job if I want.
  2. I don't have to disclose anything to you, you bought my book, technically all I owe you is a discussion on my book and thats it.
  3. If you read my book like you say you did-then you'd see my government name on page 6.
Anyhoo, I nipped the situation in the bud and continued flirting with parolees, "normal" people, Jews, gentiles and even the straight boy.

Shot Outs To: Myself...for dealing with this year and making the best out of what could have been the worst. Shot Out to you, the reader, for making a difference and being thoroughly entertained by my mouth dropping, sometimes inspirational, yet inspiring antics on the daily. Thank you for allowing me to be expressive and unapologetic about the verbiage that flutters out of my mouth like vomit from the bulemic, help them, help me eat more food.

Time is winding down...and I feel like a whale, LOL. I need a new hairstyle...I have to do something that's interesting, very creative for my next photoshoot...hmm...

Overall I wrote a good book, the second one is gonna be better. LOL, where did that come from?

If you supported me, Trent loves you.
If you doubted me, Trent loves you.
If you love me, Trent loves you back.
If you hate me, Trent loves you.
If you get it, Trent loves you.
If you don't get it, I still love you.
If you could give a fuck, I love you.
If you see my light, I love you.
If you see my dark, I love you, but come into the light.
If you ain't neva scared, I love you.
If you know me, and you love me, I thank you
If you know me and can't stand me, bitch fallback! Join a new cause.

Writers write,
Singers sing,
Liars lie,
doers, do,

Always say I LOVE YOU. Mean it.
Seek the truth and live by your own.
Love like you've never been hurt.
God is watching...
Keep your eye on the prize and focus!
Question authority. Question what you've been taught, it's the only way to learn.

My blog is dedicated to anyone who naysays.
For I am the example, living proof, that if you believe in yo' self, no one can say shit to you...they'll see what you've always known.

Power is in your thought.
Power is shown through your action.
Power is cracked with your tongue.

Fuck a fake bitch!
Catch a brick hoes!!

12.27.2005

My Coochie Is Palpitating!!

Just for the laughs, Just for the laughs I say!

Whats hood bitches??? Yall muthafathas are back at work, returning from your extended corporate weekends, recouping like record sales from jetlag and all like that, sitting in front of you're computer, luxuriating with me...How special, how special! I want to know all about your weekend, so send me and tell me what's on your mind!

Shot Outs To: My auntie Jacky! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! How you doin'? alright for being 21 again! Your gift is on the way...it's gonna be so delicious! Shot Out to SEJ...where u been? Tara, is tonight the night? Can a nigga get a pencil in impromptu dinner with the kid? Damn I wanted to be skinnier by the time I shook his hand...fuck me for postponing my diet.

Alright for niggas keepin in contact by email...handing me off like some corporate Adam4Adam internet fling. I don't know where these niggas get off sending you emails and text messages in lieu of picking up the damn phone for five minutes! This must be the new thing for the 22nd Century, break up and say hi by text messages. Miss me with all that! I am gonna change my email and phone number, shame on me for putting up with that tired shit. Whatever, I guess I am just too old fashioned, whatever happened to the high school daze when you use to stay on the phone till 5 in the morning? That was so fun...and so cute. Anyway. Boys are stupid and if one more nigga pulls up to the side of me with spinning hubcaps tryin' to holla I am gonna mase his ass. That is so niggerish! Yet so appealing, especially if he has on a white-T. Why can't I get a normal guy trying to spit game, all of this wanna be thug, let me slang rocks, drink 40's, and rob banks is so 90's, so Boyz N Da Hood, so Menace II Societyish. Dammit, why can't my life be like Love Jones, Brown Sugar or Love & Basketball. Ugggghhh. Waiting To Exhale was such a great movie.

So 4 more days till 2006! Can you believe it? I won't bore you with some best of list and all like that, go to someone else's boring blog to read that, anybody who does those things just ran out of shit to talk about. There is never a dull moment, you better create a story. Half of these baldheaded, porch monkey, scallywag, buttery teeth, goat mouf, muthafuckas walking around in delusional oblivion lying like Persian rugs anyway so they might as well make up some type of creative fiction to give off a ke-ke instead of a burn...people in 2005 I tell you man. Is anyone else tired or is it just me? I am telling you...4 more days. I will only alow people to consider me a personal toilet for 96 more hours, then I am a wrap like Jamie Foxx's CD, and watch that muthafucka go like 20 catrillion times platinum. I'd rather listen to Britney Spears on repeat while fingering my coochie than to listen to that shit.

I am about to drop some of yall from my blog roll, don't be offended and don't send me no emails either. You bore me! I've said it...And I don't care if I bore you, stop reading my shit then...bitch.

At This point, I'm counting the days to start fresh...
If you believe in them...what are some of your new years resolutions?

12.26.2005

I Am Glad This Shit Is Over.

Wait! Wait! Wait! I know by know we have all seen Christmas with The Browns! And what I'd give to get a front row seat to their dinner! WHITNEY was a mess with that BET 25 Anniversary wig on with the Circa 1980 Latoya Jackson-Esque headband around it. No I take that back, that was the circa 1990 ghettomomma weave headband around that mess. She was high outta her mind, and so was Bobby with that lip to the side. Bobbi Kris looks fab! But does she know she's black? Why was Whitney playing some unrecognizable song during the prayer...this whole saga is starting to be a mess now...She was just really high...I don't think I've ever seen her that high. Well there was the 1st Annual B.E.T. Awards when she had homegirl come finish her song, and Whitney kept saying "I'm So Full!"

And so what I am late! Half of yall don't read my shit unless yall at work anyway...yall got the day off and yall aint tryin to spend it at the computer...so fallback. I went to bed at like 6 last night, I was not in the mood for the theatrics of my imposing, but loving family. I hope your Christmas was great though...mine was okay or whatever, nothing fancy or big.

Shot Outs to: Tha Carter, 4 more days! My coochie is doing more palpitations than that white mans heart in that aspirin commercial! I don't think I am ready...I don't think I'll be able to shake his hand. I don't even want to touch him. I might....anyway. Big Ups to That Dude Right There, and Niya. It was so good having you guys over for dinner on Friday! We have to do it again soon. Weren't those crab legs tha bomb?

I am glad this bullshit Christmas stuff is over! I am like so yawn already. I am glad I had to work so I wouldn't have to be around my family members, they say the stupidest things. What is up with people over 40 who think they know every damn thing, anyway, I made a decision...I know I am speaking in circles, but you'll figure it out.

I had fun at work talking to all of the nice people that were traveling on Christmas. There was even this guy who just got released from jail that was trying to get my number. He was real fine too. But I just couldn't do it. See if I did give him my number and we talked, and then we fucked and then it didn't work out, the nigga would have been at my job stalking...and since I work with the public it wouldn't have been cute, duckin and dodgin' every five minutes, so I've made him a permanent fixture in my masturbation sequence...watch who's hands you shake. Hands have been everywhere. Finger banging booties, coochies, in other peoples mouths. Hmm. Dick fingers. LMAO. But speaking of work, the Police Officer at my job is FUCKING hot. He's from New York, and that accent makes my secret hot...I love it. The baggage worker is hot too. Those are the only two hot dudes at my job, everyone else has a pussy or they are old.

I was balancing depression and happy thoughts this whole weekend. A Year ago today is the last time I talked to my sister alive. She died right after the New Year. I will leave the morbid posts alone. But I know that she's with me and her messages are in my heart forever.

Okay so is it me or is the Jamie Foxx CD garbage? Mary J. Blige took me twice to play through. I am gonna find Jamie Foxx to have him sign the CD so I can sell it on Ebay.

So 5 more days before I send people their pink slips...I so have to move forward in 2006. Move like the speed of light and the only way my fat ass is going to do that is to get on that rapid taebo plan and cut some of this dead weight off my waistline...I am preparing to drop off people like they dump their baggage off on me, I am cleaning out my toilet for good.

So I've been tagged by The GQ...I'll play this time...but in the future, please don't tag me. I don't like games like this...

I've been instructed to write 5 random things about myself...
1. Most people don't know that I do have a day job...I work for a transportation carrier in customer service.

2. I almost died when I was born, the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck three times.

3. I had my own radio show while in college..."Live & Up Close with Trent Jackson." Can you imagine?

4. Most people don't call me Trent.

5. I have 2 sisters, one 3, the one that I talk about the most, and I have one 21 year old sister, my fathers daughter that lives in Indiana, we really don't fuck with each other.

I was also tagged by Nic, to find my 23rd post and locate the 5th sentence... and it reads: I love black men. Didn't we talk about this the other day...

12.23.2005

10th Day Of Christmas: CHRISTMAS

MERRY CHRISTMAS HOES!!!
HAPPY KWANZA 2 THE AFROCENTRIC BLACKS!
HAPPPY HANUKKAH 2 My Jewish Kabbalah readers!

I was so over him when he decided to ask what I had been eating and why I was so fat. I was like, damn, what has been eating Gilberts grape? Not me bitch! So anyway, I don't understand why all of the skinny people, health conscious, or whatever code words yall like to use for skinny, like to point out the fact that other people are fat, it's like don't I look in the mirror every five minutes cause I am already self-conscious?

