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Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.

10.31.2007

Witty Wednesday 10.31.07

Trent talks his weekend, coming out to his cousin, a chat with his sister Essence and a chat with his Promoter on his NYC book event...all while under the haze of tiredness

MP3 File

10.30.2007

I'm Here!!!

Yall know I am working my ass off on promoting the new book! This is some hard ass work especially in the gay world...but I've got to run...there will be a show tomorrow...but check this out in the meantime.

Thank you for all of your support, kind words, emails and thanks to the bitch who just jacked my new cell phone!!!

P.S. Britney's new album is just as tragic as she is.

with you in the struggle,
-t

Preview Of The Full Circle Project

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10.26.2007

Friday Finale 10.26.07

Trent talks life, family, trash talk and meeting fans.

MP3 File

The Friday Finale

IS COMING...BUT I LOST MY WALLET IN EL SEGUNDO...REMEMBER THAT SONG? WELL...IT'LL BE UP BY MID-DAY...

CARRY ON!!!

10.25.2007

STILLINLOVEWITHMYDOTDOTDOT

People do the best that they can.
They do what they know how to do.
Only the courageous step out of the plan that was given to them
And they make the plan that works best for them.

I remember it like it was like yesterday.
You, me, a kiss, gently at the beach.
A moon light night that was brisk.

I forced you to be something that you weren’t.
I forced you into a partnership that you didn’t want to be in.
Caught up in emotions…
I love you
I hate you
I can’t stand you
To
I’m so happy to see you.
I’m so glad that I have you.
I’m glad that I picked up the phone and called you.

Through all of the motions there was something there.
Unsure of what it is…
But knew it was something.

I admire you for the person that you were
I admire you for the person that you are
I admire you for the person that you’re becoming.

Unfair stress.
Unfair pressure
A false intention
A false hope.

Damage done
Damage repaired
Damage controlled.

A connection
So strong
So unbreakable…

You’re my heart.

10.24.2007

Witty Wednesday 10.24.07

Trent talks the California fires, the new book, Salt N Peppa show and some other jargon

MP3 File

10.19.2007

My Interview With Darian

Some of you know that I rarely get a chance to do interviews...but last night I had a great opportunity to be interviewed by a great friend, blogger/journalist Darian Aaron. We spoke about my new book, 'Full Circle,' my personal life, some of my upcoming projects, and I even got a chance to sling a little mud without getting too dirty! You can listen to the interview in it's entirety HERE...and just in case you missed the memo:



Trent Jackson, who was featured in Clik Magazine was described as "...On the rise to becoming one of the biggest power players that our community has ever seen." Is back with his follow up novel to his best-selling, critically acclaimed, debut novel, "At This Moment," which allowed the reader to have a rhetorical conversation with Maverick Williams (the main character), whose coming of age story is one that examines several social issues and his personal experiences that are a running commentary on his and society's perceptions and stereotypes on homosexuality, race, family, relationships and other aspects of a maturing Black male. On Maverick's trek to find love, acceptance and coming to grips with his own sexuality, he almost never finds what matters the most in life.
In his new novel, "Full Circle," we resume at Mavericks breaking point, where in a feeble suicide attempt, Maverick unintentionally discovers why he allows himself to be entrapped in vicious negative cycles. People in his life seem more like delusional characters in a Prime-time movie than the faithful confidantes he once thought they were. The novel follows Maverick as he tries to pick up the pieces in his life while readers will suspensefully question whether Maverick will allow his past family tragedy, failed relationships, insecurity or new found love distract him from his own happiness. Or will he find all the right things at the wrong time to further push his unstable nature into oblivion?

Find out why everyone must come, Full Circle...

Friday Finale 10.19.07

It's a FLASHBACK FRIDAY!!! Trent makes up for Wednesday...

MP3 File

10.17.2007

I know...

The kids live for a show...but I'm deciding if I should post last nights show. It got kinda outta control...

10.15.2007

Mid-Morning Monday Madness

I’ve been learning a lot about myself. More so over the last two months since I’ve been tested and tried at every turn, I’ve finally got my shit to a point where I can manage and be myself again. So that feels good.

