Me

My photo
Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.

8.30.2006

I Called, But I didn't Show...

I just finished watching the Four hour, Spike Lee directed, HBO Documentary, When The Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Acts

After watching that...

I'm not in the mindset to attempt to be funny. Watching that was like watching Rosewood.
I will be back on friday, serving the truth.

8.29.2006

For Better And Worse: One Year Later

The water has subsided. The dust has settled, debris of what use to be still sits lifeless. Addresses spray painted on sides of vacant homes, that once were full of life. Memories scattered, people left homeless is what New Orleans is and what it has been for the past year.

Life has not returned to anywhere near normal for New Orleans. I don't think it will ever. As the whole world still watches in breathless awe we can't help but relive the vividly etched, vile images that protruded our eyes, minds, bodies and thoughts like the stench of death, darkness and disconsolate memories.

One year later. Some of us, in our deluded thinking, can't believe that "Something like this," happened in the United States. One of our cities. While we rushed to "The Sandlot," to fight the plight of "terrorism," while seeking out Sodom and Osama and rushed to the Tsunami victims, not once, but twice - we have still left "Americans" with a bitter, hardened taste to the body. As Clay Cane spoke best on one of many posts about Katrina, this was clearly a racial issue.


We watched as the vastly affected, black people were called refugees. Were left without anywhere to turn, no where to go. A system that had already failed them for as long as they've lived, had sucked the life that they had become accustomed to right away from them. Treating them like criminals instead of victims. For a second we bluntly, not surprisingly revisited a time where we were lynched, beaten, raped, humiliated and directly hated for the color of our skin...Wait. Not much has changed, we're still there.

Forced, shuffled and swept into make shift homes, just as the waves crashed through and made the walls come tumbling down. Once again...we were tested.

While most negro celebrities clenched their purses tighter than Jews on Hanukkah, we thanked God for Oprah (who always comes through), we thanked God for Kanye who defied the control of corporate white man and spit the truth of fire and said what needed to be said. And we thank Clay Cane, who kept it all the way real and showed that anyone can do something to HELP the affected and afflicted.

We come from a line of survivors. Displaced, overcome, persevered, triumphed, excelled, paved the way, been the example. Beat down, oppressed, shamed, rejected, inflicted, pitted against, tricked, sabotaged, bamboozled. Still, we rise. We can't be held down, we won't be stopped.

Even though we were stripped. Our heritage will continue to be passed down, no matter what WE MAY THINK OF OURSELVES...tested, tried...were true. This is just another hurtle that we'll jump and conquer together.

We'll never forget. But we'll always remember where we come from and what we've been through.



Hurricane Katrina:
August 29, 2005

The Rebuilding Of Live & Overcoming:
CONSTANT

8.28.2006

Walking On Pink Eggshells...

Happy Monday people!

Another day, another dollar and another chance to get the shit right before time runs out.
I nag. I bitch. I moan. I complain. I talk trash about myself and others...but beyond all that, I enjoy life for all that it's worth. Especially when I can enjoy great people, great energy and a greater respect for self.

I don't have much to say today, except...I'm almost done with the book (again) so I should be packaging it on time. I am launching the website, officially in a week or so. If you're a yahoo member you've already seen what some of it looks like and I appreciate your comments thus far.

Also check out my new poll question on the right column...gives you an idea of what I am going to be talking about on Witty Wednesday...and I found out some info that I just need to get off my titties!

I'm praying for my uncle who is going to Kuwait...he maybe on a plane now. I love you Uncle D...and thank you for being in my corner all this time. I love you Shanice and DeAja for reinforcing the value of family. Orlando, I love you so much...I'mm getting ready to show you something you've never seen B4, so get ready.

And to my supporters...I love you and I thank you so much for being my inspiration!

8.25.2006

It's The Friday Finale

Featuring A Chat with my Actor Friend:
Shawn

8.22.2006

New Music Tuesday...