Happy Holidays. I was depressed like three hours ago, but I had to shake it off.

So why is it that every time I fuckin turn around and read somebody's blog, why are they like biting my style, imitating my shit? FUCK FLATTERY. If I read somebody elses blog with my ideas and thoughts behind it, I am gonna start some shit. I mean damn. Yall bitches wanna cut me with a wooden dagger, a gay blade, then wanna imitate me. "COPYCAT, COPYCAT, GET YO OWN SHIT HOES!" What? Are you that unoriginal to the point where you have to imitate someone that you secretly love but hate in public so much, get your own ideas, stop using my verbiage, my style, and stop reading the same blogs I read! Imma stop tellin yall unoriginal, imitation, copying ass bitches shit. I mean, it's one point to be inspired by, but don't take my material and try to recycle it for your own use. My shit isn't scrap metal, it's priceless. Don't try to convince me my shit isn't hot. Cause if it wasn't hot you wouldn't to be trying to use it, now would you? Bitch.

Now, SuperStar Nic told me once that I inspired her. She took her blog and did something completely different, the girl is creative. She has cutesy little weekly polls and things, video's all like that and she has her own way of speaking. Thats original, and I am like damn I inspired that? See what I mean...anyway, all bitches keep on and see what goes down! Hmm. With that being said...

Is this week hate men week? These niggas are so very tired...I'm not gonna give them any free advertising space. But I do have to say these few points:

  • Why must these niggas play these retarted ass games? One minute they got they foot in, the next they foot is out. I know one thing, fuckin with me you gonna have one foot on a Banana peel and another one in the grave.
  • Don't be M.I.A. for two weeks then pop back up like, what...lets be friends. Bitch please, I ain't yo momma I aint got no sympathy for your tired ass.
  • Why is it that niggas always wanna talk shit. Then when you tell the TRUTH they want to get all loud, or hangup the phone, or do some ol' bitch made ass shit to question your motive for fuckin with they stupid asses in the first place? I can't take it...then they wanna try to blame you for having a fucked up attitude. Fallback.
  • This one is my favorite. You're talking to someone. You are real with them...just expose a lot more than what you usually would and they say "Wow you're really smart, real deep...I don't think I can hang with you."
Oh and a few of you guys left comments to the effect of men this and men that. The reasons why I have problems with these muthafuckaz is because I don't allow them to treat me like anything, I demand and expect a higher grade of respect-and I won't put up with bullshit. Not saying I won't compromise but I won't put up with bullshit. I have yet to meet anyone with the level of honesty, dignity, understanding, compassion and respect I fell I deserve. I feel like Savannah from Waiting To Exhale. I asked for a friendship that would evolve into something good and I got Kevin, Will, Patrick, Michael, and Brandon...anyway.

Anyway I am tired of apologizing and explaining...and you should be too. 8 more days! 8 more days...

Have a great weekend. Have a Gay Christmas...Be yourself and don't fuck with nobody else! I'll see you on Monday!

12.22.2005

9th Day Of Christmas: Gawd Doesn't Like Ugly...

And he aint too fond of cute either...and you know I think I am cute, but Gawd is not afraid to get me together. Just know when you plot, he's got a plot for your stank ass too. You know damn well you shouldn't be doing what you were doing and you did it anyway.

Today was a mess...I won't even elaborate on how one, my car got towed at work, the bitches never told me I couldn't park there. That was 180.00. We go Christmas shopping, mom's battery dies, and I had to shit, that took another hour. Then I do my online banking, the club decided they wanted to accuse me of spending 300.00 on alcohol in the club that fateful night! "Ike I know I didn't spend it!" I was way passed tossed up, but my receipts only add up to 125.00 all that other mess. No, so who made Chase an itemized copy of every drink order including receipts was M.E. and that will be taken care of...no the bartender didn't. I'm gonna get his ass.

While everyone is enjoying the holiday spirits, I am being a scrooge. I think mainly because this time of the year is so not right for me. My grandmother who was murdered 9 years ago in January, her birthday was December 5th. On top of that, Christmas is the last time I talked to my sister, before she died right after the New Year (05). So I am like ehhh...I'll get over it. But I am not going to bore you down with my family drama. I'll just tell you how I found my Tiffany ring in my pocket. All that fuckin time it was right in my pocket...

So anyway, yes...I want to experience penis in my ass. There is nothing wrong with white men, if that's what you do. I've always thought about doing it with a white man, but that is too much like slavery and bondage all over for my spirit, I can't. But imma tell you this, if the blacks don't get it right like J.Lo, I am gonna have to fly over to Puerto Rico or something, Spain, get me a hot Latin, cause I tell you yall blacks be on something else, don't get me started. I am just going to write about Black Men and the plight in my diary tonight, that is a whole issue that will just get yall blog queens rowed up and I am trying to leave all that ghetto fag(non)sense in 2005. 9 more days...

I'm indifferent right now. Working. Creating. Evolving. And Waiting.

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

12.21.2005

8th Day Of Christmas: Bitch Don't Make Me...

Um, D-Place. You've got one more time to come up on my blog talkin mess. You're ice skating on Lake Michigan in zero minus plus weather on December 21st, don't make me lose it...Control. LMAO. But the nerve of you! You will not front me and imply that I suffer from delusions of grandeur, go to somebody else with that hogwash! You're right, L.A. isn't all that stuck up, but your friends were there that night...we all live for an embellishment.

Whats really hood? I'm so glad to be over that nasty ass hangover, can we say yuck? Can we say no more drinks for me? Can we say...can we say?

Shot Outs To: My fab readers, I love you soooo very much. Thank you for allowing me to be all up in your video, the back ground in your foreground, the id apart of your ego and all like that. It's like real gr8. To my blog kids thanks for enjoying my follies...so great to see you.

So why am at work last night, I work for the Fed's now...and my coworker comes up to me and
says, "Next time you and Erika go out, invite me!" I am like oh no! They've been reading my blog...how hot is that? So Shot out to Roufth-for being entertained at work and at home at the expense of Trent Jackson. You're a class act and I love you!

Okay...So why did my uncle send me an email at like high noon yesterday telling me he was making his transatlantic flight home for Christmas? Um, why did I feel like Ike when he told, Tina, the next time she wanted to take a break to give a nigga some notice? Nigga give me some notice, shit I got a full-time job, part-time celebrity with a pipetail full of dreams, I ain't got no time to be shuffling my schedule like a deck of cards to accommodate niggers and their last minute antics. I tell the blacks all the time a planned emergency on your part doesn't necessarily constitute an automatic emergency on my part! Go fish. The blacks just assume you're going to bail them out. Although he came through, a bitch gotta make her chips to put out these next few projects like A.S.A.P. I gotta come hard for those who hate on my grammar, like country.


So I've been meaning to mention for days that I was on the phone with my writer friend, Shelton Jackson whom I've talked about before. Shelton is launching a magazine, Invisible which will target GLBT African-Americans on college campuses. Invisible is set to launch in April so I'll be keeping you posted on that as well. If you haven't read, Shelton is the writer of, The Second Chapter: Acceptance, which talks about being HIV+. It's a really strong, powerful piece that will leave you silent. It was hard for me to finish, and hard for me to read...The severity of the issues that he talks about and the hurt and pain, not only physical, but mental that he describes is just WOW...You should take a read...

Um so what am I to watch on Wednesday nights now? Oh wow...My life is over...But my life is really over since I can't seem to find that Tiffany Ring!!!! How could I have lost it? I feel so naked and empty, I am going on a hunt, I'll even offer a reward, but I must find it!

So last evening I was on the phone talking to this guy. I like guys, guys are very sweet at times. I tend to like guys that act tuff...You know the asshole type, that aren't really assholes, they just pretent to be assholic to try to prove their manhood, but they are really softies and they are really scared to tell you or show you that they are actually a bit pink...anyway. It's cute. I like boys. So anyway, I am on the phone, and the boy is telling me something about sweaty balls. I initiated it or something to the effect.
He goes on to tell me how he let this white man lick his balls after a hot workout. I was like, no!!! you should have heard the song playing through my head at that very moment, " Sounds like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...blah, I'm like uh huh okay, whassup, shut up!" Okay, nothing against the white boys or whatever, that is just not me. I mean if you're not looking like Colin Farrell, I can't fuck with it. You know some white people are into kissing animals and shit, I can't. Wait, did I just have this conversation outloud? Oh my... I'm not saying, I'm just saying. there is nothing like BLACK DICK. It's so powerful and it's so the bomb...BLACK DICK, you've got to try it sometimes...wow. I'd like to have some in me right now...why am I still having this conversation outloud...?

So in this same conversation, the boy is like, your blog is so full of shit. I was slightly offended, but I am guessing maybe no, since my life really is dramatic and crazy, like who gets drunk and then gets put out the club? If you weren't there to see it happen, then yeah you probably would guess I would be telling lies. I am Trent Jackson, I am the truth, there is no need to lie. But by all means, don't believe everything you read.

12.20.2005

7th Day Of Christmas: Trent Jackson and The Drunken Escapades

Why is it the next day and I am still drunk? I can't take it. Talk about a hangover. I will not engage in drinking of any kind until my birthday which is 83 days away, who has a count down to their birthday besides me? Wait a tic, I never told you about the 90 day plan. But wait doesn't that drink look hella good though?

