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Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.

12.31.2007

Years End...

I'm grateful to see this day.
There were points in which I didn't think I'd see this...
Often reminded of the times in life when things where good, bad and indifferent.

As the sun set, I was renewed.
Thinking about all of the pieces of the puzzle
that were put in their proper places.
As logic told me to wait before I added the final piece that would balance it all out.

Smiled.
Listened.
Agreed.

Sometimes life gets us down.
But what makes us different is our decision to get up or not.

Defeated I am not.
A victor you are.

I loved every minute of it...
I can turn around without looking back wondering...

Happy New You...

The Feeling...

The night was perfectly brisk.
An orange crescent moonlight shined as I reflected on the events past.
Smoke in.
Smoke out...
Damn that niggas swagger made me shout.
Mature.
Sexy.
A Flirt...
The right buttons to press.

Skin right...
Wool double breasted jacket.
Fitting back into those favorite True Religion jeans...
Scarf for the kids...
Another compliment
A flirt...
I heard your show...appreciating it all.

I lived I said to myself...
The night before...
It was as flat as soda left with the cap off.
It was as flat as a white girls lips without the Angelia Jolie filling.

But then he walked in the room and his energy sparked my interested and then I became alive.
He made eye contact but toyed around with the idea of speaking to me.
He was use to being chased. I was use to chasing. There was something there but neither one of us gave in.

Then he made eye contact.
Trying to get into my energy field but I wouldn't let him.
We weren't friends and the only reason we knew each other is because we shared the same man.
We didn't need to be friends.
We didn't need to talk. At one point in time we both allowed ourselves to be played.
Each other's sloppy seconds...no need for rekindling.
A new year was on the horizon.
Seeing the man that my man cheated on me with reminded me that I needed to clean out my third drawer and rid myself of his boxers...that carried the scent of why I was with him.

He moved towards me.
Behind me. Blending with the wall of old money.
Laced by 70's decor that made me teleported me back to the nostalgic times of free wills and flowers.

Swagger 10
Personality 10
Looks 10
Attitude 10
Style 10

He went back to talk to his friends
She shot a look
He shot a look

And just like that the magic I felt was gone.
1
2
3
4

The numbers he got. Mine wasn't one of them
I let my nerves get the best of me.
now i am sitting here writing about the known unknown.
looking stupid, hoping I'll see him again...

If it's meant to be it will.
He would have fit perfectly into my 90 day plan...as a keeper.

Then I walked in...
Familiar faces...
Shade fest I still smiled...I am living I reminded myself.
There is the EX. My joy isn't shaken by insecurity...
For I am living.
No need to speak.
No hard feelings.

But after feeling like a weak ass nigga without the appropriate amount of gall to speak to another nigga that was just as fly, swaggeristic and secure in himself as I was - I was cursing myself for not challenging myself to go after what I wanted. I know good shit when I see it...and do I not think I am worthy of having good people in my life? LIZA MINELLI.

So I prayed.
I asked God that if,
it was meant for him to be in my life.
The boy that stood out amongst all of the people who were sleep...at that party last night
then i would speak

and tell him
that he stopped the party.
that I was mad at myself for letting someone with so much personality and realness slip away from me.
that I was glad that I saw him again...and able to make it up to me.

It was something about his swagger...
his personality that was so strong...I couldn't helped but,
be entrapped in his confidence
curious about the way he spoke
interested in what he thought about being young and black and...
wondering what his goals were...
if he was single...
and most importantly what was his story.

And I told him...
A sincere ear
A genuine touch
a moment made...

Eye contact
nothing sexual
no lust in the air
A genuine interest in how and who he was...

I'm genuine about it...
I'm ready to share myself with someone who doesn't mind...
numbers exchanged.

12.28.2007

Season 4 Finale 12.28.07

Trent ends the season in conflict over an old friend and asks his listeners to chime in on the situation. He reflects on his favorite show and New Year's changes!!

12.26.2007

Witty Wednesday 12.26.07

Trent recaps the holidays, drops some knowledge, keeps it real and leaves the studio...

12.24.2007

When Life Begins.

25 and 3/4 of a year I lived in visible silence. I had not lived life. For 25 3/4 of a year I lived life for everyone else.

I let people's words control me.
I let people's actions dictate mine.
I let their thoughts become mine.
I had not lived.

I remember waking up this past October and I heard Mary J. Blige:

No time for moping around, are you kidding?
And no time for negative vibes, cause I’m winning
It’s been a long week, I put in my hardest
Gonna live my life, feels so good to get it right

So I like what I see when I’m looking at me
When I’m walking past the mirror
No stress through the night, at a time in my life
Ain’t worried about if you feel it
Got my head on straight, I got my mind right
I aint gonna let you kill it
You see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just…..

Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
You see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just fine
Then it happened. I began to look at myself differently. For the first time in my life I DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK!!! About what someone else was doing, what someone else was saying, what someone else was thinking. I had lived my life short-changing my talents, my abilities, denying myself - while I was everyone elses punching bag.

I stopped and stepped up into the person that I am supposed to be....

I was put to the test...

Anytime you walk into a club and see three ex boyfriends...all of whom dogged you...
and a promoter that tried to dick you for money...and you don't give a fuck - that's when you know...

I am who I am...
You love it or you hate it. Just like life is supposed to be.

In that gray area of is and isn't have and have not, I don't exist.
the gray area is for the uncomfortable, the unstable, the insecure, the afraid. The ones that don't like challenge. The ones have no problem with fitting in and just glad with what life gives them.

Why settle for mediocrity?
Why settle for .50 cents when you can have a dollar?
Is less more?
is mediocrity better?

I am the difference
I am the exception
I am the example
I am the imperfection
I am the voice
I am accept that...

I have to live my life freely for me.
It would be a shame for anyone not to live their life.

We all have a divine purpose...find it. Live it. Walk in it...we only get one.
And we have to make the best of it.

No matter what.
I accept my life,
in all of the dramatic, chaos that it possesses.
I don't regret any decision...
I don't regret any moment...

Those experiences have taught me...
and they have brought me to the point
where my life begins.

I've carried around the weight of life...
I've carried around the burden of strife...
I've carried around all that people wanted me to be.

I smiled - and I always will remember when I started living...
When my life began...



12.21.2007

12.20.2007

Couldn't Sleep....

It wasn't the fact that he stood me up. A call in a flurry because he wanted to talk. On the verge. I've been there before. Standing on the ledge in preparation for the great leap, that you never take because you realize that someone is there - but you knew it all along, you just wanted the attention. So fucked up in being fucked up - you can't help it. No love lost.

It wasn't because you walked me through it. Talked to me on the phone the whole hour I waited for him to appear. It was one of those moments where I was glad you answered. It reminded me of the time when we first met two years ago...and that same intimacy that we have now hasn't changed since then. It never matters what I get into - or the shit I go through with niggas you're the silent calm in the storm that no one else sees. I'm in love with you beyond the sex that we never had but scheduled so many times...not that it matters, I just enjoy being around you. You're one of very few that knows Tarrance...that respects Trent.

It wasn't the fact that I tossed and turned thinking about you...dick on hard thinking about...not in the mood to pull my dick into an explosive state...so I laid there hard and stiff. Then it made sense.

It wasn't the slice of pizza...
It wasn't the salad topped with the Raspberry Pomegranate dressing...

It was that smooth ass glass of Yellow Tail Merlot that I got two years ago at my book signing that had me tossed up at 8:45. An early bed time snack that had me up at the crack of dawn enjoying me...and the thoughts that ran through my mind.

Sip Sip
Gulp Gulp...

I smiled.
Dogmatic ass muthafucka, I thought.
Oh well...things happen.

Red flags waved.
We ignore them.
Memos sent in Red letters.
We don't read them.

But we always seem to remember them when it's too late.
11.

