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Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.

4.14.2010

I Feel Good...

So like a week ago, maybe longer, I wanted to start blogging daily again. But that didn't happen. It seems as if the older I get, the less I have to say. Maybe it's because I spend my time expressing myself via Twitter with witty one liners, that seem to get me where I need to go quicker. I hate the fact that I've become almost dependent upon technology. I somehow knew that this would happen. Which is part of the reason why I've had a strong antipathy towards starting an  account, but as always a fine black man can sway me to do anything within reason.

I've still been getting acclimated to my new city, but I haven't been exploring and getting out like I want to, but I'm not forcing anything. I didn't move here to party and socialize. I moved to gain and maintain control of my own life and a few other things, that I have in the pipeline. I'm an advocate for leaving your comfort zone and trying a new city - especially coming from a place like L.A. Oh L.A....how I don't miss anything about it.

I'm nervous, I'm scared, I'm anxious - but most importantly I'm comfortable, I'm happy and I'm finally in a great space in my life. It has truly been a long time coming. I've been busy working on the administrative stuff for my new book, Pop Life - which I get more and more excited about every day. And I'm actually enjoying the begining stages of the actual publication process, it's been such a long time since i've done this. But it's like riding a bike, once you learn how to do it once, you'll never forget it. After the drama that seemingly ended my tour for "Full Circle", I swear after that entire charade, i never wanted to publish a book again, but that's another post.

For once in my life, I can say that I'm happy. I've been unhappy for such a long time, I thought that, that was the way I allegedly supposed to be living. When I finally accepted the truth for what it was my life had been on pause for 7 years and for 3 of those 7 I had completely shutdown, mostly with drugs. Looking back, I can pinpoint everything. Some things I laugh at. Some things I shake my head at. But most of all, I am reflective and I am just grateful that I'm at this moment and able to look back at things with a clear mind and a newfound optimism that I thought left with my creativity.

For the last week I've been in New York City. A place that teaches me so many lessons, good and bad. But it was a place that allowed me to relinquish so much pain, insecurity, negativity and malice that I've been harboring in my body for the last three years.

While I sat on the East River, I took time to reflect. I took time to reflect about my family, my friends, my career, my aspirations, things I've done - and I realized, not that I didn't before, but I've never really appreciated how blessed I truly am. I haven't always done or said the right things, but I've always have attempted to correct my mistakes once I've realized I had done something wrong. But just looking back, I sat there and I cried and I let go to the anchors of shame, anger, resentment, hatred and bitterness. I gave them away to the ocean, something bigger than me. All the negative experiences that I had been through up until that point were washed. It was as if I was finally free to be me, someone that I always haven't been comfortable with.




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