Shot Outz To: That Dude Right there, that is right there! He's so funny and so cute...and so country! I love it...Mashaun, so nice chatting with you and I look forward to hanging out with you!! Are you ready for the infamousness? Alright for NABJ!!! Miss. Carter...alright! Mr. Jordan, thank you and all that you do! What a great start...I tell you when I get my million dollar contract I'll give you 10%, it's in writing so...there. Thank you to all of my readers, welcome, thank you. I'm glad to be apart of your world, I didn't realize I was so popular...wow.

So anyway, the 90 day plan is when I actually embark on this trek to find a date for my birthday and don't think for a second that it doesn't take that long to find a muthafatha that is deserving and willing of this...you know I've never had sex on my birthday...

Thank you for all the phone calls and concern, my hangover is a mess. I hope I don't feel like this ever again, I don't wish this feeling on my worst enemy! Yuck. But anyway. Here are some of the pictures from the weekend. I can't take it...The below picture is on Friday night where we paid 80.00$ for pancakes, notice the beautiful glass sitting on the table of adjacent to me. In the pic, me, K. Smythe, That Dude Right There, Erika and Shawnteequkwa. We had a good time Friday night and for the record, T.D.R.T. was so hilarious, we made too much eye contact looking and laughing at the same hot messes that we saw walking around early that morning. What a great guy he is...


Fred Smith, T.D.R.T. and me on my way to my drunken oblivion, notice that the martini glass is half full? Empty...

So anyway, I had fun. I enjoyed the moment and contrary to what D-Place says, there is a V.I.P. room at Abbey, I'll be sure to take you there whenever you come to town...he's just mad cause he's never been in there. I am going to lay my ass back down because I can't seem to get it together. I am still loaded, even after all of the B.C. powder, and all the other remedies...I have to get it out of my system...I can't act like this once I get hitched...yall see that rang on my finga.

12.19.2005

6th Day Of Christmas: Ike, Am I late for rehearsal?

Fine, Fine yo ass!

OMG....Did I have a hellofva weekend or what. Excuse me for posting mid morning like this, my hangover is nasty! I need my ass beat for being so drunk! I never ever, got drunk and got escorted out of a club! Let me do a recap...

First, Shot Outs To: That Dude Right there, for partying with me this weekend! Yes, he came to L.A. and we acted a plum fool! He is soooooo funny, he remind you of Chris Tucker, Eyes and all! The quick oneliners that man comes up with is simply fucking amazing...you think I'm funny? Pahlease!!!! I love the boys from the south, so mannerable...so funny. Pictures coming soon! Shot Out to The Blacks, Fred Smith, Tara, Erika, and all of them like that!

So Friday night I was so like ready to get fucked up...but I didn't. Me, my friend K. Smythe, Erika and That Dude Right there went to this 80's game flashback night and played a vicious uno game, that never ended...we got a few drinks, basked in the ambiance of T.D.R.T.z jokes...he's realy funny, you don' understand how funny he is! Very laid back and nice, for a while I thought he didn't like me...but he proved wrong, we had a chat about it. Then we went to Mel's Diner, this late night eatery and spent 80.00$ on Pancakes...don't ask it just happened.

Saturday I went to Rosie O'donells and Calamity Jane's Christmas affair. T.D.R.T. was laid out from work so he could come and party with the power dykes, it was real cute. The food layout was hot, the party favors was hot, the liquor, everything...and so was the lesbionic karaoke...hot very hot. I was drunk Saturday and for some reason, I couldn't find the strength to make it to church in the morning...I gotta send in my check.

Sunday, I went to the IBWALA Christmas, Got Books? Event, where I signed a few books, and mingled with new author Lexi Davis, and hungout with some other L.A. based writers like Marcus Love, and Jervey Tervalon. I also met this new chick, Niya, who is oh so talented and witty. I knew she was talented or something when she walked in. Her aura was just this bright orange color, I think it was her highlights that made her glow...but we were talking and coming to find out she had a blog! and I was in heaven. Just by talking to her, I knew I was gonna sign her to my label...I have to do work with her. She's so off the hook! But the event was hot and it was so hot to hangout with other creative people...

So when dusk came, T.D.R.T., and my friend Erika, headed up to the Abbey, this posh little spot, in West Hollywood, where Sunday night is Chocolate night. I ran into my pal Fred Smith, were it turned into an instant glitteratzi affair, cameras were flashing, we were smiling, drinks in and and walking about being seen. It was good to see Fred, because all of the writers haven't been out...we've been working on our new shit. But it was cool though. I can't remember anything after that...but all I know is after 5 juicy fruit martinis and a few Midori Sours, I got up out of our velvet booth, I took off all of my jewelry, my shirt, threw it at Erika and T.D.R.T. and was off to the bathroom where I became one with the toilet and the metal bar for the handicapped people. Next thing I know the men in black were following me back to the V.I.P. lounge, they asked us to leave, so they wouldn't have to put me out. I was just trying to sit my ass down so I could drive back...damn them. I closed out my 200.00 bar tab, and was down for the count.

Pictures to come soon, and I am back to the toilet! We had something else to talk about, but that has to wait until like....Tomorrow or something.

12.16.2005

3rd Day Of Christmas: Tha Fallback

Who needs T.V. when there is Trent Jackson? Alright, Alright...did we have a hellofva week or what? A bitch can't take it!!

Shot Outz To: Marz, ProfessorGQ, Bougie Black, Cash, Tara (14 days, damn my secret is warm) all of my readers and the closet hoes! Shot Out to Nay-Nay (Hay!) and everyone else who ordered my book this week, and fuck all you whores who think I have to pull marketing stunts after a whole year...it's not what my book is doing now, it's not how much my book sold, it's whats going to happen over time, do you see what I am saying? You know how all yall plot, plan and scheme, well...thats how Trent does too...anyway. I would like to thank Tim for coming on to mufthas house and blowing up the spot!! Thanks for all that you do, and I am waiting on my invitation. My Girl Nic, you are the bomb! Thank you to everyone who has me on their blogroster...I didn't realize how popular I was...and how many people I really do reach...

So right...I realized that I really need to accomplish my goals. During my interviews this week, I don't know what it was, but I got emails like I never have before, and I even got a few people that got me some connects on getting my magazine out quicker than I thought I would. With all of my projects with the T.V. show, two books coming out...and my magazine plus my blog, I don't know where I am going to find the time to do this. But I do have my eye on a few of you, I read blogs a lot, I may not comment, but I am doing my recruiting for my magazine right here in the blogworld. So don't think for a second I don't know talent when I see it. I have everything planned out, so don't yall be ackin' all funny when I ask you to do a column or write for me or sumfthin.

You know what I like. I like when I am able to, allowed to be myself, without all of the additives. It's not that I don't enjoy the real me...but I love it when I am allowed to show that side to someone. People expect certain things of me, and they are let down when they don't get it. But it's real hot, when you can talk to someone and they don't expect anything from you...they just want you to be you.

There is so much more to the world than I.
Somewhere it's 5 o'clock. In my world it's midnight.

For life is only as complex as you make it...
surely you can take it.


At times in my human complexity

I'd like to think that I'm the only one in my existence.
But when I think of you, and the part that you play...

Amazing.

For you are the one...


"I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness
or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not our circumstances..."


Have a great weekend!
So much to confab about on Monday!
Thank you for letting me be apart of your world if only for a minute...

12.15.2005

2nd Day Of Christmas: A Response From ProfessorGQ

Not Bombz over Blogville Part....

Hey litter! Did Tim get it started like MC Hammer or what? I can't take it! Before my chat with Tim, my people were busy confirming and shuffling Waddie G, A.K.A. ProfessorGQ. But when Tim came and sat in the red chair, he was callin out names like he was passin out county checks or something. Word got out ProfessorGQ (he reads my blog) and called me on the phone early Wednesday morning to chat and express himself about a few things, I told him that we would chat later on and this is what went down!


Trent: Isn't it more than obvious that Al Reynolds is gay?

ProfessorGQ: yeah...he asked me on a date a couple weekends ago...

Trent: STOP! You are a mess!

ProfessorGQ: you're so cute when you're that way! lol

Trent: Thank you for coming and sitting down and keeping mufthas secret warm...I asked you for an interview a few weeks ago but someone jumped in front of you and used me to expose dirt while in the process, shot out to Tim....

ProfessorGQ: yeah...shout out to Tim...lol

Trent: What was your first reaction when you read what he had to say about you?

ProfessorGQ: I was laughing about it (80%) thinking this dude is nuts...and I pitied him and was angry (20%) because he lied and had to say vulgar things about me in the interview and in his blog may I say more?

Trent: hold your thought. I owe my readers privy inside of your mind, but I also have to fulfill my own duty and get my interview out of the way.

ProfessorGQ: this wasn't our original intention...

Trent: I want it to be known that this interview has nothing to do with what he said, it's just the timing that sped our interview up..thats it, that’s all great. So you are 29, you're a Virgo, you're from Chicago. Are you a college grad?

ProfessorGQ: all of that is accurate.

Trent: where did you go to school?

ProfessorGQ: 2.5 years at University of Kansas and finished at Columbia College Chicago.

