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The Cold of Winter

  • Ask me how I felt when I was stuck in my building's elevator this morning!?!?!?! BIIIIITCH. I live on the 10th floor. Imagine carrying a crock pot full of edible goodies, pressing the 1st floor button and as the door closes and shoots down, the elevator comes to a jolting halt. Then it shoots between the 4th and the 11th floors going 40 miles per hour, back and forth with no end in sight. I just knew it was the end, considering the conversation I had with mother last night. I cried in agony, put my crock pot down and sat in a corner crouched in a tiger hidden dragon, brace for impact position. Then the elevator stopped on the 9th floor, the doors opened and three Asians were staring at me like I was crazy.
  • Yesterday started the 90 Day Plan. What is the 90 Day plan exactly? Hmmph. Go through my file cabinet. You'd think by now I would have given it up. But at 28 years old, I still have not had sex on my birthday. Don't feel sorry for me! Hard work and diligence will pay off. Especially now that I know the secret. I didn't know the secret before.
  • I am so mad he came home when I was up getting ready for work. I came out of the bathroom he was in the bed...touching himself. #Asshole! Yeah, he was dealing with an issue. I didn't expect for him to share it with me, but don't be playing with your cat in front of me.
  • The inside of my man bag reflects the inside of a woman's purse. I have lip grease, Excedrin migraine, floss, my passport, an amex with someone elses name on it, ear phones, a flash drive, condoms, a few colgate wisp's, clear eyes, hand sanitizer, pens, a blackberry, craisins, dental dams, keys to the L.A., NYC and ATL locations...all these things! And I still find myself grappling with inadequacy! Too much for T.V.
  • Yesterday's lunch did me in. I had a Cesar Salad, Garlic Pita bread and gumbo...ooooh and that fiber pill.
  • I had a nice chat with my mother last night. Her scales must have been balanced.
  • OOP. I need to call and have my procedure rescheduled till after the New Year.
  • I'm going rogue bitch! I'm going to hire an independent film crew and have them film me in HD. If Phaedra and her gay ass husband can do it, so can I. Matter of fact if these non-talented you YouTube stars have no clue. They could learn a lot from me.
  • What about me? What about what I need?
  • His toes looked like Vienna Snausages.
  • Was that his way of asking me if I was HIV+?
  • Did I tell you I had a box of oatmeal in my bag too?
  • In one hour, the office Holiday party will take place. Really low participation so far. I really hope I didn't spend my money in vain buying all these gourmet items for my famous Jambalaya. Ask about it. OOOP. Let me take my fiber pill now. :-/
  • I sound like an old man talking about a fiber pill.
  • This blatant homosexual just walked in, cut his eyes at me and kept it pushin'. He wants my dick up inside of that butt.
  • It's been a minute since I hit some ass. Veterans day...that active duty navyman. Or was it the Marines?
  • My boss is up to his old niggard ways. That muthafucka is just waiting on me to slip up.
  • I bought the office bagels on Friday and four different flavors of cream cheese. Tell me how mad I was when I opened up the refrigerator yesterday morning and the entire unopened receptacle of strawberry cream cheese was not present!! Bitch, I could taste the blueberry bagel in my mouth, with strawberry cream cheese plastered on it every where. Someone in this office is going to have bubble bowels for the next week for doing that shit. #WhitePeopleAreTreacherous
  • Is it okay to leave a persons phone number in your phone years after they died? What am I holding on to? I need to examine that.
  • I'm glad that I have solid friendships and people that understand me.
  • I'm really in love with Mott's Spiced Apple Cider! I can't find it anywhere but Amazon. I refuse to pay 20.00$ in shipping for a few packets of warm winter goodness. The whole box is 11.00, why and theeeeeeeeee fuck would I pay more in shipping, than what the product is worth?
  • Why did I miss my final on Friday?
  • Phaedra and her momma moaning together...
  • It's some funny business going on with my paycheck.
  • Damn I want to give him some head.
  • I had a fantastic time @BraveSoul74's event last night. I saw @Tim'm and it has been about 6 years since I've seen him and met a few new contacts!
  • He is so fuckin' hot, it makes no sense.
  • After I came up from the subway last night, I was surprised to see it was snowing. Some of it got on my mustache.
  • I think I want to help this other young man come to terms with his gayness, he keeps subtly propositioning me.
  • He low key shaded me. It's nothing personal.
  • Rahsaan Patterson's new song, "Easier Said than Done." Gave me my life back.
  • I'm still in love with "Rodney." He was a #Taurus too.
  • Did you guys read this post? This also gave me my life.
  • It's almost time to setup for this holiday party and I have to take a shit. #FiberPills I'll holler!

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