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Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.

2.13.2007

Battlezone

I'm emotional.
Temperamental.
So many,
experiences,
situations,
lessons,
some good,
some bad,
relationships gone bad,
friends lost,
things said: regrets,
life lived,
unfilled dreams,
pressure to do this,
pressure to be that.

--breaking point--

All this embedded in my fabric of life.

I'm scared, nervous
In a week, I'm back at it again.

I'm curious,
just to see what will happen.

I second guess myself,
do I have what it really takes?
Are they right?

I wonder,
are peoples motives genuine?

Do my friends really care?
Does my family really accept me and care for me?

I turned off the phone.
I didn't return calls.
I didn't return emails.
I looked at the stack of magazines that I bought weeks ago, that I still haven't gotten around to reading.

I feel bad,
but I'm glad I didn't call Jose or Spliff to talk to.

I'm irritated that he said that I lacked "literary merit."
Why is he still talkin shit after two years? He should be over it.
Is he mad because, he and I became close friends with...
and there were warm whispers?
Or because....
But I did?
And to think they make me out to be a negative, jealous, bitter, bitch.
The same things that can make you laugh will make you cry.

I should be happy.
I deserve to be happy.
But erry now an den...

That stupid ass thought creeps in.

The one that tells me I'm not worthy.
The one that says I'm not good enough.
The one that tells me to stop and do something different.

But It's important that I keep ignoring that voice...
But do I really have a reason to?

1 comment:

D-Place said...

I clicked on the link to buy your book.
You called me and told me I was hypocritical.
So I went to your link to buy your book.
I clicked on the link.
It read all packages come with a behind the scenes DVD.
I clicked on the link to buy your book.

It said no DVD.
I clicked on the link to buy your book.

I'll buy it from you in person...and I want the DVD too.