Trent: oh that’s hot, Columbia is an arts school right? What was your major?

ProfessorGQ: Arts Administration (marketing concentration)
Trent: that’s hot, what does that degree enable you to do? Better yet what do you want to do?

ProfessorGQ: let's just say that I didn't use the degree to its full potential because of the choices I made...however, I am enjoying the work I do now.

Trent: what choices did you make?

ProfessorGQ: following a loser "lover" and being pressured to make certain choices around him

Trent: wow, that’s heavy...

ProfessorGQ: nonetheless, I learned from the mistake I made in following him, so I'm in a much better place today...I love my job and the opportunity/time to develop my skills in other things I like to do like writing and special events.

Trent: okay...I like that, why did you feel the need at that point to be entangled in a relationship of that nature, don’t say age either.

ProfessorGQ: lol...age wasn't the factor...I was in love with a man that made my unhappy at the same time with the lies, the stresses and insecurities...I knew I deserved better.

Trent: were you an unhappy person?

ProfessorGQ: at the time, I was with all the drama in the equation...that was in 1999, I was 23y/o

Trent: you still slid the age in there....I'm 23, but what I am asking you is, where you unhappy with yourself as a person? Was there something about yourself that you didn't like and you tried to find a person that would fill that void or insecurity you were having?

ProfessorGQ: I had to throw the age in, not to say that it is because of my age when it came to the decisions I made, I just want to state how long ago it was...nonetheless, I was unhappy because I was clueless about what I wanted out of life, so I lived day-to-day until I had a revelation close to my 28th birthday

Trent: the revelation...what was it? Was it a breakdown?

ProfessorGQ: it wasn't a breakdown at the time of the revelation, but I had a few breakdown, it was just a realization - I learned why I wasn't where I wanted to be in happiness and success and I have been learning to progress in life, neither regressing or living in the moment.

Trent: okay, so now, you know what you want. Are you single?

ProfessorGQ: single in Chicago (but...) I've had a long-distant love interest since Dec. 2001, but it's a very open thing because we're practical and reasonable adults.

Trent: I roll my eyes at that, but I can't because all my love interests live outside of Los Angeles!

ProfessorGQ: ha ha!

Trent: so where is your love interested located? and what type of guys do you like?

ProfessorGQ: he's in ATL...I like [physical & mentally] strong men, my age or older, 5'10 or taller, able to hold intelligent and intriguing conversations, doesn't have the need to be "fabulous", good hygiene, not effeminate, doesn't mind affection [not in public], love sports and music, private person, and very sexual

Trent: you like getting fucked huh?

ProfessorGQ: I like it both ways - but I don't want exclusive bottoms! That's why I like men...Dick & ass.

Trent: do you ride dick?

ProfessorGQ: it takes me a while to do that during the intercourse...my hole is tight.

Trent: I love it, so do you prefer to be a top or bottom?

ProfessorGQ: I don't have a preference...I just won't date a bottom

Trent: I am planning to get fucked for the first time either around the end of the month or the beginning of the year...so what tips do you have for me to take dick? Or anyone else who wants it up the ass

ProfessorGQ: enjoy it!

Trent: muthafucka, no special lubes? Or relaxing methods, I know it hurts, but damn, anything I should think about or do before the event?

ProfessorGQ: use lube, condoms, and don't let the muthafucka ram his dick up in you like this dude with 13" did to me on my first time...It hurt so bad that I jumped out of the bed, ran out of the bedroom and was fuming mad

Trent: oh wow, the prospects are too much in love with me to do all that...I mean all this ass I have, hmm, they better not ack stupid, anyway, I'm telling too much of my biznass. So what bloggers do you think are cute?

ProfessorGQ: I forgot their names, but they all live in NY, as it seems where all the hotties are besides ATL and LA. ShawnQT

Trent: You know, honestly some of those NYC blog fags irritate me

ProfessorGQ: why?

Trent: They are way too cliquish and just yuck...shady acting. Always taking pictures, like they are celebrities or something, fuckin glitterattzi-Liza Minnelli wannabes.

ProfessorGQ: let me tell you what irritates me about blogs! Long as blogs that don't have paragraphs, blogs that are all about drama and cussing people out...rekoohyhtomit!

Trent: What? Nigga you speakin in tongues?

ProfessorGQ: Hallelujah! Al-Qaida-Bomquesha-Yo Nana-Aheeb-Alibaba…I was playing...I do love the Lord tho!

Trent: you go to church?

ProfessorGQ: No. I have reasons in which I will explain in a future post...I am a Black gay Christian male who refuses to attend church!!!

Trent: okay...that’s cute. So I've been reading your blog since August and I do want to thank you for including me in your A list of bloggers, that means a lot to me.

ProfessorGQ: you're welcome...a lot of people have good blogs, but you have a great blog, and that A-list is about to be shortened.

Trent: oh wow, I have a great blog? I am really honored, that really does mean a lot to me, thank you...wow.

ProfessorGQ: you do...you keep up with your blog more than I do with mine, but I have to tell you to put some paragraphs in your long ass posts...I love you, but I need to paragraphs, all those run-ons are extra...LOL

Trent: whatever, I'll keep it in mind. So your friend Marlon is cute, is he single?

ProfessorGQ: ask Marlon!

Trent: I'm asking you, you rep your friends.

ProfessorGQ: but this interview is about me!

Trent: anyway....tell him I said hello and to stop by sometimes.

ProfessorGQ: we should kick in LA with you.

Trent: wait is he gay?

ProfessorGQ: because we're cool, must we assume that he's gay?

Trent: you are starting to annoy me. I am asking for clarification, straight men aren’t really my thing you know.

ProfessorGQ: Interesting. Again, I don't feed into talking about other people's lives...respect that...this interview is about me

Trent: no actually its not, you're on my blog...remember. LOL

ProfessorGQ: touché!

Trent (4:55:23 PM): anyway, I did want to make another comment about your A list...I am glad you don't have me below anyone I don't really like. I hate coming behind wack people.

ProfessorGQ: you and me both!

Trent: So anyway, you know my cell phone lit up all day today. I think everyone in the blogdom called me...you know they say if they wanna know whats going on come to my blog. I mean, I got calls from every blogger in Chicago damn near...Tim said something about you, and You made a statement not naming him...you read the interview what did you think?

ProfessorGQ: It's simple. I wrote my post [on Monday] about Tim, but I didn't state his name because the post wasn't about him. It was about how I need to stay away from people who are and will always be about drama. He reads my post and his guilt allowed him to out himself about my post to everyone who read his blog. People asked me who was I talking about, and I didn't feed into that immature fodder on who it was. As usual, the old/new Tim showed his true colors with his myopic and ignorant statements about me. There were others people {bloggers} who heard him make sexual advances towards me. I am good friends with the people I mentioned that had to rough him up a few years ago. The proof is in his blog about how evil, spiteful, miserable and full of drama this person is. IF I committed slander, then where are the court papers...and speaking of proof, he knows what I know about him, and the dude knows very little about me

Trent: wait...what do you know about him? That sounds like a secret, do tell.

ProfessorGQ: I don't need to stoop to his level and cuss, kick and scream all over the internet...and as far as looks, my flabby midsection looks better than him...the dude is insane! He knows what he confessed to me about the instant message I received from another person...let's just say it's one of the worst kind of news a gay person can have. In fact, he stated that in his blog entries that erased...people were talking about it before I read it.

Trent: what are you trying to tell me?

ProfessorGQ: I'm not going to stoop to his level and say as many negatives things about him because it's not really my nature...people who read his blog in the recent months know exactly what I'm talking about. Furthermore, he stated that we were friends...we were NEVER friends...read my post...that guy is fantasizing. How can I be friends with someone that I choose to speak and see every four years? My overall reaction to his lies and his caustic behavior is that he's proven to the blog community on the kind of person he is. Therefore, I don't need to debate with this situation any further. If I say anything slanderous, serve me court papers because I have text to back it up. The truth hurts and the truth reigns!

Trent: what is the truth?

ProfessorGQ: The truth is in my blog because I talked about what happened before all this so-called controversy went down...you and Tim had a feud...Tim and others had (and still have) feuds and he has a beef with me...obviously you, the others and I aren't the problem. Tim knows the truth first...he just made a bad judgment by outing himself on who I was talking about...that made him look really bad...look at the responses to my post about the situation and look at his (as of right now)

Trent: my question to you is, you obliviously have something on your chest, and you're dangling it over everyone’s head including Tim's. You need to tell me what it is, if you don't want it printed say it, but I think you should tell me...

ProfessorGQ: actually, after just venting with the last few statements, I have no more to vent...sure...there's more I can say, but I have no reason to...Tim was never a friend of mine as he claimed...and he has really done no damage towards me, he simply lied and I just needed to clear the air on the things he lied about...Mission accomplished. If you want more trash talking, go to Tim...he's done a good job of it.

Trent: no, I really don't want that. I think we all know and especially the people in your region what the real deal is, because this isn't the first time that I've heard stories...

ProfessorGQ: indeed...therefore I have a smile on my fact right now...I'm not worried...I don't really have enemies...he's not my enemy...I have no reason to hate him...he's just a person with whom I won't not keep company. Next topic, please, kind sir

Trent: wow...so what got you into blogging?

