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Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.

10.15.2007

Mid-Morning Monday Madness

I’ve been learning a lot about myself. More so over the last two months since I’ve been tested and tried at every turn, I’ve finally got my shit to a point where I can manage and be myself again. So that feels good.

I’m a bit salty about something I read over the weekend, so I’ll keep it to myself and try extremely hard not to let my bad vibes materialize into something tangible. I’m not a jealous person by nature at all – because I am aware of my talent and what I possess, I know my time will come when it is supposed to. Easy come easy go, but when I try to build something with someone and they turn on me and try to out do me, especially when I work harder than they do, it really irritates me. Especially when I am usually the last to get recognized for something that I did FIRST. I’ve originated a few things (and u may disagree)…and it infuriates me when people bite and don’t acknowledge the source. That is annoying, but I have a great theory about the underdog…and it’s proven to work well.

As we drove down Avenue of the Stars towards Pico – she blurted out, “You’re so damn controlling – shut up!”

I sat there for a second and paused…and tried to figure out why she said that. I wanted her to go a certain way home, but I usually always give directions, because I like to take the quick way to the next destination. But then it sank in again…I am controlling and I just realized that. Then I began to think about all of my relationships and wondered why they failed. Was it because I was too controlling? That maybe had something to do with it. But my control issue stems from a trust issue. Most of the adults in my life have failed me, which made me not trust anyone to make and decisions about ME any decision has never been in my best interest, so I always make them myself and do things myself, because I know the best way. And I always meet people, who admire me, my advice and my decision making – and always end up helping them sort shit out. And you know it’s difficult when you can’t trust anyone, because then that carries into your personal relationships. Which leads me to this guy I’m talking to, if not dating. He’s a wonderful guy. He’s smart, he’s nice, great cook, attractive, loves my best friend – funny, charming, protective, caring, assertive, reserved, loves to have fun, affectionate, witty and all of that. But I messed something up this weekend because of my control.

He asked me “Do you want to see me today.” I was thrown by his question and in my head I thought, well if he wanted to spend time, he would have just invited me over or said “I wanted to see you.” I mean that’s what I would have done. But, he’s not me. He’s different in the way that I am. I ask direct questions, he asks indirect questions, most people don’t do either. So I respond, “Was that your way of asking if you wanted to see me?” and the topic was changed, because I didn’t answer the way he wanted and he didn’t ask the way I wanted. I never saw him and I knew damn well I wanted to be laid up with him watching Desperate Housewives last night…how do I fix that mistake?

Every day shit changes…but one thing I am glad that my book is finally out, the tour is starting, and things are on the up…

And I think it’s cute that the boys in the office think I am straight. I mean don’t they see those extra packets of splenda in my pockets? One would think right…

I saw “Why Did I Get Married?” This weekend and I must say it was a phenomenal movie – hands down. I was like Tyler Perry did it this time…I was able to walk away with something…and I want to go see it again. I loved Janet and the cast was selected well, it was written well and it showed what life should be like for black people…friends and couple should vacation and stick by each other through the waves of life…I really enjoyed it. I don’t want to give it away but you should see it…

But I’m excited about the things that are happening…sometimes I wish people could be flies on walls to hear all of the things that go on between me and my best-friend…

Thank you for reading and being a continual inspiration in my life…

2 comments:

Omar Ramon said...

I miss you

Omar Ramon said...

Congrats on ya book ,boo