I've always held Sunday a sacred day. Not because of church - I think that's bullshit. Muthafuckas allow satan to puppet and pimp their asses all week long and then here come SUNday they wanna be God like and holy for two hours. Then at SUNday dinner they wanna go back to their bullshit. Nigga please. Yall betta cut that shit out. He see's you. And so do I.
Staying on track, Sunday, the first day - is me time. It's my day to reflect, spend sometime alone with God and prepare for my upcoming week in the world. Usually I don't talk to many people on Sunday unless it's my family or my manager. Everyone else can wait till late Sunday or Monday.
There is a lot going on in my brain right now. Change is always uncomfortable, but it's needed if you want to attain certain things or to be at certain places. Last week was difficult because it was the first week of my new job. I had to get the layout of the plan, that wasn't given to me up front. I was hired for a job in which I have a title but very few job responsibilities. In essence, I didn't know what I was supposed to do. But, I found the answer. I'll tell you about it when it's appropriate.
Today would have been Tuesday's 40th birthday. It's funny how I always thought she would be one of the people that would be around a lifetime. But it's also funny how, I never imagined myself celebrating a lot with her. Even when I was growing up, she was there, but wasn't. Like I can see myself hanging out with my uncle months from now. I've even had dreams about being certain places and doing certain things with my Uncle and they've happened. I was never like that with Tuesday. I got other lessons from her. She is the one that really fine tuned my musical abilities...as far as taste goes. She is the reason why I love 90's music the way I do. She and I used to hang tight when Lalah Hathaway's first CD came out. When Janet Jackson, Karyn White, Pebbles, Troop, Ready For The World, Michelle, Bobby Brown, New Edition, Al. B. Sure! and all the other music that came with that time period where hot. I miss her a lot. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her. That was my girl! She played a pivotal part in my youth and looking back she an I had a connection that no one else had...or so I'd like to think. She had it with everyone, she was able to make you feel welcomed and apart no matter what. And she instilled that in me. I remember she once told me to always talk to the person that is shy and isn't talking to anyone else. She also told me to take up for people when you see them not standing up for themselves...
I'm going back home to L.A. in a few weeks. I'm looking forward to seeing my sister the most and a couple of my family members. In all honesty, I hate L.A. It taught me a lot, but a lot has also happened at home - that no one wants to seem to talk about, which is hard for me because I'm the muthafucka that likes to be on the same page to avoid bullshit. It's imperative to talk about situations...and be upfront about them. I'm so tired of people lying just to save face or not show how fucked up they are, but they are quick to call you out on your shit. I guess I'll just cross that bridge when it comes. I would have never would have imagined that my family would have ended up the state that it's in.
The truth of the matter is, I'm slowly starting to realize you never really truly heal from childhood pain. You only learn to manage it. Manage it by finding other ways to channel it or you become bitter and accept it. Unfortunately, most of the people in my family don't channel - they accept. My family issues don't consume me like they use to, but I'm definitely aware that they are hiding in people, places and things as a constant reminder that they're always there.
My 4th book, "The Best" is going to solely focus on my family. It's based on Rahsaan Patterson's song by the same title. In the song he says, "I've given you the best of me, the best it's true. But I can't get the best from you, so I guess goodbye is the best that I can do."
With my move to the east coast, it's also become clear to me, that I'm also the catalyst for change, which means that I'll have to be the one to bring my family together. In all selfish honesty, I'm probably one of the few that can start the process. While there are others who can support the effort to make it happen. Maybe my book will be the start of the process. I'm sure that it will be, because no one likes being talked about, especially if it doesn't show them in the best light. The mention that I'm even writing a book about my family is gonna stir up some shit. Whatever, people know what they've done and we all know the truth.
In other news, you can't bring everyone to the new places you're going. I learned that last night when I spoke with a friend back in L.A. and she told me that she had spoken with someone that I used to be associated with. And I'm wondering why she chose to bring that information up, when she and I had a clear discussion about me not liking this person. I'm sure he's done the same with her. The fact that I've known "cool" with an enemy of mine presents a loyalty issue. I can't tell you who to be friends with. But when it pertains to me an my business, you get no information. But the point, the fact that she had even brought that up lets me know she had been running her fuckin' mouth. Well, know that you know I moved - now what? I can't entertain people who still gossip. We're 30, not 12. And that saying that "Everyone gossips" that's some hardcore bullshit, If I ain't never heard it. Most people know how to shut the fuck up and not repeat shit.
At this point in the game, if you're not helping - you're definitely hindering. I don't care how subtle you're doing something. A diamond is still a diamond, even if it's cloudy. Take no prisoners, eliminate the bullshit. Be careful of who you have around you, everyone isn't welcomed at your table. You know how Judas did Jesus.
I'm grateful. I'm blessed - It is days like this one that are made up of the best things: the ability to reflect, the ability to acknowledge, the ability to accept with the proper plan to evoke and ultimately become change.