ProfessorGQ: my friend, Eric J from NY, introduced me [by the way, we need to start a campaign to bring him back to blogging]...I digress...The blog allows me to bring out the inner-journalist in me because I want to speak about things in urban entertainment that journalists are unknowledgeable or afraid to talk about. I forgot...he's another hottie from NY who is/was a blogger.

Trent: okay, I like that....you know I am working on launching my magazine next summer right? And speaking of hotties, what would I look like emailing Marlon asking him if he's single...yuck, I will not look thirsty.

ProfessorGQ: wow...a new magazine? We must talk about [outside of this]...why not ask him? A closed mouth doesn't get fed. Rejection ain't all that bad, I've been rejected before.

Trent: Well see the thing is, I have two guys that I like plus another one I am in the air about, so I am not trying to juggle people all around like that. I think he's a very intelligent guy who happens to be attractive, that’s all really....

ProfessorGQ: it's ok to "juggle"...you're not committed to them...you're just trying to figure who is a better fit for you, right? I do that too.

Trent: Well that’s the thing, all three of them are good for me. It's just a matter of who's gonna put up with me...

ProfessorGQ: how so?

Trent: I mean, I am moody.

ProfessorGQ: very badly? I am too, but I keep those things to myself because my bad moods are temporary
Trent: I mean its one extreme to the next. Then I need someone who isn't gonna be jealous of me. I just need somebody that’s gonna be on my team and support what I am doing, and understand that I am making a career for myself…

ProfessorGQ: you need someone who is going to supportive of your endeavors add that to my list too!

Trent: I got this...lol...but what else do you want to add?

ProfessorGQ: I'm writing my first of two novels now, building an urban music website, and I'm looking to make my mark for the entertainment of the Black gay/lesbian communities...I also want to let the world know that I have enjoyed my best year ever [2005] because I claimed a successful and joyful year, and that it was. I encourage others to claim happiness and success in their lives if they want it

Trent: ALL RIGHT FOR CHOAS FREE LIVING!!!

ProfessorGQ: it has to be that way, man...I wish I had that attitude since the beginning of my adulthood, I will blog about that during the week of Christmas. One thing I noticed about my blog is that I surprisingly inspired people, and I want to thank everyone who I have encouraged and those who have encouraged me with some of my personal posts

Trent: you know it is funny who you touch....Can I touch you...

ProfessorGQ: ok

Trent: lol, but I thank you for this moment...it's been great. Are you emancipated now?

ProfessorGQ: thank you for this opportunity...I feel like a blogging celeb, for better or worse…lol…hell yes...like my favorite singer, Mariah Carey!

Trent: She is doing horrible live performances

ProfessorGQ: Ouch! If you were wrong, I would comment on that, but the truth is the truth...don't tell her I said that! I want to continue to be her "lamb"

Trent: hmm, whatever, there is no need to Lie, I'm Trent Jackson. I am the truth.

ProfessorGQ: and I'm Waddie C. Grant, Jr...The truth too! Pleased to meet honest people.

Trent: I heard that shit...you have a good night.

ProfessorGQ: you too! Peace and blessings

Trent: peace blessings incense & candles

12.14.2005

1st Day Of Christmas: With My Old Archenemy, The Boy Name ChicagoCutie

What? What? What? You read it my little litter box! I had a chat with Chicago Cutie! Now if you've been a reader of the blog since the begining or late summer, you know that there was a blog war between Tim, a few of his counterparts and a few other shameless, son of motherless goats! But the time has come to let bygones be bygones and move to the life free from chaos! But some people just can't seem to let go of the chaotic living...After reviewing all the facts, shuffling my deck of cards and listening to one of the many voices in my stomach, some people will come to my stage just for the ratings factor...what do I look like a chest board? I will not be used as a pawn...

Trent: the moment of truth...TIM...thank you for granting me this interview, you have no Idea how long I've waited for this day

Tim: actually I think I have an idea...LOL

Trent: okay

Tim: forgive me, I've been told my sense of humor is a little dark....

Trent: and mine isn't?

Tim: I wouldn't say dark, I would say refreshing...no, the honor is actually mine.

Trent: oh REALLY? But we had a sort of falling out.

Tim: that's water under the bridge. Chalk it up to a misunderstanding.

Trent: okay, why a misunderstanding?

Tim: sometimes people say things that they mean one way, but should actually take it another way. It's all-good though. I've been guilty of that MORE than once.

Trent: would you say that other people said things and kind of instigated the situation?

Tim: I honestly would. That's what I meant when I said sometimes people say things that should be taken another way.

Trent: you know Tim, I really do have a lot of love for you, always have always, will. Thats the real me, and I just really hate seeing people with so much potential to be unhappy on any level, because I know what that is like. Thats just me and being on the bandwagon to save the world. But I said the things I said out of love and challenge to make you think, I wasn't trying to be cruel or mean. But it's what I've been trying to say the entire summer.

Tim: please forgive me for not hearing you.

Trent: it’s all good. Like you said in your post today, everyone in your ear isn't your friend. And speaking of blog entries today, who was that particular post about?

Tim: it was about a person named Wade, otherwise known as ProfessorGQ.

Trent: OMG, not names! That’s the second time this week muftha had to clutch her pearls!!

Tim: I’m just real disappointed that I invited this person into my home and this is the thanks I get. Oh yes names.

Trent: so what happened?

Tim: in his entry he mentions that I am a desperate person and that I'm "miserable" and a "drama queen". I think my blog entry today speaks for itself. Feel free to reference it, I just want people to know that I am a nice person, happily engaged, with no inklings of cheating on my partner. We're getting ready to move together in two months, so you KNOW it's serious. And to come into my home and then to pretty much disrespect me like that, shows lack of character, and lack of class on their part. It shows that they are a FAG. And now I'm done venting. LOL

Trent: do you think any of what he said is true to an extent? Do you think he is confusing new Tim with the old Tim or just Tim period?

Tim: when I kissed and hugged my partner at this gathering this weekend, it was NOT out of desperation. As my entry says, I am FAR from desperate. I don't think I've EVER been desperate. A hoe in my younger days maybe, but NOT desperate. LOL

Trent: okay...too many things are going through my head right now, so let me structure this properly to prevent any misunderstandings.

Tim: uh-oh LOL...here we go

Trent: Now you've erased your old entries, but for regular readers like me and a few others, we know what was there...do you think you were acting out of desperation, maybe a month or two ago before you were engaged with your boyfriend? Do you think your multiple sexcapades with different guys could be interpreted as desperation or misery?

Tim: I wouldn't say erased, I'd say archived. At first I was going to stop blogging altogether. But my partner convinced me to keep going. My multiple sexcapades could be interpreted in any way, but the bottom line is that I love sex. Maybe a little too much....

Trent: you don't think that’s a problem, given...well. Given?

Tim: I don't think it's a problem if we're all in the same boat. OR if disclosure is granted.

Trent: okay...I understand your point of view. Do you think that you could have just found one consistent sex partner or do you think that would have been to boring? I mean there was one point where I was like what is this guy’s problem? Like why is really having all this sex...was it, is it out of frustration, bad experiences, what? I mean to me, you were living up to the stereotype of what being gay is, sex...and that hurt me personally-cause I am not like that, and a lot of people were worried about you, given the situation.

Tim: Trent, sometimes in order to get ready to hunker down, we have to get certain things out of us. Me, that's one thing that I was trying to do. It prepared me for D (my partner). I can honestly say now I don't have any desires to go outside our relationship, and if you've read my old blog, that says volumes.

Trent: it does, I appreciate that.

Tim: in fact I'll give you an example.

Trent: okay.

Tim: two days ago, downtown Chicago around noon (lunchtime). This VERY ATTRACTIVE Puerto Rican saw me standing on the corner waiting for the light. He came across and tried to holla. Needless to say I flipped open my phone showed him the screen-saver (me and D) and he got the message.

Trent: LOL, had to go for the dramatic effect. So what was the reason that you wanted to stop blogging? What other bloggers, besides GQ got you pissed off?

Tim: it wasn't bloggers, it was haters. See, people see that you're happy and want to start throwing made-up shit at you. I thought about isolating myself and D to prevent any disruptions to our relationship because you know fags will try and fuck shit up...But D sat me down and showed me that folks are gonna talk regardless. He helped show me how to treat these fools.

Trent: yeah I understand that, but I don't believe you. Remember when we were at the height of our bitch match. You sent your entire posse to try and stop me. I didn't stop. I said fuck every last one of those bitches. They don't know me, and they aren't even gonna get 1/10 of me, they aren't gonna get a bad facsimile of me...Are you saying that there were just people on the net or what? I mean I am not getting it...

Tim: I never sent anybody after you. In all honesty I just left you alone during that.

Trent: well they were sure coming to your defense.
Tim: that's a shock. These are probably the same people that are trying to stab me in the back and instead are fucking themselves. Don't read too much into the two-sided fence syndrome.

Trent: Phillybred, Bernard Bradshaw.

Tim: ok phillybred is a good friend of mine, and Bernard...I'll just say this: I don't endorse anybody online. If you're a friend of mine, that's all good, but what you say is YOUR opinion.