Conversations deep
When you talk to yourself
There's no way to cheat
'Cause you know you can't be no one else
Won't trip out on disappointment
'Cause failure is just not me
Still I gotta do my job
'Cause you know my show can't go on without me

12.18.2007

New Music Tuesday...

Excuse my extreme tardiness but so much as been going on in the camp I've barely had enough time to blink and keep my eyes open!!! But on with the show...as previously stated, surprisingly all the music worth mentioning today is exceptional and a couple of artists even won a new fan over...

Depending on who is listening - upon first listen there isn't anything remotely different about this Mary CD. It's a semi-polished voice (heavy on the auto tune..no shade) over great/okay - mediocre but bangin' tracks that blend a unique sound that only MJB tha "VIP" possesses (take notes Keyshia Cole)

But all that goes out of the window when you think about Mary now vs. the Mary we knew 17 years ago. I remember it like it was yesterday when a sloshed and completely hammered MJB had the blond do, the dark lipstick that matched dark shades and a dark personality to go along with the voice that sang every note but the right one.

While we know Mary for her ghetto swagger a lot of fans didn't buy into her new positive affirmation for her own life when that started with the "Mary" CD circa 99 - but "Growing Pains" gives us a raw introspective look inside the woman that has come from the bottom and went straight to the top.

"Growing Pains" - a blunt narrative that inspires not only young women - but anyone who has been through anything dramatic and lived to tell about it. The inspiration, strength and power that Mary is giving us vocally makes her story more passionate, real and it truly makes everyone empathize with her because she too, just as us have been there before. She talks about everything from her marriage to what being a black woman is all about.

The album has platinum success written all over it and it is truly a classic masterpiece that can be played 10 years from now...but wait, that's any Mary CD. I think more people will like the fact that her realness and her ability to sing a story with such passion resonates louder than a catholic mass bell in the center of the Vatican.

I stamp my name all over this shit...there are so many great tracks I couldn't limit them to 5 so I'll have to do seven: Feel Like a Woman, Just Fine, If You Love Me?, Talk to Me, What Love Is, Shake Down, Till The Morning. THIS CD IS A BANGER...MARY J. BLIGE SERVES US YET AGAIN!

To me Chingy was destined to be a one hit wonder! He always comes out with that one banger for the summer or the spring...and then he flops, his album is trash and he falls out with Luda. On his 4th Effort "Love it or Hate it," which should have included a spot for lukewarm - he follows his same formula, one or two great songs and a bunch of other shit that doesn't make sense. While I can credit Ching-a-ling for not talking about his money, cars, cash or hoes, I don't credit him on having that appeal that makes him different from any other rapper that is on a commercial level. There is a talent there, the look is there...but something isn't clicking. Maybe you can figure it out? The only songs that are great are the ones with guest appearances...go figure!!!

Standout Tracks: Gimme Dat w/Luda & Bobby Valentino, All Aboard w/Steph Jones, Spend Some $ w/Trey Songz and Fly Like Me w/Amerie

I've always enjoyed Jaheim low-key...just like him. I've never really been into his music, but that Jaheim jam came on the radio at the right time...remember that song Just in Case? Banger!!! So a few weeks ago, I was in my kitchen cooking dinner and on comes his song "Never" on the radio...and I stopped because there was something about the tone and the sincerity in his voice that made that song worth listening to...not hearing, but listening to. It was such a beautifully penned song - admitting his faults and committing to one woman. It made me feel great to be a black man in an odd sense, even though I date men. Somehow that one song made up for the dogmatic wrap that black men get and maybe the reason why Jaheim is the self-proclaimed "Voice of R&B." That statement is a bit far fetched, but it does give him the ground work for his own spot in R&B, but not the marquee sound.

While his music is enjoyable and his voice is warm as Hot Chocolate on a brisk winter night - he does have all the right elements for a perfect R&B CD that is a classic - a classic that wont get supreme recognition because of Chris Brown and Ne-Yo...but his CD is not to be slept on.

One would think that because the male R&B talent is so scarce or repetitive Jaheim would have greater success - but some artists are content being the "hood star" or the modern day Teddy P, Jaheim conveys that and that worries me because he has the talent and the appeal to have greater success...he just needs to soften up that look a bit.

His CD is perfect for a late night groove session, candles and a hot bath or the backdrop for a small group of friends on a Friday night with the bottle of red wine. I stamp my name on this CD and wish him greater success than GOLD.

Standout Tracks: Hush, Have You Ever, Lonely, Never, I've Changed, Just Don't Have A Clue.

Lupe Fiasco...Jill Scott? Kanye West? His name rings a bell, but people never really got into him...I didn't until he presented us with "The Cool" a melodic blend of socially conscious branded Hip-Hop that separates him from the other socially conscious dynasty of rappers like Common, Talib Kwali and Mos Def. I can't figure out what it is...well YES I CAN...mainstream sound, underground message, while his counterparts have an underground sound with an underground message. So why can't Lupe carve his own path? He's missing the one thing that Kanye has...

Lupe has this talent and this swagger that is present all up and through his tracks that doesn't come off as arrogant. Unlike the other "conscious" hip-hoppers he isn't talking about burning incense and other bullshit - he's actually inspiring people to be who they are and change what they are doing to enhance their life to the best of their abilities...

I have to admit that I wasn't sold - but this is the perfect CD to play on a Saturday around the house or on your way to a mellow event. Even though it's hip-hop it doesn't have that grimy feel to it. It's good quality music that makes you appreciate hip-hop artistry at it's finest and I stamp my name all of this banger!!! Lupe Fiasco is the most underrated rapper in the game.

Standout Tracks: The Coolest, Superstar, Paris, Tokyo, Hi-Definition, Gold Watch

12.14.2007

12.13.2007

Janet is on the horizon...


I couldn't help but get juiced when Deion played this in the studio for me...It's the new Janet track "Feedback." I immediately wanted to get up and dance...what do you think....? Is L.A. Reid about to do for Janet what he did for Mariah...?

Get into Janet's lines though:
"Got a body like a CL5 make a nigga wanna test drive....I'm heavy like a first day period..."

Are you serious...? Yall are not ready...and I am mad that Tyra Banks has everyone in this nasty played out hooker wig...

12.12.2007

Witty Wednesday 12.12.07

Trent counts down to the final three shows of season 4, addresses a few things...and gives his thoughts on life while playing all of it with a mellow head

12.11.2007

New Music Tuesday

When I first saw 'The-Dreams' video featuring my favorite chipped tooth rapper Fabolous, for the video and first single, "Shawty is A 10" I was instaneously hooked on the hot track and the radio friendly hook if not the mere hotness of two young black men on my screen. I was interested and kept a close watch on 'The-Dream' which I thought was a group of some sort...

In the overpopulated market of simple beat-makers that lack even mediocre talent to last longer than a real life span of a platinum album there is something about 'The-Dream' that i like and hate, not like his debut "Love Hate." I don't know if I exactly hear a uniqueness or the "eh-eh-eh-eh" that he does more than Rihanna on every track drives me crazy - but there is still something there that makes me want to listen. While I am still trying to figure out if he is a rapper or singer

His production is very remnant of Prince during the "Revolution" days while his lyrics are soft, racy, pop-ish and they don't really stand out like some of his peers take Trey Songz or Mario for example. Not to discredit the talent that is there - because it is, I'm not completely sold.

While the CD offers a nice balance of duets, mid-tempo songs, what could have been a ballad, a radio friendly track and a few club bangers - 'The Dream' is just that, something I won't remember when I wake up...unless the dream was about me winning the lottery.

Standout Tracks: Shawty Is Da Shit, Fast Car, Living A Lie ft. Rihanna

In Today's R&B meat market of young heart throbs fighting for the coveted #1 spot or the "Mr. 106 & Park" bragging right - you somehow forget about the smoothest if not the most talented young R&B star on the market now: Mario - who immediately separated himself from the pack by branding himself a true vocalist while honing his true musical abilities.

