When I let go and forgive the best life flows to me.For a very long while, as you know, I've always held on to things and people that have hurt me. My recurring feelings of inadequacy are slowly starting to dissipate and with each day that passes I'm slowly seeing and feeling the layers of insecurity peel off and the person that I used to know - the bright eyed kid with every hope and dream in the world is coming back in to center view.
I forgive myself and set myself free.
I know they did they best they could at the time, I set them free.
I only control my choices. I chose to be in a relationship with them. My gift was the lessons that I learned. They are forgiven from now and forever.
I let them off the hook for how I feel
I'm very proud of myself and I haven't always been. The road has been tough and if you've been paying attention long enough, you were probably just as unsure as me, if I was going to be okay. There have been some extremely bleak moments - with highlights of happiness, that was less than temporary. Momentary, even.
I'm not sad by any means. I'm not in the free & clear yet either. But it's already done. There are still a couple of tests that need to be completed and they're not major either. In all honesty this is the first summer that I can remember that I haven't been sad or even worse, depressed. I think that i've been so used to being unhappy that I forgot what it was like to experience the cleansing, calming, soothing, sustaining rain. I some how found permanent happiness in the pleasure of pain. Funny how I said to myself last year was, the only way for me to make it is not spend another summer in Los Angeles.
Eventually you'll get to the point where you just don't have time to be bothered with the people and things that cripple, hinder and enable complacency in your life. Even though it's hard to find balance, I think I finally have the hang of it.
I haven't been in a while. But I'm glad that I'm finally coming to the space in which I am okay with what happened and I'm not emotionally bound by it.
I am ready to share fully what happened. To tell my story, to share my experience - to ultimately allow the underdog that operates in the utmost and highest form of authenticity to finally win. For it is clear what is happening. The truth will always trump a lie. Authenticity will always trump a fraud. The light outshines the dark. And the good guys will always win...and he gets the guy.
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