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Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.

12.24.2007

When Life Begins.

25 and 3/4 of a year I lived in visible silence. I had not lived life. For 25 3/4 of a year I lived life for everyone else.

I let people's words control me.
I let people's actions dictate mine.
I let their thoughts become mine.
I had not lived.

I remember waking up this past October and I heard Mary J. Blige:

No time for moping around, are you kidding?
And no time for negative vibes, cause I’m winning
It’s been a long week, I put in my hardest
Gonna live my life, feels so good to get it right

So I like what I see when I’m looking at me
When I’m walking past the mirror
No stress through the night, at a time in my life
Ain’t worried about if you feel it
Got my head on straight, I got my mind right
I aint gonna let you kill it
You see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just…..

Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
You see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just fine
Then it happened. I began to look at myself differently. For the first time in my life I DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK!!! About what someone else was doing, what someone else was saying, what someone else was thinking. I had lived my life short-changing my talents, my abilities, denying myself - while I was everyone elses punching bag.

I stopped and stepped up into the person that I am supposed to be....

I was put to the test...

Anytime you walk into a club and see three ex boyfriends...all of whom dogged you...
and a promoter that tried to dick you for money...and you don't give a fuck - that's when you know...

I am who I am...
You love it or you hate it. Just like life is supposed to be.

In that gray area of is and isn't have and have not, I don't exist.
the gray area is for the uncomfortable, the unstable, the insecure, the afraid. The ones that don't like challenge. The ones have no problem with fitting in and just glad with what life gives them.

Why settle for mediocrity?
Why settle for .50 cents when you can have a dollar?
Is less more?
is mediocrity better?

I am the difference
I am the exception
I am the example
I am the imperfection
I am the voice
I am accept that...

I have to live my life freely for me.
It would be a shame for anyone not to live their life.

We all have a divine purpose...find it. Live it. Walk in it...we only get one.
And we have to make the best of it.

No matter what.
I accept my life,
in all of the dramatic, chaos that it possesses.
I don't regret any decision...
I don't regret any moment...

Those experiences have taught me...
and they have brought me to the point
where my life begins.

I've carried around the weight of life...
I've carried around the burden of strife...
I've carried around all that people wanted me to be.

I smiled - and I always will remember when I started living...
When my life began...



3 comments:

THE PISCEAN said...

BRAVO SIR BRAVO
Now begin to walk in your purpose.

dancehard said...

the piscean took the words right out of my mouth. Like Janet and Jill Scott say "Show Me"!

BuddahDesmond said...

Get 'em T! It's truly a remarkable thing when you have accepted yourself for all that you are (completely), and you can say fuck it (unapologetically) to everything and everyone who can't. That's when you know you've come or are coming into your own. Keeping doing your thing!