We've watched Mario go from the 16 year old kid who we knew had staying power to the mature young man who not only consistently makes good music but also deals with life when most would not face such adversity and still attain success. That in it self is to be commended.

If you haven't noticed Mario's off the Richter-scale like talent, then you need to turn up your I-pod speakers a lil' louder - While we know that Clive Davis is synonymous with hit makers - it shouldn't surprise anyone why Mario is signed with Clive or why he is on his third CD.

"Go" is a breath of R&B fresh air! It really shows his signature sound that no one else has - and it is a good thing. Mario uses his voice to the brim and ensures that each lyric and each track compliments his voice perfectly making the entire CD a complete play through. Filled with everything from club bangers to ballads, he shows you what modern day R&B is all about. Mario uses todays sound while he sings with passion with artists from 20 years ago. He further proves that he has matured in his life - and gives us a reason to listen to the mature 20 something man who has something to say. At this point in the game I can see Mario being here 20 years from now still providing good music. He event did a better job than Keith Sweat's hit "Right And A Wrong Way," it is just another example of picking the right songs to fit your voice - that will take him a long way.

When I tell you that all the push backs and date changes were well worth the wait for Mario's third disc "Go." I think the more appropriate title for the set would have been STAY! This CD has platinum written all over it and it gets & THE TRENT JACKSON STAMP OF APPROVAL!!!

Standout Tracks: Crying Out For Me, Skippin', Music For Love, Kryptonite, Why, Lay In My Bed and Right And A Wrong Way are my favorites...but I've already played the CD 26 times...go figure every track is HOT!!!

12.07.2007

Friday Finale 12.07.07

Trent talks family life, an experience that changed his life, boys, fake a$$ Hollywood - people who don't support and a visit from Essence

12.06.2007

thoughts in non prose with semblances of appreciation.

i appreciate the quiet moments. when everything is still. the phone isn't ringing. im'z aren't buzzing. myspace is off. i like to sit and reflect. if not take in the beauty of breathing dirty air...i can still breathe. reflect on the moments past. drama that has held me captive. a body that has sheltered and hid me from many things, but has told them all at the same time. thankful for talents. thankful for a family that i can't stand, because my mind has tricked me into thinking they can't stand me, but the issue is that we were never really able to sit down and understand each other because of the generational cycles that plague us like famine in far away lands that i am grateful that i don't know anything about. i am thinking about all the relationships lost. the friendships tarnished that i want back that i know that will never be the same. i think about sara and why it isn't like it use to be. one thing is fore sure that you can't change the past and it is apart of who we are today...and it always predicts the future, just because people never really change only the situations do. sometimes i think about the if's the and's the want's the maybe's and how they'll never count for my journey, my constant stuggle, my continuous evolution. i think about my childhood friends and how i had many i only ended up with one...i often wonder how sirr, dujuan, cory, fat daddy & nitty are doing and hoping that they are well...longing for that time when we had fun and we weren't worried about the trappings that life had to offer. the best time in my life where I actually thought I fit into the puzzle, when I really didn't. thinking about the music that defined my happy days. the days where i started to eat out of pain. the days when i hid the fact that the house on lasalle that my mother worked so damn hard to get was actually the house i wanted so badly to go away - because the once happy moments were overshadowed by the names i was called...where i was molested...where my uncle left...where i got my first almost everything...i remember tuesday pulling up in her black nissan sentra...we would listen to lalah, pebbles, janet, troop, hi-5, al.b.sure, new edition, guy, karyn white, johnny gill...the moments that I treasure, that no one can seem to understand why I play out that music still to this day. but it always brings me back to the thought of my grandmother. yesterday would have been her 81st birthday...and as I looked in to the face of my newborn cousin born just hours ago -watching him be born changed my life. it allowed me to live. it allowed me to cleanse. it allowed me to understand that life is so worth living, even though we loose friends, even though we go through shit, even though LIFE happens...it's worth living. i appreciate the bad moments. i appreciate the good moments. i appreciate all the misunderstandings. i appreciate the dating drama. i appreciate. i appreciate. i appreciate. even though i complain. even though i am unappreciative. even though i dont always do whats right...still, even still, I am blessed. if one thing is for sure...i wouldn't trade anything for the live that i have. sometimes i get salty over all the trees that block the sunlight on my house - because people won't be able to see the good that I am doing...it annoys me that people who abuse the system and have no regard for the universal law have all of the sunlight in the world...or at least it seems that way.

i didn't expect to get all...
but someone has to be the one to say it's okay to just be.
someone has to be the one to share.
if you don't say it no one will ever know.

if it wasn't for my uncle duwayne, there would be no At This Moment. I wouldn't have a car to drive. i wouldn't have bills paid or caught up. i wouldn't have any semblance of supportive family. it isn't always about money. my uncle has single handedly changed my life because of his support and his belief in me excelling and maximizing my potential when I thought there was nothing there. i appreciate

if it wasn't for chereese, my best-friend there would be no book or a book tour. she held me all the way together during the drama this summer. through the break ups. through the turbulence with my mother. through all of the court cases - people suing me left and right over complete bullshit. she's bought me food, she's cried with me, she's laughed with me and at me. she's been a friend - and i only wish that everyone would be lucky enough to have a friend like her.

i appreciate peter for everything that he does behind the scenes...just because he's that type of person.
i appreciate josh for being patient and understanding. he knows that it's not easy being an artist.
i appreciate nicole for helping me with my book launch in los angeles.
i appreciate raquel for being the first to give me feedback and being genuine every time we interact. that is priceless.
i appreciate jammie for seeing me at my worst. and not telling anyone (lol) but i know how hard it must have been seeing me in that state. i thank him for understanding my struggle and process and giving me time.
i appreciate adam.dwight.shorty.dj. for being the pieces to the puzzle...experiencing that genuine divine euphoric connection is priceless.
i appreciate lalah for welcoming me and playing a critical part in the good memories. her music served as a backdrop for time i spent with tuesday - that magic will always be somethin'
i appreciate my mother for calling me fat.calling me stupid.and telling me that no one would like me. i appreciate her being nice on the surface but a bitch underneath. it taught me so well how to deal with people and gave me the power to undo everything bad in my own life.
i appreciate anyone person that has given me a compliment only to slight me in the same breath.
i appreciate anyone who has said or thought a good thing about me.
i appreciate those who have played a part, good, bad or ugly. you've made a difference. a positive one.

i looked at his face. innocence.
they cried.
i remained calm.
i was in awe.
i was in complete and utter amazement.
i saw life happening.
i didn't think about the bad or the good things that would happen in his life.
i thought about his purpose. he was sent here for a reason.
he inspired me to further tap into mine.

4. the day she died, the day that he was born.
1. the month that it happened, he the first born son, one day before her bday.

one thing remains. at the end of the day none of us have it together so we all need to stop fuckin' pretending like we do. appreciating means taking the good, the bad, the ugly and the shame that comes along with all of that.

thank you for your time.

12.05.2007

Witty Wednesday 12.05.07

So there isn't a show today...

Today would have been my Grandmothers 81st B-day...in the past I've done posts about her and the role she played in who I am today...but I am taking this time out to be with my family to reflect on her memory and not only that but to welcome my new cousin into the world. It's a special time for us right now...in more ways than one. It's so funny how something like watching a child being born can change your whole entire outlook and appreciation not only in your world but more importantly for the people around you.

I'll be in the studio this week...we're on the wind down to end season 5...in the meantime enjoy this video courtesy of Nathan Seven Scott!

much love
and don't be afraid to walk in your divine greatness
thank you for supporting me...
with you in the struggle.

-t

11.30.2007

Friday Finale 11.30.07

Trent talks life, his weight issue for real, current events and a few other things that you'll have to listen for!

MP3 File

11.28.2007

Witty Wednesday 11.28.07


Trent talks his sex tape, Fred Smith, Thanksgiving, jump-offs and whatever else he decides to come up with.

11.26.2007

Damita Jo Kinda Mood...

