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4.15.2010

Death On A Platter

Dear Kentucky Fried Chicken,

I remember a time where food was fresh, wholesome and delicious. Meat wasn't pumped with hormones, didn't make boys get titties and it didn't cause irritable bowel syndrome, gas or constipation.

I haven't always been a fan of yours, primarily because I am black and my momma and my Grandmother always fried chicken at home. Nonetheless, my Grandmother enjoyed your original recipe and often gifted me a "Chicken Little" (which I can still taste and adore to this day) snack on the way home from elementary school in the late 80's.

Fast forward 20 years and I'm sitting in my luxury, overpriced, borrowed condo, smoking a blunt minding my muthafuckin’ business and to my disgust your new sandwich "The Double Down" appears on my television screen.  First off, yall muthafuckas done slipped on a banana peel and bumped yall heads real hard! I just want to let yall crazy ass white people down there in Kentucky at corporate to know that your collective, well thought-out marketing technique to target minorities, euro and trailer park trash with this stroke-death sentence ain’t gonna work on me!

Not in one million fat boy munchie attacks would I even consider consuming this two piece, fried, cloned, disaster wrapped in cheap Chinese paper to save my life!!! Come on bruh! Yall know yall wrong for adding in the bacon! Yall know blacks love their swine! Clearly yall on a mission to kill folks off !

Corporate! You need your ass wooped up and down the block for pitching this death on a platter! This is nothing more than gastrointestinal rape and I won't allow it. I will do everything in my gay power to make sure that this sandwich is discontinued, just like my beloved childhood Chicken Little, in which you may want to bring back for one good ol' time.

That's all.
Good Day!

p.s. Aaron McGruder warned us about this!!! kinda...

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