Me

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Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.

4.20.2010

Secret Rendezvous: Mediterranean on 8th


I've been telling yall hoes for the longest that Karyn White lives!! Anyway, thats not what this post is really about. But I'm sure down the line, in the very near future, I'll be doing a feature on Karyn. She alone revolutionized the weave in the 90's! Don't trip.



Even though the cheers theme song hasn't been at the top of my I-tunes playlist for the last couple of weeks, there are always a few moments that I hold dear to my heart. Over the past few years, I've learned the meaning of true friends. It's been a hard, long, windy, chaotic road to the point that I'm at today. But I'm very grateful of the people who didn't judge. Who listened, who supported, motivated and gave light in my darkest hours. And even if we don't talk now and you're reading this, I'll never forget the part that you've played and I thank you for the experience.

In the business that I'm in - you have to keep your friends close and befriend your enemies, while playing the game and almost risking everything to get to the place that you want to be at. I always question if it's worth it. But it doesn't matter if it's destined.

While I was in New York last week, I had the opportunity to kick it with not only a colleague but a friend in the business. Most of my friends and family, really have no understanding or concept of how the business or industry works, so only another person who knows the get down can empathize with you - which is a priceless thing to have, because you go through so much and almost all the people you have to meet you can't say shit to, because everyone knows each other and people will do anything to get further, including fuck over you. So when you find someone that is in the industry and also a friend again, it's a priceless blessing.

I met him a little over 5 years ago when my first book came out. I became a fan of his work and we kept in touch over the years and he even drove from Jersey to hangout with me in Philly once when I was on a layover going to Europe! That meant a lot to me, thats a genuine person there! We had drinks, he drove me around and it etched a memory in my mind forever. I'll always be appreciative of that and I'll never forget it.

It's always great seeing him - and it's always a positive, refreshing experience. It's cool that he calls me "Mr. Terence" lol...sometimes I go wanna go where people know my name and they're always glad I came...don't we all?

I was in Manhattan after I finished up a meeting and without warning, I texted him "What are you doing for lunch?" crazy right? After a brief exchange about me being in the city he told me to meet him in midtown and we'd grab lunch. So I met him on Park and 57th and it  the start of a good day.

We met up a little after 12:00 and walked the hustlin', bustlin' streets of N.Y.C. passing the Trump Towers, The Sony Building, The Tiffany Store (in which I really should have dropped off my piece to get cleaned) and headed up 8th street to the Meze Grill. It was a superb, high quality, wholesome meal that helped alleviate my nausea! Every time I go to N.Y.C. I swear I always vomit...go figure! But it's a good spot, it's different from the typical food we're all used to eating. If you're ever in the area, try it out.

But it was super good seeing him. And it gave me the juice I needed to comeback with my new projects full force.

Always surround yourself with people that not only understand you, but support your vision and give you constructive feedback. And always remember that 9 times out of 10 your closest friends live no where near you. Never forget that you don't have to talk to a person every single day to be close with them...

4.19.2010

#Whore

I'm watching you sleep on the couch.
Watching you sleep with the same eyes that connect with yours - whenever we meet.
I always feel some kind of way whenever you're around.
the subtleties.
eye contact that you don't give everyone else when you talk.
the lingering eye contact that always lasts too long...
always laughing at my jokes...
you're not just being nice.

Your hand...
thats in your pants...
holding the secret while you sleep.

I'll imagine all the possibilities while I touch myself tonight.
Nothing will happen between us.

even though its 2010...
i know you got a girlfriend...and I'm not going down or out like that...









maybe...#whore

4.18.2010

The Process 2.8: Pop Life

Looking at this picture brings me joy. I was in my process. I always believe in keeping a record and taking time out to look back at what you've done. Something that I'm learning how to do. I didn't really realize what I had done, because I never stopped and looked at my own accomplishments. If you haven't done so already, take inventory and invest in your own stock. You'll be glad you did later.