We're vulnerable,
we're sensitive,
and we're complicated people too.

So many people
rolled into one
we contain so much.

So much creativity
so much energy
so many contradictions
so much confusion
so much clarity.

So moments of faith
and fear

So many different characters live within us...
all looking for love

-Janet Jackson
"Looking For Love"
From the "Damita Jo" album


Then it dawned on me why I liked that intro so much - because it described me to a "T" But it was also apparent when I woke up out of my dream and went to check my email, that it was applicable to him as well. Him, was the pinup of the latest Yahoo! Personals match that was "compatible" with me. Every Sunday it never fails me that I get these advertisements, unauthorized solicitations from other men, promising me that they like to have fun, my weight isn't an issue and they aren't trying to take me home and bed me over the arm of some couch for a second of pleasure. But for some reason, I haven't taken the time to stop receiving such annoying, meaningless, relentless, constant reminders that I am single. The kind of single guy that looks but doesn't touch, yet wondering why I am not in a relationship. Something I don't care to know or answer right now - because I am a firm believer in, "when it's supposed to happen it will."

But none of that was better than the dream that I just had. It wasn't those realistic dreams that always seem to come to life - it was one of symbolic meaning. Usually when I have a symbolic dream, I immediately wake up and deliberate. Trying to find out what the dream means and how do I go about executing the plan that I am suppose to.

So my mom had moved to New York. She was still a stone cold bitch who was ruthless, cold hearted and at the end of the day was still irresponsible wanting everyone who she attempted to verbally kill clean up her mistakes. But as usual, that was the never the case with me, the first man in her life (that she raised mind you) to stand up to her. It wasn't about back talk, it wasn't about right or wrong, it wasn't about her being my mother, it was about me standing up for myself and not letting anyone disrespect me, the way it's always been. Nothing ever changes in dreamland...So I miss my flight, just as I did in real life leaving there a few weeks ago. So it's funny because I never went to the airport to try to get another ticket and leave, I just stayed in NYC. Everyone was happy about the decision except my mother. As usual she was hating, asking me questions about my decisions, because she knew making my own decisions would eliminate her sabotage all together and if there is one thing my mother hates is for someone to be in control of their own lives...which is why she and I continue to have conflict, because I don't live my life the way she sees fit.

In the dream I was having a candid conversation with my aunt about how I felt I was somewhat cheated from life. I never got a chance to finish school, I always made to much to get financial aid, and didn't have enough to pay it out right. And she said, "Always ask - just because you think someone won't do something always means the opposite." I thought about it and I cried in the dream because had I known someone would have helped pay for school I would have probably been at the Bayou Classic game this weekend as an alumni, instead of watching it on TV. So I hung up the phone (in the dream mind you) and hopped on the A train and I saw B. Scott and Dwight O'neal on the train. I spoke we shared a few good laughs before they got off at 59th Street. Somehow I fell asleep and it was dark and I saw the last guy I was dating from L.A. and a few other cute guys, next thing I know, all these dudes are sucking and fucking on the A train. I was like WTF is going on???!!! Then I woke up.

Trying to figure out the mixed messages in the dream. Do I go back to school? Do I really move to New York? or the big whammy - do I eliminate the riff-raff of possible legal ramifications with my mother (cause it will come to that) and move without drama...? All of these things have been on my mind lately and I am irritated that all of these issues in my mind have the unmitigated gall to meet up in a dream to further throw me off into the could be Hudson River.

I usually call my paternal Grandmother or my Best-Friend with issues like this. But it's early in the morning, my stomach is growling, I need to go jog and grab some diet food...and while we're on the subject of diets, looking back, I swallowed a really big pill this weekend. I don't think I am comfortable writing it, but I think I will talk about it on my show this week.

...Don't Stop, Don't Stop...

11.21.2007

Witty Wednesday 11.21.07

Trent talks new music, thanksgiving, NYC fallout, his cold and some other gay stuff

MP3 File

11.19.2007

My Mind on a Monday

First thing monday morningIm gonna pack my tears awayGot no cause to look backIm lookin for me a better dayYou see the thing bout loveIs that its not enoughIf the only thing it brings you is painThere comes a time when we could all make a change…
***

While I am sitting here, ankle elevated, thinking about my life at this moment, this urge to not stop and take a break keeps poking at me…like that boys hard dick when he’s lying against you at night. I’m not even 5 cities in on my book tour yet and I have never had this urge to work on new material while promoting the current stuff. But I guess that’s all apart of the hustle…right?

This weekend was interesting. For most of you that don’t know I came back from NYC with a swollen ankle…I don’t feel like telling the story anymore…but…yeah, so I am finally trying to nurse my ankle back to health, while trying not to do too much, which is damn near impossible being me! Saturday, I spent time mailing out books and spending time with my friends that I haven’t spent time with, since pre-summer. We’ve seen each other, but we haven’t spent time…it was long overdue. With our schedules in limbo and our own things to deal with it was great seeing the guys…people have been accusing me of being a bad friend as of late, not really taking into account what has gone on with me personally over the last 6 months. Understandable and I am glad people bring things like this to my attention, because I feel it can only make our relationship better. This is definitely a time of new beginning, transition and readjustment.

Yesterday a cold hit me smack dab in the middle of the day!!! Jumping from the 40ish degree weather in NYC to L.A.’s 80 degrees has really done a number on me, so I had to cut my cousin’s 1st birthday party short and family time at my uncles to go home and Theraflu my body to death…and I ended up missing a friends birthday dinner! I suck…but hopefully he allows me to make it up.

So here I am taking personal notes…learning more about myself. Thinking…a little too much as I normally do (somebody has to think right?). Regretting telling him that I like him. Learning my boundaries. Wondering why it’s so hard to find a boy to lay up with and hold at night. Finally realizing that my weight has something to do with it…(I can be so na├»ve sometimes, while trying to see the good in niggas) but you know, I don’t think anyone would be able to stand me if I dropped 50 pounds. I don’t think I’d be able to stand myself, knowing what kind of person I would become…that I already am.

Brainstorming. Thinking. Wanting. Smiling. Crying…
No one has it all together. So why pretend?

11.14.2007

Witty Wednesday 11.14.07

Trent returns from his NYC book tour with a bang! And gives a full review on all of the Shade.Sabotage.and trickery of Gotham City!

MP3 File

11.12.2007

NYC, GOSSIP, FACTS, THINGS, HAPPENINGS.

First of all...LMAO! In spite of everything - Find the humor and the beautiful things in life. I've learned more about myself this weekend than any other weekend ever! I've learned to stop complaining and just let things be. Staying true to yourself and staying firm in your beliefs is one of the best things a person can do. I've also learned that everyone doesn't buy into the GREAT things that you are doing...accept it and move on.

Can I just say that I thoroughly enjoyed myself this past weekend in NYC despite all of the drama that went on.....? AND HONEY where ever there is Trent Jackson, whether he is doing something or not, somebody is always starting some shit. I mean all I try to do is mind my business and maintain what I got and there is always some ear hustler or eye stalker in the mist trying to see what the deal is...

But - I am still in NYC. I am upstate chilling and getting some rest before I head to back to L.A. and then back to Philly for my next event.

New York is an AMAZING place - and even though I've had my negative exchange with some of the whack ass hoes out there (in which they wouldn't face me when I arrived - and rightfully so) I had a good time and I have to say that I spent my time with three amazingly talented, humble, determined, focused gay black men - who are all stars in my eyes in which I shared an amazing connection with. It felt so good to just bond and talk with black men with a purpose and a true desire to change the way people view gay black men. To me it was the best experience I've had with gay black men. We had intelligent conversation, we weren't trying to sleep with each other...we are all focused, driven, determined - It was amazing. So to Dwight, in which I loved my time with you and thank you for supporting what I do! That means sooooo much to me...it's all about the connection!!! Adam, for showing me around and giving yourself unselfishly. It feels good to know I'm not the only one in the world going through what I do. You're great!!! And I love it! Shorty Roc, thank you for being the hood-boy friend that everyone needs! I love you cause you keep it real! And you are who you are. That is powerful in itself! We're going to do
some work together soon!!!