I think it's fair to say that the kids are holding their breath under deep water and tight booty holes for Beyonce and Janet to drop in less than a months time. I know I am. Although I am a Beyonce hater, cause she gets on my reserve nerves...I don't love to hate her, like you love to hate me. It's just that she needs to sit the fuck down somewhere and stop being a sponge soakin' up all the mac makeup, boom mics, and lighting kits...not to mention those over the top Tina Knowles styled wigs (she's just trying to out do Whitney Houston and her wigs...who is looking great these days...) On the Janet tip, if you haven't heard her new single, "So Excited," featuring my rashy neck, my broke back, my bloody pussy like that, Khia, it's definitely a banger and should have released this single first...I think she did this last time with that titty flop album, which is still a Janet classic...anyway on with the New Music...

KELIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN HERE...Lets get that straight. She's the under-rated, more than half-talented, interesting voice, Donna Summer-esque boss with a style, class and power and her new album, "Kelis Was Here," courtesy of LaFace (um, I didn't get the memo, when did LaFace resurface...) catapults her straight to the top! This album is nothing but fire!!! The standout track, 'Whats That Right There' is enough to make you want to do a handstand-cartwheel-pussy pop, while eating a banana in 20 degree weather! The track is sick! The vocals are hot and it doesn't end there...This album boasts the best shit talking, realness around. Kelis lets you know she's confident and she doesn't give a fuck. Lyrically, vocally and production wise Kelis and the crew put it all the way down. If you weren't a Kelis fan, one listen and she's got you...and it will make you want to go out and buy all of her other albums too. This is a FULL PLAY THROUGH there isn't one track to skip over, whether It's 'Aww Shit,' the alternative sounding, 'Till The Wheels Fall Off,' or the bass thumping-futuristic 'Living Proof' you'll be bumpin. This is the CD that will backdrop your Labor Day social gathering, moonlight some freaky sex or the groove you can listen to while you smoke...KELIS gets the TRENT JACKSON SEAL OF APPROVAL and a A+ and 5 copies purchased.

Fuck "Star's Being Blind!" Stars should be deaf...Especially Paris Hilton. I mean, it all started with Eddie Murphy, then J.Lo, now Paris Hilton further proves that anyone can make an album. She's a white girl with money to burn or whatever she does with it. PARIS PLEASE GIRL, DO US ALL A FAVOR AND SIT DOWN AND BE A RICH SKINNY WHITE BITCH. Stick to being a professional partier! Do something you're good at. -END- Although there are a few tracks that are DOWNLOAD WORTHY. Only for the kids that like to dance. Turn It Up and Not Leaving without you are cute songs. Then she had the nerve to cover Rod Stewart's classic, "Do You Think I'm Sexy." Paris actually pulls it off, but I think it would have been more suitable for Janet. You Be the judge. Not only does Paris gets the "GIRL GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE" STAMP, SHE ALSO GETS A F that stands for FUCKIN' FOOL.

Girl, if Puffy signs you, understand you ain't goin nowhere! It's like doing a BET SHOW. You don't go anywhere from there. I mean look at the track record...Ananda, faded off into obscurity, Adimu...A.J. & Free...need I say more. Now back to Puffy. It ended with Faith. Carl Thomas could actually be doing something, he has a mediocre talent...not to be compared with C-list crooner Brian McKnight. But he could be doing something. He ruined 112's career. They could be doing something too. All of this leads me to say that DANITY KANE...GIRLS PLEASE. This is another DOWNLOAD WORTHY CD. 'Heartbreaker,' 'Ooh Ahh' and 'Touching My Body' get okay'd but that other stuff, could have been put in with the rest of Puffy's bag of Tricks. BLAH on Danity Kane...the sad part is a few of those girls can sing, but they got caught up. I hope they can pull a LeToya Luckett and make it. I know the kids are gonna get mad at me for what I said about them. I didn't say they completely sucked...

IDLE...not WILD. OutKast whom I love and respect dearly for their creative flair fashion and music wise....UM, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT? F, FOR FUCKIN' FOOL! I just hope your movie is better than this CD.

F.Y.I. The Dave Hollister Definitive Collection is out this week as well. I mentioned him a week or so ago. If you need to get introduced to his music, this is a good way to do it. It's a shame that such good singers get reduced to definite collections and greatest hits CD's.




