she said i'm too popular. what the fuck does that shit mean? lol...
but she also likes my personality and is totally enthralled, curious and fascinated with me as a person.
just like everyone else who i meet.
i'm aware of who i am and i know why others are drawn to me. it has nothing to do with me.
contradiction is the theme of my life. while i'm too popular and the best at everything i do...people never know whats behind my sunglasses.
it's not because you think or know me to be high...
it's all in my eyes. my pain. my insecurity. my hurt. my baggage...
she said she likes my work. she wants to know how to write a book. a wolf pretending to come in peace. I got her number...She just didn't think I possessed enough testosterone to use it. Then tried to slight me in the process..."So what made you wanna pass this time?" lol...
we all have a story...but you look at me and think I have it easy, because I make it look that way.
i lived with the mother who applauded me in public to all of her friends. but called me fat and stupid at home. told me i would never amount to anything and even went as far to say that no one would buy into anything i would ever do. and blamed me for being molested. secrecy, hurt and shame..it's all she knew. it's what her father did to her.
the father i never knew. fed nothing but facade of who he really was. but i longed for him so bad. he wanted to be there...
but as the cycle goes.
walking around not fitting in...and trying to figure out why i was supposed to.
trying to figure out who i was...but every time i tried. someone told me something different.
but it's all good. cause i have the shit figured out...
and just like judas did jesus...
it happens to the best of us.
but we all know how that story went.
love who you are.
accept who you are.
and stop paying attention to muthafuckas that aint even thinking about you...
the answer is there.
in the details.
i win because i break the chain.
i win because i keep going.
i win because i'm unbreakable.
that doesn't mean that i can't be put back together
or that i give up.
it means i'm taking time to become better and stronger...
ultimately i win
because i acknowledge that i haven't always done the right things.
because i am learning how to be responsible for my actions
because i have God in my heart
i treat people right
and i choose to.
and there is nothing that anyone can do, to stop what God has already done.