I am soooo tired!!! I just wanted to put something up...but I am saving most of the stuff for Friday's show.

But thanks to everyone that came out to support the event. Thanks to Darian for flying up from ATL! Reggie for helping me put the event together! Special shot out to Shawn, Omar, MARCUS (OMG!!! You are IT!!!) El Divo, it was such a great pleasure....names are escaping me...I'll talk about everything on Friday...

P.S., The Doo-Dirty Show....lol

11.06.2007

A Few Things...

Hey everyone!!!

Wow....so I finally crashed after my book release party on Sunday!!! A combination of delirium and liquor is never a good thing! I had everyone drunk off of the "Trent Jackson Martini" you have to ask people that were there about it...FINALLY After 8 long grueling months the book release party came although the book has been out for a little longer than a month. It was a really busy, fun time this past Sunday and thanks to everyone that came and supported! I had a great time. There wont be any shows this week, my voice need recuperating from all of the yelling and reading I did this week...plus I went to see Anita Baker on Saturday...so I had a jammed weekend! I am resting....

So this week I am resting and gearing up for New York...if you're in the area and you want to check me out stop by:

F.Y.I. If you order "Full Circle" from my official site by November 16th, you get the Behind The Scenes DVD free!!! So Check it out...

Thanks for your support and I'll see some of you soon!

rightfully resting...
-t

11.02.2007

10.31.2007

Witty Wednesday 10.31.07

Trent talks his weekend, coming out to his cousin, a chat with his sister Essence and a chat with his Promoter on his NYC book event...all while under the haze of tiredness

MP3 File

10.30.2007

I'm Here!!!

Yall know I am working my ass off on promoting the new book! This is some hard ass work especially in the gay world...but I've got to run...there will be a show tomorrow...but check this out in the meantime.

Thank you for all of your support, kind words, emails and thanks to the bitch who just jacked my new cell phone!!!

P.S. Britney's new album is just as tragic as she is.

with you in the struggle,
-t

Preview Of The Full Circle Project

Add to My Profile | More Videos

10.26.2007

Friday Finale 10.26.07

Trent talks life, family, trash talk and meeting fans.

MP3 File

The Friday Finale

IS COMING...BUT I LOST MY WALLET IN EL SEGUNDO...REMEMBER THAT SONG? WELL...IT'LL BE UP BY MID-DAY...

CARRY ON!!!

10.25.2007

STILLINLOVEWITHMYDOTDOTDOT

People do the best that they can.
They do what they know how to do.
Only the courageous step out of the plan that was given to them
And they make the plan that works best for them.

I remember it like it was like yesterday.
You, me, a kiss, gently at the beach.
A moon light night that was brisk.

I forced you to be something that you weren’t.
I forced you into a partnership that you didn’t want to be in.
Caught up in emotions…
I love you
I hate you
I can’t stand you
To
I’m so happy to see you.
I’m so glad that I have you.
I’m glad that I picked up the phone and called you.

Through all of the motions there was something there.
Unsure of what it is…
But knew it was something.

I admire you for the person that you were
I admire you for the person that you are
I admire you for the person that you’re becoming.

Unfair stress.
Unfair pressure
A false intention
A false hope.

Damage done
Damage repaired
Damage controlled.

A connection
So strong
So unbreakable…

You’re my heart.

10.24.2007

Witty Wednesday 10.24.07

Trent talks the California fires, the new book, Salt N Peppa show and some other jargon

MP3 File

10.19.2007

My Interview With Darian

Some of you know that I rarely get a chance to do interviews...but last night I had a great opportunity to be interviewed by a great friend, blogger/journalist Darian Aaron. We spoke about my new book, 'Full Circle,' my personal life, some of my upcoming projects, and I even got a chance to sling a little mud without getting too dirty! You can listen to the interview in it's entirety HERE...and just in case you missed the memo:



Trent Jackson, who was featured in Clik Magazine was described as "...On the rise to becoming one of the biggest power players that our community has ever seen." Is back with his follow up novel to his best-selling, critically acclaimed, debut novel, "At This Moment," which allowed the reader to have a rhetorical conversation with Maverick Williams (the main character), whose coming of age story is one that examines several social issues and his personal experiences that are a running commentary on his and society's perceptions and stereotypes on homosexuality, race, family, relationships and other aspects of a maturing Black male. On Maverick's trek to find love, acceptance and coming to grips with his own sexuality, he almost never finds what matters the most in life.
In his new novel, "Full Circle," we resume at Mavericks breaking point, where in a feeble suicide attempt, Maverick unintentionally discovers why he allows himself to be entrapped in vicious negative cycles. People in his life seem more like delusional characters in a Prime-time movie than the faithful confidantes he once thought they were. The novel follows Maverick as he tries to pick up the pieces in his life while readers will suspensefully question whether Maverick will allow his past family tragedy, failed relationships, insecurity or new found love distract him from his own happiness. Or will he find all the right things at the wrong time to further push his unstable nature into oblivion?

Find out why everyone must come, Full Circle...

Friday Finale 10.19.07

It's a FLASHBACK FRIDAY!!! Trent makes up for Wednesday...

MP3 File

10.17.2007

I know...

The kids live for a show...but I'm deciding if I should post last nights show. It got kinda outta control...

10.15.2007

Mid-Morning Monday Madness

I’ve been learning a lot about myself. More so over the last two months since I’ve been tested and tried at every turn, I’ve finally got my shit to a point where I can manage and be myself again. So that feels good.

I’m a bit salty about something I read over the weekend, so I’ll keep it to myself and try extremely hard not to let my bad vibes materialize into something tangible. I’m not a jealous person by nature at all – because I am aware of my talent and what I possess, I know my time will come when it is supposed to. Easy come easy go, but when I try to build something with someone and they turn on me and try to out do me, especially when I work harder than they do, it really irritates me. Especially when I am usually the last to get recognized for something that I did FIRST. I’ve originated a few things (and u may disagree)…and it infuriates me when people bite and don’t acknowledge the source. That is annoying, but I have a great theory about the underdog…and it’s proven to work well.

As we drove down Avenue of the Stars towards Pico – she blurted out, “You’re so damn controlling – shut up!”

I sat there for a second and paused…and tried to figure out why she said that. I wanted her to go a certain way home, but I usually always give directions, because I like to take the quick way to the next destination. But then it sank in again…I am controlling and I just realized that. Then I began to think about all of my relationships and wondered why they failed. Was it because I was too controlling? That maybe had something to do with it. But my control issue stems from a trust issue. Most of the adults in my life have failed me, which made me not trust anyone to make and decisions about ME any decision has never been in my best interest, so I always make them myself and do things myself, because I know the best way. And I always meet people, who admire me, my advice and my decision making – and always end up helping them sort shit out. And you know it’s difficult when you can’t trust anyone, because then that carries into your personal relationships. Which leads me to this guy I’m talking to, if not dating. He’s a wonderful guy. He’s smart, he’s nice, great cook, attractive, loves my best friend – funny, charming, protective, caring, assertive, reserved, loves to have fun, affectionate, witty and all of that. But I messed something up this weekend because of my control.

He asked me “Do you want to see me today.” I was thrown by his question and in my head I thought, well if he wanted to spend time, he would have just invited me over or said “I wanted to see you.” I mean that’s what I would have done. But, he’s not me. He’s different in the way that I am. I ask direct questions, he asks indirect questions, most people don’t do either. So I respond, “Was that your way of asking if you wanted to see me?” and the topic was changed, because I didn’t answer the way he wanted and he didn’t ask the way I wanted. I never saw him and I knew damn well I wanted to be laid up with him watching Desperate Housewives last night…how do I fix that mistake?

