A few sips of pinot grigio lubricated my throat after dinner with my momma.
Homemade alfredo with lobster and shrimp.
red, green, yellow peppers.
Brought me to a point where I said to myself,
"She did the best she could."
I thought about the dream that woke me up outta my sleep - Saturday morning.
I had a dream that some how they made a mistake and my father was really alive.
I was overjoyed.
I was scared.
I was nervous.
He died when I was 6.
A void in my life that could never be filled.
My father was stolen for me.
I'm mad, upset - and hurt, because I'll never know what it's like to know
the man that shares my same name,
that I look so much a like.
That I take after in more ways than one.
I knew the dream was a lie because June 23rd 1988 is a day that is in my mind forever.
I remember what he looked like in that casket.
I remember what it was like that day at the cemetery.
My first brush with death - I was still. Unmovable.
The first funeral I ever cried at was Tuesday's two years ago...that's only because she made up for everything - and the only that really understood me.
I am following the voice that says, it will be okay.
I'm looking forward to the day where I can be respected for my talent.
I can win not because I am liked, but because I am appreciated and valued for what I have to bring.
Not because of some silly popularity contest. Or their body is better than mine.
When you have favor with God...it all works out in it's own season anyway.
After the last drop, I realized life wasn't that bad.
Even though I've got dealt some fucked up hands - I could walk away with a smile.
I can drive a new car.
I can eat lobster and shrimp alfredo.
I can still look at a woman who has hurt beyond my understanding and love her for being my mother.
I can still look in the mirror and love myself - even though I am not their standard of beauty.
Even though he cheated and made me loose a lot of my money -
My love is still infinite.
For I am rich in experience.
My life has sustenance.
And I'm smooth to the last drop...
get back is a muthafucka.