But I have a lot to make up...but it will all make sense as soon as the operation starts
But I am well. I got three numbers. I am off that patron and purp. I am with the kids...I am loving life. I am in love....I feel great and I am being inspired. I'll be on full blast on wednesday.
But I think its utterly tacky when a muthafucka leaves an empty glass on the table he sees you sitting at.
I've always operated my own way, but I haven't always stayed in my lane. I've always had a good grasp or a firm idea of who I am - This time I know.
So, here is the deal. I love myself. And in loving myself, I have control over who I allow to be apart of my life. For so many years I allowed and trusted the wrong people to be apart of what I was doing instead of celebrating who I was.
I remember Larry once asked me, "Why do you care about what other people think?"
I answered incorrectly – and he knew it. But, it was the very early start of what was to come.
Sometimes you have to let people go. Let them do them…because you've told them until you're blue in the face – and they still keep doing the same shit. Hopefully, they get it and if they do, you'll notice the difference and you'll let them back in.
Last night I got a disturbing phone call, from someone who I held in a high regard. He, in what he thought or what he thought he was trying to pass off as concerning phone call, was nothing more than a nosey call to see what state I am in. First he asked, "Are you going through one of your Trent Jackson phases, where you go through something and come out better?" I'm a real person, and I always go through shit and come out better, that's the story of my life. But I am not going through shit. I'm just allowing God to do his work...and that means to push yourself to the side.
Like, I think people know if I am silent, they should be worried…but shouldn't. I am focused on me. Period. I don't have to and will not answer to anyone about what I am doing. And the nerve of him to add "There wasn't enough information on your blog." I'm personal, but I am not. Just because I share myself openly, doesn't mean I tell everything I know. And not only that, get into my first paragraph. There you will usually find the summary. In the ending you will see the next move. Learn how to read between the lines and use your brain. Too many muthafuckas look for the obvious and blur the lines way too much. So since your nosey, use your brain to figure out the deal.
While I have "pulled back" or "cut off" people, I know the truth – and if people were more honest about the part they played they wouldn't worry about me not speaking to them. So if you're reading this and you I am not fucking with you, know why, think about it, it will come to you. If you recognize what's really going on, I thank you, I respect you and thank you for allowing me to go through my process, whatever that maybe.
I am going into the studio tonight.
The morning didn’t start messed up. My body wash is amazing!!! It truly wakes you up in the morning and I think you should try it. When I first started my addiction, I was using two bottles a week! And my friend thought I was nuts, but she didn’t understand what she was missing! I was taking showers for no reason at all…And can I just say that I listen to a CD in the house first…to decide whether I play it in the car to decide if I want to play it in the shower. Do you get it? So anyway I was fine up until I picked up my white shirt, I was going to wear my black slacks, white shirt, and this tie with this black and white intricate design…a very hot tie. I think I may take a picture of it and show it to you.
It was going to go perfect with the hair, jewelry, Al B! Sure and the whole 9!
Then I get outside and I realize that the damn cleaners stained up the fuckin’ shirt with whatever washing solution or whatever they do to sanitize the shirt of stains and sweat, so now I have to argue with the pakistanian man about getting a replacement. Dumb fuck. I am really gonna stop fuckin’ with him.
So last night I made this phenomenal salad with grilled chicken breast…and I made it for lunch for today. This morning I get in my car and I put in Mariah’s CD. The tracks I elected as favorites are complete bangers. But you know as I listen to it, I expect Mariah to be singing the way she is. She’s grown up, she is a full fledged woman, she is not gonna be belting out notes no more…she has like a mature sound that I like. She is just simply singing the song – but still, the tracks I like are bangers in the car, so you know what that means.
Can someone please tell Hillary to sit down and bow out like the graceful republican butch queen that she is? I mean she can retreat back to whatever basement leather bar with the pink light on the outside that she wants to, Bill can go back to getting his dick sucked by Keisha from Harlem and the world can finally reap the benefits of the good life. If you notice minorities are always called in to clean up the mistakes of the privileged echelon of society.
