First thing monday morningIm gonna pack my tears awayGot no cause to look backIm lookin for me a better dayYou see the thing bout loveIs that its not enoughIf the only thing it brings you is painThere comes a time when we could all make a change…
While I am sitting here, ankle elevated, thinking about my life at this moment, this urge to not stop and take a break keeps poking at me…like that boys hard dick when he’s lying against you at night. I’m not even 5 cities in on my book tour yet and I have never had this urge to work on new material while promoting the current stuff. But I guess that’s all apart of the hustle…right?
This weekend was interesting. For most of you that don’t know I came back from NYC with a swollen ankle…I don’t feel like telling the story anymore…but…yeah, so I am finally trying to nurse my ankle back to health, while trying not to do too much, which is damn near impossible being me! Saturday, I spent time mailing out books and spending time with my friends that I haven’t spent time with, since pre-summer. We’ve seen each other, but we haven’t spent time…it was long overdue. With our schedules in limbo and our own things to deal with it was great seeing the guys…people have been accusing me of being a bad friend as of late, not really taking into account what has gone on with me personally over the last 6 months. Understandable and I am glad people bring things like this to my attention, because I feel it can only make our relationship better. This is definitely a time of new beginning, transition and readjustment.
Yesterday a cold hit me smack dab in the middle of the day!!! Jumping from the 40ish degree weather in NYC to L.A.’s 80 degrees has really done a number on me, so I had to cut my cousin’s 1st birthday party short and family time at my uncles to go home and Theraflu my body to death…and I ended up missing a friends birthday dinner! I suck…but hopefully he allows me to make it up.
So here I am taking personal notes…learning more about myself. Thinking…a little too much as I normally do (somebody has to think right?). Regretting telling him that I like him. Learning my boundaries. Wondering why it’s so hard to find a boy to lay up with and hold at night. Finally realizing that my weight has something to do with it…(I can be so naïve sometimes, while trying to see the good in niggas) but you know, I don’t think anyone would be able to stand me if I dropped 50 pounds. I don’t think I’d be able to stand myself, knowing what kind of person I would become…that I already am.
Brainstorming. Thinking. Wanting. Smiling. Crying…
No one has it all together. So why pretend?