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10.01.2007

At This Moment

9 months have gone past and I've changed.
Changed for the better.
Changed for the worst.
Changed for reason.
Changed by force.

I'm sitting here...for the first time in months sober...especially on a night like this.
healed...
mended...
bruised...
but not broken.

Pieces of the puzzle all together,
but taken apart...
trying to find the new answer that only lies in the dark.

It was the look in his eyes.
It was his swagger from the start.

Her comforting words.
That look from across the room...
the moment shared that sealed the deal
like a kiss...that I wanted from him badly.
gay man scorned.

I've tossed and turned sleepless nights.
ready to take flight on a mission unknown...
but found myself waiting by the goddamned phone.
Niggas.

It means nothing.
head over heels...nothing.
reserved...nothing.
happy.
content.
loving.

it means nothing.
and for the first time,
I am for real hurting...
but I'm dealing with it.

Mary Jane isn't here to rescue me.

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