I’m a bit salty about something I read over the weekend, so I’ll keep it to myself and try extremely hard not to let my bad vibes materialize into something tangible. I’m not a jealous person by nature at all – because I am aware of my talent and what I possess, I know my time will come when it is supposed to. Easy come easy go, but when I try to build something with someone and they turn on me and try to out do me, especially when I work harder than they do, it really irritates me. Especially when I am usually the last to get recognized for something that I did FIRST. I’ve originated a few things (and u may disagree)…and it infuriates me when people bite and don’t acknowledge the source. That is annoying, but I have a great theory about the underdog…and it’s proven to work well.

As we drove down Avenue of the Stars towards Pico – she blurted out, “You’re so damn controlling – shut up!”

I sat there for a second and paused…and tried to figure out why she said that. I wanted her to go a certain way home, but I usually always give directions, because I like to take the quick way to the next destination. But then it sank in again…I am controlling and I just realized that. Then I began to think about all of my relationships and wondered why they failed. Was it because I was too controlling? That maybe had something to do with it. But my control issue stems from a trust issue. Most of the adults in my life have failed me, which made me not trust anyone to make and decisions about ME any decision has never been in my best interest, so I always make them myself and do things myself, because I know the best way. And I always meet people, who admire me, my advice and my decision making – and always end up helping them sort shit out. And you know it’s difficult when you can’t trust anyone, because then that carries into your personal relationships. Which leads me to this guy I’m talking to, if not dating. He’s a wonderful guy. He’s smart, he’s nice, great cook, attractive, loves my best friend – funny, charming, protective, caring, assertive, reserved, loves to have fun, affectionate, witty and all of that. But I messed something up this weekend because of my control.

He asked me “Do you want to see me today.” I was thrown by his question and in my head I thought, well if he wanted to spend time, he would have just invited me over or said “I wanted to see you.” I mean that’s what I would have done. But, he’s not me. He’s different in the way that I am. I ask direct questions, he asks indirect questions, most people don’t do either. So I respond, “Was that your way of asking if you wanted to see me?” and the topic was changed, because I didn’t answer the way he wanted and he didn’t ask the way I wanted. I never saw him and I knew damn well I wanted to be laid up with him watching Desperate Housewives last night…how do I fix that mistake?

Every day shit changes…but one thing I am glad that my book is finally out, the tour is starting, and things are on the up…

And I think it’s cute that the boys in the office think I am straight. I mean don’t they see those extra packets of splenda in my pockets? One would think right…

I saw “Why Did I Get Married?” This weekend and I must say it was a phenomenal movie – hands down. I was like Tyler Perry did it this time…I was able to walk away with something…and I want to go see it again. I loved Janet and the cast was selected well, it was written well and it showed what life should be like for black people…friends and couple should vacation and stick by each other through the waves of life…I really enjoyed it. I don’t want to give it away but you should see it…

But I’m excited about the things that are happening…sometimes I wish people could be flies on walls to hear all of the things that go on between me and my best-friend…

Thank you for reading and being a continual inspiration in my life…

10.12.2007

10.11.2007

Mornings At The house of Jackson

My day starts extremely early, especially if it's a day where I am in the studio. Usually 4 am. 6 a.m. the other days. Today was a 4 a.m. day. I went to the studio, recorded the morning segments...I'll return later to finish the rest of it, that's how it's been forever. I come back home get ready for work, wake the kid up, get her to school and off to work.

So yesterday, my sister, tells me that some boy in kindergarten was drawing on her pants and hitting her and doing boy shit to the extreme. Now, in my mind this boy has a crazy ghetto home life - which is something that my sister doesn't have. We live a very low key life without all of the dramatics...well with the exception of her parents, but she's usually shielded from that.
But last night I learn that the boy hit her again. I am a little irritated, I don't know if I said this out loud, but one of the things that I was dealing with recently was my sister being molested by her 8 year old cousin. Yes...molested, yes by her cousin. So you can imagine the chaos...which is why my professional life was put on hold for so long because of court and custody shifts and things, I just had to focus on my sister, since her parents are irresponsible more of the times.

Anyway. I know this has to be confusing for my sister - I know she is going to have an issue with men, if any little boy touches her in anyway, I know she is reminded of what her cousin did. My sister and I have a good relationship, although she is young, I talk to her like I speak to anyone else. I never spoke baby talk to her, it was always normal conversation - and I want her to be bright and intelligent while knowing about life early, so she wont have a ruff time coping like I did, because her parents lied to her about what life is about! No!!!! Won't happen.

This morning I tell her, "Don't let anyone touch you, or hit you, or draw on your clothes Essence. Tell the teacher if someone does."