Trent is sleeping on Cassie and Cherish. They can put that where? BACK ON THE FUCKIN' SHELF

8.21.2006

Dryspell

I usually read blogs, Sunday night. Right before I post mine...and I've noticed, that every time this year all of the bloggers go through a dry spell. No one is posting...no one has anything to say, we're all just living life.

While I've tried to find a balance and post on my blog regularly to entertain yall....Doesn't seem like I've been to effective, never mind that, I'm always effective, even if it's just semi.

You'll be glad when you guys finally get this book in your hands...I think I am going to start leaking it sometime this week...someone already leaked my new website...a few of you have seen it...

But I'm here...working. dealing. coping.

I love how my Luis Vuitton wallet was stolen with everything in it...I'll tell you more about that story on Wednesday...

Until then....be safe

live life.
do you....
shake it off...

missing you

8.17.2006

Snap Out Of It Nigga!

There is only one bitch in my whole entire rolodex, who can give me REAL man/relationship advice. That is my girl from college, O’Sheaka. Yes…O’Sheaka, the country girl from Ferriday, Louisiana who I immediately took to while writing for the Southern Digest.

So while trying to balance and maintain, which I am learning everyday how to do better, because sometimes we think we have it all under control and we can do 20 things at once, I am doing too, much, and why doesn’t that surprise my regular readers or anyone who pays attention?

My day job, (re)finishing this book, recording a show, packaging my behind the scenes DVD, not to mention editing it…trying to stick with a workout regimen, balance my social life, put together a book tour and be in love with a man that doesn’t love me back. Something’s gotta give right? So I called her up and asked her what I should do…the answer for her was simple “Put on LeToya’s CD number 11 and give him the cut off speech”

I mean, yeah at this point I need to eliminate him from my life. It didn’t work before when we tried the first time, and though the good, positive traits definitely outweigh the bad ones, which is one reason why I still deal with him, he does small shit that is just unacceptable. I mean…he’s a feature in my second book…which he’ll probably figure out, but I mean what?? I’m only telling the truth.

My gay friends tell me, I should “see what happens” by keeping him around, because he is…such a boy, he’s doing dumb shit, like talking to me about other boys just to get my reaction. WHATEVER, THAT’S WEAK!!! And I know it is, but, I do feel that he loves me, but I need to know where is stance is before my schedule goes to unavailable, because once October hits and book tour starts, I need to know who’s gonna be sitting next to me as I sign books. Do I bring my assistant? Or do I bring the man that I love?

O’Sheaka thinks he’s staying around because he knows my personal dealings and that I’m getting ready to embark on a few things an go to that “next plateau,” which could be very true, because he does have his own goals within the “industry.” Hmmmm, she may be on to something, but he’s not that kind of guy.

When we come together we have an undeniable chemistry, that’s never gonna go away, no matter what…but, this isn’t the kind of chemistry that just friends have…there is something more there. And knowing him, he did this when we first dated, scared to take that step in admitting there was something there, like he was afraid to date me, it almost seemed as if he felt it was wrong to date me…

As confusing as the situation is, I am going to give him a few more days…before I completely ax him and change my phone number. And move full steam ahead with my project. I have to please myself creatively and I have to please you, the very people that support me in all of my insane, chaotic, unstable, focused, happy, sad, blunt, ways…

For that, I’ll always love you.

8.16.2006

Witty Wednesday

Just had to let you know whats going on...not a full show, but I'm busy working!!! couldn't leave yall hanging be back on friday....

8.15.2006

Treadmill Confabulation...

In the words of Susan "Vogue Bitches!"

So, I am in better spirits than I was in yesterday. It had to be catching up with Reesey at the gym last night and giving off one ol' hateful 1 hour power walk on the treadmill. Hmmph I am getting this shit outta my system. I am so tired of the lack of positive people, tired of the lack of GOOD MEN, tired of the lack of responsibility people will take for their actions and the parts that they play in situations and I am tired at the lack of clarity I've had in myself the last couple of days.

