I was prepared to talk about how I literally, like 20 minutes ago, passed up this fine as dude on the subway today...but then when I noticed that I had 999 posts, I was like hmm...
A few months ago, I noticed that I was approaching the 1,000 post mark. And I said to myself, "I'm going to end my blog after I hit 1,000 posts." The truth is, I'm just opening a new chapter on my life - and the legacy of this blog is priceless. I just can't walk away from this space right now. It's too sacred to me. I've ignored this platform long enough.
I was speaking with Gary T.P. the other day - and we were talking about progression. We both have been blogging since before video killed the literary stars...I remember when black gay blogging was the thing. It was fun. It was drama and we were living our lives, while teaching each others lessons at the same time. And looking back, I don't think I would have done anything differently. I'm very proud of the person that I am today and I am very grateful for all of my experiences, even though some things were difficult to endure while I was in the process.
It's funny how if you had a popular blog, 5 years ago, you were famous. Weird right? I remember the first time I was out at The Abbey and someone walked up to me and whispered in my ear, "I read your blog - and I like it." It was interesting, it was an ego boost, but it was definitely a preparation for what was to come...being in Walmart in the middle of Texas and someone walking up to me saying, "I love your books." Go figure.
It is an amazing blessing to be able to share. Period.
I thank you all very much for reading, supporting and being "In The Mix" all these years...I'm only getting started.
So anyway...I was on the train going home today. I was walking up to the train platform and I saw this cute ass dude and I was on the phone talking to my girl from L.A. telling her to get out of the ridiculous cycle that L.A. can get you caught up in. If anyone knows about cycles, it's me...right? So anyway, I tell her, "damn he's fine" as soon as I said it, why did he turn around? AND DID A DOUBLE TAKE! -DEAD- Mind you, this guy that I've been talking to told me that I was "attractive." Do you know that, that is the first time in life I've ever heard that from someone I had been intimate with? If you're in a relationship, dating or whatever, tell your mate they're attractive...just because you're sleeping with them or dating them, doesn't mean that they automatically know that.
So, a double take. So I'm like....did that just happen? Of course it did. So i board the train, not even paying attention to where he was sitting - then I sit down and BAM! I'm making eye contact with him...I mean intense...it was a stare down match for the high heavens. Had the girl who was also flirting with me, along with the other local homosexual sitting behind me not been on me, I would have finally grown some balls and handed him my card, which would have been smooth. I took the card out and had it in my hand...I thought he would have been getting off further down the line. Oddly enough he got off where all of the hoodhandsome dudes get off. I'm gonna channel his ass something heavy to see him tomorrow when I get off. I have to take him out for a drink....wait, why did i just turn around and my brother is doing P90X...whatever (lipo it's the way to go...it's the L.A. in me) I need to get more balls. After several interventions from other homosexuals, they have official told me how to spot when I'm being spotted. I have no excuse this time.
Give me some credit, I've spent most of my life insecure. Buying into that belief that people didn't like me because i was fat. I spent years thinking i was unattractive - and because as a child I was never told that...I had to start buying into my own ideas and subscribing to my own issues, if I was gonna get anywhere...you live and you learn, no need for beating myself up over it. If it's meant for me to see him again, then I will. I do have a theory. Everyone that you meet or make eye contact with in your lifetime, you'll see them again before you die.
For the most part, I'm finally getting acclimated to the city and I'm loving it. I'm blessed. I'm highly favored and I thank God for letting me see a new day...you have no idea, some of the stories I haven't told will most certainly split your wig back.
I'm excited! I finally got my groove back and I'm more hype than ever about my new book "Pop Life." I'll do something I've never done before...if you want to read some of it, email me: email@example.com don't be leaking my shit either...lol "Keep in mind that imma artist...and I'm sensitive about my shit."
I love you all very much! Stay in the light - do something that you've always wanted to do...the last thing you wanna do is be mad at yourself for not doing something! Take it from a nigga that wish he was on the phone cupcaking or sexting right now... :-/ My new relationship is coming....I feel it in my loins.
Next time I post, I think I'll be in my old room back in L.A. there is always something magical about going back to the place that inspired so much.