Me

My photo
Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.

5.31.2007

Hypocracy

Sometimes I get in moods where I just want to put on Beyonce and dance in my office...not my day job, but the Trent Jackson Office.

Thursdays is the day that I drive over to my offices...hangout with some of the workers and plot out the rest of my life...today I am interviewing for some new positions on my tour - so hopefully that pans out.

I can't stand Beyonce! I want her to sit her high yellow, chestnut eyed devilish, fire crotch ass down someplace. She is such a train wreck I swear. But I like Freakum Dress...and that other song where she scouted (hi-jacked) Ameries signature run...style...essence. Beyonce is such a biter and she wouldn't be successful if it were not for her complexion. YES I SAID IT. BITCH! Who is a true talent in the industry anymore? Who can still pull off RAW talent (vocally, lyrically-stylistically) without all of the hair, makeup, smoke and mirrors? Hmmmph. Question of the day...

I've been getting my shit together. I've been enjoying my sobriety. I've been loving myself again. I've been living my life the way that I should, I've been denying me far too long...do you know what it feels like to come out of a storm, smell the flowers, enjoy the air, stop and listen to the children laugh, and wake up with a clear mind and have the feeling that everything is going to work out?

Anyway, I am about to put on my I-pod and scout people to work for me. I've already found my graphic designer, he's the best...I only want to hire people that I can have longevity with, fuck these hitter and quitters. STAY IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL!!!

I am going to record a special message tomorrow - time wont allow for a full fledged show, but I did want to say something special to all of you guys, something really touched me and I just had to share it!

5.30.2007

Witty Wednesday...And Some...

Well it's been a minute since I've compiled a list of hotties...it's short and to the point. The top five men that I want to be seen with (in my head) this summer...

5. Reggie Bush

4. Ivan Velez

3. Young Buck

2. Brian White

1. Larry Muthafuckin' Lyons

And now....Witty Wednesday:

5.29.2007

After It's All Said and done...

The meaningless sex with the countless jump offs.
The overindulgence in food,
alcohol,
ganja,
not getting enough exercise
letting everything and everyone get to you.
blaming that on the break up, when you know you should have cut it off long before.
doing more than would you should.
being nice, when you really should have said fuck you.
listening to them, her and that when you should have followed your heart.
breaking all of the rules only to win - but really to loose.
comparing yourself to them, when you should have been focused on YOU.
not caring enough about yourself to stop
when God gave you countless chances to get it right before it was too late.
loving him harder than you should.
accepting things you shouldn't have.
maxing out that credit card after you just paid it off.
giving a show, when it should have been your off night.
whispering I love you in his ear when you were on his back...knowing it was a lie.
cutting people off unwarranted (but wait...they knew what they were doing)
not telling your best-friend you love her.
trying to make it work out when you threw in the towel.
...none of this shit matters.
because you didn't love yourself enough to stop.
care about yourself enough to breathe.
respect yourself enough to get up and walk away.
trust your own mind over matter.
and believe in yourself enough to STAND UP.
but it's a cool place to be - when you can turn all of that around and say.
I made it.
It won't happen again.
I know what to do now...
and you regain yourself.
not letting any of that dictate who you are today...
but a mere growing pain,
experience...
to know it when you see it.
to change it as it's happening.
so you won't fall into the same trap again.
it all comes back to you...

5.24.2007

Do You Know The Chief?

Morning or afternoon depending on what muthafuckin' time zone yall in. I didn't have anything to say...but I'll say whats going through my head. Thursday mornings are very interesting for me. I am always late to work number one...for some reasons my showers last longer than they usually do. I think it's my anticipation that there is only one more day of the corporate shuffle, not to mention that Stevie Wonder thoroughly entertains me on his "Thousand Dollar Thursday," radio show, which in retrospect, I can't wait until I've reached my definition of success so I can have a thousand dollar Thursday giveaway of my own.

Today is a good day...A fantastic day. A great day. A superb day...I just feel it. Today is a great fuckin' day!!! My shower felt like that white woman did in that herbal essence commercial - ALL OF THAT MOANING and carrying on she was doing. I feel sexier than usual, I look fantastic, I feel great physically - my mind is peaceful. I mean I don't even feel this good after sex or after a tightly rolled peach or grape blunt...or after a bottle of Moet. Natural.