I know who I am, I know what I need to do...so I need to get out of these riduculous slumps and move the fuck on with my damn life...and that's what happened last night. Right when you articulate stuff in your brain, God sends people right along the way to confirm it for you...

Follow close.

Girl, where do I even start? Who should go first, cause you know my shit is heavy.” I said as I gave a fierce fag walk on the treadmill, while noticing my old choir director jogging his ass off on the treadmill in front of me and to my left.

You go, I know you got more shit than I do.” Reesey said back.

It had been a minute since we caught up and really hung out. But the beauty of our friendship was just that, beauty. We didn’t have to see each other everyday. We didn’t have to be all up in each other’s face. We understood, what space did in our relationship. We were close, we’ve been friends since we were four and if the shit ever got sticky, we both knew we could be there for each other.

Where do I start? I got a letter in the mail from the Sheriffs department saying they can’t hire me because of my interaction with ‘The felon.’ I said sarcastically.

Who Mario?” Reesey asked making a crazy ass face.

Right, girl! You know I told my mom if I didn’t get that job because of something I didn’t do, it was going to be a bad misunderstanding at 4115! That was 6,000 a month I was looking at, and she fucked my shit up all because she wants to date a felon. I mean fuck, I could have fucked my own chances up, let alone letting her get caught up in my shit. You just wait.” I told her, walking harder against the moving belt.

I’m sorry that had to happen T.”

I ain’t! I know I would have done a damn good job, but I got a book coming out next month, plus this gives me another book to write. These muthafuckas is gonna be real pissed when I expose more of their lives. Hmmph. I ain’t about to be letting these hoes put me through all this shit for nothing. Somebody’s gotta win in the situation.”

She laughed.

Dre, is getting on my last damn nerves. I am tired of him standing me up on dates. I love his ass way too hard and I think I am just threw with dating. Never mind that. I am through with black men! Niggas ain’t shit. They see you gotta little bit of money, they got they hand out. Then you don’t want to talk to em’ cause you smell their game, then they wanna pull the fat card. It’s always something. What is the remedy to the madness??!!!

A white man.” The dominant, smooth voice said from the treadmill on the right. Me and Reesey both looked at each other.

Do tell more.” I told the lady who reminded me of Lela Rochon in ‘Waiting To Exhale.’

I couldn’t help but hear what you two were talking about. I love my black men, but there is no hassle on the other side. I’ve been dogged out by black men. I’m with a white man now and I love it!” She explained.

Is the dick good though?” I asked, in my curious, Trent Jackson, fag mode tone.

It’s all the same in the dark!” She said. “But I’m telling you. You don’t have to take my word for it. Just try it. I’m not saying give up on black men either. Cause there are good men. But if you want to be appreciated, valued and treated right…”

“Hmmph. Girl this is confirmation, cause just last Monday, I was thinking the same damn thang…What’s your name? I like you. I am inviting you to my book release party!

My name is Joy.”

###


Hmmph. Shout out to Joy! Catch you at the gym girl! We had some more interesting conversation that I’ll save for later. But when I left the gym, I had to stop by the cleaners and when I turned around one of my good L.A. socialite friends, Joe was in line.

“I didn’t know you came here.” I said.

“I live in the neighborhood.” Joe explained in his welcoming tone.

“And so do I…now let me ask you…” I went into Trent Jackson fag mode again, because word on the street is that……………and I wanted to know.

It was confirmed, so I had to make a quick action plan to get my shit together to make things work in L.A. After some serious, yet light-hearted confabulation, Joe was the fresh breath of air I needed, to remind me that I wasn’t the only one who was tired and fed up with people and their dog shit.

What I like about Joe is that he’s older and to me he’s a visionary. He dares to think outside of the box and has great ideas that will actually turn into something. I once had that same idea about two summers ago, when I was working at Nordstrom, making 7.50 an hour…when I decided to spill my heart, my soul, my story out on paper. A year and 11, 352 copies later, At This Moment came into my view.

People laughed at me. I lost friends. My mom laughed at me. I didn’t stop.

Tonight my assurance, confidence in self was back where it needed to be. He reminded me that we, as people need to surround ourselves with people, real people that are going to lift us up, bring us up not tare us down.

