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3.31.2008

Monday Morning...Afternoon....Late Night.

There is like an endless shower of water streaming through my head right now. The thoughts that preceded me are often kept private, in the confines of my own complex brain never to be shared with anyone who will just listen; but understand my place in life. No one really gets it until after I’ve left the building. I say things that don’t make sense to the naked ear or to the clouted mind, so I am stuck having conversations with self, laughing at my own jokes, my own thoughts at times becoming a parody in my own existence. Does this make me schizophrenic?
I pointed out to him, my late ass date last night, who I kind of hung out with over my friends, who wanted to go to the late ass Abbey, in which my late date, who tried to pass off those green contacts with the dark circles around them as his own, should have been in attendance at the meeting loosely referred to as “Chocolate Sunday,” (again only in my brain) with the other late ass…but I tried to point out why so many brilliant people seem to loose their minds shortly thereafter they are recognized for 1/10 of what they really want to bring to the table.
The dating game sucks…kinda. After I had his funeral this morning on the freeway, after I called him to make sure we were having our intimate weekend in Atlanta, I allowed and accepted all of the great things that I not only deserved but desired to be allowed into my realm like a flowing stream of crystal clear water that was pure, refreshing, soothing, calming and cleansing to me. And just like that it was done.
I am glad that the swelling in my nose finally went down…I can go outside again. I am glad that I no longer operate out of insecurity. I am glad that I have found myself…again. I am glad that I am able to be responsible. I am glad that I no longer need. I am glad that I no longer want…
I can’t find that list that I wrote…in January. Just like I can’t find that list with their names on it…
But something on that list came to past, when I said…thought that it would.
Worry about the message, not the messenger.

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