I'm glad I didn't cut my hair.
I was almost ready to fit in, blend in, conform and not be seen. It's never been my style, but for some reason my mind was trying to trick me into settling and being like them. Honestly, nothing has changed. Listen to the end of "Window Seat", the spoken word part and you'll understand why I say that.
Even though I moved, my mentality didn't make the change completely. I still had Los Angeles lifestyle habits that don't really comply with where I am living. I had to press F5 again. I saw myself going back to what I used to be and I know that I've come to far to turn back around and be stuck. I've written and sang that song loud and long enough.
This move has really taught me a lot about my prideful self. I'm one of these people that wants instantaneous results. If I say I want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I expect for it to magically appear in front of me. Silly right? I've had to check myself in a lot of areas and admit out loud that I have some things that I need to work on.
Visiting home last week grounded me and make me grind harder. It really did.
One thing that I need to do is pray more and a very dear friend reminded me of that this week, just as I was getting ready to have a spazzcore meltdown. I get into this mindset that I can do all things through Trent which strengthens me, which is a complete and utter farce! I'm so dumb, I should know by now that as soon as I pray, because I have favor, because I treat people right - that instantaneous result that I want, will happen, but if and only if I acknowledge God - and listen to the message that he sends through people.
I'm not a church goer by any means. And because of that, my church always comes through the form of people...messengers. This morning when I woke up, I was stressed. In all honesty, this is probably the first (and last) time that I've been flat out BROKE. But I believe it's preparation for something bigger. A lot of the times we see people with mass amounts of money, mismanage it and end up broke, or filing for bankruptcy. I always wonder, do people forget what life was like before they got their first or a major payday? I'll never forget my come, especially since I just recently moved to the east coast. When I'm ready and soon, I'll discuss the mojo behind "Pop Life" and talk in detail about how my life has been a downward spiral for the last three years.
When I woke up this morning, I was a bit salty. I was mad. Things haven't been going 100% the way that I would have liked for them to go so far and I wanted to be further than I am at the 90 day mark - and in all honesty, it's because I haven't prayed. I can say that I'm just resting and detoxing from L.A., but I did that the first two weeks I got here. But truthfully, I've been slacking - and the hit or miss complacency that I grapple with, well, has hit me yet again. I had to check myself.
As I laid there, something said "I dare you to pray" it was 12:40. I said at 12:45 I'll pray and meditate for 15 minutes - and so it commenced. My prayers are not the traditional, get on your knees, close your eyes, and all of that...praying is an intimate conversation that you have with God - and it can take place anywhere, but serenity is a must.
I talk to God like my homeboy, without the cursing. I always start out by thanking him for being a good friend - and showing me the answers - then I just say whats on my mind. Specifically sighting what I need, not want but need. I told him that I stepped out on faith and moved, I've helped tons of people, wanting nothing in return. I've helped people until I was left with nothing. And here I am again with nothing, I am in need. I started envisioning myself where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do and then, 1:00 hit. Something told me to text my friend that has lived here for 10 years, that I went to high school with back in Los Angeles. She and her mother were actually the inspiration behind my catering company Exquisite Nosh.
I'm sooooo silly. Let me show you how quickly my prayer worked...lol. Again I've been here 90 days - I told her I was coming, but I have this mindset to not bother people and ask them for anything. So I never reached out, once I got here. Not only does she live literally, two blocks away from me, she had been waiting on me to call her, because she had some information for me. Needless to say, everything I asked for in my prayer she repeated back for me, specifically saying to me "I remember what you did for me..." and I in my prayer I said to God "All I've done for people, I need some of that back right now, I'm in need". And within minutes, I was inspired all over again.
The bottom line: Pray. Without prayer ain't shit gonna go right for you. You've got to acknowledge God in all that you do. And he'll always make a way, even when your pride and ego get in the way.
Thank you God for continually blessing me!