She replies, "But I told Mr. Woods, but he didn't do anything he just brushed me off."

I responded, "Well the next time the little boy hits you and your teacher doesn't do anything slap him and then pick up something knock the shit out of his ass! That'll teach em."

So she laughs, "Big brother almigh-T don't say bad words! But I'll do what you say."

I don't advocate violence by any means, but no one is to put their hands on you and if they do, they deserved to fucked up, point blank, no questions asked. I have to tell my sister it is not okay for anyone to touch you inappropriately or hit you PERIOD, ESPECIALLY A MAN. I will not lay the ground work for a young Black Woman to be mistreated by men or accept any less than what she is worth. I was a victim of abuse, so I know the fallout from it. I know what I didn't get as a child so I make sure she gets it. My mother was present, but absent, so I know the importance of having someone there when you come home, or to help you do your homework, support your projects, etc - which is the main reason why I haven't moved to ATL. It's not just because I don't feel like it or whatever, my sister and her interest is more important than any condo on the 32nd floor, or books sold or whatever.

I drop her off at school, which I hate doing, because I don't like the school at all! My ignorant ass mom put her in this school that will surely breed dumb children, thus leaving the kids reading, writing, thinking below grade level. My sister is 5 and she is already doing division and multiplication and reading at a 2nd grade level. But she still likes to do the things 5 year olds do.

I know my sister isn't a problem child. She's shy, until she feels you out but then she's friendly, fun...kinda moody and she will tell you whats on her mind. So I know she's not going fuckin' with this little boy, cause if she don't like somebody she just doesn't fuck with them...period!

So sure enough, this morning, not even 30 minutes into class, I get a call.

"Hello?"
"Brother?"
"Essence, is everything okay?"
"Yeah, but I slapped the shit out of Kenneth, then I punched him in both eyes."
"Essence, where are you and why are you cursing???!!! You're in trouble when I get home!"
"I'm in the principals office."

So she gets on the phone...

"Hi, Essence needs to go home today."

"No, Kenneth needs to go home today. Essence told Mr. Woods what the young man was doing to her and he shrugged her off so I told her to hit him. If you're sending anyone home, it's that whack, lame ass excuse for a teacher and that seed of a little boy down there. If you knew what was good for you, you would not deprive a role model student of an education because she is being harassed. Now if I have to come down there to relay to you in person - there is going to be a bad misunderstanding. Essence will remain in school the rest of the day or I will have social services on you so quick you won't know what hit you, and I hope that we have an understanding on this?"

"Excuse me, there is no need for your attitude or your unwarranted comments."

"As a principal it is your duty to investigate and gather facts of a problem. You need to speak with Mr. Woods and that kid, again I just need to stress to you that I will not allow my child to be punished for defending herself and standing up for what is right. Do I need to come down there?"

"I don't understand why you are being combative and..."

"Well, I hope your child is never put in the position that he/she will be picked on and you have to stand up for them - this is a waste of my time. Please don't call me with this anymore, if you don't want a problem."

-CLICK.

someone should warn her not to fuck with a gay man scorned early in the morning....I'll give you an update on the show tomorrow...

10.09.2007

My Official Statement: Coming Full Circle

I forgot what I was going to talk about this morning. But I know one thing is for sure, life has a great way of making you realize things that you normally wouldn't or won't accept. Just thinking about the course of my life...I've realized that my patterns of irresponsibility need to be stopped.


After fully and thoroughly examining my life over the past few months I got the lesson from my stint of problems that were inevitable and from the outside looking in, some of you saw my demise or possible demise. I learned that one; I had to be more responsible. I was living my life irresponsibly. I had goals, I attained them, but at the same time, I was taking for granted my great paying job. Making or becoming too friendly with management, thinking that was okay, and it's never okay to befriend your boss or your immediate supervisor...I was coming in late, leaving early, doing all of the niggerish things that I thought that was owed to me just because I was in good with my boss! Wrong! That didn't have anything fully to do with me loosing my job, but that certainly didn't help, I could imagine so, simply because other people started to get uncomfortable and complain about my relationship with my boss. There was nothing sexual, she was a white Australian woman...the bottom line is that at my new job, I'm 15 minutes early everyday, I try not to handle too much of my book business on their time (it's impossible to do) and I keep it professional. And I don't for a second take for granted what I have in front of me, because I know where I was at three months ago and how I never want to be there ever again!

