Me

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Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.

7.25.2007

I'm Not Foxy Brown, But I'm breaking my silence.

Blunt to the perfectly, naturally enhanced lips, just like his daddies. Infatuated with the boy who plays the game just as he, but probably won't get him...but wants it either way. He always envisions himself in the future, wanting to give birth to his own success, wanting to challenge people to be who they are. Sharing a good to word to anyone who will listen. He loves hard, he loves free - not carrying with him the baggage of the past that would have easily afflicted his inability to love. He wants his friends to know he loves them and he cares, even though his reality is harsh and brash...his therapist once asked of him, did he want it real or did he want it raw.

In love with the idea of being in love, coming into his own, realizing that life really isn't about this or about that...but just living.

But in the mist of all of the haze, he came to himself. And I spoke...

I always thought that redemption and forgiveness was impossible, especially since I was never a recipient of either. So that meant, if I learned through example, I would therefore repeat the same cycle over in over. In this instance my behavior was reckless, my tongue; worse than a dagger removed from fire. I’m neither delighted nor proud by my past; but it brings me to the point that I am at today.

My journey has been a long time coming. The intricate balance of trying to be who I am while not letting my past affect my interactions today while attempting to do something worthwhile has been a difficult undertaking. I’ve made choices that, I’m sure that adversely affected my interactions with people in which I haven’t even met and more over have made those second guess my intentions, my work and have altered my overall effectiveness that I wish to achieve by bringing forth a new brand of truth for not only myself, not only gay black men, but for a community that wishes to be accepted for their difference – and although the very same people have the need to be accepted just as I, I have been the biggest hypocrite by not accepting everyone for who they are. And as an advocate for the “underdog” if not the poster-boy for it on the come-up, who the fuck am I to pass judgment? I am just as bad as everyone else who as put me down. Learned behavior, or learned examples are a hard thing to break, but I’m tired of living in an unbalanced axis. That stops today.

I have a new focus: CONTROL YOU. Somewhere along the way I’ve forgotten that. Thinking that I was somehow invincible – that I couldn’t be hurt and built a Trent Jackson buffer, all the while I was cracking inside. Cracking about silly things, that made a difference, but really don’t. I’ve done almost everything that I wanted to do creatively…I wanted to challenge people to change the way people think about the gay community. But the conflict of that is that while my work may challenge what I want it to, my personal life is different. Does art not imitate life? Or does the community in which I belong to not offer anything different besides malice, contradictory feelings and shade? I don’t think so – but when you strive to be different, especially since you’ve always been different, on a different level, it’s easy to be unbalanced; it’s easy to get caught up unless you control yourself. While it’s been difficult, it can be done…with a little more persistence and realizing that life is so much bigger than you. People come, people go, you live and you learn. It’s apart of life, growing pains.

In the end I understand that I may offend people, I may be too much, but you don’t have to read and you don’t have to listen. But at the same time, it's not my intent to ever intentionally hurt anyone...that’s not what I do. I am trying to do something that no one else does in the community...stand up and be who they are without any pretense. I love being fat, I love speaking my mind – I love being me. I love being me at my own expense. But that doesn’t mean if you cross me I won’t speak my mind and tell you and anyone else how I feel.

It's difficult being you.

7.11.2007

Witty Wednesday 7.11.07

Trent closes out his 3rd season with a mild exit and comes up with tons of explanations.

7.09.2007

I Was Just Thinking...

As I sit here and look around. I am wanting so bad to take a new direction in my life - but do I really need to? Am I being over-analytical? Am I even making sense? Do I just walk away now only leaving me with the urge to comeback for more? I can't live with it, but I'm so far into it, I can't live without it. I am tired of wearing the Trent Jackson make-up (not really I just need a break), I am so fuckin' tired of being misunderstood, I am tired of being the one that doesn't fit in...but wait, this has always been my life, so why change now?

