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Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.

10.21.2010

H.A.T.E.U.

Trust me, I'm fine. I think a few posts back and a few of my recent twitter rants struck a few nerves.

There are moments when I just need to release everything I've been holding in. Unfortunately, I feel that this is my only place to vent (unbiasedly). I have a few people in my life that are my sounding board - but only a few people REALLY get me, plus I don't like to bombard people with my issues. Honestly, very few people give a fuck anyway.

I spend most of my time internalizing and engaging in premier self destructive behaviors to cope, patch and make sense of this trap, I indirectly put myself in. I always end up okay, I don't like walking and dwelling in dark rooms longer than I need to be. I am literally at the accepting point of understanding that my happiness is my responsibility.

I had a great weekend. I did some traveling and hung out with a great friend that I've known since High School. It's good to have a close friendship with someone that you've known for years. I haven't had the best friendships, but I can honestly say that I've learned something from each and every person that I've called a friend. She and I go waaaaaay back. What I appreciate most about our relationship is that she's versatile! She fits in with anyone anywhere. Trust and believe you can't take most of your friends to the top with you, but she is one that has believed in me from the start.

My stress level has been off the Richter's. I just avoided a court trial with my first publishing company. They've agreed to pay me out and release me from our agreement, that hasn't been revised since 2004. With the many advancements in publishing, my contract was supposed to be re-negotiated to include digital royalties and a restructuring of my overseas sales. That never happened.  In this business, you live and you learn and when you're a new artist most of everything is trial by error.

When I see people that I know are destined for greatness, I always pull them to the side and try and tell them the truth of what they're getting ready to involve themselves in. I always think about the things I went through behind the scenes (most of which is in my new book, Pop Life) and how most of the people I encountered a attempted and set me up to be sabotaged. I'm not saying that I required a babysitter or everyone was out to get me. But you'd be surprised at how people will place you in some unsavory positions, especially when you're doing something that people want to gain from. Many people will offer things or say they know this person or that person and you end up in bad situations, when you listen to the advice of others.

I try and tell (warn) some of these new kids the deal before this "gay fame" snatches them up and obliterates them. None of them ever listen, but it never fails, when shit goes wrong with them, they always call me. I'm not captain save a hoe and I frequently use the phrase, "I told you so, I used to be you." It never fails how people will listen to those who pretend to have their best interest just because they're popular. I think it's quite funny how people say "Don't listen to him or don't talk to her." I sleep at night knowing that the truth does come to the light, it will blind most. And I also get to tell the story and make money behind it. #Shade.

Back to the point, It came to my attention earlier this year that I had sold a significant number of digital books for, "At This Moment" that I hadn't gotten paid on. Long story short, when I release, "Pop Life" I'll be re-releasing my first novel, "At This Moment" as well, which will now be included on my publishing company's roster. I'll also have sole distribution rights. I'm very excited about it, because there are a lot of things that I wanted to change after that book was published. Now I get to go back in time, fix a few things and represent that same material to today's 20 year old. I won't change much - but a few things need to be chopped and screwed.

Speaking of "Pop Life," I'm getting ready to go into overdrive for this release and tour...I'm excited to see the outcome. I noticed that I release a book every 3 years (04, 07...10). It's safe to say that I had a combination of physical, mental and emotional turmoil that I didn't think I'd get out of these last three years. But such is life, a lot of things are going to have to change. But I'm also aware of timing...I'm not forcing anything if it's not fitting.

Over the last couple of days I saw the warning signs that I'm starting to slip, I was reminded of that today when one of my professors emailed me telling me I had been lacking on assignments. Since it's dead smack in the middle of mid-terms and I have a lot of creative projects to undertake, I really have to get on my A game and stop fucking around. I have been called to be a catalyst for change, not a catalyst for complacency.

I've got a lot of work ahead of me...so it's time to focus. Save the date, 11.3.10

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