Secondly and more importantly - when you go through life altering events, the first thing to fall off are people who you thought had your best interest...boy did I learn! I looked around so quick and went from having tons of friends, who partied with me, smoked my weed, ate my food and vice versa, were no longer there. My sister was molested, the printer had my book fucked up, my graphic designer was incompetent, I had lost my job, I was broke, I was extremely high, but desperately low, my family was life was in shambles - everything that went wrong did go wrong and everything that I thought wouldn't fail, failed!


So here I am picking up the pieces...and it's a good thing because everything that was in line to do before my drama, it comes so easy and effortless now, it was like I had to go through all of that to prepare me for the new set of problems that I have to deal with. And there are always new problems and trust me you are better equipped to deal with them after having a summer like mine!

I'm still learning. I learn everyday. I'm making decisions that enhance me to be better. One thing is for sure as soon as you're back to normal and learning the rhythm of life again, here comes some more shit to cling on and distract you...I'd rather be alone than be where I was a year ago.

10.08.2007

Life DOES get better!

I'm here to tell you...life does get better. And even when you think it doesn't, you're reminded that it does.

I think that this past weekend was the best that I've had in a while - simply because I was focused and I spent it alone. I'm a strong believer in divine order - and I am also a strong believer in "If it's to be, it's up to me."

I worked mostly yesterday, I've been like a month behind on packaging and mailing books out, so I finally got the bulk of that done yesterday...and I'll take them to the post office tomorrow since my donkey brain forgot that it was a fake holiday today. Saturday I worked on book tour stuff and went shopping for a new mattress - since something invaded the other one and nutted all off up in the foam and shit...I couldn't take it any longer....

It was productive and I finally saw my life for what it was. Everything happens at the right time...and granted I went through a lot of shit to get to the point where I am able to resume my life, kinda where I left it in July.

I've been trying to get my best-friend to start a blog...I'll keep you updated on that. And I'm madly in love...well kinda, we'll see what happens. It's not quite the time to make the announcement just yet. But I've been single for 10 months...so we'll see how it works. I don't want to talk about him...but it's just so funny how you ask for something, then you get it. It's like, wait, wasn't I just asking for this a week ago...? The gag is, he's Jamaican.

10.05.2007

Ooops....

Did I jade yall again?

Well, I didn't make it into the studio like I wanted to this week...but there was a lot going on. But things are cool. I am working on my third book this morning...I have a 12/31/07 deadline I have to meet...my new book is going into production January 21st so...I've got some work to do...not like it can't be done!

I think people just purposely do stupid shit so I can write about them inconspicuously in novels...? Hmmmph...I guess. I am looking forward to a great weekend with my best-friend and him...

Have a great weekend.

10.04.2007

This Morning...

I went to bed tossing and turning last night contemplating whether or not I would call you. Some niggas need to be on ignore mode, but at this point, after protocol was already established, you wanna go and act stupid, were we not just on cloud nine less than 72 hours ago? My brain can not handle another crack, for I am already fragile and operate in an constant state of inadequacy. I'm insecure, I will always be. You can change some things, but one that no one can change is the fact that we will never be 100% secure in who we are as people because we always change.

Last night...I polished the entire bottle of Moet Nectar. Bent out of my mind. I hit the bong twice, maybe three times to add to the flair and instantly I felt the need to say all of the things I wanted to say...you say you love me for who I am, but the blatant disrespect in the form of a test of loyalty infuriates me more than Ike Turner high on coke in the 70's trying to make a hit for Sue Records. An already fragile brain cant take it...

So I called - and you said you would call me back, we both knew that was a lie, so I rolled over and watched my tape of Star Jones Show and Janet on Oprah. I went to bed and dreamed about you...I dreamed that I told you all the things I wanted to and told you how I really felt but something told me when I wake up, just forget about it and move on.

All of this means something...It means to keep paying attention to myself. I realized that every time I embark on a new project something always comes and distracts me. I won't let that happen this time. I am extremely tired of arguing, fighting, going through the motions...with people. I refuse to relinquish my power to those who don't know what they want or where to go or mad because I am focused...or at least try to be, no, because I am.

I need balance in my life. Something constant. I don't need anyone who is more moody than a woman on the rag or a bitter queen who can't find any happiness in anything.

Sometimes I think I try too hard. Sometimes I don't try enough. But just when I put in the effort, the work...the plane crashes...and I walk away with the burns, I keep forgetting to pack my aloe vera.

