Me

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Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.

2.28.2007

Witty Wednesday 2/28/07

Witty Wednesday is here!! Listen through Radio Trent or click the link

2.27.2007

Thoughts In Prose

Yeah. I've been expressing whats been going on in my head as of late. No worries I'm not depressed, but I internalize a lot of shit...and I rarely ever say it out loud. But for the past week yall been getting another side...that I don't hide...but don't really show either. But I was having a conversation with a fellow author/artist. I've had this conversation before...and it was interpreted wrong simply because the other person is a fuckin' idiot and they picked and chose what they wanted out of my statement and then made it personal when that wasn't my intent. If I have something to say to or about someone, I think we all know that I call them out right?

With my new project and tour for Full Circle, as an artist I get scared. I get nervous about how my work is going to be received and how well it does, not only that but since my book had an extra long delay are people interested? Since my first book did more than what I ever expected the pressure is on to meet or surpass that mark. It's hard doing what I do. I like doing it - but it's hard. Especially when you've made friends in the arena and you're competing with them for sales, events and ultimately someone is going to become more popular than the other and it doesn't help that we all have the same readership or the same fan base. And it annoys me especially when we are pitted against each other and then we sit up and fight or dislike each other for bullshit ass reasons that hold no merit.

Saying all of this, keep in mind these are my thoughts and ARE NOT ADDRESSED TO ANYONE IN PARTICULAR, SO DON'T GET STUPID WITH IT! I feel if we don't support, help or look out for one another as artists and creators who will? Some of the "KIDS" or the FAGS (excuse me if the F word offends you) are so money hungry and thirsty...which I get because we all want to get paid at the end of the day especially for our shit, we end up tearing each other down and becoming enemies when there is enough room for everyone. There is a market for everyone - we are all different in our individual artistry. And we unfortunately have the same fan base. I really feel if a lot of us unified in some fashion - we could eventually benefit economically and send a strong social message to our community.

The fact that we can be independent yet support each other, work together and build our careers together would be beautiful, but what's stopping us? There isn't a reason why we can't all sit down at the end of the day as artists, as black, gay men and realize what we have in common versus the difference...I wish people would get that. We focus so much time on other peoples' shit, who's a top, who's a bottom and sex then we loose who we are, out essence, our value in the process....It's tragic, because we can all learn from one another...

At the end of the day - I would rather have my work in the hands of another young black male who will benefit from it versus being financially rich while my immediate community is bankrupt and I've robbed them of help. I would have failed them as an artist...

2.26.2007

When The World Turns Blue...

While the whole gay world is queening out over Jennifer Hudson's Academy Award, there is someone in the world that has no reason to celebrate or be happy, because in their life, they have been brought to a grinding halt. They are in a place of confusion. In a state of shock. Feeling rejected.

I take a lot for granted. I downplay my success. I've said and done things to people to hurt their feelings. I don't count my blessings as much as I should.

But I always stop and think about...the other person. Their situation. I always say to myself, "It could be me." I'm no stranger to drama. I've had my fair share of life altering experiences, from being molested, to having my father and grandmother being murdered, to my suicide attempts, to being made fun of. But one thing that I have never experienced is being told I had an STD, or even being rejected by my family because I was gay.

I always thought that I would be rejected by my family and put out of the house. Even though my mother is a stout opponent of me being gay; or homosexuals period, she has come to learn more about me and my friends, my life, my community and she accepts and loves me. But she still gets on my nerves about church...

Nonetheless - this weekend has been a very emotionally draining one for me...I usually am quick to come to the aid of my friends and loved-ones, because of my inner strength, I can deal with a lot because I've been through a lot. But this weekend...I felt like such a failure and a horrible friend because I couldn't help...

One of my good friends lost his ex. Another one of my friends told me he was HIV positive. And Sunday a friend of mine told me that he was being kicked out of his house because he was gay.

:: Breathe Tarrance....Breathe ::

What do you say to someone who looses their Ex? And they didn't have proper closure. I've been there too. One of my ex's died the night of my 21st birthday. I'm still numb to this day. The very thought of March 13th still feels like a curse to me. Like I'm not supposed to be happy on a day that we're supposed to celebrate. I didn't know what to say to my dear friend...because I didn't know what to say to myself when Brandon died. I'm still silent today.

I get nervous every time I take that test. I've never been told that it was positive and I always breathe...and be more careful every time. But when he told me. He felt like his world was over. He cried and fell in my arms like a baby and for the next three hours, I rocked him asleep. And stayed there until he opened his eyes. I didn't know what to say, how do you tell someone it's going to be okay when they can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

How do you comfort your friend who is a thousand miles away and support him and tell him that you love him and you're there for him when the only people in the world that matter have turned their backs and shut the door on your very existence? They love you but they can't accept you. What do you say to that? His world his broken...and my prayer tonight is to make sure that God sends the right people in his life to form the glue that puts his world back together. I pray that he will not be broken - and that he takes this experience and knows that it's not the situation that makes or breaks you. It's the proactive action, not reaction that you take to make the adverse action work in your favor. You can conquer anything. Everything in life happens for a reason. AND YOU WILL NOT LET LIFE BREAK YOU!!!!!


