I forgot what I was going to talk about this morning. But I know one thing is for sure, life has a great way of making you realize things that you normally wouldn't or won't accept. Just thinking about the course of my life...I've realized that my patterns of irresponsibility need to be stopped.
After fully and thoroughly examining my life over the past few months I got the lesson from my stint of problems that were inevitable and from the outside looking in, some of you saw my demise or possible demise. I learned that one; I had to be more responsible. I was living my life irresponsibly. I had goals, I attained them, but at the same time, I was taking for granted my great paying job. Making or becoming too friendly with management, thinking that was okay, and it's never okay to befriend your boss or your immediate supervisor...I was coming in late, leaving early, doing all of the niggerish things that I thought that was owed to me just because I was in good with my boss! Wrong! That didn't have anything fully to do with me loosing my job, but that certainly didn't help, I could imagine so, simply because other people started to get uncomfortable and complain about my relationship with my boss. There was nothing sexual, she was a white Australian woman...the bottom line is that at my new job, I'm 15 minutes early everyday, I try not to handle too much of my book business on their time (it's impossible to do) and I keep it professional. And I don't for a second take for granted what I have in front of me, because I know where I was at three months ago and how I never want to be there ever again!
Secondly and more importantly - when you go through life altering events, the first thing to fall off are people who you thought had your best interest...boy did I learn! I looked around so quick and went from having tons of friends, who partied with me, smoked my weed, ate my food and vice versa, were no longer there. My sister was molested, the printer had my book fucked up, my graphic designer was incompetent, I had lost my job, I was broke, I was extremely high, but desperately low, my family was life was in shambles - everything that went wrong did go wrong and everything that I thought wouldn't fail, failed!
So here I am picking up the pieces...and it's a good thing because everything that was in line to do before my drama, it comes so easy and effortless now, it was like I had to go through all of that to prepare me for the new set of problems that I have to deal with. And there are always new problems and trust me you are better equipped to deal with them after having a summer like mine!
I'm still learning. I learn everyday. I'm making decisions that enhance me to be better. One thing is for sure as soon as you're back to normal and learning the rhythm of life again, here comes some more shit to cling on and distract you...I'd rather be alone than be where I was a year ago.