I really need to get over myself sometimes and realize that situations maybe fucked up, but that’s GOD keeping you out of the madness. Like in a weird way, I felt really excluded about something that I wanted to be apart of. But, some of the people involved I don’t really like and I don’t want to be around them. So it didn’t happen…but I realized something. Certain people only come around when there is something going on…others are there when the chips are down when no one else is around. And I am okay with knowing which person makes the difference...
And after all of that, I realized that I left my lunch, my money, my wallet and my water bottle at home, in the guest area. How the fuck can I slip…nigga I got the munchies severe. I really need to get my life in order…lol. I completely dropped the ball, but I am good a catching things before they break. Sometimes we are parodies in our own existence.
It’s been a minute since I’ve been around. I’ve kinda been doing my own thing, on hiatus, thinking… No depression or anything like that, just thinking and spending time with myself. Which I think is imperative. Sometimes when you celebrate who you are, you can’t share yourself willing like you once did, so you kinda just back up for a minute.
I was just thinking how music really impacts my existence and how sometimes I can’t find the right words that say anything but I can put on a song that will speak to my situation. Music can really sooth anything that’s been going wrong with you…
I’ve been working on this post, before my self sponsored sabbatical took place. But it all started out as a Myspace bulletin that really made me think about how music really impacts me.
So if my life were a movie…this would be the soundtrack.
Check it out…
"Sure Boy" by Rahsaan Patterson.
This song just kinda sums up my life, the person I am and who I want to become. It's a constant reminder that long as I stay on track and do the things that make me happy - I will continue to be the greatest and best that I was destined to be.
"Hopeless" by Dionne Farris.
The opening line, "Hello Morning..." should be enough. But it's a beautiful track and the lyrics are even better. It's a simple song - that reminds us that we all wake up the same...and how we're all one step away from the complexities of life. And it's really up to us to decide whether or not we are going to be stuck in our present situations and remain hopeless or will we prevail and be victors...
“One of Those Days” by Whitney Houston
I truly love this song. It’s all about celebrating yourself and doing what you want to do. No matter how hectic life is getting or is going, take joy in the sun, the birds, having a car, riding the bus…don’t take anything for granted, roll with the punches and enjoy life – it really helps me keep a positive perspective.
"Funny How Time Flies (When you’re having Fun)" by Janet Jackson.
It's the perfect song for ending a great date...and it's a sure filler that there will be a second date...because there is something there that is tugging you to stay, but know you want to saver that moment and have it always...plus if you want to be a hoe, the song sets that up for you too.
Falling in love:
"So into You" by Tamia
OMG!!! I LOVE THIS SONG! Even when I am not in love, it's a great song to throw on to make you feel like you're in love. It's the perfect backdrop for romance, it's a free, easy feel good song that just talks about all the stages of being love, all the things you say, do and think when love is fresh and new...
This is really hard, because I love sex songs...but there are so many songs that aren't sex oriented that make you want to get it on...there are so many sex songs to choose from, but the one I would pick is "Anatomy 1 on 1" by Mya. It's perfect - it takes you through all of the silent conversations you have before you have sex, it takes you into the 4 play...the climax then after all of that...it's hot.
"Ring the Alarm" by. Beyonce.
This song gives so much attitude and makes you want to fight...and it’s kinda egging someone on like “bitch you know you gonna get fucked up right?”
“It’s Alright now” by Rahsaan Patterson
I don’t think Rahsaan really knows how he got me through a lot of shit…but this song really made me tap into my own strength and realize how much I’m really worth. But the person he describes in the song is…like we were dating the same idiot. But the song is like, you realize what’s going on, you admit it to yourself and you are mad, but you’re okay with the aftermath and you’re like you know…it’s about me – fuck over extending myself for a muthafucka that doesn’t even love and respect himself enough to realize what they had in front of them.