We are here to help each other. To learn from one another. Remember those that helped you along the way and reciprocate that to the next person in need. It's the only way to keep the world moving...

Always with you in the struggle...

2.23.2007

It Just Dawned on me...

That the world is about being used and using others.

2.21.2007

Silence

Thoughts of contentment running vividly through my mind.
I smile.
I pause.
I revel in the reality
that things are finally are what they seem.

Rest.

I think and reflect on times of the past
when I
was
vibrant,
moving to the rhythmic pattern of life
young
not a worry
not a bill
not a care
in the world
but to be grown
and now that it's here,
I wish I could catch my breath...
and hold it into a moment where I am frozen in time
to not leave...

I remain silent.
Not because I am a doormat for pain...
but because I am reflecting on the moves to
make
to best suit me
and my family...me
reflective on the present
to be reflective on the future...

silence...
we all need to take out time to reflect on us...
the moment.
who we are.
I sit...

Witty Wednesday will return next week...
Happy 30th Birthday to Bobby...!

2.20.2007

Vagina Wig

I finally had a moment to breathe!!
I took yesterday to lay down, sleep, get some details for my 25th birthday in two weeks.

Yesterday the book went on sale, I went to lunch with my creative director for the project, working on the DVD...

So things are coming along...

I take shit to the face...sometimes not seeing a way out.
I love hard, I work hard, I play hard.
For all of this is bigger than me.
My existence is relevant.
Someone has to be the poster-child for forging through life...
I'm like India, "I pray for God's will to be done."
It's rough...we laugh, we cry, we live. Joy.

Everyday I grow.
I get tired...
I am happy.
I am sad.
Life.
Bleak.
But there is always something to look forward to,
a tomorrow to come to.

The sun will always rise.

I love my mommie.
I love Jeannel.
I love George...
I love Reesey.
I love Antonio.
I love Jammie.
I love my readers...
I love my supporters.
I love my haters.
I love...in all of it's complexities. Life.

Nothing is to be taken for granted.
Love life for all it's worth.
Breathe.
..."Good Morning Silence...Good Morning to myself..."

2.19.2007

We All Must Come....

The New Book is on sale now!!!
Click Here To Order Your Copy!


2.16.2007

OOOP

Puffy said it in 97 "More Money More Problems." I am not exempt. There is no show tonight because I have to prepare my case to combat my EX, who somehow got this "Emergency Injuction" in place to try and stop the sell of my book on Monday. Stupid sissy, somehow is under the impression that my new book is about him...

It's like girl, didn't we go through this already....

I'll keep you posted...

2.13.2007

Battlezone

I'm emotional.
Temperamental.
So many,
experiences,
situations,
lessons,
some good,
some bad,
relationships gone bad,
friends lost,
things said: regrets,
life lived,
unfilled dreams,
pressure to do this,
pressure to be that.

--breaking point--

All this embedded in my fabric of life.

I'm scared, nervous
In a week, I'm back at it again.

I'm curious,
just to see what will happen.

I second guess myself,
do I have what it really takes?
Are they right?

I wonder,
are peoples motives genuine?

Do my friends really care?
Does my family really accept me and care for me?

I turned off the phone.
I didn't return calls.
I didn't return emails.
I looked at the stack of magazines that I bought weeks ago, that I still haven't gotten around to reading.

I feel bad,
but I'm glad I didn't call Jose or Spliff to talk to.

I'm irritated that he said that I lacked "literary merit."
Why is he still talkin shit after two years? He should be over it.
Is he mad because, he and I became close friends with...
and there were warm whispers?
Or because....
But I did?
And to think they make me out to be a negative, jealous, bitter, bitch.
The same things that can make you laugh will make you cry.

I should be happy.
I deserve to be happy.
But erry now an den...

That stupid ass thought creeps in.

The one that tells me I'm not worthy.
The one that says I'm not good enough.
The one that tells me to stop and do something different.

But It's important that I keep ignoring that voice...
But do I really have a reason to?

2.09.2007

Friday Finale 2/09/07

It's here...
MAD SHORT!!!

I've been tired...so it came through...but....I will be doing a Monday show to make up for it!

2.08.2007

Exhale...

Finally, a night where the book stuff is a wrap! I'm just waiting on the 19th, to get here...when Full Circle goes on pre-sale. I can finally have a night, where I can soak in the bath, thrown on Chante Moore, ringers off, candles lit...I can reflect on my hard ass work that I've been putting in for months now.

Tonight, I finally let go of all the stress. Him, the situation, them, "the haters," and I smiled...I work hard and hard work pays off.

I finally have a moment to myself...
to laugh,
to reminisce,
to fantasize...under the droplets of water.