I washed off all the grime harder than usual. I flipped my mattress last night. I changed my sheets. I checked my voicemail after 5 days of hiatus. I am going on a date with a guy that I have been after for a couple of months now...and he digs me, that's the important part. He's smart, he's attractive, he's blunt - blunt to the point where it silences me for a second. He gives me my space and he's taken the last 3 months to LEARN ME. He challenges me on every level imaginable. He hasn't reduced me to being a magic mouth or the potential to be a power bottom or a power top. He has something to say - he's goal oriented, he has focus, he has direction...but that's not why I am happy either. My family is great. My sister is amazingly smart and beautiful. I have a great best friend that knows me inside and out and she's there for me...she's been there since I was 4. I take none of that for granted but that's not why I am happy either.

I finally accepted life...
It's serious...but not really.
When you really look at it...
and think about it...
and you do that...
It all makes perfect sense.
All you have to do is stop.
And look back at yourself. It all comes back to you.
I am in love with myself again.

5.22.2007

5.21.2007

I love you. But I don't live for you.

I finally stopped and said wait a minute. I finally made up my mind to stop and just do it. It happened, just like that, I snapped into my senses - and stopped making excuses. This wasn't anyone's fault but my own.

Just when you think you have it all figured out - you realize that you don't know anything at all. And if anything meant picking up the pieces and starting fresh, then that's what it was.

It's nice to have it. But I don't need it. I would like to think that it was meant for me, but it's not for everyone. I thought that I wasn't a person until I had it...but I got it and look what happened.

It's not for you to get. It's for me to understand. This is my issue. My decision. My feeling. My emotion. My Experience. But it's one of those things that won't be discussed. One of those things that you file off in the drawer and you don't talk about. I don't have many of those things...the ones where I don't talk about, because I've already accepted that my life is the example and people need to see something and follow something to make sense of their own shit. I don't have a problem with that. But what I do have a problem with is being made the fool in the process. All the while, I'm open and vulnerable thinking I could trust you and I couldn't.

I grasped tight to her. I got her dressed. And took her out. She needed to get her 5 year old mind off of what just happened. She needed a break because she feels as though she sucks as a parent and she hasn't got it together yet. She's right. But again, that's her issue. I've been convinced enough.

But I'm happy. I still live. I still love. But today, I really live for myself. TARRANCE LIVES FOR HIMSELF.

I can finally be who I am.
and that finally feels good.

5.15.2007

Another Sad Love Song...

well not really...but I was sitting here "wrackin' my brain like crazy" like what do I write about tonight...? But its so funny how one minute you're at the top and then the next minute you're just a figment of every ones imagination. I feel bad for Toni because she should still have a live and relevant career...and I am thinking Vegas was not the outlet for her nor her last place to turn. When you're an official adult contemporary artist always turn to the known hit makers in that crew- Jimmy and Terry...Babyface (sow it back up and return to the roots, Puffy and Mary did it.)

But it's funny how the world can just automatically (me included) knows whats best for you and they're not right there making the decisions with you. For instance someone said to me the other day that the reason why I am not "at the top" is because I don't strive to be...I think everyone strives to be at the top at one point or another, but that is not where I want to be. There is nothing wrong with that. And there are few reasons why I don't desire to be at the top. And not because I can't get there, but it's like, where do you really go from there? I believe in setting a pace - and always being relevant. Why and the hell would I come out of the gate being at the top - then use up all of my time and then what...I have so much more to offer the world than being at the top. No one stays at the top. NO ONE. Look at everyone who has been at the top...Mariah, Whitney, Janet, Madonna, Alanis Morrisette, Michael Jackson...M.C. Hammer. With a track record like that, why strive to be at the top? I don't know Do you get it? I'm not making sense...I am. You get it.

Sometimes...well in my head, I like to think that I have things all figured out. I do. I've brainstormed a whole lot - and everything I've thought up, I've done or have it in the works...so who cares if you're at the top. Hold your place - you'll never worry about falling. I mind my business, I don't live my life looking at people around me worrying about what they are doing - or who book drops first or who's friends with who and all that bullshit. I work hard to get the results that I get - and I do that by being myself and saying FUCK these dumb hoes that push their ideas off on me...

