Me

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Read my blog, listen to my shows, read my books...then you'll know me. Thanks.

1.20.2011

Fiber Tabs 2.8: BITCH I'M ME!!!

  • Who gets a pass, is me!
  • "Never trust a big butt and a smile." Then again, I'm the exception to the rule.
  • Somewhere right now, Clive Davis is spinning his wheels, burning white candles and having a seance  to get another hit record out of Whitney Houston.
  • It is extremely imperative to know the difference between a potential good friend and potential good fuck.
  • I'm getting to that point where I don't even want to be cordial with you. I'm too old to make friends. Either we're dating to be in a relationship or it's strictly business. Even though I meet potentially fantastic people all the time, a line has to be drawn.
  • People have forgotten how to socialize. I wonder what would happen if you stripped these kids of twitter, facebook and tumblr. Bitch, society would melt...fortunately for me, I was born and grew up in a time where technology was a pager! If I wanted to get to know someone, I talked to them on the phone and hung out with them. There was no texting or email. Can we get that back?
  • If there was no internet, some of you bitches would be ZEROS!
  • U can always tell the leaders- They’re the ones w/knives n their backs. Not pleasant, but that’s what it takes to be a pioneer. -Yehuda Berg
  • Sometimes you have to take it personal because it is personal, no matter what they try to make you think.
  • I'm not the one to cross. The shit that goes on in my head unfiltered will have some people wanting to fuck me up.
  • Some of yall gonna be real molded when I tell yall to deal with "my people."
  • It's funny how we got these silly ass muffukin' bitches thinking they doing something with a blog and a mixed tape talking about  "talk to my manager." Girl! You can't be serious!!BITCH I DONE SOLD AND SIGNED BOOKS IN EUROPE...AND AIN'T NEVER TOLD U NO SHIT LIKE THAT...GET A CLUE BITCH.
  • And some of these twitter people got it twisted...yeah, you might Have 10K followers, but you still ain't done shit...
  • And while I'm on a roll, one more thing. YouTube is not T.V. girl! You don't have a T.V. show. You have a WEBSHOW. Clarity is a serious thing, use it. Cause your delusions of grandeur are getting out of fuckin' control.
  • #Taurus really got on my nerves last night. He's a great person - but not someone who I want to fuck. At this point in the game, it's all about longevity, companionship, understanding and sharing lives together. He can't provide that. He's capable of it, but he's not ready now. I only accept applications to my 1 on 1 mentoring program once every four years. It's been 5. He missed the deadline :-/
  • THIS JUST IN!!! I may not be for you, but I'm for a whole LEGION of people... v. your litter.
  • It is so great walking past and seeing "Larry Hoover" in his new cube...
  • Biiiiiiiiiiitch one of my friends from back in L.A. is married to the son of an OLD SCHOOL actress from back in the day. Honey the stories, the stories! Bitch I feel like Jackie Collins...
  • Thank God for frequent flier miles.
  • I believe everyone deserves a chance...if you fuck up, your bad.
  • Sometimes you have to know that it gets better and pull yourself up with the last ounce of energy you have...just so you can stand.
  • We weren't made of glass, so therefore we are unbreakable.
  • It's all about how you treat people. Even when they curse you, hate you, spite you, talk about you, lie on you, spazz on you, hate on you. Keep your head up and don't let ill treatment change you. When you respect people and not strip them of their dignity YOU ARE ALWAYS BLESSED AND ALWAYS KEPT. You may not have it easy. A few people may stab you in the back...but you will always win and you won't even wear it on your face.
  • Being genuine, honest, respectful, open, courteous, generous and grounded will soar you to places you'd never thought you'd be.
  • You can go from being depressed and on the verge to having one of your idols take you out on your birthday 3 years in a row...I tell you because I've lived it.
  • I've been blessed and privileged to meet and befriend people who I've grown up watching on T.V. and listening to on the radio.
  • I don't say things to brag, I say things to let you know, no matter what, look at my life, the dark places I've come from. The family drama I've been through. The horrendous relationships I've been in...you will make it out. Bitch and I still look 12!
  • people are just inauthentic and disingenuous... 
  • they know real from fake and they choose the easy way out all the time because they are conditioned to care about what other people think of them.
  • I can't say it enough! Treat people with dignity and respect...watch how far you go and how blessed you remain.
  • my bosses suit actually looked nice today. It wasn't that ghetto synthetic shit he be passing off. I had to give him a compliment.
  • If you smoke blunts, invest in a Cocoa Butter stick.
  • Pay attention to your intuition. It will tell you when you're fuckin' up and how to get your shit together. Don't ignore that hoe either.
  • Sometimes i get the feeling that friends are just God's way of apologizing to us for our families. - @F1eetwood
  • I still feel some kinda way about not getting that Teddy Ruxpin. My birthday is in 50 days. Get me one.
  • The best way to describe my management meeting today is a "Dog & Pony" show
  • So my married co-worker who likes to brush up against my booty in the bathroom while I'm pissing, who is also a manwhore, that also refers to the hand sanitizer in my office as lube, told me that when you get married your wife stops sucking dick. LADIES PLEASE SUCK YOUR HUSBANDS DICK SO HE CAN STOP SCOUTING MY MOUTH! It would be appreciated. Thanks honey.
  • she told me "We need to have a meeting on how to conduct a meeting." :-/ BITCH WHAT? #WhereTheyDoThatAt?
  • Completely Unacceptable
  • So this is how the conversation went between me and the football player at my school.
                   "So you coming out to my birthday party at the club?"
                   "No. I'll be out of the country on Monday."
                   "Huh?"
                   "I won't be in town."
                   "The country? I told you my birthday when I first started kickin' it with you."
                   "Okay. But this is the first time I'm hearing about this."
                   "Why you actin like that? I want you at my party and you bullshittin'"
                   "Um. Okay. So I'm gonna go ahead and end this conversation since you're actin like we're                         fuckin or somethin."
                   "That's some gay ass shit to say."
                   "Gay shit to say? No. A straight man spazzing out that a gay man is not coming to his party is some
                    gay ass shit. I'm not suckin or fuckin' you so my presence is really irrelevant. We're in a law class 
                    together and that's as far as it goes. So again. I'll talk to you later."
                   "You're a bitch ass nigga."
                   "You're the one with dreadlock extensions." Click.
  • WANTED: A black male over the age of 25 for a serious long term relationship. You must be a Capricorn, Taurus, Cancer, Scorpio or Virgo. I prefer that you drive a Yukon truck (or similar style, i.e., Hummer, Range Rover) with tinted windows, big rims and a tricked out sound system - but I'll consider other options. You must be a versatile bottom that likes to get eaten before you get beaten. Must have a passport, employed with a job at least making 45k a year. Have a working knowledge of Roth IRA's, 401k, Investment property, frequent flier accounts and off-shore accounts. He must also have medical and dental coverage in which he utilizes. Must be a non-drug user (recreational marijuana usage acceptable. Meth, Coke or any hard drugs is out of the question), that can communicate effectively, understand the words respect, honesty, candor and stability. No serious health issues, particularly mental health issues that involve delusions, paranoia, displaced anger or schizophrenia. Please enjoy live music, Patron and laughing, while having an utter disdain for complacency, arrogance, hate, falsehoods and bamboozlement. No felonies or misdemeanors in the areas of assault, thievery, identity theft, fraud, domestic violence, possession of a control substance (unless it was with the intent to sale) or sex crimes of any kind. Finally you must accept Janet Jackson as his lord and personal savior. :-|

1 comment:

T. Turner said...

I needed a good list in my life! I hope all is well with you in the new year.