Trent: Tell Tony I said that I still think he's hot even if he thinks I'm not. I would love to shake his hand when I come and experience the hawk.

Tim: I'll pass that along.

Trent: anyway, let me say this. Don't let anyone stop your shine. People are always going to remind you what you did and said way back when, and they will dangle it over your head like a mistletoe. But whatever you do, don't kiss them hoes. Tell me about "D"

Tim: D is my baby. We've been together off and on for 7 years now.

Trent: You know I remember him, did you two have a falling out like this time last year?

Tim: nope. I've never mentioned MY D in any of my blogs. You have the names confused. There IS a D in my blog that I had a serious falling out with this time last year, but it's not him.

Trent: see, I don't smoke weed, I remember shit.

Tim: LOL

Trent: So tell me about D...spill it, I want an invitation to this ceremony, with my veil and acrylic tears in tow

Tim: you will get an invitation Trent. We've set a date and have the official and the wedding team (not party) together. It will be 2 best men and 2 matrons of honors, just please don't act a fool like Nathan Lane did at the end of The Birdcage.

Trent: you've never met me; I am totally opposite of what you all perceive me to be. I am very quiet actually and I don't say much, but I can show you better than I can tell you

Tim: let me get Security ready...LOL, 'm kidding Trent. But believe you me, there will be tears shed. I hate to say it, but most people either (1) don't see us together (fuck y'all), or (2) hope that we fail (fuck y'all too).

Trent: I can’t take it. So you never told me about D, threes a charm

Tim: there's not that much more to tell.... well, he came over and while we were lying down together, I opened up and told him how I really felt about him. Turns out he'd been feeling the same way for the past 7 years.

Trent: how does he feel about your sexual past? Or does it not matter?

Tim: he knows about it, and that's not a factor with us now. Right now it's all about US, HERE AND NOW. That's the way it should be.

Trent: that’s love, ooooh that is LOVE, is he black?

Tim: he's black and Puerto Rican. He's definitely a hottie! Very attractive, about my height, thick, light skinned...you just wait until the wedding. Sorry guys, no pictures will be going up of us...unless you're one of the lucky few to get an announcement/invitation.

Trent: see... Something isn't sitting right with me Tim

Tim: and Trent, no putting it all over the Internet or anywhere else for that matter.
It's for YOUR EYES ONLY. LOL….what's not sitting right with you?

Trent: I don’t kiss and tell, I have this feeling that you're enjoying your moment; you should, I am happy for you...But why are you rubbing it in people’s faces. There is almost this gloat factor, you're doing to intentionally make people mad...like a kid with candy...showing off teasing all the other kids who don't have any.

Tim: well not really...if I put the pictures of us up then that would be rubbing it in people's faces. I post an update at the request of several people that are truly rooting for us. I learned a long time ago that if you're happy, and you're being blessed, you share the blessing.

Trent: okay that’s cute. Just don’t let it go to your head...I am happy for you, truly I am. How is your new job going?

Tim: thank you Trent. The new job is going well. The people love me, I love the people, and I love the job. It's easy money.

Trent: that’s good, and your car?
Tim: a pain in the ass...just kidding...the car is holding up fine. At some point this spring I'm gonna hook it up, but for now it's all good. In fact that picture that's on my yahoo IM windows, that was taken from inside the car

Trent: oh okay, I have to look...guess what, I am out of questions

Tim: oh no! Can’t be!!!

Trent: yeah….well there is one more

Tim: sure

Trent: The new Tim, if there really is one, what can we expect from him on his blog?

Tim: we can expect him to be brutally honest...even more so...in the days leading up to the wedding. This time around I hold no punches, as tonight's entry shows.

Trent: no fighting in the lily pond

Tim: oh no this is way past the lily pond. LOL This is hockey at the United Center?

Trent: wait, how old are you

Tim: I’m 28 now and D is 25

Trent: oh wow, you know, I've always wanted to know what your lips felt like

Tim: so do a few people, but only one person knows that right now.

Trent: do you eat boypussies aka secrets?

Tim: can you keep a secret?

Trent: I keep all types of secrets, you should see some of the things on the floor after interviews, and you have a few secrets of your own…

Tim: let's just say if you can keep a secret, I can keep one too. ?

Trent: MESS. You know ProfessorGQ is going to read this right?

Tim: let him.

Trent: and what if he wants an interview of his own, which he was getting anyway.

Tim: again, let him

Trent: I think my hour is almost up. Tim, I thank you, I appreciate you for this chat and I am glad we got to talk, I truly appreciated it

Tim: so did I. We've learned some things, haven't we class? LOL

Trent: You are funny, and we'll have to get drinks or something at the top of the year

Tim: I look forward to it...and of course I'll save a dance for you at the reception.

Trent: I don't think my future ex-husband will like that, he's overly protective.

Tim: tell him he ain't got nothing to worry about. My heart, soul, mind and dick are with one person and one person only.

Trent: you might try to slide your hand on my booty or something, trying to step in the name of love. I know how the Chi-town people do it...yall like to piss on people too.

Tim: uh...NO. Sorry kiddo, wrong page!

Trent: enjoy your evening and go get your man, its cold outside

Tim: thanks Trent. You enjoy your evening too and I look forward to seeing this in print! If I’m not too tipsy by then...LOL Thanks again, and we'll talk again REAL soon.

Trent: bye bye

P.S. Noah's Arc tonight!! Season Finale!!

12.13.2005

OOOHHH MUFTHA HAD TO CLUTCH PEARLS!

Hello Litter Box! So nice to see you today...I felt like being an eloquent gentleman yesterday, I had to drop the queenisms for a brief moment of silence. I will not talk about Tookie. I will not talk about F.E.M.A. and their deadlines. I am staying away from the political agenda...however, I will say this, why hasn't Charles Manson been executed yet? And please save all that this isn't about race bullshit. Fallback.

Anyway, so many things...Today I embark on the 90 Day Plan! What is that you ask? I will tell about it tomorrow...

But the highlight of the weekend had to be when I got my second peice of angry fanmail, this blog is rather lenghty, and I don't expect the blacks to read it...but soak it up and enjoy every bit of it, cause I know I did...

The Letter:

Dear Mr. Jackson,

My name is Reader X, NYC, and I just finished reading your novella At This Moment. I would like to congratulate you on having the courage, confidence, and the dedication to sit down and write a story that seems to have been in your system for awhile. I know that so many people sit and think about doing it, but it is a good thing to see someone follow through on their internal dreams.

I have never been so compelled to respond to a piece of writing before until now. As a Gay Black Man I am always eager to read more writings, whether it is in the style of fiction, non-fiction, or a social critique, about situations and issues pertaining to our specific lifestyle and culture. As a thick Gay Black Man, who does not, particularly, fit into the assumed and stereotypical fantasy type, I was happy to finally have a story in which the protagonist is a thick brother. I have to say, after reading your novella; I was sorely disappointed from start to finish.

After cutting through the jungle of misspelled words, punctuation mistakes, grammatical errors, and poor sentence structure that was on every page, I became aware that I was reading a rant (an unfocused one) and not really a story. Let me explain, because I am afraid that may have come out harsher than I wanted.

Your protagonist, Maverick, is 20 years old, thick and never realizes a true sense of self. He is homophobic in the true sense of the word and through all of his ranting; he never makes a solid point. What I found to be the most problematic in this text is that Maverick claims to be looking for acceptance and love and his weight shouldn’t have anything to do with it, but every man that you have him come in contact with, that he is sexually attracted to are light-skinned with light eyes and/or curly hair; the same description for Brenton, Xavier, Caleb, and his best friend Ruben. With that, I get the sense that you are telling the reader that a thick man acceptance comes when these pretty boys show interest. Why can’t we have a thick brother that is happy to be with a thick brother? Why does Maverick need to feel sexually validated by having these types of men in his life? What message are you trying to send out?

Also, Maverick’s homophobia is very problematic in this text and it is disheartening that he is never called on his views. I ended the book thinking that it was all right for him to be disrespectful towards the more effeminate people in this gay lifestyle (another group that suffers the same, if not more, than the heavier set guys in our community). And it was shocking that the one character that was not light skinned was written about in such negative terms having his butt compared with “coal dropped down someone’s panties.”

I know as a writer, your first job is to write what is inside of you and tell that story the best way you know how, but this poses the question Langston Hughes asked, “Are you a writer or a black writer?” It is not fair to have to hold up the image and ideals of a whole race/culture of people alone, however, when you place yourself in that particular role, you have to be aware of the responsibilities that you face not only to yourself, but the community in which you speak. At This Moment was problematic on so many levels and I personally felt that it should have been a personal essay, instead of a story, because it seemed as though you had some things you had to get off of your chest and you attempted to hide those ideas in a story.

I found it hard to concentrate on the text because you jumped from one topic to another and back again, all while flushing out this outline of your protagonist. Furthermore, I felt very offended. I find that you suffer from the same ailment as James Earl Hardy and E. Lynn Harris; you feel this culture does not deserve real literature. For you to actually come out with a book that seemed to not even grace the desk of an editor or was invaded by a red pen and then have the audacity to charge $15.95 (plus tax) is laughable. I would hate to think that true literature, especially relating to Black Gay culture, died with James Baldwin.