I think any change is good, but I think altering my existence for the pure social satisfaction/acceptance is bullshit. I've never been fake, I wasn't raised to be fake, I don't know how to be fake. But the fact still remains that the lifestyle I am apart of is superficially draining. I don't dislike myself by any means, I just hate having to hold back certain parts of myself when engaging in certain situations, certain situations with cliquish, industry, self-important, egotistical, smug, wannabe, whack ass faggots. Do I remove myself or do I keep walking around coming off as the silently evil, guard up, bitch that people think that I am? Or do I just start being the person that people are use to hearing on my radio show? Whatever it is, I'm really just tired of retarded ass people...the gays in general.

I hate to be apart of anything, or any environment that is overly hostile and looming with traps of fags that are ready to take you down at any given second. I think I am more so frustrated that people are overly fuckin fake, one minute you're cool with them and the next minute they are giving shade harder than a Beverly Hills palm tree. But more so, all these hoes are being fake with each other, stabbing each other in the back - a mess. I don't take part in all of that. If I don't like you, I don't fuck with you period. But all of the evil, fake, messy bitches band against you when you're not fake and join their clique.

When will people get the memo...if they ever get it, that it's bigger than them? It's bigger than the house they live in, the car they drive, the books they right, the films they produce, the music they sing, the parties that the go to, the red carpets they walk, the people they get high with, the people they fuck, the bodies that they have, their bank accounts, their cosmetic surgery, the ice they rock, their HIV status, the photo shoots that they do, their hairstyle, their cell phone, the magazines they write for, the degrees they have, the work they do...what does all that mean at the end of the day if you're not living for a purpose. Well maybe your purpose is to be fake or to take part in a vicious cycle to exclude and break people down...we'll that really isn't a purpose, because that's an void that needs to be filled. But what does all of that status or material shit mean if you're not reaching people...inspiring change?

I guess the point to all of this was me just thinking out loud...I can't say this to anyone, because they won't get it or they'll say some dumb ass shit to piss me off further or call me a hypocrite. While I realize the arena that I am in, I am not going to be defeated. I'm stronger than that, I'm not made of glass. I also realizing that when you're different on another level your struggle to acceptance is a lot difficult for those who are more mainstream...if you will. But this goes back to my original thought, when I first stepped into the game: IF YOU DON'T FIT INTO THE MOLD, BREAK THE MUTHAFUCKA AND THEN MAKE YOUR OWN.

At the end of the day, I love me. I don't do this for me or for them, I do it for the people that get what the fuck I am talking about and for those that enjoy the diversity of life...

Weekend, Updates, Full Circle - Book Tour.

I am usually not the one to leave you high and dry with a hard dick or a wet pussy - but you know, when I really just disembark without warning or something...know that I am really busy. Specifically dealing with the new book, that ships sometime today...? I think? Today is the 9th of July right? Okay...A lot of things HAVE NOT BEEN COMPLETED, like the update of my website - primarily and the complete list of dates for the book tour, but that always changes. But nonetheless I am extremely tired, I have had on average, three hours of sleep per night...but it will pay off soon.

This weekend was pride in L.A. and I went out to the official after-party which is the only thing I do during pride weekend, I can only take so much of all the gays in one location at one time and I am not one for crowds so it's always an overload...but It was a real snooze fest this year. It was whack, in all of the prides that I've been to, this was by far the weakest. The venue was nice (The African American History Museum). But I think the highlight of it was hanging with one of my favorite bloggers, No4Real, who made it all fun. It's so funny how we're all interconnected in some type of way...and it's really funny how people will stand right in front of you and you speak and they try to pretend as if they don't know who you are, as if they don't read your blog everyday or every other day...it really doesn't phase me when people want to act as if they are donkeys, I just know how to deal with people when they act like that. But aside from the constant shade - It was great meeting No4Real. I could have stayed in the house and finished my work and done something more intimate and personable...but that's always later.

I've been putting the finishing touches on the DVD so it was ready for shipping, so below you can see the outtakes to the DVD that comes in my special packaging with the book. Sometime this week I'll have a full list of the stops on the book tour, dates will be added...but the major cities/prides will be first. But other than that I'll be doing my final show for season 3 on Wednesday, I've been so busy with this last minute stuff I haven't been able to think gay or straight. I wont be consistent in blogging at all for the next two weeks, but I'll be checking in. Just know I'm working on the book and doing lots of promo stuff. Thanks for your support and we'll talk soon!

