Me

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Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.

1.28.2011

Can we be real for a second?

  • When I'm emotional I tend to be more cutthroat - and less understanding. I really hold people responsible for their actions when I'm off balance. And I don't care.
  • Yes, speaking of caring, if you don't why should I?
  • I'm depressed again. Let's see how long this one lasts. If it goes away. Does it ever? Hopefully I'll be done by dusk.
  • I take a lot of shit personal, but I only do it when we have a rapport. So please stop trying to brainwash me into thinking that your swift deceptive mind practices are other than that. There is nothing friendly, welcoming or pleasant about being bamboozled. Especially when you have the logical ability to know whats going on as it's happening.
  • If you're over the age of 28 and you tweet me back after I called you, I'm going to look at you sideways. I see you have no common courtesy. Thank you for clarifying that. For the record, I'm never calling you again. And I mean it.
  • While I understand social networking has completely obliterated our last breed of people who know how to communicate - I refuse to sit up and text you or tweet you all night. Bitch I'm a grown ass man and again, I grew up in an era where our means of communication was speaking, listening and writing. -END-
  • I'm a details person, if I've given you privy to "Pop Life" and you've read it, I need you to tell me more than, "It was good." Um. What the fuck does that mean? Whatever.
  • Maybe I'm just too demanding, maybe I'm just like my father too bold...Maybe I'm just like my mother, she's never satisfied.
  • You know I'm thinking about walking away again right?
  • Rahsaan said something very important to me (just as he always does) the last time I saw him. I know what he means now...it's funny how he and I have a lot in common...
  • I know that I'm the office manager and if you're going to be late, you have to call me...but don't call my personal cell phone for that work related shit. Call me on my personal line when you're ready to meet at the bar. :-/
  • Tomorrow is the 15 year anniversary of my Grandmothers murder. You never forget things like that. It sticks with you forever. It alters you. The moment that you were told what happened. How it happened. Who did it. The aftermath of all of that. The memories you have and the ones you'd thought you have. How it affects everyone else in your family...I was 13 when that happened...another reason why I'm on spazz control.
  • There are some people in my family that I haven't talked to since my Grandmother was murdered. They have no idea of who I am now...they missed everything. I've missed everything...blank.
  • I have to have a medical procedure done. I've been avoiding it for about a month now. My insurance company is full of shit and I'm basically arguing with them to let the Hospital of my choice perform this procedure that I'm scared to have. I do not fuck with anesthesia of any kind...
  • Having this procedure is going to delay the release of my book further and I'm pissed off about it...
  • I get super annoyed when people have no clue of what I have to deal with, but they talk all this big shit and I end up having to shut their asses down.
  • I work for a white woman. Clearly I feel like a house nigga. That's exactly what it is. Lets be honest.
  • I hate Los Angeles with a passion. The life I lead there is just a memory that I barely remember. I know the feeling of it - but remember very little about it. There was so much turmoil, chaos and confusion that I don't want to remember.
  • I'm going to stop calling people, just to say "Hello." Fuck me for being concerned about people...
  • My sisters father has kept me in court for the last 3 years. Suing me over some complete and utter bullshit. I can't believe that the courts allowed it to go on all that time. I didn't realize how much that drama consumed my life, changed me and damaged a lot of my relationships with people. I wasn't myself. But it taught me a lot. I bet that won't be the last time someone "close" to me sues me. I'm glad it's over...
  • Funny how you can raise someone elses kid and give them all they need - and you get drug through the mud in return. I can not wait for my sister to grow up and read her parents for filth. They will hear the truth from her...I just hope she understands why I abruptly moved. I did it for OUR best interest. I know what happened when I grew up...she will grow up one day too. I hope they are ready to accept and hear the irresponsible shit they did as parents.
  • I love it when I do some shit that a muthafucka never expects for me to do. Yall ain't seen shit yet.
  • Everything is business at this point. No more friends. Sad and tragic. I'd never thought it would get to this point. I meet fantastic people all the time. I just have to keep them docked...