For far too long, I, you, we have let people tare us down and hold us back way too long. Challenge yourself to let go!

Take a laxative and shit these muthafuckas outta ya system! The ones that always doubt, the ones that always hate, the bitches that’s always got something to say. Friends may stab you in your heart; enemies stab you in the back. But remember, he that have faith and belief in his self can rise above the adversity of life and be a reflection strength and become invincible to the trappings of the mind.

8.14.2006

Saturday Night Slump....

And I am by myself again...why doesn't that surprise me.

Once again i've been let down.
Hurt.
Destroyed.

Left in an insecure place, I thought I escaped.

I'm in love with a man, who doesn't love me back. He's someone I dream about, in my wildest dreams. Someone who I want to lay with. Share and spend my time with.

While he chances his dreams, balances his life. I await. Patiently, while he flirts with tall, pretty boys. With bodies of gods, faces from the magazine. I can't help but wonder is my body in the way...yet again.

I wanted to spend time with her. For her birthday, but she canceled on me!! For her birthday...

For today I am the plague. I even called the person that I least likely wanted to be bothered with and offered to take hin out...and even he turned me down.

So here I am again. Alone, forever I will always be. Everyone is having fun. Laughing, bright eyed. On dates...happy birthday.

What is under our mask?
What do we really feel?
Who can I run to....? To share this empty space? Escape.

I've been here before.
I am comforting myself, the best way I know how.

Something I've always done.
It fills me up.
Never let's me down.

This is why...part of my problem.

The atmosphere is loud.
People laughing.
Not a care in the world.

Just as I.
We are getting ready to indulge.

Forks in hand.
Cup in the other.

Temporary solice,
to end a permanent pain.

One bite at a time.
But only this time...I wasn't satisfied.

8.08.2006

When Everyday Is Tuesday.

I remember it like it was yesterday. It's fresh on my mind like the morning mist to rose. Coincidentally, just like your name, Tuesday, it was the day. January 4th 2005 is a day that will be etched in my mind forever. It wasn't a normal day. I was a month away from releasing my first book in the states. Busy phone calls, faxes here, emails there. It took up my whole day. Then around 7 that night, right in the middle of watching Karamo on the real world...my life changed forever.

My mom called me and told me that you...had died. It took a minute for it to sink in. The first thing I thought about were your children. I went to my room and pulled out pictures from the past, then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I sat in the corner and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. I cried all night. I cried the next day. My eyes were so puffy and swollen I could barely keep them open.

A year and one birthday has passed since you've left. The grief is just now setting in...I'm just now realizing that the only person who has really had my back and has been in my corner since birth is no longer here. I can't share my accomplishments with anyone, I can't call and have any gossip sessions anymore...I think about you everyday, like everyday is that same Tuesday. I have to keep myself from crying thinking about all of the times we hungout. When you were the president of The Boys Fan club. LOL...and how they came to the house for breakfast that Saturday morning.

Today is your birthday...You would have been 36. DAMN...36. I have to stop...It's too much for me to think about. I know you would have wanted me to go on without....I can't say it, it's too much to think about. I can't cry anymore, but I can't stop. It's not fair....It's not fuckin' fair that you had to die. It's always the people that live their life right, it's always the ones that are humble, it's always the ones that make the difference every damn time...and thats your reward? Death!!?? If that's what you get for being nice, then I need to do a 360 real quick, cause I would hate for Essence to have to loose me...because I know that I have to be the example for her, just like you were the example for me. I have to be the example of you for your kids...

Happy Birthday Tuesday...

For Tuesday,

May your lessons,
Belief in me,
Your unyielding love,
And inspirations surpass this life.
For I hold your love, memory, and life
True to my heart.

For your love was like a ray of sun
That gives me light to see a new day.

Your life does not and will not go in vain.
You will forever live through me…

Tha throwback pic of Tuesday...
One of my favorite ones...
The way I remember her...

August 8, 1970-January 4, 2005

8.07.2006

RESCUE ME!!

People we have been deprived!