Which brings me to this....I'm gonna sleep on it before I say anything. But I found it disturbing on so many levels, more so because I feel the need to argue a point that doesn't apply to me.

5.14.2007

Blah and Bleak

So my paranoia kicked in and I figured someone was trying to off me. Then I guessed it was all of my drug in take that derailed my Saturday morning plans to hit farmers market to satisfy my cherry, pineapple and strawberry craving and to pickup flowers for my mom.

I didn't wake up thoroughly until 4 P.M. after moving from bed to couch, from couch to guest bed to floor to try to find comfort from my aching back and legs - not to mention the throbbing headache that had me incapacitated most of the day.

4 aspirins and a 3 glasses of cranberry juice later, I finally emerged, feeling somewhat like myself missing farmers market and all of the 14 phone calls that came through my cell phone. I didn't get anything done on Saturday, which led me going to the grocery store at midnight and paying 7.00 for some not even sweet cherries...boy was I pissed. I called all my friends and gave away the rest of my weed since I told myself that I was no longer smoking and getting my shit together for the summer book tour. Besides, I am getting ready to start dating again, what man do you know wants to be engaged to a pothead? I sure don't. I already feel like shit, since I've traded my Friday night hangouts with my friends to get high...I need to get it together and deal with my problems the best way I know how. Head on!

The diarrhea spell took over my body and I was on a mad dash to eat banana's and jello...I just looked at it as I sign to really change my eating habits.

Sunday morning didn't help the situation, I woke up to see my uncle sprawled out on my living room sofa, my mom in the kitchen making grilled cheese and my sister running around the house yelling...I didn't bother to say happy mothers day. I had already decided not to get her a gift or acknowledge the day when she called me at 8 am cursing me out two weeks ago. She'll learn to control herself around birthdays and mothers day...she knows who her children are. I felt 1/10 of remorse for her (and why does he keep calling me? He ain't talkin bout shit...) and I asked her if she wanted to get lunch or something. She wanted souplantation, which was perfect because I was trying to get my tummy back in working condition. Then all of a sudden, my neighbor who moved to Texas, but allowed her cult-like, weird son to maintain the residence in her absence came knocking on the door like the police in New Jack City.

I'm not even fake when I don't like people. I just don't speak. But since she's older - and my neighbor, I gave her a pass. Then next thing I knew I was paying for her lunch at Souplantation too. Then all of a sudden I got sick, I felt the bubble of the stomach, headache came back, I figured the body ache was a sign I needed a new mattress - but I was holding out on my move in August before I bought a new one...but it could have been all the positions from the sex I had a couple of nights before. But whatever it was they, the body aches were coming back. So I sat there in agony while my sister played with her food, my mom went back and munched on lettuce 2 times too many, and my neighbor sat and told me woeful stories about life in Austin. Who gave a fuck? I was so thinking about the 32nd floor in my new high rise condo and my date with The Blacks and Douglas in a few hours that I missed because of an emergency family meeting - which was successful.

So now...I just took a motrin, had a bowl of jello and some bananas, just had a talk with my little brother who just finished his first year at Howard and now I am off to sleepy land...long day ahead, Trent Jackson has a lot of planning to do...

oh and thanks Kenny ;-)

5.11.2007

Friday Finale 5/11/07

Double Trouble!!!
an Interview with Dwight O'neal
Creator & Executive Producer of:
Christopher Street

and a commentary from blogger:
Darian Aaron
on the Coco Dorm Drammah!


5.08.2007

NEW MUSIC TUESDAY: PARIS BENNETT

Okay, last week, I was having an emotional meltdown, which caused me to give Ne-Yo a shaky (just like my mental state) review, but the CD is great and a good buy...now that I see the rainbow in a pristine sky, I can be clear in my review of Paris Bennett's new CD, "Princess P."
She graced us all on American Idol last season, instantly reminding us of a polished version of Fantasia. Right away we were rooting for the girl who had a voice beyond her years and anxiously awaited her debut just as we did Fantasia and LeToya London (let us not forget J-Hud).

