Me

My photo
Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.

3.16.2009

I finally Let Go of his hand...

He is the person that WILL always be at the core.

But everything that lived within him is not who I am today.

He is determined, he is focused, he is smart, he is inspiring, he is fun, he is a wealth of information, he is attractive, he is talented, he is brilliant, he is intuitive, he knows what the fuck he talks about, he is independent, he is a giver, he is helpful, he is overly nice, he is overly emotional, he is balanced. He understands where he came from and where he is going...he always knew.

But he was also the kid that didn't have a voice, always let people dictate his decisions and always took to heart what people said, even when he knew that it wasn't the truth. He carried the weight of so much and so many. Harbored the pain of molestation. He harbored the pain of his father lost. He harbored the pain of his mothers anger, her misunderstanding of love. He allowed himself to become the victim. But he was always the victor.

I let his hand go. I've held on to it for way too long. I watched him walk away laughing and smiling, just as he did in 1988 listening to Karyn White...I kept the things that brought him happiness, for they still bring him happiness to this day.

But the emotional turmoil that was buried under all that he loved evaporated into the mist and the person that has been hiding behind that scared little 6 year old kid with all the potential in the world, that made people laugh, that looked at the world for what it was has finally become the person that he has always wanted to be.

It hurt. But the kid that I used to be, is finally free.

2 comments:

JNez said...

lol @ you listening to karyn white in 1988. that was a great album. i always return fondly to it. thanks for the memories...and i'm glad your kid is free.

kennyking78 said...

Growth and Love. You just watered your sprititual garden right there!

You are a wonderful man T. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. It is obvious to me that your past has shaped you into the person you are today. I know that said past has caused you pain, but it has also helped you become a, in my humble opinion, such a rich person. When you speak, people listen. We remember you.

Keep pushing through. Whether or not you know it. You already have everything you will ever need. It is inside of you. Now you just have to keep things in motion.