I always start writing ideas out for my next book as soon as I wrap one. As soon as I finished "At This Moment" I knew that I would have to write a sequel, so I began "Full Circle". Looking back, I wish I would have waited. It was very a great idea, just at the wrong time. I can admit that, that was a bad move as an artist and as a business person. But you live and you learn. I was just thinking to myself, that the sequel to "At This Moment" should have been released now. Who knows, I may revisit Mr. Maverick Williams. One day.

I started "Pop Life" 3 years ago as I was promoting "Full Circle". I was out one night, having a good time and my mind just went into that mode...what I like to call SRM or Super Record Mode also known as Sensitive Record Mode. Everything around me becomes, I don't know, dream like. The atmosphere changes. I sense everything more intense, the smells, the mood, emotions, everything becomes delicate. I remembered exactly what I was doing when I started mentally writing "Pop Life" . I'll keep that moment dear to my heart.

I never know what my book is about until i'm more than half way through the writing process. I had ideas of what the project was about, but it really came to me like three weeks ago. However, I knew early on that I wanted to make this project unique from all the other books I've done.

When I write a book, I want it to be more than just a book In addition to the written word, I want the book to have an identity beyond the story, which is why you'll get a DVD or a shirt or something else to package the book. All of my previous covers are metaphoric. There is always some greater meaning behind the cover. I knew for this book, I wanted to use models, instead of hiring a cover artist. I wanted the guys on the cover to tell the story of Kyle DeVoe, Bryan Alexander, Simeon Shanks, Omar Julian and Shaheed Manning, the 5 main characters of "Pop Life".

The book follows the story of 5 friends, who are famous who just so happen to be black and gay. Just think the fabulosity of Sex And The City, combined with the realness of Waiting To Exhale, the youthfulness of A Different World in the the spirit of Noah's Arc, you get "Pop Life".

Late last year I  made a call to Shawn, my uber fantastic graphic artist and had him put together a flyer concept to advertise my model search. I can say one of the plus sides of smoking weed (which was a first while working on a book) is that it takes you to a far out place where everything is possible and I must say that when you see the cover concept you are going to gag for the high heavens!!! Casting for this cover was more difficult than you think! While there are tons of black gay men in Los Angeles, where I did my primary casting, a lot of them are not comfortable with being on a cover of a gay themed novel, even though there is nothing suggestive about the cover. So once I finally found the group that was comfortable, I ended up with three people I felt at the core, conveyed what I wrote. There was only one problem, I hadn't found the lead character, Kyle DeVoe.

I postponed the casting calls, I was getting moody, dealing with issues that kept coming up that I obviously didn't feel like dealing with and I was working myself for nothing. I was going head to head with an editor that I had never worked with before, she wasn't really getting my style, I was a mess and I really felt that I picked the wrong time to start production on the book. I couldn't help but think about all of the drama that revolved around the "Full Circle" book tour and I felt myself shutting down a little bit. One night, on the last day of the submission deadline I got an email and I immediately spazzed out. The guy that I knew would portray Kyle DeVoe sent an email and all of the craziness I had been through with the casting didn't even matter anymore. I immediately picked up the phone and called him, because I had already knew that I was picking him to be the lead. In fact when I saw all of the guys I picked, I had already decided, they just didn't know that...needless to say, I can't wait until the cover comes to life. It wil solitify so many things...thinking about it makes me proud. I can't wait until I'm able to get the over sized blow up of the cover to hang on my wall with the rest of my covers.

Part of my secret mission to New York was to do some last minute preparations for the release, since my book does take place in New York...it was almost surreal going there. I had become each and everyone of the characters for the last years and walking around in New York, going to the places they went, walking the streets they walked almost made me cry. There is something special about art when you give birth to it, but there is a particular feeling when you actually do the research and make everything real, that enhances your work. It makes it more of an experience for the person who is receiving your message through your work. I'm looking forward to the warm receipt of "Pop Life".