Every day shit changes…but one thing I am glad that my book is finally out, the tour is starting, and things are on the up…

And I think it’s cute that the boys in the office think I am straight. I mean don’t they see those extra packets of splenda in my pockets? One would think right…

I saw “Why Did I Get Married?” This weekend and I must say it was a phenomenal movie – hands down. I was like Tyler Perry did it this time…I was able to walk away with something…and I want to go see it again. I loved Janet and the cast was selected well, it was written well and it showed what life should be like for black people…friends and couple should vacation and stick by each other through the waves of life…I really enjoyed it. I don’t want to give it away but you should see it…

But I’m excited about the things that are happening…sometimes I wish people could be flies on walls to hear all of the things that go on between me and my best-friend…

Thank you for reading and being a continual inspiration in my life…

10.12.2007

10.11.2007

Mornings At The house of Jackson

My day starts extremely early, especially if it's a day where I am in the studio. Usually 4 am. 6 a.m. the other days. Today was a 4 a.m. day. I went to the studio, recorded the morning segments...I'll return later to finish the rest of it, that's how it's been forever. I come back home get ready for work, wake the kid up, get her to school and off to work.

So yesterday, my sister, tells me that some boy in kindergarten was drawing on her pants and hitting her and doing boy shit to the extreme. Now, in my mind this boy has a crazy ghetto home life - which is something that my sister doesn't have. We live a very low key life without all of the dramatics...well with the exception of her parents, but she's usually shielded from that.
But last night I learn that the boy hit her again. I am a little irritated, I don't know if I said this out loud, but one of the things that I was dealing with recently was my sister being molested by her 8 year old cousin. Yes...molested, yes by her cousin. So you can imagine the chaos...which is why my professional life was put on hold for so long because of court and custody shifts and things, I just had to focus on my sister, since her parents are irresponsible more of the times.

Anyway. I know this has to be confusing for my sister - I know she is going to have an issue with men, if any little boy touches her in anyway, I know she is reminded of what her cousin did. My sister and I have a good relationship, although she is young, I talk to her like I speak to anyone else. I never spoke baby talk to her, it was always normal conversation - and I want her to be bright and intelligent while knowing about life early, so she wont have a ruff time coping like I did, because her parents lied to her about what life is about! No!!!! Won't happen.

This morning I tell her, "Don't let anyone touch you, or hit you, or draw on your clothes Essence. Tell the teacher if someone does."

She replies, "But I told Mr. Woods, but he didn't do anything he just brushed me off."

I responded, "Well the next time the little boy hits you and your teacher doesn't do anything slap him and then pick up something knock the shit out of his ass! That'll teach em."

So she laughs, "Big brother almigh-T don't say bad words! But I'll do what you say."

I don't advocate violence by any means, but no one is to put their hands on you and if they do, they deserved to fucked up, point blank, no questions asked. I have to tell my sister it is not okay for anyone to touch you inappropriately or hit you PERIOD, ESPECIALLY A MAN. I will not lay the ground work for a young Black Woman to be mistreated by men or accept any less than what she is worth. I was a victim of abuse, so I know the fallout from it. I know what I didn't get as a child so I make sure she gets it. My mother was present, but absent, so I know the importance of having someone there when you come home, or to help you do your homework, support your projects, etc - which is the main reason why I haven't moved to ATL. It's not just because I don't feel like it or whatever, my sister and her interest is more important than any condo on the 32nd floor, or books sold or whatever.

I drop her off at school, which I hate doing, because I don't like the school at all! My ignorant ass mom put her in this school that will surely breed dumb children, thus leaving the kids reading, writing, thinking below grade level. My sister is 5 and she is already doing division and multiplication and reading at a 2nd grade level. But she still likes to do the things 5 year olds do.

I know my sister isn't a problem child. She's shy, until she feels you out but then she's friendly, fun...kinda moody and she will tell you whats on her mind. So I know she's not going fuckin' with this little boy, cause if she don't like somebody she just doesn't fuck with them...period!

So sure enough, this morning, not even 30 minutes into class, I get a call.

"Hello?"
"Brother?"
"Essence, is everything okay?"
"Yeah, but I slapped the shit out of Kenneth, then I punched him in both eyes."
"Essence, where are you and why are you cursing???!!! You're in trouble when I get home!"
"I'm in the principals office."

So she gets on the phone...

"Hi, Essence needs to go home today."

"No, Kenneth needs to go home today. Essence told Mr. Woods what the young man was doing to her and he shrugged her off so I told her to hit him. If you're sending anyone home, it's that whack, lame ass excuse for a teacher and that seed of a little boy down there. If you knew what was good for you, you would not deprive a role model student of an education because she is being harassed. Now if I have to come down there to relay to you in person - there is going to be a bad misunderstanding. Essence will remain in school the rest of the day or I will have social services on you so quick you won't know what hit you, and I hope that we have an understanding on this?"

"Excuse me, there is no need for your attitude or your unwarranted comments."

"As a principal it is your duty to investigate and gather facts of a problem. You need to speak with Mr. Woods and that kid, again I just need to stress to you that I will not allow my child to be punished for defending herself and standing up for what is right. Do I need to come down there?"

"I don't understand why you are being combative and..."

"Well, I hope your child is never put in the position that he/she will be picked on and you have to stand up for them - this is a waste of my time. Please don't call me with this anymore, if you don't want a problem."

-CLICK.

someone should warn her not to fuck with a gay man scorned early in the morning....I'll give you an update on the show tomorrow...

10.09.2007

My Official Statement: Coming Full Circle

I forgot what I was going to talk about this morning. But I know one thing is for sure, life has a great way of making you realize things that you normally wouldn't or won't accept. Just thinking about the course of my life...I've realized that my patterns of irresponsibility need to be stopped.


After fully and thoroughly examining my life over the past few months I got the lesson from my stint of problems that were inevitable and from the outside looking in, some of you saw my demise or possible demise. I learned that one; I had to be more responsible. I was living my life irresponsibly. I had goals, I attained them, but at the same time, I was taking for granted my great paying job. Making or becoming too friendly with management, thinking that was okay, and it's never okay to befriend your boss or your immediate supervisor...I was coming in late, leaving early, doing all of the niggerish things that I thought that was owed to me just because I was in good with my boss! Wrong! That didn't have anything fully to do with me loosing my job, but that certainly didn't help, I could imagine so, simply because other people started to get uncomfortable and complain about my relationship with my boss. There was nothing sexual, she was a white Australian woman...the bottom line is that at my new job, I'm 15 minutes early everyday, I try not to handle too much of my book business on their time (it's impossible to do) and I keep it professional. And I don't for a second take for granted what I have in front of me, because I know where I was at three months ago and how I never want to be there ever again!

Secondly and more importantly - when you go through life altering events, the first thing to fall off are people who you thought had your best interest...boy did I learn! I looked around so quick and went from having tons of friends, who partied with me, smoked my weed, ate my food and vice versa, were no longer there. My sister was molested, the printer had my book fucked up, my graphic designer was incompetent, I had lost my job, I was broke, I was extremely high, but desperately low, my family was life was in shambles - everything that went wrong did go wrong and everything that I thought wouldn't fail, failed!


So here I am picking up the pieces...and it's a good thing because everything that was in line to do before my drama, it comes so easy and effortless now, it was like I had to go through all of that to prepare me for the new set of problems that I have to deal with. And there are always new problems and trust me you are better equipped to deal with them after having a summer like mine!

I'm still learning. I learn everyday. I'm making decisions that enhance me to be better. One thing is for sure as soon as you're back to normal and learning the rhythm of life again, here comes some more shit to cling on and distract you...I'd rather be alone than be where I was a year ago.

10.08.2007

Life DOES get better!

I'm here to tell you...life does get better. And even when you think it doesn't, you're reminded that it does.

I think that this past weekend was the best that I've had in a while - simply because I was focused and I spent it alone. I'm a strong believer in divine order - and I am also a strong believer in "If it's to be, it's up to me."