-t

Outtakes From My Behind The Scenes DVD

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7.05.2007

Checkin' In...

Just saying whassup.
I hope you guys had a safe holiday...
I'm busy working on last minute stuff for next weeks release.

I'll be in touch.

-t

7.03.2007

New Music Tuesday: Kelly Rowland

Lets deal with the facts. Well, lets make it clear, if Kelly Rowland wasn't an alumna of Beyonce's Backup Academy - chances are she wouldn't be here today, not at all a slight, because Kelly has made it clear and apparent that she can stand on her own two feet. She's a different kind of artist with the talent and the mesmerizing factor to succeed. Longevity? Kelly will need to do a lot of work - most of which will revolve around stepping out of shadows of The Knowles Concentration camp. Loyalty is one thing - but breaking the fuck out is another thing, if Kelly wants to be a REAL star like she deserves to be (cause I know she does) she'll have to shake Beyonce and nem like Eddie did Scary Spice. Maybe she should have a chat with Janet Jackson about stepping out of shadows. I've always liked Kelly, but the kids have always slept on her. Her lack of promotion on her first album, which had some bangers, (Can't Nobody, Haven't Told You, Past 12, Love/Hate) caused her lackluster sales...even Michelle sold more CD's than Beyonce's right hand girl. I love Kelly and I want her to succeed just I like I wanted LeToya Luckett to succeed. And her Sophomore effort, 'Ms. Kelly' should get her a lot more credit than she's already gotten.

Beyonce fans get ready to clutch your House Of Dereon Pearls. I give it to Beyonce, she gives the kids a show a la 'Snap For The Kids,' however, I prefer Kelly over Beyonce any day! Kelly doesn't feel the need to over sing and over do everything. She does her thing and keeps it pushing. In my heart I know she's content, but she's not. There is something inside of her waiting to be unleashed - the day that her and Beyonce have a fallout, Beyonce better run, because I know KELLY CAN GIVE MS. B a RUN FOR HER CHESTNUT-EYED money. (Who humbly gave Ne-Yo his props after called out. This is all the indication that I need that Beyonce is scurred...cunt)

'Ms. Kelly' is put together well, but it almost seems as if she was purposely given scraps from Beyonce's plate. But she took the scraps and made them work. She sounds great, the lyrics are great, the production complements and doesn't overcompensate for a lack of something...she has all the elements to make it and her CD has all of the classic trappings of modern day R&B music: the love & relationships factor, the chill/relax factor, the hood factor and the 'bangin' track factor. Kelly sings, she doesn't have to convince you or try too hard that she's a singer.

While my only complaint is that the CD was way too short. Did she get tired over the last two years that this CD has been in limbo? (Well, there was a breakup...) I was left wanting more Kelly!

My only wish is that she sales big and comes out from behind Beyonce. Because there is nothing bad to say about this CD. It's a pop in CD that you can play before the club, some of the songs can be played to get you in the mood...to fuck, clean the house, chill and play in the background at your weekend-summer mixer.

My Favorite Tracks: Like This, Ghetto, Every Thought Is You, The Show.

But once again, the CD is an absolute play through...no need to skip tracks. Oh yeah Kelly needs to take a note, never perform behind a lip-synching Beyonce while you're out of breath from a wedding like aisle march on national splaboovian T.V.

7.02.2007

Work, Work and more Work!!!

Hey All!

I hope you had a great weekend! I was locked up at home and in the studio this weekend, putting the finishing touches on the new Book & DVD. The DVD is wrapped, but I am going to go through it one more time tonight just to make sure everything is in order...

Other than that I'm working on the new book non-stop, it's a never ending project - If you haven't ordered it...you better get it while you still have time...because my first shipment is almost sold out...(wow, I didn't think that would happen!)

We'll be in touch,

-t