We already know that R&B music today is a joke and we are waiting on the right person to come save our ears from this trash and bring us something fresh and a relief from Beyonce (Brandy, Tevin, Deborah, Whitney, Mariah...Miki Howard, Vesta, Stephanie Mills...someone pick up the phone and save us!!!) and it wasn't Paris Bennett.

Remember the scene in, "What's Love Gotta Do With It?" when Tina told Ike, "Don't ALL yo music sound 'bout the same?" Well, that's what scene played out in my head over and over as I wanted to beat the producers ass for overproducing EVERY SINGLE TRACK on the CD. I mean I would rather hear Keith Sweat sing in a steam room high on crack before listening to this debacle of a CD. This is absolutely the WHACKEST CD of 07' in the R&B genre, such a disappointment for a girl who had the potential to become the next big thing...or maybe she didn't that's why she came out with this.

I believe she has talent. I think she can sing. I think she can turn this around and make it work for her...To me singers of her stature need to revisit the producers who made R&B what is was, I'm talking Jimmy Jam & Terry Lewis, I'm talking Babyface, Shep Crawford, Kashif - songwriters and producers who know what do with raw talent. I think working with any of those guys they will do justice, if not a favor...because they have enough money, some people just want to make good music and those above producers have the track record and the sound to pull it off even in today's shaky R&B market.

I'm so disappointed that Paris had to turn to "beats" and not music to display her powerful vocal ability. I hate it when I see talent sell out...but I mean if you were gonna sell out to try to get the young hip-hop crowd, she missed the key element by staying covered up to her neck...something like Janet Jackson in the Rhythm Nation video.

There are no words for this CD, COMPLETE RUBBISH!

However Paris did manage to pull herself together some what on: Duet, Caught Up, Can't Control Myself and Best Friends (A duet with her mother and Grandmother)

Can someone please tell me why someone authorized this child to cover "My Boyfriends Back." I'm not gonna even talk about Kevin Covias on her Cd rapping...major eye roll and hair-throw for that one...

My review of Bobby Valentino will be up later...

5.07.2007

Sometimes and Finally

I don't know if it's the same for you. But it's the same for me. Right before your blessing comes or a moment that just showers you with greatness, there is this bleak time of confusion. All this shit around you going on. It's like you worked so hard and life happens and you still work hard to get to that goal...and sometimes you doubt yourself or second guess your own ability to complete something.

I go through that. And it's just a great thing to get that vocal, audible confirmation to that silent desire that you've been having.

I can finally move on from the drama that I had last week. This is going to be such a better week, I feel it. I had an okay weekend, in fact I had a great weekend.

Friday was a hectic day at the office. I spent time with my best friend on Saturday and Sunday I had a long talk with the young man I watched grow up. He was my second brother. I've know him since I was 15 and I watched him mature into such a great, solid young man. And in the car last night he told me, "You've taught me so much. Do you realize how much you've inspired me and taught me so much growing up - that means a lot to me. That you were so patient and never judged me and always listened..." I felt like a parent for a second...and I am like wow, could this mean that I am gonna go ahead and go through with this being a dad thing? I need to get further in my career...I'm almost there, which reminds me I had a SUPERB weekend. I met this phenomenal, bright, articulate, attractive young man from New York, that I'll share with you this week. He inspired me so much when I met him, I told him he had to be on my show. He was just amazing and such an inspiration. I'm still amazed....

You know, even though I smoked like 12 blunts, I had a great weekend. I really did. And it only gets better from here. Now that I start talking...so much to say, no time to listen...but there is always a B-Side to everything.

5.02.2007

wEdNeSdAy

i'm so high right now.
as you can see i am not - well, i dont have a show for today. I am moving studios so I will be up and running next week Friday.
i am tired of being the one every one comes to.
my cousin needs a resume.
my cousin needs this.
my cousin begs relentlessly.
but when I need something...it's no.
he was molded when i told him know I didn't want to help him.
then he wanted to wait in my driveway for me.
i cussed his ass out.
then i rolled a blunt.
just before i cussed his ass out - me and my other cousin was just talking about what a leech he is.
then he pops up.

whatever.
i am so faded.
i almost called my ex last night.
but thats life.
i almost went to jail tonight too.
but i am not ready to reveal that just yet.