Getting back together:
"Spend the night." by Rahsaan Patterson
....he opens the song, "I can't believe this is happening..." and it's perfect, because you say all of the crazy things about a person when you breakup with them, then next thing you know they are spending the night!!! And it's the perfect for make up sex…not that I’ve done it or anything.
"Secret Rendezvous" by Karyn White.
First of all, if you know Karyn or see her, tell her to Myspace me - she and I should talk. I mean the title says it all....and I love a 90's R&B Throw back!!
"The Day" by Rahsaan Patterson.
This is just a feel good song...the bass is right, the drums are right - It makes me want to roll down all of my windows and bump!!! The song itself describes the average day and problems for most. But to me the song is just about moving on and progressing. We all go through things that test us - but the flip side of that there is a day in all of our lives when everything is going right and we should find the beauty and joy in both cause in order to really appreciate life we have to learn the lesson in the bad times and really revel in the calm moments when life is chill and nothing is going on.
“You” by Janet Jackson.
It’s off of the Velvet Rope CD…it’s a real funky song. Funky bass line and Janet is in a low tone and you have to really listen to what she is saying. It’s really a dagger through your heart when you hear it, because it makes you realize how fucked up you are in being fucked up…but it’s also about Janet. Although she’s reserved – she’s really not. And she tells you in the song, that she’s human and she wakes up with the same shit we do…
"Better Than Making Love" by Chante Moore
This song is sick, Jimmy & Terry need to be beat down for making a song this phenomenal!!! It's just a great feel good song and it talks about being in love...but the music...put this song on repeat a few times on your way to Vegas....
Learning a lesson:
"When Your Life Was Low" by Joe Sample & Lalah Hathaway
“Always remember my friend, the world will change again. And you may have to come back, from everywhere you’ve been.” Always make a clean break. Because the same people you cross on your way up, will be the same people you cross on your way back down – and you’ll always be reminded of what you did, how you treated someone, or what you said. So it’s important to treat everyone with respect. And if you’re disrespected by someone, just know that your blessings will be greater…
“Co-Stars by Joi w/Whild Peach and Heroine)”
It stops you…and reminds you who is really in control of life…
“Mercedes Boy” by Pebbles
I know…I am crazy. But this song was hot! And the radio version was the best, when you can actually hear what the old Mercedes Benz’s use to sound like back in the day, and then they cut up Pebbles vocal ….”Mercedes…Muh-Muh-Muh-Muh-Mercedes...” But anything for the 90’s R&B I’ll take…
"We Go Deep" by Janet Jackson
One thing I love about Janet is that she samples the right songs with the bass lines that make you move. This song is about having fun with your friends, hanging out and having a good time. I’m not big on dancing…so this is the right kinda groove song to get you in the mood for the club…or a Friday night outing. It’s fun...
“Walk It Out” by Unk
I love this song…It’s kinda like you just let everything go and act crazy and silly. It’s a good stress reliever too.
“Got ‘til it’s Gone” by Janet Jackson
It’s simple…you don’t know what you got till it’s gone. You wish you would have taken better care, paid more attention and showed appreciation when that particular person or thing was in your life. You always end up sitting somewhere saying shoulda, woulda, coulda…but this song reminds you of that, but it keeps it light.
Long night alone:
“Any Time, Any Place” by Janet Jackson
For some reason I feel very sexy when I’m alone…lol, but I love the live version of this song. It’s like Janet is singing!!! Like she was on “Again” in 93! But it just gets me into me…I can explore my sensual side, who I am unedited…it’s a good song to chill to.
“Memory Lane” by Minnie Riperton
It fits…it’s kinda a summary of life, we think about all the moments that brought us to the point where past experiences become an after thought and how all of that ties into love…
what would yours be...?
We watched in excitement and confusion as her adventures of Mimi came to an end. But when the show was done, she came out a damn mad scientist, telling us E=MC2
E=MC2 the second album, abandoning her trademark, one word fluffy, joyful album titles is hot off the presses and ready for consumption…but I almost feel like I’ve been hoodwinked…maybe it’s just the first listen that has me feeling that way?