Smile when I think of him,
glad that he's getting healthy,
and making changes that will make him the person I knew he could be...
prayers answered.

Thanking God for my friends,
Antonio, Jammie, Reesey, Carlyn, J, Tara...for listening to my shit...
Looking forward to my new beginnings...

Knowing one day, this will all make sense...
when we live in the moment, we never get it.
But the beauty of clarity is knowing...

"Somewhere between life and the rising of the sun, we must all come Full Circle."

2.07.2007

Witty Wednesday 2/07/07

The New Show is here...can you imagine the shit that came outta my mouth this week...
It seems as though people have been questioning my "motives," my "authenticity," and the way I run my shit...

Well, I addressed the issue, directly (the best way I know how) so now you tired jigaboos and go sit down somewhere and come up with another tactic, because the ones you continue to use aren't working...silly bitch, tricks are for kids!!!

2.06.2007

Being on time is LATE....

I have a tardy problem. If you invite me, hope I show up...I have it bad. It takes me days even weeks to mentally prepare for an event. So if you ever call me at the last minute talkin' about lets go...I usually won't, unless I call you...Selfish, right? Sorry...

But my friend, THE BLACKS, tried to read me last night when I asked him why no one failed to tell me about Elisabeth Withers!!! Have I been under rock??? I said "I'm late," he replied, "You're always late." FUCK THAT RAPUNZEL HEAD BITCH! I've got his late...(you know I love you!!) He read me...but at least I am not the Queen of Lateness. We all know who that bitch is...excuse all of that, it has nothing to do with my post...

So, I learned that my good friend, Mike Hammond, was performing with Elisabeth Withers last night! And boy when I heard her sing, I damn near got moist (I wasn't there but I wanted to be). Not only is she a natural beauty, her talent is immense as her beauty! She played Shug Avery in the Stage Version of the Color Purple and her debut album, "It Could Happen To Anyone," was released on Blue Note last week! The girl has a gift and is such a breath of fresh air from Beyonce and Ciara. If you took a vocal strand from Millie Jackson, Gladys Knight and Tina Turner and placed them at the height of their careers you would get Elisabeth Withers! I can't wait to see her perform live, but in the meantime, I'll be playing her 11 track set which boasts raw lyrical insight that flow over non-overproduced melodic, groovish R&B tracks that highlight her true vocal abilities. I hope she gets her due because it's a tragedy that we think real music or a real "artist" is Beyonce...
Standout tracks on the CD: Be With You, Simple Things, The World Ain't Ready & Next To You.

2.05.2007

Football Is For Boys, I'm A Sissy.

Let's keep it real. I am pink. I am not pink as some, but I'm pink, soft and yummy.

I've never been into sports. Besides dating athletes, spectating and attending a random game, the closest I've ever come to sports is those damn Karate classes I was forced to take for 5 years. Torture, but I went through it, hell, even in college I didn't even go to the football games, not even to gawk at the boys...I mean what for? I can't see what they look like under their helmets. You catch them in the cafeteria...after practice...or walking around on campus. Hmmmph.

I forgot it was Superbowl Sunday until that fool in the mall reminded me on Saturday. Then I got all excited about ordering Buffalo Wings...and seeing Prince perform. But that was a snooze fest too, those Jehovah's Witnesses turnt his ass out just like he did Appolonia, Wendy, Lisa and Vanity. Hmmpph...let the liquor tell it. And Wingstop ended up having a 2 hour wait. They can wait until next week with that madness. I don't get it. I miss old Prince. Just like I miss Madonna before Children.

That damn 30 pounds I lost last year has crept back on my back. I was just on the phone with mother telling her I was going to get a butt reduction...when she told me "You better be glad with what God gave you! You see these white women and some of them skinny hoes tryin' to get butts like you. I heard your show about you wanting to get fucked! Don't no man want no flat ass!" My mother is nuts! I shouldna never bought her that MAC and showed her google or anything else. She thinks google is the answer to everything! I damn near fell out! Who knew she was downloading me off I-Tunes and listening to me talk about the details of my life with everyone except her. But she understands, you know how Black, Christian, MOMMAZ can be! You can't tell em errythang!

I've been kinda curious how she is gonna function with me out of the city, because in all of our chaotic element, we both love each other and depend on each other. But whatever, this time, I'm not going to loose 30 pounds in three weeks, cause the shit comes back faster than a witty fag that thinks Tommy Hilfiger is still in...and I've actually convinced my mother to be in an episode of my reality show for my DVD...

I've been running around like a damn headless chicken in Beyonce's Deja Vu video, but I can finally say that everyone in the Trent Jackson camp is on the same page. The WEBSITE is done!! So make sure you check it out...and in a few weeks, be ready to come:


2.01.2007

Girl...

These hoes are playing me too hard. I need to crack the whip around this bitch. I'll save it all for the show...

And have you heard that Derrick Briggs will be on the show on Friday? Hmmmmppph....

I am tired of people trying to fuck with my credibility.

...Heavy...you got so heavy...on me