but my cousin was molded when i cussed his ass out.
i work hard for my shit - then everyone in my family talks about me
but want to come to me for answers i am gonna start telling their asses bogus advice
except for my sister. she's 5. she's a child - she doesn know yet.
i want her to have it easy
i want her to know that I support her.
and that i'll help her pay for college - cause no one did it for me.
i talked to my older sister last night for the first time in 15 years. she's 21, I'M THE OLDEST. My brother will be 19 this June. Then theres Essence.
it's aiight being the oldest - cause they all look up to me. and they love me , it's okay they come to me. i'm their big brother. i have to look out for them.

my book is gonna be on time.
i am gonna go on tour
and then i am gonna launch my magazine this fall.
i think i will have my book release party at my condo in atlanta
i talk too much when i am high
that was some bomb weed
the mexicans hooked me up tonight.

5.01.2007

New Music Tuesday: A Year of WHACKNESS!!!! -Retracted

So last night. I wasn't feelin' Ne-Yo at all. But I will stand by most of my statments made. I listened to the CD again, on my way into the office this morning and I heard something different. While the C.D. isn't phenomenal, it is something that will get more play than expected...my new comments will be in red...

Okay, so it's official. Most of these artists are giving me hot singles and whack Cd's! Joe is the perfect example. We're loving, "If I was Your Man," but we're hating the CD (except for ShawnQT). I just knew Ne-Yo was going to give a CD that I could just pop in and be like yeah, thats what I am talking about (And he did). I wasn't that impressed, initially, but a new listened opened a whole new experience, it was fresh, light even. Just when I was ready to crown him the Teddy Riley of the new millennium - his CD definitely gives me Michael Jackson's "Off The Wall." Do I dare call him Michael Jackson...musically
Nine of the 12 songs were just okay, but when I tuned into the lyrics and paid attention to them as I started at the back of exhaust pipes in traffic - it became clear that this wasn't a sophmorejinx, but a CD that will solidify Ne-Yo's place in pop/R&B music forever, I am granting him a pass - surpassing Usher, into the ranks of R&B Legend Status... nothing to rave and rant about - but I will give him points for his "groove" factor. He has a lot of tracks on the CD that you can just listen to. He's always given that - especially when all we're use to seeing was Chris Brown and I am so mixed on his CD. Upon first listen, I am like UGHHH! HERE WE GO AGAIN! ANOTHER WHACK ASS CD. Then I was like wait a minute, let me stop being so critical and judgemental. While I pride myself on having great musical taste as well as a musical ear, i will say that the 12 track set that boasts great lyrics - wasn't complete trash. There were some tracks that you can tell were inspired by Stevie or gave you the old school R&B vibe ("Crazy featuring Jay-Z) I think I was expecting every track to be a banger and then maybe it was the fact that I was expecting so much more from the young man who is taking responsibility for rebuking Britney and Whitney from rehab back into a salvageableOmarion dance around and look cute (no shade).

While I still play his first CD, there was nothing memorable about this CD, nothing to make me say, ooooh let me play that again (I'm a liar and I don't have a problem admitting to something when I am wrong...I was wrong about this CD. But that doesn't mean I was wrong about the other ones either....). It was just okay songs next to okay tracks (Another lie, GREAT songs next to experimental tracks, that work...somewhat).

While I will give Ne-Yo an "A" for changing up a bit and giving a more pop feel, he played if not experimented with his style especially on track "Sex With My Ex," (which no one should be subjected to) where the melody and tone were all off. I'd rather listen to Keith Sweat while wearing jeans three sizes too small versus listen to Ne-Yo give silent nods to Prince and Michael Jackson one time too many - however he does win points for paying homage to two of the greatest song writers of all time.

I am not giving him anymore than what he deserves. Great Writer, nice voice, okay CD. Come again Ne-Yo. Three is always a charm, just ask J-lo and Janet Jackson. Although I want to give him a pass. I am going to have to let this one grow on me (and it did overnight)

I LIKE, the J-Hud duet, but if this is any indication that this is the kinda material she is coming with, I hope they find something better than that...I need her to belt from her Pussy like Whitney give Circa-Pre Waiting To Exhale... (I still agree, although I like the song)

Standout Tracks on this CD: Make It Work (My Favorite), Because Of You, Crazy, Can We Chill, Do You, Addicted

Mario...next week.