And I didn't have anything to say really. I just finished watching The Interpreter, my gift from D-Place.
It's like 2 and the morning here in Los Angeles - I'm up. Not tired, nothing really to say. It's one of those quiet moments when you just sit and reflect. Think about the things that are going on. Thinking towards the future - thinking about what could be...the thoughts that are running through my head are faster than the speed of sound, but I get whats going on.
25 is setting in. What have I done? Where am I going? Why am I constantly being bombarded to live by my mothers standards, when I consider them to be low? Why do I even give a fuck about impressing people?
I'm thinking about falling in love with that thick chocolate boy (I'm not stuck on light. Cause the light aint always right. It's just been a pattern that hasn't worked...a change is gonna come), that will love me for exactly who I am and what I have to bring to the table. That will understand me, respect my difference, digest my thought process, partake in my success. Not judge me. That can watch a movie with me - a good movie. Not these stupid pointless black movies, yes I said it. I like thinking about being in love...and getting up and going to aqua aerobics in the morning.
I'm excited about the release of Full Circle, although there is going to be a delay. And why doesn't that surprise any of us? Maybe because I forgot to turn in my acknowledgements, then had the nerve to change them at the last minute - then had the nerve to revise them again after my birthday just to see if people would be worthy. I'm a bitch like that. But you wouldn't be wanting to thank anyone that's not worthy of it right? I'm still pissed that my ex's name is in my first book.
I did my good deed today, I bought the homeless man some McDonald's, while on my #12 run before I watched the DVD. He was grateful - I put myself in his shoes. That could be me...You never know how the wind will blow, then life will begin.
My I-Tunes crashed, 6,439 songs gone away, two hours to get back. It happens. I want a husband. I want to be a high school teacher. I'm already on my 4th book. Can I get my degree already? I'm gonna make it...that bounced check, even though there was enough money to cover it, my horribly bad credit now blemished credit, on going battle with my mother, my weight and light skinned boys...lawsuits and my vicious opinions are all apart of the struggle. The story that makes the man. Sometimes we have to say it out loud to really see whats going on.