Ask me how good I feel right now!!?? AMAZING!!!
It's funny how life works sometimes. One minute you're up, the next you're down...wishing that trick ass nigga that you don't need will bring his sorry ass around. (lol) FALLACY I tell you.
I conquered it. I went and faced all the things and the people that I have an utter disdain for. And once I over came my fear my existence in this world was re-confirmed.
Tonight I learned to stop giving my power away to people. Tonight I learned to stop making myself available to those who don't deserve my time. Tonight I learned that if you deleted their number during sweeps once, you're (me) the stupid ass if you're deleting it twice. I also learned that nothing is forever and things change, but this only happens if you logically examine what's in front of you and to do that, you have to understand that things will always get uncomfortable. But without discomfort in your life, then you'll never grow.
I didn't answer my phone for anyone who called my phone yesterday. I've been reserving my right to actively end others blatant dependency on me...But reluctantly I answered for him, only because he's in my Five Faves...And I was mad that I did that. I should have just let the phone go to voice mail, just like I first thought. But for some reason, I thought that he was calling to redeem himself, but instead he tried to cover up the fact that he was wrong on some level and that his courtesy wasn't exercised, neither was his best judgement. One thing I hate is being lied to, especially over something petty. I could have just excused his behavior...in fact I did, it wasn't even water under the bridge - it was more like Pebbles when she gave us "Giving You The Benefit." But the fact that he tried to clean up his error with a lie was a slap in the face and it says a lot about his character. I wish people would not say anything when they know they are wrong or when they know that they did something to get under my skin. It's best to just let time fix it or just come clean...not lie. Now that I have it out of my system, I can move on.
I was proud that I exercised myself control in public. I wanted to kick his ass, as I promised him I would if I ever saw him in public for stealing my bottle of Marc Jacobs cologne. Sometimes your presence is enough to make a bitch run for cover...especially since the last time he heard an utterance of my name, I was allegedly dead. But it's not over. I always study my subject and wait before I make any moves.
Even though he kept me waiting after dragging me out of the house, I didn't get mad. He really helped me get over my social phobia. He doesn't know that he and his litter of narcissistic sociopaths have inspired me to continue to be the fierce muthafucka I am. People think that you never change. Had this been last year, I would have called him and told him about himself. But you never have to tell people how miserable they are, especially when they are up to the same shit. Again, your presence should be enough to shut a bitch down...especially when you're 60 pounds lighter...and you're glow shines through the fog and it's brighter than the moon.
It's so funny how hoes that band together always want to make catty comments amongst themselves as they always do, and shade me harder than a sunset in Miami on a cold winter day but I wish people would really understand that death and karma are inevitable. The key to being successful, being happy and getting what YOU want out of life requires one simple thing: That you treat people with dignity and respect.