We have been hoodwinked, bamboozled and led astray! They have told us that the new wave of singers is Marcus Houston, Usher, Chris Brown, Ne-Yo, Ray-J and Omarion. I wish they would stop lying!! Now don't get me wrong, the new booties have got me bobbin my head if not my mouth to their radio friendly cuts. But my question is, where are the singers that sing from their prostate glans like we are in an old down south Baptist church on Sunday morning?

It's not even that they have to have a "great" voice...but we are lacking male singers that sing with emotion. God rest Luthers soul...but up until about maybe 10 years ago there hasn't been one male singer maybe besides, R. Kelly, Brian McKnight, I'll give credit to Gerald LeVert (were talking about new singers, Stevie Wonder stands the test of time, bump what you heard, he's in a class all by himself) that has gave us one ol' hot song that was sang with emotion, feeling and made you wanna fuck, suck, and be gay (happy).

I have a few questions...:

Where is Dave Hollister? I mean he gave me one ol' hot song after another. Can't Stay, One Woman Man, Doin' Wrong...If you don't know who Dave Hollister, do your research. He maybe the male equivalent to Deborah Cox, someone else who doesn't fool with melodies! I mean they will tare a song up. He needs to be a stay in the mainstream market. Where is he?



KEVON EDMONDS!!! WHERE ARE YOU?? One CD and you left me high and dry like my ex boyfriend. In 2001 he dropped his debut solo CD 24/7 that is a constant stay like Brandy's, Full Moon in my CD player. Kevon use to be the lead singer of After 7, and also Babyface's brother. I am gonna need him to do one old pop up and sing Baby Come To Me or No Love...will have you together.




JOE, I mean...!!!??? He gave me what I needed. Not the best singer, definitely a filler of the void, but he still gave me More & More, I Wanna Know & that duet with Case (where the fuck is he?) Faded Pictures.



I am not going to go in depth over all of the great male vocalists that we miss....but WE need another album from, Maxwell, D'Angelo, Tevin Campbell, and Kenny Lattimore. Who else am I missing???

Now....there are few people that you all don't know about that could sing circles around any of these singers listed about, the KING OF VOCALS, IS RAHSAAN PATTERSON! DO NOT SLEEP. Mix the genes of Chaka Khan, Minnie Ripperton, Luther Vandross and you get RAHSAAN! HE is in a category all by himself, HANDS DOWN.

Two other vocalists, underground that you need to know about are Frank McComb and
Eric Roberson. They saaaaaang from their nut sacs! Check em' out and would someone please rescue me from the damn radio!

8.03.2006

360

(my cousins Shanice and DeAja)
L
ast night I celebrated my cousin DeAja's 28th birthday and forgot I had tickets to my friend Lalah's concert at the Hollywood Bowl! Sorry Lalah, I'll have to make it up to you. I've been in work mode lately and my energy has been down to the lowest levels I've ever experienced, so hopefully that can all change in the next few days.

But while I was hanging out with my family, I realized something. We never know where our lives will lead us. Life, our cipher, changes so
much that we're not even able to keep track of the things that revolve like doors in our lives. Who would have thought that 10 years ago my cousin would have killed my Grandmother and two other family members? We never know where our lives will lead us...

I thought about where I want my life to go and how many times I've been sidetracked, but always stood my ground and found my way back to what I wanted to do...I never knew that my life would lead me down three different paths just to get back on that main road again. I'm grateful though.

I never would have thought that I would have fell in love with a crackhead. Damn who would have thought...?

I couldn't help but think about the friendships I've lost, the people that I've hurt, the relationships that ended...how we always thought they would be there...and one day they are not.

I've been visualizing, thinking, dreaming, longing for the moment for my creative fruits to ripen to the point where I'm not the only one ready to eat them.

Life has a weird way of breaking us down to make us conform and adapt to things we never see coming. Luckily for me, my strength in God and the prayers of others I've been able to sustain and maintain.

I'm in love with a man who still isn't ready...and I'm jumping off the ship and letting it sink back down to the ocean floor where it belongs. I've been there done that.

I'm back at a point where I am focused on me. What I need, What I want, What makes me happy...I've been here before, I swear this really is Deja Vu.