In Mariah’s case, if you really want to be honest, has undoubtedly remained one of the most consistent pop artists of the last decade. I remember the period in time where Mariah put out an album every year for 10 years straight…not to mention her infusion of pop and hip hop was genius, if not daring. But I am thinking that real black artist done it before her…but I can’t put my finger on it…
One thing that I enjoy most about Mariah is her ability to change up her style (slightly), but not enough to throw us off and make us uninterested in her mysterious, goofy, grand aloof style. There is no doubt that the chick can sing, but over the last few years all the work that she put in to get to where is today, has kinda caught up with her (vocally).
E=MC2 is the same formula that we’ve seen before…but it works for her (kinda). Many other artists that keep the same formula aren’t really successful in maintaining their mojo (Janet primarily, Beyonce take notes). But one thing that always works is J.D. giving a hot beat (Janet understand the difference between business and pleasure. Toni I hear you’re back in the studio, leave Keri to care for Diesel and Denim), Mariah belting out a now auto-tuned and pro-tooled high note, because it’s obvious that she hasn’t taken care of her voice as well as she thinks…or what she wants us to believe.
While the vocals aren’t the best…they aren’t the worst either, but I think this maybe one of those things that changes up her style. We know she can sing and hang with vocal greats, but in todays market, people can't sing. Our ears are not in tune to what a real singer sounds like. We've been tricked into getting accustomed to Autotune, something that didn't exist when Mariah first came onto the scene. Lyrically Mariah always provides a good laugh when she’s reading people or vaguely if not evasively talking about her life. Most of the hooks are catchy…memorable and overall make the CD what it really is.
Overall, three maybe four of these tracks are new, the rest are leftovers from the Emancipation party. But Mariah, girl…we know you are in tight with all of the rappers and all like that, but we want to hear you, not T-Pain, Young Jeezy, Damien Marley and J.D. off up and through the song. P.S. I am also a little irritated that you’re asking or telling someone to touch your body, you’re 40 years old…
I’m That Chick, it’s a medium bass over a hot 80’s beat that reminds us of a rooftop party in the summer, (think Patrice Rushen Forget Me Nots) when R&B music was hot and we danced like there was no care in the world. It’s a feel good track that makes everyone thinks that “We’re that flavor like ice-cream.”
I’ll Be Lovin’ U Long Time, is a fresh bouncy, groove beat that is sure to serve it’s purpose to the radio. It’s a song that’s good for starting out your day…especially when you’re in liking (love is too strong for most) and you’re spending time with that special person…or if you’re single like me, it makes you think about being in love.
O.O.C., reminds me of a song that you would play during the summer, windows down…song blaring acting Out Of Control…
For The Record, First of all, this is the song from her commercial that was in heavy rotation during the winter season. And I am so glad that she turned it into a full song! It’s simply telling him or her that they’re really at fault…so don’t get it twisted
Bye Bye, Classic Mariah, it’s like Emancipation of Mimi Revisited, but a little too soon, reminds me of “Don’t Forget about Us,” and oddly enough, I don’t think it’s a strong single, but it could be one of those last songs that she makes a video for.
I Wish You Well, Reminds me of Emotions, “Key To My Heart” but I love Mariah for always adding one of those songs that is piano based that just makes you sit back and think…after you’ve had all the fun, you still have to face the fact that reality still exist and you have to deal with it. She deals with it here. It’s important to get the message here and put the messenger aside…And a great way to close out a SOLID CD and place the TRENT JACKSON STAMP of approval across the front cover.
I've been blogging for 3 years now...and occasionally, I'll look through my archives and read some of the things that I've written...or said. Some things make me laugh, some things hurt my feelings, some things make me feel awkward, pressed, excited...depressed. But you know...I'm the same.