  • In all actuality I just want a black cover with white letters that say "Pop Life" on the cover. This process is draining, tiring and emotionally unsettling.
  • I usually only ask for help when I'm in dire need of it. And when I do, people always act like I don't need help because they think "I have it all." :-/ oh okay...for real.
  • bitches only want to offer help when you no longer need them. When you reach out they blow you off. I wish i was wired like that.
  • I'm not going to beg you for shit.
  • I make and create opportunities. I never wait for them to be presented or appear.
  • I always remember all that I went through when I wrote and published my 1st book. I'll never for get the support and the lack thereof of I received. I always vowed to myself to help people when I see their drive and ambition. I haven't forgot and I won't...but you can't help everyone.
  • Fags People have a lot to learn...
  • I'm not happy and nothing makes me happy anymore except for smoking weed. I'm an addict. But I have a feeling that's not all the way accurate.
  • However, Crystal was right - I have come a long way and I've made a lot of progress over the last year. I mean who moves from Los Angeles to the east coast with NOTHING. And a year later has the ability to fly to Hong Kong and practically come and go as I please. I'm not hungry. I'm in school - I'm blessed and I have a lot to be thankful for. Sometimes when major shit is wrong in your life you can't see whats right.
  • When you're the only person you have to rely on shit is hard. But every now and then you meet someone that gives you the push that you need.
  • I have no support system. That may not be all the way true either...but that's how I feel. 90% of the time.
  • Please don't call my phone calling me selfish either. Cause you may hear something that's uncomfortable for you to digest.
  • I've always known that I was not the typical homosexual. In fact, people view me as a person not as gay...like some of my counterparts. I appreciate that.
  • I don't like gay people. All they talk about is Rihanna and sex. :-/ I do it to, but there is another level to me that most can't digest.
  • I realize that part of my duty is to change the way people view Black gay men, by not being stereotypical and challenging what others think they know about being gay.
  • I have a problem with people who pretend they're for the people - and then turn their back on those very people. You will get called out...eventually.
  • I don't place myself above anyone...you just think that I do because of your insecurity.
  • All I really want is a nice date. A nice kiss. And a good conversation once a week. I don't think that's too much to ask for. I also want a sleepover. Companionship...
  • I'm glad I didn't fuck him...I knew that people always reduce him to his looks. I really appreciate that friendship, wholeheartedly.
  • My boss is looking real silly right now. He tried me real hard. But I didn't buckle. He got fired went I creeped into L.A. and settled that lawsuit...today is his last day, but he's to prideful to talk about it. :-/
  • You know...it's all about choices. Don't be mad cause you tricked some nigga, had three of his kids, got divorced and now you're struggling. We're friends - but don't let YOUR ISSUES AND BAD DECISIONS come between our friendship. I know you're in a difficult position and you can't come and go as you please anymore. But don't be mad at me for the shit I'm trying to do to better myself.
  • I despise my offices UPS guy. The bitch has been interacting with me for longer than 90 days, why is he still calling me Mr. Lancaster...? **blank stare**
  • So the nigga at work who likes to flirt and tell me about women not sucking his dick, called me Daniel this morning. So I respond, "No. Daniel is the one you fucked last night, the one you wished I was. You can excuse yourself from my office now."
  • Have a good weekend, thanks for letting me spazz.
  • Um. Really? Okay? Don't be pushy by trying to invite me to lunch. I've already made it clear that I'm not in the correct mind frame to be around people. I appreciate the gesture, but I'm not about to sit up and act like were having a good time when I'm having "Aggressive Negro tendencies" I like to keep that to myself, especially when I have to be the good "house nigga" (not the kind to sell your ass out either, I'll give you a warning, create a distraction and enough time to get away. I'm loyal like that) at work. Thanks! :-)
  • "Not more than three short years ago I was abandoned and alone. Without a penny to my name, so very young and so afraid. No proper shoes upon my feet, sometimes I couldn't even eat. I often cried myself to sleep. But still I had to keep on going. Never knowing if I could take it. If I would make it through the night. I held on to my faith. I struggled and I prayed. And now I've found my way! If you believe in yourself enough, and know what you want You're gonna make it happen..."

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