And 360 posts later, who would have thought that my 360 degrees of life would have me here, At This Moment...I've learned that we must all come Full Circle.

8.01.2006

A Revisit From My Past...

So I've been so caught up on working and partying I couldn't even think of a topic to write about tonight. So I had to pull up something from my past...this is why I love archives. Not only is it a way for me to check my growth and to see where I was back then, it also allows the people that have been readers of my blog from the start to reminsice with me on how far we've come together and for the new readers to discover the hidden jewels that lie far beneath the surface. My archives really give you a glimpse of who I really am, without all of the Trent Jackson branding, so to speak.

I was on the phone with ShawnQT, who retired his blog over the weekend, and I was telling him how I've been getting comments from old posts, from like a year ago and how fascinated I was to see someone reading archives and talking about how it affected them...that's hot to me. So I decided to see what I was doing a year ago today...and look what I found:

***************************
Monday August 1, 2005! Are you serious? Why has this year gone by too fast?

How y’all doin'? Is imitation really the best form of flattery? I think not!

Shot Outs to: Stone. Alright for that interview! A mess he is!! But I love him he's another semblance of a positive, progressive, balanced, all-inclusive (that hotel brochure word) black gay man. And he so calmed me down during my moment last night! I appreciate that!! That accent just having me want to lube my booty up and play with myself...shot outs to all of my silent readers all over-I appreciate you! Especially you Marz! ShawnTaQuan, Valentino, Larry Lyons...and all like that.

Damn I feel dirty. I sucked his Johnson and let him eat my ass like the Filet Mignon I cooked for him at 3:00 a.m., before he dumped me last summer. I finally got to use that Mint Tingle condom which wasn't even all or none of that. I liked the taste, but it dripped with mint jizz which got in the way of things...it didn't really cover up the latex condom taste...maybe they did that in order to simulate nut in yo mouf...who knows?

I didn't even enjoy the act. And I know I can suck dick better than that Superhead bitch (whose book I just finished reading...review soon to follow) I'll just stick to my strawberry flavored lifestyle regimen until the next episode. My impromptu dick sucking session was just that...EX. It wasn't makeup sex or anything like that. I felt dirty. Like my standards of morality were reduced to the simplicity of 1+1 and it = the compromising of self to please my flesh. I've got to have more control than this. I don't want to have sex again until I am involved.... but there is always a couple of exceptions, like Stone and (Your Name Goes Here). Sex is so overrated and so are men...I am just going to have a healthy masturbation life. You can't win for loosing, but there is always that other 1%.

One thing I love about my blog is my ability to connect with you the reader. I've been getting emails from readers, especially after my little interview with Smiling. A lot of people seem to be upset that Trent Jackson isn't my real name and some how feel deceived...now everyone wants to know the "real" Trent. Some of you tactless bastards have been blocked from my email...however Anthony D. (How You doin'?) sent me an email that I don't mind answering. And I wanted to publicly do it...not only because they are great questions but closing this chapter of curiosity.

Question: who is the real person behind the persona of Trent Jackson?

Answer: First off Trent Jackson is real, lets get that straight. Trent Jackson is my extreme side. He just has a name. Trent and the real me are one in the same. Except the real me is very shy, refined, mellow, I am a homebody. I live in a shell. Trent Jackson is the social one, the one making everyone laugh-all of that. The real me, is into harmony, he is has a strong naiveté (in a lot of ways) he sees everyone as good, no one can do bad... He wants everything to be right; he wants to live life without conflict. He wants his family to be unified. He wants everyone to be loved and accepted for their own unique difference. He wants to be loved.

Question:How much of you is really Trent and how much of this is persona that you present to fans?