I worked mostly yesterday, I've been like a month behind on packaging and mailing books out, so I finally got the bulk of that done yesterday...and I'll take them to the post office tomorrow since my donkey brain forgot that it was a fake holiday today. Saturday I worked on book tour stuff and went shopping for a new mattress - since something invaded the other one and nutted all off up in the foam and shit...I couldn't take it any longer....

It was productive and I finally saw my life for what it was. Everything happens at the right time...and granted I went through a lot of shit to get to the point where I am able to resume my life, kinda where I left it in July.

I've been trying to get my best-friend to start a blog...I'll keep you updated on that. And I'm madly in love...well kinda, we'll see what happens. It's not quite the time to make the announcement just yet. But I've been single for 10 months...so we'll see how it works. I don't want to talk about him...but it's just so funny how you ask for something, then you get it. It's like, wait, wasn't I just asking for this a week ago...? The gag is, he's Jamaican.

10.05.2007

Ooops....

Did I jade yall again?

Well, I didn't make it into the studio like I wanted to this week...but there was a lot going on. But things are cool. I am working on my third book this morning...I have a 12/31/07 deadline I have to meet...my new book is going into production January 21st so...I've got some work to do...not like it can't be done!

I think people just purposely do stupid shit so I can write about them inconspicuously in novels...? Hmmmph...I guess. I am looking forward to a great weekend with my best-friend and him...

Have a great weekend.

10.04.2007

This Morning...

I went to bed tossing and turning last night contemplating whether or not I would call you. Some niggas need to be on ignore mode, but at this point, after protocol was already established, you wanna go and act stupid, were we not just on cloud nine less than 72 hours ago? My brain can not handle another crack, for I am already fragile and operate in an constant state of inadequacy. I'm insecure, I will always be. You can change some things, but one that no one can change is the fact that we will never be 100% secure in who we are as people because we always change.

Last night...I polished the entire bottle of Moet Nectar. Bent out of my mind. I hit the bong twice, maybe three times to add to the flair and instantly I felt the need to say all of the things I wanted to say...you say you love me for who I am, but the blatant disrespect in the form of a test of loyalty infuriates me more than Ike Turner high on coke in the 70's trying to make a hit for Sue Records. An already fragile brain cant take it...

So I called - and you said you would call me back, we both knew that was a lie, so I rolled over and watched my tape of Star Jones Show and Janet on Oprah. I went to bed and dreamed about you...I dreamed that I told you all the things I wanted to and told you how I really felt but something told me when I wake up, just forget about it and move on.

All of this means something...It means to keep paying attention to myself. I realized that every time I embark on a new project something always comes and distracts me. I won't let that happen this time. I am extremely tired of arguing, fighting, going through the motions...with people. I refuse to relinquish my power to those who don't know what they want or where to go or mad because I am focused...or at least try to be, no, because I am.

I need balance in my life. Something constant. I don't need anyone who is more moody than a woman on the rag or a bitter queen who can't find any happiness in anything.

Sometimes I think I try too hard. Sometimes I don't try enough. But just when I put in the effort, the work...the plane crashes...and I walk away with the burns, I keep forgetting to pack my aloe vera.

This weekend it's about me. I am going to go to the beach, pack a bottle in my bag...and work on my new book. Fuck these people.

I am one step away from packing my glock. Somebody better ring the alarm for these people.

Oh...and thank you...we're all in this together.

10.03.2007

This is more of what I wanted to say...

I know what I talk about.

I live this life...you only hear about it, there is a difference. A big difference. Until you've walked two steps in my shoes, listened without judging, understood without speaking, you'll never know what it's like, you may think I have it easy and I have fun...but I would never wish my internal thoughts and my experiences on anyone...not even the people I have an utter disdain for.
A lot of my decisions are based on the way that I feel...which is ultimately based on logic and intuition, my quick ability to assess situations and people. It never fails me. Know that every time I do the opposite of what my gut tells me, I end up looking raggedy, cross eyed and confused off in a damn corner some where.

Today I am unbalanced, confused, irritated, optimistic, reserved, annoyed, anxious, nervous all at the same time. It's like that. I try extremely hard to shield my raw thoughts from people because I know I just can't walk up to someone and tell them you're a fake, shady, bitch and point out reasons why and walk off...even if I felt like it, I have to water a lot down. But there are times when I tell the truth...the raw truth...and I always feel bad afterward because it's a hard pill to swallow.

I feel extremely bad for my best-friend, I subject her to so much - sometimes it's enlightening, but when we reach the heart of the matter it's so draining that we have to both go to sleep...but until now, no one knew that I've cried myself to sleep for the past 6 months every night.

I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of playing. I'm tired of being serious. I'm tired of working. I'm tired of being caught up. I'm tired of people and their baggage, hell I'm tired of my own.

When is enough, truly enough?

This morning I swallowed a pill that I'd never thought I'd swallow. That I didn't want to swallow. I will just internalize it and hope it doesn't have the effect that it may potentially have.
Do you know what it's like to feel dark when the sun is out and light when the moon is shining?
Have you any idea what it's like to have dark clouds pass over the sun just as you begin to enjoy life, the fresh air, the birds, understand people for their complexities and accept people for who they are?

Imagine what it would be like to wake up everyday and see the sun, only to go outside and realize that it was just an illusion.

Sorry Kids...

So there isn't a show today. I was so tired yesterday that I couldn't even get into the studio...I stayed out too late and with this new job - I just couldn't do it! So forgive me...I will definitely get in the studio between today and tomorrow to speak with you! I know how some of you feel about your Trent Jackson fix.

But this morning, I've gone over it in my head 1,000 times, listening to Faith Evans examining the situation for what it is.

It's so funny how in life, we ask for something and we get it...and some. It's a good feeling - but always obey your gut feeling - for it is the truth and you should never ignore it!

Last night I was mentally and physically overwhelmed...and I feel bad for my best friend or anyone who is close enough to really know me...not just a piece of me. Because my brain is so complex and so...direct it's impossible not to have an adverse emotional reaction after I tell you something, which is a reason why a lot of the times I keep my mouth shut or at times like this speak in circles and you have no idea what the fuck I am talking about. Sometimes I hate being smart and being the go-to person for everything all the times - and not bragging, it's just what it is. Because if I was incompetent...well lord knows I wouldn't want to be on that side of the track...but I can hear Kanye West (Luke 12:48) saying "To whom much is given, much is taken," so I guess this is something I need to find a better balance in dealing with...

So my question of the day is, are we allowed to retract statements we make? And if we are - what are the repercussions of having a loose mouth?

10.01.2007

At This Moment

9 months have gone past and I've changed.
Changed for the better.
Changed for the worst.
Changed for reason.
Changed by force.

I'm sitting here...for the first time in months sober...especially on a night like this.
healed...
mended...
bruised...
but not broken.

Pieces of the puzzle all together,
but taken apart...
trying to find the new answer that only lies in the dark.

It was the look in his eyes.
It was his swagger from the start.

Her comforting words.
That look from across the room...
the moment shared that sealed the deal
like a kiss...that I wanted from him badly.
gay man scorned.

I've tossed and turned sleepless nights.
ready to take flight on a mission unknown...
but found myself waiting by the goddamned phone.
Niggas.

It means nothing.
head over heels...nothing.
reserved...nothing.
happy.
content.
loving.

it means nothing.
and for the first time,
I am for real hurting...
but I'm dealing with it.

Mary Jane isn't here to rescue me.

9.27.2007

isitloveorisitinfatuation

i knew from the first moment I met you...that there was something about you.
it grew beyond the moment shared.
it was an extension in time.
and the minutes past that we experienced in the present were more than moments in my mind.

they were sensual interactions that always felt right.
i knew where i belonged.
the thought of you,
immediate laughter.
touched by the sun,
i smile in it's comfort and warmth that are almost like yours...to the touch.

intimate we've always been.
just now acting on the foundation thats been in place.

we learn from another.
we speak a language that we only understand.
a connection not to be broken
but broken
that makes me worry.

i go back and forth
grapple with...this..that.
are you the one?
time will tell...
'cause...I'm under
your spell.