I am sorry for coming off in a negative tone and I hope that you do not read this as a personal attack. I do not consider myself a novelist, however, in my medium of work, if I ever half step my way and label it as something worth viewing, then I expect for the good and the bad criticism. I noticed that you are coming out with two more books. Unfortunately, I will not be able to bring myself to read those, but I do hope that you have grown in your thought process, writing style, if not that, at the very least have become more careful about all of the grammatical and spelling errors.

I hope you take this in good faith and I pray that you keep growing and perfecting your writing skill. If you would like to respond and dialogue about this email, please feel free to do so.


Sincerely,

Reader X


My Response:

Dear Reader X,

I hope that this email finds you in the best of health and spirits! I was so delighted and pleased to get your email today and I am very excited that you felt propelled to write me. I look forward and respond to all mail that I receive regarding At This Moment, so once again I thank you.

Thank you for acknowledging that I had something in my system that I wanted and needed to get out. I think At This Moment is a story that anyone can find something to relate to, even if you don't want to admit it, or you choose to focus on the negative aspects of the work. Nothing is perfect. I won't make excuses on the personal side of the story, but I put out what I felt I thought, and what 10,000 other people have thought was a great project. Out of thousands of emails, I got 2 negative ones. I think I look forward to the negative ones more because those are always the people that miss the message and are so use to reading replications of white literature that they can't understand non-white vernacular. I think you stated in your email, that I suffer the same ailment as James Earl Hardy and E. Lynn Harris. I take that as a compliment. I think their only ailments are reaching a large audience and expressing themselves freely, and not compromising their artistic abilities to reach a mass African-American audience, that oddly enough has a large cross over audience. I further feel that they as well as I capture the true essence of certain aspects of Black Gay life and if you find that to be an ailment or a problem, I would challenge you to capture your own experience in a book to set the record straight on what everyone else’s Black, Gay, experience should be like-so we could then use your guideline on what life is really like for the Black Gay Man. They, just as I, understand the need to write for my community and not only that, but I think that we all equally understand that our work isn't for everyone. You are the prime example of that.

You have written things that I have heard time and time again, about grammar, spelling, flow of consciousness, etc. I think that you are strongly confusing my writing style with bad grammar. Now yes there are minor mistakes here and there for spelling, but I don't think that has been a great hindrance in receiving the message and thoroughly enjoying or hating the piece. I do challenge you to read it again without the blinders on, really. You may actually laugh a lil' bit. You actually just gave me a great idea about my new book, and I will surely send you free of charge.

I think one of the strong points of the book that Maverick knows who he is and then he doesn't. He is trying to find himself in a world that he is new to. I think if you think about your own situation in coming to grips with your own sexuality, weren't you a little homophobic when you first came out or realized that you could have been gay? No one is fully accepting of themselves when they first come out especially when they are Black Men...

I kind of laughed to myself when you said all of the men fit the same prototype. Read my book again. It seems as though you were so angry and fed up at your purchase, you didn't pick up the fact that Caleb was dark, Xavier had locks and wasn't light with light eyes. The only person that fit that description was Brenton. By no way shape or form am I telling people to settle for the pretty boy clique. I say fuck the pretty boys! I was trying to convey that it was feasible to get a guy who was tall with a nice body, or a good-looking guy with a nice body. Lets face it, as much as I defied the stereotype, and as much as we live in a community/world where everything is based on image, we buy into the brainwashing shit too. Now I'd be the first to say that if a thick, fat, overweight guy ever approached Maverick he'd say "Okay, lets see what’s up." But that wasn't the case...my whole point in writing the characters the way I did was to say that, just because you're overweight doesn't mean you can' get a guy that is your opposite. And I don't think for a second that two thick men can't be together, that’s sick...if anything they both know the pain and struggle of being their size so why souldn't they get along?

The comment about the coal in the panties...was for gags, it wasn't mean to be rude, or negative. Everything is up for interpretation. I think it is an incorrect assumption to make saying that I made all of my charachters a certain way that bought into a eurocentric idea of beauty. Totally incorrect, and by assuming that you would be talking about my personal experience, which isn't too far off from this book.

I respect your opinions and by no way shape or form am I upset...I like the challenge and the idea that someone had a problem with my work. The only way to truly learn is to challenge authority. I am sure this will not be the first or the last email of this nature that I get...but I am glad that I did get this one, I challenge you to read the book again-it's just really funny to me how horrible you thought the book was.

Have a great weekend-and expect something in the mail from me in the next month or so.

All The Best,

Trent Jackson

His Repsonse to my reply:

Mr. Jackson,

Thank you so much for your email. I actually did re-read your book over the weekend to look past the grammatical errors and whatnot and I came out with the same conclusion. I do understand that you are writing for the mass audience, but I still don’t understand how we can equate good literature with white literature. It pains me, and it isn’t just in your writing, that African American writers of late, feel to reach a mass audience, they have to “dumb down” the language and put them in elementary situations. I am an avid reader, but I find African American writers of the past to be my favorite, not only because they spoke meaning and existence into my daily experiences, but because of the way they crafted their art and still keep the high standards of the English language. The characters had levels, depth, even in the silent breaks.

To answer your question, quite honestly, no I wasn’t homophobic when I first came out of the closet; my mother is a lesbian and my brother is gay, so I truly had no problems with having negative views of self in a sexualized way. I know that my experience is not a common one, so I do try to look at the most “common” reactions of sexuality. I understand people who do come out of the closet with anger/pain and I am not angry that you put forth Mavericks negativity; I was just bothered that there was no form of redemption or change of psyche. Maybe Maverick will grow in your next book (if you choose to continue with this story). Maybe the next novella will just focus on one storyline or relationship. I did feel a great hindrance to the work was that you had Maverick in so many dramatic situations in the span of 112 pages, it was hard to really get an understanding on what each situation meant and the lessons.

Art is art and it is all subjective. Not everyone is going to enjoy and look at the piece through the eyes of the artist. I am very pleased that you did not take my email as a personal attack and that you are mature enough to really open up a healthy dialogue about your work.

Keep writing and stay focused on your dreams.

God Bless,
Reader X


Um, what did I miss? I am so ready to mail out books just to prove a point here...

12.12.2005

In My Element

Shot Outs To: Tara, Kerri, Reesey, K. Smythe, Erika, Aunt Jacky, and all those who play a healthy part in my mental well-being.

I am grateful to have readers who enjoy me as much as I enjoy them.

Something came over me a while ago. I am different. It wasn’t because Desperate Housewives wasn’t on last night either, WTF? But something came over me; I can’t please the world and myself. I realized I had to what’s for me, cause my life is all about living happily for me…

There comes a point in life when we must stop and face the roadblocks ahead. A hurtle that we must cross. We can’t let it stop us, from achieving our goals, from being who we are—we can’t let confusion clout or minds and stop our success. We must press on for what is promised. Keep focus on what is true. There is only one value in life. Change. For this is the only thing that is constant.

12.09.2005

Friday Follie with your verbalologist, Trent Jackson

I thought I would be courteous and save my interviews until Tuesdays since we have to do the weekend TV recap first thing Monday morning.

Damn why am I really feelin, "Don't Forget About Us," by Mariah...that broad can't sing live anymore, but it's real cute like.

Shot Outs To: Tara-that was a great surprise this morning, you so know how to start my day off right, I can't wait to come and hang with my lady! Shawn, we are going to a higher level of positivity! Chaotic living is behind us! All of my readers, thank you for allowing me to be apart of your world if only for a minute! I thank you.

So I have officially set the record for the most revisits from past friends in 2005, let me give you the run down in a second...but is it me, or was Thursday a crazy day? Something in the earths rotational axis was just off...people weren't acting right, it was so cosmically out of whack.

As you know, 22 days are left in 2005 and I am so getting ready to do the most massive personal revamp ever. I just don't have time...I am not making anymore excuses, I am putting the naysayers to rest and I am believing in myself like never before, I am so tired of living and doing for everyone and everything else, and it really is about me this time. To, Charles X, (first off where u come from...) I was so thinking in the back of my head about being in the mix in 2006, and Ushers movie, but I am making that slogan my own. I know that movie flopped, and rightfully so-everyone needs a wakeup call to bring them back down to earth to let them know to fall back and stay on the humble, that was his, I've had mine a few times.

So, last weekend, I am rolling down Crenshaw and you know how you're stopped at a light and someone is staring at you, and you know it, but you decide you want to have tunnel vision that day...well, turns out I gave into temptation and I turned my head and it was this guy that I talked to briefly. I was kinda excited to see him cause I thought he was nice...but a bit arrogant for my taste. We pulled over, talked for a minute, told me he had just graduated school, he had my book, congratulated me and all like that...it was nice, we exchanged numbers, haven't talked yet..and actually I am not caring or anything, he's kinda whack to me cause he's full of it. Nice but full of it. I am only putting up with it for 22 more days, he better hurry up and make his impression if he wants to stay on the roster.

Then the next day, after chuch, I roll up in Roscoes to feed my fat addiction and who is sitting up in there...this dude named Will from high school. God he was a mess in high school, he's just half of a mess than he is now. He likes me-but he's one of those guys who likes to play mind games and he wants total control of situations...not me. We exchanged numbers, he called me like 2 hours later, conversation was great, he was still an asshole, but he matured...we were supposed to hangout, when I called him he was getting high...I was like oh, that killed it. So then he sends me a text message at 2 a.m. talking about "Whassup?" No response, number deleted.