I'm excited. I can't wait until you see what I've been working on this entire time...I know you are going to eat it up!!!

always do something you've wanted to do...and don't have any qualms about it.


4.16.2010

Pictures Say 1,000 Words

Adam Irby, Trent Jackson, D.J. Baker, Shorty Roc, Dwight O'Neal
New York City
October 2007

I remember it like yesterday. The first time I went to New York City to launch my 2nd novel, Full Circle.
It was a great moment in my life that was overshadowed by drama. It was a mixture of things, the way I responded to situations, things I had to learn on my own - and being popular. I learned a lot. I had a great time interacting with the guys and for the first time I really felt like I fit in somewhere. The five of us clicked extremely well. It seemingly felt like we had known each other our whole lives. It was a defining moment. For once I had made friends with other gay men and sex wasn't a pre-requisite for friendship. I was happy.
I was inspired. I was hopeful. I was blessed. 

3 years later. Oh...3 years later. So many things have changed. So many things have been said. So many things have happened. I was in New York 7 days and did not speak to one of them. 

I felt some kind of way about it. 

That brisk fall, I met five amazing black men. I met them at the core. They held no anger. They held no resentment. There was no pretense. There was no silent shade. It was all in love. It was perfect.

But we all know nothing is perfect.

I can't wait to relive the moment in the photo...

4.15.2010

Death On A Platter

Dear Kentucky Fried Chicken,

I remember a time where food was fresh, wholesome and delicious. Meat wasn't pumped with hormones, didn't make boys get titties and it didn't cause irritable bowel syndrome, gas or constipation.

I haven't always been a fan of yours, primarily because I am black and my momma and my Grandmother always fried chicken at home. Nonetheless, my Grandmother enjoyed your original recipe and often gifted me a "Chicken Little" (which I can still taste and adore to this day) snack on the way home from elementary school in the late 80's.

Fast forward 20 years and I'm sitting in my luxury, overpriced, borrowed condo, smoking a blunt minding my muthafuckin’ business and to my disgust your new sandwich "The Double Down" appears on my television screen.  First off, yall muthafuckas done slipped on a banana peel and bumped yall heads real hard! I just want to let yall crazy ass white people down there in Kentucky at corporate to know that your collective, well thought-out marketing technique to target minorities, euro and trailer park trash with this stroke-death sentence ain’t gonna work on me!

Not in one million fat boy munchie attacks would I even consider consuming this two piece, fried, cloned, disaster wrapped in cheap Chinese paper to save my life!!! Come on bruh! Yall know yall wrong for adding in the bacon! Yall know blacks love their swine! Clearly yall on a mission to kill folks off !

Corporate! You need your ass wooped up and down the block for pitching this death on a platter! This is nothing more than gastrointestinal rape and I won't allow it. I will do everything in my gay power to make sure that this sandwich is discontinued, just like my beloved childhood Chicken Little, in which you may want to bring back for one good ol' time.

That's all.
Good Day!

p.s. Aaron McGruder warned us about this!!! kinda...

4.14.2010

I Feel Good...

So like a week ago, maybe longer, I wanted to start blogging daily again. But that didn't happen. It seems as if the older I get, the less I have to say. Maybe it's because I spend my time expressing myself via Twitter with witty one liners, that seem to get me where I need to go quicker. I hate the fact that I've become almost dependent upon technology. I somehow knew that this would happen. Which is part of the reason why I've had a strong antipathy towards starting an  account, but as always a fine black man can sway me to do anything within reason.

I've still been getting acclimated to my new city, but I haven't been exploring and getting out like I want to, but I'm not forcing anything. I didn't move here to party and socialize. I moved to gain and maintain control of my own life and a few other things, that I have in the pipeline. I'm an advocate for leaving your comfort zone and trying a new city - especially coming from a place like L.A. Oh L.A....how I don't miss anything about it.

