relationships gone bad,
things said: regrets,
pressure to do this,
pressure to be that.
All this embedded in my fabric of life.
I'm scared, nervous
In a week, I'm back at it again.
just to see what will happen.
I second guess myself,
do I have what it really takes?
Are they right?
are peoples motives genuine?
Do my friends really care?
Does my family really accept me and care for me?
I turned off the phone.
I didn't return calls.
I didn't return emails.
I looked at the stack of magazines that I bought weeks ago, that I still haven't gotten around to reading.
I feel bad,
but I'm glad I didn't call Jose or Spliff to talk to.
I'm irritated that he said that I lacked "literary merit."
Why is he still talkin shit after two years? He should be over it.
Is he mad because, he and I became close friends with...
and there were warm whispers?
But I did?
And to think they make me out to be a negative, jealous, bitter, bitch.
The same things that can make you laugh will make you cry.
I should be happy.
I deserve to be happy.
But erry now an den...
That stupid ass thought creeps in.
The one that tells me I'm not worthy.
The one that says I'm not good enough.
The one that tells me to stop and do something different.
But It's important that I keep ignoring that voice...
But do I really have a reason to?