I wanted to write a post today, because it's been a while since I've actually written a post, just expressing my feelings, being crazy and random...what I use to do before I did my shows, when I had 15 comments - when all of that validation was seemingly important to my existence. When I thrived off being the new kid on the block...and three years later, I thought while driving on the freeway this morning that I've grown up a whole lot. I think I realized that really, when I paid my Target bill last night and how it's almost paid off. Yall know I am a Target junkie...but that card has been maxed out like 20 times over - and it might not be a big deal to you, but I have not always been a financially responsible person at all. So learning that and understanding what it's about and knowing the benefits of having great credit and savings...hmph! Get into it...
But I went into this year wanting to implement changes in order to be a happier person and the changes are working fantastically! I got an email this morning, from a person who reads my blog - and he told me that he's saved almost 1500$ this year alone, because he's managed to save 50$ from each paycheck, but not only that, he's doubled it 100$. He's learning how to budget and still have fun, while paying his bills and saving money...and he got the idea from me, after he read my RULES. That meant a lot to me because I am the same situation! Like it's a really good feeling knowing that you wanted to do something and it gets done...because you envision it and not only that you pass along the information and people use it. Cause when you tell people shit, they don't hear, let alone listen. Then they want to come back to you walking on crutches, bitch please.
I've been busy lately, making sure my sister has the perfect birthday party tomorrow. Enjoying my private life. Enjoying the quiet of life. The stillness of life. I LOVE ME. My sister is teaching me a whole lot - she forces me to be more responsible because she watches me the most...
I am excited for Lalah! That is my girl! I love her soooo much! It's such a blessing to be her friend. Her new album is coming out June 03rd and the awesome things that are going on with her career are beautiful to me. She is so deserving of all of the great things coming her way because she stays true to her, she doesn't compromise herself or anyone in her life for her own agenda, and she does what makes her happy. Read her new article here...
I am loving life right now. I love me right now.
Kenny, Vincent & Eric I love you guys!!!
I’m finally at a point where I’m comfortable, just enough, to where if something did happen to throw me of course, I wouldn’t go too far. And if someone shot me a dirty look, it wouldn’t bother me too much, because I know me.
But just when it is safe to come out and play, he pops up again. The guy that you dated way too many times, the guy you dated that like you – but didn’t know how to say it, the guy that you were just friends with back in college, the guy that you use to be friends with, who’s done enough maturing to let him back in your world and then your straight friend, who looks at you a little too long in the eye, enough to give you that warm rush of adrenaline flashing through your body like a summer sun ray gleaming down on you, while you rest on the beach, taking in the pleasantries of life – wishing your day could always be that way…but you snap out of it, realizing that the rush was just probably him being nice and you wanting him to be gay…life is a beach.
The cast changes, the understudies are swapped for the has been leads. The house lights go down, the spot light comes on…
Everyone has their time and place.
But it makes me wonder, how long do I stay in this race…cause not everyone or everything....
I went to sleep with a headache last night. Laughed with him a little – it’s amazing how people never change, but do, even though life has thrown them a few curves that would have bent their existence. I am happy for him. And not who you think. Just because you see something doesn’t mean it’s real. The only things that don’t lie are emotions.
I feel nothing for him. I have no ties to him. It was a simple test, to see who would bend and who wouldn’t, the house lights went off. For I can’t be in the company of people who don’t trust me or my decisions, what does that say about your connection with me?
I pulled the key out of the ignition. I prayed before I got out. I put on my sunglasses, pressed the alarm on my door and walked.
Walked in my life in the present.
Although she may be irresponsible, although I have to pickup the slack, although he has a superiority complex and treats everyone like shit, although she is working through her insecurities…I let it ride.
At one point I was all of those things.
I live life – allowing things to work themselves out, for I am learning to respect the laws of the universe.
It all happened in three seconds. The thoughts in my mind…
We’re all pieces on the chess board. Rook, pawn, knight, queens and kings…