I'm nervous, I'm scared, I'm anxious - but most importantly I'm comfortable, I'm happy and I'm finally in a great space in my life. It has truly been a long time coming. I've been busy working on the administrative stuff for my new book, Pop Life - which I get more and more excited about every day. And I'm actually enjoying the begining stages of the actual publication process, it's been such a long time since i've done this. But it's like riding a bike, once you learn how to do it once, you'll never forget it. After the drama that seemingly ended my tour for "Full Circle", I swear after that entire charade, i never wanted to publish a book again, but that's another post.

For once in my life, I can say that I'm happy. I've been unhappy for such a long time, I thought that, that was the way I allegedly supposed to be living. When I finally accepted the truth for what it was my life had been on pause for 7 years and for 3 of those 7 I had completely shutdown, mostly with drugs. Looking back, I can pinpoint everything. Some things I laugh at. Some things I shake my head at. But most of all, I am reflective and I am just grateful that I'm at this moment and able to look back at things with a clear mind and a newfound optimism that I thought left with my creativity.

For the last week I've been in New York City. A place that teaches me so many lessons, good and bad. But it was a place that allowed me to relinquish so much pain, insecurity, negativity and malice that I've been harboring in my body for the last three years.

While I sat on the East River, I took time to reflect. I took time to reflect about my family, my friends, my career, my aspirations, things I've done - and I realized, not that I didn't before, but I've never really appreciated how blessed I truly am. I haven't always done or said the right things, but I've always have attempted to correct my mistakes once I've realized I had done something wrong. But just looking back, I sat there and I cried and I let go to the anchors of shame, anger, resentment, hatred and bitterness. I gave them away to the ocean, something bigger than me. All the negative experiences that I had been through up until that point were washed. It was as if I was finally free to be me, someone that I always haven't been comfortable with.




4.06.2010

Raising The Toilet Seat


Just when you think that being nice and having the proper attitude will open doors, it doesn’t or at least it seems that way. I’ve always been the type of person to always keep composure especially under pressure – and even when I am having a core meltdown, you may think that the end maybe in my cards, but I always return harder than I did before, a note to take for all the nosey people that read this, thinking you have me figured out. You don’t and you should know that by now.

I’ve been living in my new city for a month. And I love it! Sometimes you have to show people better than you can ever tell them. I always like to give people warning and let them know who they are dealing with, what they are getting into and what’s about to happen. I don’t like surprises unless it’s a surprise birthday party or an unexpected check. Speaking of checks, I see I’m gonna have to get gully with my publishing company about royalties not being issued, but that’s exactly what happens when you don’t MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. My bad.

Back to the point – I’ve been in my city for a month and I love it! I scored a fantastic job and it’s such a blessing. Because anyone who knows me personally that I always have some workplace issue, that I am always reactionary too. Let’s just say I learned my lesson.

My first day at the office, the guy I replaced, was going to train me. Because my job requires a security clearance and it’s associated with the Government I just assumed that my predecessor was going to be white, definitely homosexual, southern Baptist, republican with a short bob cut,  a lisp, blue eyes and extremely corporate. WRONG. When he hit the corner, he was black, plump, and gay with dreads! He was me!! Well not quite. I had a few things on him, the main one being my presentation. While I’m a bum during my perusing of target and other local attractions (while only in Los Angeles, cause where I am at you definitely have to be a non-fashion misfit) at work, I’m seriously dressed to the 9’s. So in retrospect, since I work in corporate, to them we look the same. But to us it’s like no.

I’m not big on looks, but if you work and have the luxury of benefits in today’s job market, I urge you to take full advantage of all of your benefits, specifically your dental plan. #Shade

So, in my gay brain, I’m thinking that because he’s black and I’m black, he’s gay, I’m gay – were going to get along well and we could possibly be acquaintances. WRONG. What was I thinking; most faggots are nice nasty – while most gay people are nice until you cross them. Here I go, trying to be nice and make friends! Why can’t I learn? Especially when people automatically start spazzing out when I enter the room, it it’s not my fault that in my mind and in several others’ opinions, that I am the complete package: smart, attractive, creative, articulate, talented, has great sex...blah, blah, blah.  And clearly if you have issues with me on some jealousy shit, you overtly insecure in your abilities, it has nothing to do with me. It’s like get yourself together and stop making me your business.