On Sunday day, after Roscoes and before the phone call from will, I ran into Gary another boy from high school in Ralphs in the Ladera Center. OMG He is so fine and chocolate, I was like yes, I will hit that without a prenump...I don't like Gary cause he's not a talker. He doesn't say shit and he's too hard to read, so I gave up, talking to him is like pulling teeth from a tiger while trying to juggle three bowling balls with baby oil on your hands.

Then out of curiosity my ass decides to email my homie lover friend from 5 years ago, whom I talk to off and on again, every other odd year, who made "Again" the song that reminds me of him...what did I do that for. Hello, there is a reason why we don't communicate better. It's him. He is another one who likes to play games, he'll tell you different. I remember every small detail, like the time he stood me up last year for our date in July since he was here for the summer from school, never got a phone call or how he selectively remembers things and likes to pretend you're the crazy one. We were on the phone the other night and I flat out told him why we would never ever in the history of homosexuals be together and he couldn't handle it...havent heard from him since. Hell probably call after he reads this...if not, oh well.

I am tired of people. I won't play any more games. I won't curse you out, I won't make you a character in my next book that I'll categorize as fiction, I won't say shit to or about you. I am not giving it anymore energy. Boys are stupid anyway. I am in love with this boy who is in Connecticut right now...LMAO, shut up!

One thing is for sure that I do enjoy reading other peoples blogs! There are so many new bloggers its hard to keep track, there is a new guy out of Atlanta, Soulful Real, check him out, really interesting fellow.

There is an interview that you've all been waiting for! It's going to be right here on Live & Up Close with Trent Jackson, this shit is so exclusive, you won't find it anywhere on the block...

I am taking a sabbatical this weekend. I was thinking maybe going down to San Diego or up the coast to Santa Barbara, just to get away and write... So hopefully that will happen...I will comeback refreshed and revamped.

Everyone have a great weekend and remember,
If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.
I love you for reading!!

12.08.2005

Okay, Whassup? Shut UP!

Wait, come again? Did I hear the man just say season finale next week? I can't. That..it, just...but. All I know is this Wade an Noah thing, we want it but we don't. We feel it but we can't, It's cute but it's not. Chance, Ricky, Alex, and Noah, all engaged with other men, someone has to be single...What we need to be concerned about is why does Noah think he's a gift box? He is like 2 weeks too early for Christmas and ain't no need for that paper mache, velvet lookin obstruction of fashion statement to be all up on his shirt taking up the whole damn scene...and who talks that much in church anyway?

Shot Outz To: Tara...AWWW. Thanks to all of the blog kids that come out and show me love, E, Pammie, Marz, Soulful Foreal (the latinz lookin kinda hot over there...) all of them like that OH AND CASH...All money is legal.

Somebody said I needed a vacation. You're right! 2005 has been a long nasty year, and the ending is worse than the beginning. My sister died January 4th this year, and the last time I talked to her was the day after Christmas of 04. So this time is kinda difficult for me...but not only cause of that, not only me, but for anyone who has lost a loved one...the holidays always get difficult. This was my first year without my big sister...and since she died in January, we missed everything, Mothers Day, her birthday, my birthday, 4th of July, Thanksgiving and now Christmas. Everyone goes through it...and there isn't anything that anyone can say to take the place of a loved one during the holidays...so I won't even attempt, because even I can't think of anything to say. It irritates me more when people try to articulate something nice, because they end up making the situation worse. All you wanted them to do was shut the fuck up in the first damn place.

But back on track, in the midst of all that I released my book a month after my sisters death and I've been working ever since then with my project and my company and I really didn't have time to take a breather and just get away...and it doesn't help that I hate Los Angeles, and I don't have the best support system either. I need a new place, where I can be rid of the chaos and live for myself and not be subject to everyone else's issues just because we are tied by blood. But life gets better, cause "I'm in the mix in 2006!" <-My slogan, don't bite my shit. But I thank all you guys for your continued support and I am working so very hard to finish off these new projects so you can fully grasp the Trent Jackson semblance...back to Noah and his arc. Back to church, why does Ricky always find a peice some damn where? And church of all places? The places hoes goe to get men...theres the answer... Tackling the black church topic hit home for a lot of us. Now this is my opinion litter box, I wasn't really feelin Chance and his whole ceremony thing, I mean there are gay churches and other places that would have accepted them with open arms. I understood his point of challenging the idea of chruch, but why go through all that when the black church has been historically biased against homosexuals in the first place? In the words of my favorite blogger, Clay Cane, you know how the "Jim Crow Christians" do! I wasn't for that decision.

Wade moving in was too much for me...just too much, that facial kit, moving stuff around and then wanting to go buy a house for the two of them, honey he don't even know if he likes dick 100% to be fuckin with that...and speaking of dick, Ricky and his line of the night "Something just as hot," as he laid up on top of Juanito...did he not play him shadey, one minute you're in love, the next you're fuckin him, then you are kissing the church boy in your secret treasure chest, gimme a break. I understood the reservation but keep it real! Boys play too many games, thats why I have yet to let some man stick his richard inside of me. Niggas think they are Jay-Z, fuckem then they diss them, they think they are pimps by blood not relation thats why I can't.

I can't wait to see this blissfull wedding...motha will be clutching her pearls in suspense, while plotting the next move to get her secret warm all over again...Join me tomorrow, for the Friday Follies!

12.07.2005

Jargonistic Unfamiliar Nonsense: Verbiage

I don't know about you, but I am like REAL, EXTRA, if not EXTREMELY tired of people and their shit. People just annoy the hell out of me. I don't know why bitches think they can keep up shit all year long and then have the nerves to get nice around Christmas, bitch you aint gettin' shit! Keep your ass ackin all stank and trflin like you have been doing, honey 2 weeks before Christmas is not going to woo me.

I've come up with one healthy thing to do, leave these bitches alone and get into my own mix in 2006! I am about to go buy a cave in Montana or something and roll a stone over the front, sleep in there for three days and rise again like Jesus. I am only going to deal with this shit for the next 24 days, and I am spent.

The nerve of people to cause shit all year long and then want you to buy them a gift at the end of the year, bitch please! Just cause you think I have lira doesn't mean I am gonna spend it on you. For the record I am not buying shit for anyone, got it? Trent Jackson is the grinch this year!! I am buying myself a new car and a new fuckin' Tiffany item, fuck everyone else. I am done, finito, sayonara whore!

I wish people would really respect the fact that my way of respecting them is not saying shit to them, I don't have anything nice to say, so I refrain from speaking. To be quite honest, I usually don't speak negatively to anyone unless they push me to my limits or they are just so outright foul I have to let them know right then and there I am not the one. Anyway, no need to explain myself. I just stumbled across the greatest mystery of all times, there are 2 reasons why people don't like me: People don't want to admit that they really like me and they act stank to try to make me think otherwise, or I done told you how stupid or whack you are! Yall know I tell the truth and most of the blacks, hell no one in general likes that word.

Shot Outz To: No4real, like 4real where you been? Shot outs to my closet readers, I love you, appreciate you and I am glad that you can see the softer side of Trent. Shot Out Tara...I know itz hard, it gets better, but thats what I am here, hear, for! I love you and if you need me to taze a hoe let me know!!! DECEMBER 30TH! Shot Out to all of the bloggers...so many to list but I am glad that you are exposing yourselves to me, I always enjoy reading about other people, thank GOD I am not tha only one going through life...

Another thing I am tired of is, people dumping their shit on me, damn do I look like a porcelain toilet? Leave me alone, its enough that I am fat, black and gay, give a bitch 10% and fall back. People are always trying to catch you up and make you think you crazy because you have certain opinions and experiences...I am done. I am not making since either! I told yall back in October that I wasn't gonna talk about it anymore, and I meant that...But just know I feel like going postal.

FOCUS......

It is impossible to live drama free. I don't give a fuck what you tell me. I don't care if you walk around with your Tom's Toothpaste smile, licorice sticks, dirty packpack-you can not eliminate drama, but what you can do is control your drama intake. It all starts by what you allow people around you to do...like right now, I am tired of living in chaos. It's not my chaos, but just by me living with chaotic people, I too become a victim of chaoticness. So, I am leaving, because it's not healthy for me and my personal goals. I am telling you my new years resolution is to eliminate this dead waste in my body and eliminate people who have dead attitudes! Shake that monkey!! Everyone isn't meant to be around you, even your own family! Like Whitney Houston said, "I love you, but I don't live for you!" Thats that Crack knowledge...

So Anyway, yall are tired. Yall beg for interviews and things and then don't read them, I tell you about the blacks, they ask for things and then have the nerve to complain, beggers can't be choosey. Choose this....

So whats gonna crack on Noah's Arc tonight? Hmm...I am waiting to see.

I have been just sent a message from the galaxy and it told me to tell you that, your life is worth more than what you think it is. No matter what it may seem like right now, there is a way out of your situation. Don't worry about it...all you have to do is believe in yourself when no one else does and watch what happens...

I need help deciding: D.C., New York or Atlanta?