This weekend it's about me. I am going to go to the beach, pack a bottle in my bag...and work on my new book. Fuck these people.

I am one step away from packing my glock. Somebody better ring the alarm for these people.

Oh...and thank you...we're all in this together.

10.03.2007

This is more of what I wanted to say...

I know what I talk about.

I live this life...you only hear about it, there is a difference. A big difference. Until you've walked two steps in my shoes, listened without judging, understood without speaking, you'll never know what it's like, you may think I have it easy and I have fun...but I would never wish my internal thoughts and my experiences on anyone...not even the people I have an utter disdain for.
A lot of my decisions are based on the way that I feel...which is ultimately based on logic and intuition, my quick ability to assess situations and people. It never fails me. Know that every time I do the opposite of what my gut tells me, I end up looking raggedy, cross eyed and confused off in a damn corner some where.

Today I am unbalanced, confused, irritated, optimistic, reserved, annoyed, anxious, nervous all at the same time. It's like that. I try extremely hard to shield my raw thoughts from people because I know I just can't walk up to someone and tell them you're a fake, shady, bitch and point out reasons why and walk off...even if I felt like it, I have to water a lot down. But there are times when I tell the truth...the raw truth...and I always feel bad afterward because it's a hard pill to swallow.

I feel extremely bad for my best-friend, I subject her to so much - sometimes it's enlightening, but when we reach the heart of the matter it's so draining that we have to both go to sleep...but until now, no one knew that I've cried myself to sleep for the past 6 months every night.

I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of playing. I'm tired of being serious. I'm tired of working. I'm tired of being caught up. I'm tired of people and their baggage, hell I'm tired of my own.

When is enough, truly enough?

This morning I swallowed a pill that I'd never thought I'd swallow. That I didn't want to swallow. I will just internalize it and hope it doesn't have the effect that it may potentially have.
Do you know what it's like to feel dark when the sun is out and light when the moon is shining?
Have you any idea what it's like to have dark clouds pass over the sun just as you begin to enjoy life, the fresh air, the birds, understand people for their complexities and accept people for who they are?

Imagine what it would be like to wake up everyday and see the sun, only to go outside and realize that it was just an illusion.

Sorry Kids...

So there isn't a show today. I was so tired yesterday that I couldn't even get into the studio...I stayed out too late and with this new job - I just couldn't do it! So forgive me...I will definitely get in the studio between today and tomorrow to speak with you! I know how some of you feel about your Trent Jackson fix.

But this morning, I've gone over it in my head 1,000 times, listening to Faith Evans examining the situation for what it is.

It's so funny how in life, we ask for something and we get it...and some. It's a good feeling - but always obey your gut feeling - for it is the truth and you should never ignore it!

Last night I was mentally and physically overwhelmed...and I feel bad for my best friend or anyone who is close enough to really know me...not just a piece of me. Because my brain is so complex and so...direct it's impossible not to have an adverse emotional reaction after I tell you something, which is a reason why a lot of the times I keep my mouth shut or at times like this speak in circles and you have no idea what the fuck I am talking about. Sometimes I hate being smart and being the go-to person for everything all the times - and not bragging, it's just what it is. Because if I was incompetent...well lord knows I wouldn't want to be on that side of the track...but I can hear Kanye West (Luke 12:48) saying "To whom much is given, much is taken," so I guess this is something I need to find a better balance in dealing with...

So my question of the day is, are we allowed to retract statements we make? And if we are - what are the repercussions of having a loose mouth?

10.01.2007

At This Moment

9 months have gone past and I've changed.
Changed for the better.
Changed for the worst.
Changed for reason.
Changed by force.

I'm sitting here...for the first time in months sober...especially on a night like this.
healed...
mended...
bruised...
but not broken.

Pieces of the puzzle all together,
but taken apart...
trying to find the new answer that only lies in the dark.

It was the look in his eyes.
It was his swagger from the start.

Her comforting words.
That look from across the room...
the moment shared that sealed the deal
like a kiss...that I wanted from him badly.
gay man scorned.

I've tossed and turned sleepless nights.
ready to take flight on a mission unknown...
but found myself waiting by the goddamned phone.
Niggas.

It means nothing.
head over heels...nothing.
reserved...nothing.
happy.
content.
loving.

it means nothing.
and for the first time,
I am for real hurting...
but I'm dealing with it.

Mary Jane isn't here to rescue me.