9.26.2007

Witty Wednesday 9.26.07 (The 600th Post Edition)

Trent talks raising kids, dating and other shit. This episode features music from:

Keyshia Cole - Fallin' Out
Rahsaan Patterson - No Danger
Chaka Khan - One For All Time
The Dream Ft. Fabolous - Shawty Is A Ten

MP3 File

9.25.2007

New Music Tuesday...

So...7 CD's in one day. I'm not ready, and neither were the artists since most of the stuff that came out today, didn't really live up to it's hype or my expectations...lets get on with it.


Jill Scott, "The Real Thing, Words And Sounds Vol. 3" - A slip from grace...

Jill, Jill, Jill. I remember when she first came out. The Neo-Soul movement was at the forefront. Erykah Badu led the pack and with it came Jill Scott and The Roots (who had always been there were a household name...) I liked Jill not only because she told a real story and didn't perpetuate any scenario we had seen before, but she was herself - that was refreshing to see. 4.5 albums later, I'm seriously questioning her authenticity as an artist. That is a harsh comment to make - but one would as the question, "What happened?"

Certain artists, you expect to get a certain sound, quality, a certain product. Jill has been consistent in her formula - and it is such a horrible catch-22 because fans want the same formula but a different sound, and artists want to go a different direction while still pleasing fans. Jill went totally left and threw me for a loop. She had me in the middle of the Sahara in the summer with an empty canteen!!! I am rather disappointed in this CD. It's like girl, I'm sorry it didn't work out between you and your man, but you would think that would make some of the best music...not this time. I don't even know what to say about this. Nothing grabbed me, nothing told me to listen to it again, nothing said, "DAMN I KNOW THATS RIGHT!" it was just like she went into the booth, talked and nothing made sense and said here's the CD.

Now, what a contradictory hypocrite I am, not to discredit her talent...this just didn't do it for me. This CD to me was "D" quality. I guess every artist has to have a whack CD
Tracks: Insomnia, Whenever You're Around.

Queen Latifah "Trav'lin' Light." - I know how to hold your attention.

Queen Latifah is back with her second jazz standard set - and if you need a mellow escape with some red wine and a soothing bath, then Trav'lin' Light is the CD for you! If you attempt to listen to it in the car on a road trip, you're going to fall asleep and careen off the road, because it is just that mellow...so it should be used for resting purposes only. Great CD to go to sleep too! NO SHADE WHAT SO EVER! The thing I like about Queen Latifah is that she knows what works for her - and she maximizes it to her advantage. Although she doesn't get the "hype" that everyone else gets but something is to be said for a rapper that's able to flip and go mellow! Queen Latifah is one of the classic examples of versatility, she can be butch, fem, rap, sing, act, give you glam and turn right around and give you man in a mug shot! BEYONCE can't do that!!! I give this CD a B and THE TRENT JACKSON STAMP
Tracks: Georgia Rose, I know where I've been, I'm not in love, How Long (Betcha got a chick on the side)


Chaka Khan "Funk This" - The (mainstream) Return of the Legend

W
hat I love about legends is their ability to continually record music while staying true to the things that made them who they are 30 years later. Imagine for a second if Whitney Houston came back with a CD of ballads/hits just as she did with her first three solo CD's, well that's what this CD is for Chaka. She sounds great! The music is a very remnant of her Rufus days - she truly returns to the funk/soul/R&B vibe that is made current to fit today's sound/market. Chaka went completely in on this CD making it known that she was still around, still relevant and able to make great, real music. This CD tells me, it's not about sales, they would be nice, but artistic integrity was the key ingredient here and that was great to experience! Her voice is on point, her music is on point, the production is the best and so is her cover of Princes' "Sign 'O' Times! This CD is definitely A quality and of course THE TRENT JACKSON STAMP!
Tracks: One for all time, Back In The Day, Angel, Disrespectful, Hail To The Wrong

Keyshia Cole "Just Like You" - A timeless hood classic

I really hate comparing artists to one another - but you can't help notice the similarities between Keyshia Cole and Mary J. Blige. But I must say, what it took Mary to do in 10 years, Keyshia did it in a year even it is studio magic...which I doubt, because the last live performance I saw her in, she was on point. What ever voice teacher she had, whatever or whoever was the driving force behind her new sound is classic. This album has crossover success written all over it. Remember Monica's "The Boy Is Mine" CD? It had a very raw, street sound to it, backed by classic music and those ballads that shocked everyone, because we knew Monica could sing, but had no clue Monica was that hood - but that's the vibe that Keyshia gives on her new CD, except she's a bit polished an poised than the first time she graced us with her presence. She has amazing ballads and mid-tempo songs that make any naysayer turn their head and say, "That's Keyshia Cole?" YES! It's her! I liked Keyshia's first CD, but the second CD tops the first one lyrically, vocally and musically. I have no doubt that she'll beat 'Sophomore Jinx' and take a spot in the top 10 next week. I give the CD a B and of course THE TRENT JACKSON STAMP!

Tracks: Fallin' Out, Shoulda Let You Go, Work It Out, Heaven Sent

Jagged Edge "Baby Makin' Project" - Talent...missing

One of my favorite groups of all time is Jagged Edge. They even have a special playlist on my I-pod. I'll keep this one brief. So I have four things to say,

1. Why is this CD out?
2. Remember them for what they were.
3. Will they ever make it back to their gold place in R&B history?
4. Even if they did, would anyone besides me care?

Tracks: Get This, Way To Say I Love You.


Will.I.Am "Songs About Girls" - Individuality Conformed

I admire Will's individuality 1st. But the thing that has always bothered me are artists who turn producers who turn solo artists. Something just doesn't work with that mixture. I mean we enjoyed the Black Eyed Peas, songs for a minute...but all the material on this CD sounded like songs that didn't make their reunion CD that won't happen because Fergie is somewhere being Fergalicious. I don't think I can really get into him, because these are songs about girls - and clearly the only thing that mean and girls can do is talk about men...

Not only that, this CD is lacking something. Real instruments maybe? Everything is so digital, synthesized and it's kinda annoying, but I did manage to get a few spins out of the CD...they wont be visited after today...

Tracks: Over, Heartbreaker, Fantastic


Rahsaan Patterson "Wines & Spirits" - Clearly Under The Influence

There are a few artists that I will purchase on name alone, Rahsaan Patterson is one of them. I first fell in love with him in 1997 when he had the blond fro'...I've followed his great, rich, musical career from the start and I must say that I was so amped for this CD - but it left me confused. I am like do I have to be under the influence of wines and spirits to thoroughly enjoy it?

I mean, I can expect to put in a Rahsaan CD and immediately bump - upon first listen I felt as if I was stuck in the opening credits to Sanford and Son then beamed to Bootsy Collins house for a acid party that turned into a trip gone from bad to worse. Then after two shots of Patron I understood what was going on... I don't want to be drunk to enjoy music, yes it sounds better, but maybe I have to be in that realm or element to really see whats going on. Rahsaan has always been one of those artists that had no definition because he was so vast there was no need to try to define that. He's one of the very few artists that exemplifies if not transcend the very word itself.

It's hard for me to say if I like or dislike the CD. It is clear there are some elements of Rahsaan that I recognize, while others I am just meeting them for the first time and it's hard to form an opinion about someone you just met...but I am enjoying his cover of Sade's 'Stronger Than Pride.' One day I would love to hear Rahsaan cover, Chaka Khan's 'Stay.'

So I'm sitting on the fence on this one...but there are some great tracks to enjoy.

Tracks: Feels Good, Higher Love, Stop Breakin' My Heart, No Danger, Stronger Than Pride