So over the past week and a half or so, monster mouth has continually set me up for failure. He started out first by explaining his position AT me and not TO me. For example, the fool never once looked me in the eye, he looks away, talks with his back turned, just being disrespectful. Why are you so uncomfortable with me homosexual? Does my light bring that much intensity to your eyes that you can’t look at me? You’d think that since he spends so much time carrying around his Jesus oil and listening to non-secular music on a habitual and consistent basis that he’d have no problem with me being a good natured, God fearing, cock sucker who is only here to enhance not hurt and holdup. But no! He wants to challenge me, attempt to fuck me over, so I can stop with the competition…someone please tell this girl to rest.

When I first got here to the office, one of the first questions I ask him, what is the climate here in the office like? His response, “It’s usually cold all day. The thermostat is usually set at 68”

Really?

Okay, let’s try this again. “So do you guys, dress business M-F or do you guys have casual dress Friday, etc.” So he begins to explain to me that they do participate in casual dress Friday.  Friday morning, when I woke up, something said “Put on slacks and polo.” I always trust my intuition. Why when I got to the muthafuckin office, these fools had on suits and ties. Right. Thank God I was still in dress, codes, Ties optional. And coming from a person that doesn’t use his dental plan, how could I expect him to give me the proper information? This fool only told me he, he doesn’t own but one tie! Nigga, you work in corporate; you need to own a tie. Even I know that, the fool that doesn’t know how to tie a tie! I own several; there is always some man willing to tie a tie for you. Thank God I live with a man, who grew up with a daddy in the house, who doesn’t mind tying my tie for me.

So in addition to all of that, he has withheld pertinent information from me and has also brought other people into his gay game of charades.

The I.T. guy told me on Friday, “Oh Jason said that you didn’t need access to that distribution list so I didn’t add it” Really Mr. Fine ass Filipino I.T. man? Well here is an email from the Director of the BUILDING stating to give me access to everything, he has access to. I’m replacing him, so why wouldn’t I need access? Okay, let the games begin people.

Fast forward to today, just when I try to press F5 on the work week and start off fresh
I see that I'm going to have to turn my shadybitchfag o'meter up about three notches dealing with this house-nigger! Just as usual he deliberately tells me how NOT to do something, so when massa asks me to do it, I look quasi mentally incapacitated, thank God for the ability to be articulate - and do a back flip and land on my feet! or else I'd be chopped and screwed like a t-pain song.

I ask this porch monkey lookin' nigger via electronic mail how to issue out a new security card, he then tells me that I have to go into his profile on the computer in which he gives me the wrong password, which ultimately locks me and HIM out of his own account...thus creating more work for himself - having to contact password reset and all like that.

I don't understand why he trying to make this difficult for me, is it because he knows I'm not doing shit and he want's me to do something? or is he really bothered at my ability to effectively and "seamlessly" run this office without asking him how to do something, since I utilize more than 10% of my brain to actually compute when someone is attempting to sabotage me...or is because his 100% is actually only my 40% hmph. He makes me want to do sit ups, jog and loose more weight to add to my already impressive package. Ugh... haters are always at work.

The moral of the story is, when people try and sabotage you, they're only making matters worse for themselves and making you look better! Besides there is nothing like keeping your cool and knowing that you’re obviously doing something right if evil forces are puppet mastering hoes into trying to fuck up your groove. Don’t let it break you, hoes will always be mad your presence.

You have a fantastic day. Thank you for being a friend and allowing me to take a dump in your toilet. I'll politely spray and flush now.

Good Day!