Answer:I hate these damn questions because they really overlap. Um. Like I said Trent Jackson is my extreme side. We think alike. We are both real, in the sense of keeping it real. The real me is a lot more tactful, Trent just goes for the shock cut value while thinking about it later. Trent is definitely my id, he is Who I am unedited. Lemme give you a lil' history tho. Trent Jackson, was born in my dorm room, in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, at Southern University, Jones Hall, Suite 212D on March 7, 2001. Trent Jackson was made for two reasons, one, because I was an aspiring TV Journalist and all of them hoes had fake names and two in order for me to be successful and social I needed to put forth the persona of a fearless, rebel who was able to be gentle and affectionate while being charismatic, funny, serious, bitchy yet effective; so the scared fat little kid who felt ugly, unworthy, cursed, numb, void, stupid, and rejected could be sleep. Taking his place: Trent Jackson, a man who was everything, the real me wanted to be-who I am now: Confident, attractive, sexy, independent, focused, smart, balanced, creative, successful and wanted. It's funny how I created this alter ego that I bought into myself. I became him in front of everyone and behind closed doors. I tricked myself by becoming the person I always wanted him to be, that I discovered I always was-I just didn't know how to bring him out. The only thing is I gave him a name. I think Trent is way more flashy than Tarrance and don't think yall gonna start addressing me by my government name either. Only people in my circle have privy to that!

Question:Secondly this wild, crazy, zany don't take no prisoners style that you have has made you relevant and keeps you on par with the East Coast milieu of bloggers. But at the end of the day when Trent Jackson is alone by himself who and what lurks behind that image?

Answer:I am an extremely private person. There is so much shit that goes on behind my blog of openness that you don't know, like I am suing my former employer and I am in court every other day. Or that I am struggling to finish school because I moved back home to help my single mom raise my sister. I am grieving the death of my older sister, I have an uncle in the service who was in Iraq, I have a cousin in Jail for some bullshit...saying all of that to say that I think a lot. I am a worrier. I want to make things better for people so bad, because I don't want anyone to ever experience the tragedy and hurt that I've experienced in my short years of life. I get irritated a lot at the quality of men, but that’s another blog. Most of the people around me are close. I've been friends with them for years. And it's my family. I think the only "whats" or "things" that lurks behind my image is my wanting to be in love on an intimate level. To share my mind and heart with a person and the emptiness of me missing my father. My dad died when I was six and I think about him everyday. What my life would have been like had he not died? Would he and my mother would have been married? Would I be in this moment in time? Who was he? What motivated him? Did he think about me before he died? What did his laugh sound like? What was his favorite color? What was his favorite record? What did he aspire for me to be? Did he like football? Would he have loved me if I would have been gay? Did he love me? That’s what lurks behind me...

Question:You're interesting and different. Although I have much love for the black gay blogging community, I do detect that there seems to be a level of pretentiousness and a shallowness. The whole set is very much clique-ish. Will you be traveling to the East Coast to become a part of that sometimes shady incestuous clique or will you remain on the West Coast remaining original and doing your own damn thing?

Answer:Love the question and it's funny that you hone in on the subliminal hits that the other bloggers make. I love all of the bloggers, even the ones that I secretly hate and the ones that get on my reserve nerve! I will always be an individual, no matter where I go. I will never conform to anyone’s rules, I'll never kiss ass to be accepted by anyone, that’s first. I do plan on relocating to the Tri-state area very soon and we'll see what happens when I get there. I am not for everyone and I know that others feel threatened by my opinions, words, and my level of ingenuity-but that's their issue not mine. I don't feel apart of "their" world, and really could careless either way to be apart of it. If people can't respect me for what I bring to the mix, fuck it, fuck them. I already know who I am going to mesh with and who I will not tolerate. So there. But some of the east coast boys have preconceived notions about the west coast attitude-but that doesn't bother me because I've been known to be the exception to the rule, make and break my own molds, and blaze my own path. Furthermore, I am a memeber of my own club. I subscribe to my own magazines, I am a leader. I don't follow shit no one else does!So it really doesn't bother me because GOD has allowed me to be in my space and in this moment for a reason, no one can change that or take it away from me.

So there you have it-Live and Up close with Trent Jackson, join me again as I talk about The Confession of a Video Vixen, My Summer Reading, My Book Tour, Suicide and my Friday Finale! Sounds boring but...it's all tasteful like my Macaroni & Cheese. I can cook my ass off. My Aunt Jacky will tell you about New Years dinner!

I won't know you're here unless you tell me!
I love what I do for you!!